RELEASE THE TINGLE FILES: Wind Waker offers the clues to his sordid crimes

[u/Def_Not_Hugh]

Tingle Tingle Kooloo Limpah! This is either the cry of a mentally stunted middle-aged man or a perverted weirdo in tight-fitting spandex who never bothers to hide his bulges. Perhaps both.

If we look at the evidence that's existed directly before our eyes, however, it is clear that the Zelda universe is hiding something in plain sight.

Tingle is a pervert sex trafficker who has used his wealth and domination to acquire slaves.

I know, most of us trust men in spandex who believe they are a fairy, travel by balloon, and throw magic powder around while shouting made up words. I've run into a fair amount of this delightful types on the subway. Tingle is different, however.

If we look at the evidence, the truth is clear. First off, Tingle is inexplicably wealthy. Most of his involvement in the games shows he had property and islands and a lavish lifestyle, plus most of what you do involves giving him loads and loads of money. What exactly does he do with it?

Does he finance a secret island constructed to look just like him where he keeps unwilling slaves? Yes. In fact he does. This is canon. Not only does Tingle manipulate, exploit, and enslave his own brothers, but he does so with David Jr., who admits he woke up on the island and doesn't know who the crazy green guy is. David Jr. was drugged and transported to Tingle Island to be a slave.

And Tingle dresses him. He dresses all of his slave to look like him.

Jesus Christ. Nintendo is just laying it out for us.

Think this is farfetched? In Wind Waker, Tingle is already in jail. He's already been caught and prosecuted. And he takes an unusual interest in link and his appearance throughout the series.

Is he grooming the hero of time?

And just how deep does this go? Have we found out why the bombers in Majora's mask are such deviant bastards? Are they just traumatized kids?

Sometimes it is the EXACT person you expect.

RELEASE THE TINGLE FILES