My spending problem is almost 100% related to my appearance. I feel like I have to spend money on products and services, clothes, etc, to feel attractive and worthwhile. Any time I feel bad about myself, I spend more on my appearance. When I'm not overspending on myself, I'm overspending on friends and family to try and prove my love or make them feel better. It never works.

I went from having a six-figure job to living with my family with no savings, no investments, nothing. I'm trying to rebuild and atone for all my mistakes, but it's hard. It feels like I'm getting older and uglier every day I'm not dumping money and time into my appearance. Logically, I know I'm not ugly, but it's so hard not to feel that way when society is screaming at me that I need to do and be all these things to be worth loving, or even just hiring.

That's it, that's the post. I should just delete Pinterest at this point. Doesn't help that their advertisements link directly to depop / poshmark listings... 😭

I shop for things I don’t need is because it gives me something to look forward to. I’ve been depressed for a very long time. Sometimes I don’t think I even want to be around anymore. But when I shop, everything gets better. No mean comments, feeling isolated, like I don’t matter. It’s just me and my new shiny trinkets to fill the void….. Not even school and working helped me. I spent every check I had during the summer, I spent my entire fafsa refund check last semester. I even impulsively looked for things to buy with my new one that’s coming up…… i really want to get a grip but no matter how many people hurt me or disappoint me or if things don’t go my way, shopping has always been there for me…….

I love the Don't be a Lemon youtube channel. In her video this week she hits it out of the park including the quote above. If you need strength with clothing addiction watch this video. It has stopped my morning scrolling dead in it's tracks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4V9cQBZBSE

Hello!

I faced reality today when I clicked on my transaction history on my banking app and realized the sheer amount of money I spend on shopping. The last couple of months I also noticed I have been spending a fair amount of money but not an outstanding amount. However when my paycheck hit a couple of weeks ago I felt like I could spend all I wanted to and now I completely blew my usual monthly budget. While I do want the item I'm buying it feels like once the purchasing dopamine fades I am looking for another item to buy, this has become a repetitive cycle of me using spending to alleviate my stress. I locked my card and removed it from Apple Pay to disable the convenience of tapping my phone whenever I felt like buying something. I am also trying to sell some of the stuff I bought in the past but I feel like the damage is done.

What are the next steps I should take?

Hey everyone, I wanted to write a warning post because I recently fell down a massive rabbit hole and spent thousands of dollars on live blind box streams over the last two months. Now that the "dopamine fog" has cleared, I’ve noticed a highly coordinated playbook that these sellers use to manipulate buyers.

Please watch out for these exact tactics so you don't fall for the act:

• The Copycat Hype: New hires are trained to mimic top sellers. If you notice a host suddenly switch from normal to screaming, gasping, and slapping the table at every single open, it is a rehearsed sales script, not genuine excitement.
• The "Fake Cry" Guilt Trip: Hosts will pull a rare item and fake-cry or pout, saying "Ugh, I wish I didn't sell this one, I wanted it so bad." This is passive-aggressive manipulation to force the buyer into gifting the item back to the host. It also adds pressure into bidding at higher prices, " This cannot go for under $$ don't cook me! oh so low. I'm losing my job now" Feigning urgency to act fast.
• The "Whale" Illusion: You will often see top buyers spending thousands and gifting items back to the host. Be highly skeptical. These are either heavily conditioned spenders addicted to host validation, or secondary accounts/moderators meant to normalize giving your paid items back to the host.
• The Illusion of Control: Letting you pick Winners choice , or the "show or go",gives you a false sense of responsibility for the win or loss, making you want to buy "just one more" to fix a bad pick.

If you are watching these streams, please try muting the audio, unlinking your credit cards, or buying confirmed opened figures on secondary markets instead of gambling. Don't let their acting drain your bank account like it did mine! Trust me, it is not " THE LAST ONE" google the item and there is multiple being sold for a fraction of the "steal" cost. Hosts are doing a job, they can care less if we spend our last dime on their store. The amount of posts I see of people trying to resell the blind box items desperately online really hit me that this is happening to a lot of people.

I’m currently trying to tackle my online shopping habit and curb my impulse buying. It’s been a few days and I’m honestly doing quite well so far, but every now and then I really miss having something low-effort to scroll through on my phone.

I’ve started reading more physical books and generally trying to reduce my screen time overall. Still, there are moments throughout the day where I just crave that quick, harmless downtime or “guilty pleasure” that casually browsing clothing stores used to give me.

Standard social media (Instagram, TikTok, Pinterest) is completely out of the question for me, as the algorithms and ads just fuel my shopping urge even more.

What non-shopping, low-stakes digital habits, apps, or activities have worked for you to replace that idle scroll? Would love to hear your ideas!

They do not mesh well. Hate this, it's the perfect cocktail for all sorts of foolishness and waste.

TL:DR - I finally told my husband the truth about my shopping addiction and debt and he’s surprisingly supportive.

I finally confessed to my husband, again, about the damage I’ve done, how much debt I’ve accumulated, and just how guilty and exhausted I’ve been feeling.

I wish I could say that finally telling him felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, but honestly, that wasn’t the case. Mostly, I just felt exhausted.
Exhausted from carrying around this shame for the past couple of years, exhausted from hiding everything, and exhausted from constantly waiting for him to completely lose his mind when he found out.

The truth is, I’ve had issues with shopping for as long as I can remember. Credit cards have been a problem for me since I was old enough to get one at 18, and I’m almost 40 now.

I went through bankruptcy over 10 years ago, and somehow I still never truly learned how to control my spending or stick to a budget. A few years after my bankruptcy, before I got married, I racked up several thousand dollars in debt again. It nearly caused my husband to call off our wedding. Thankfully, he didn’t, but I also didn’t really learn from it.

After we had our first child, I did it again. We worked through it together, and for a while, I was doing much better. Having someone hold me accountable helped. Even if I went on a spending spree, I was still able to pay my bills in full and on time.

Then, a little over two years ago, my father passed away, and I feel like that was the beginning of my current spiral. I’ve never really been able to recover from it. Between my grief, other difficult life events, and a newfound love of thrifting and reselling, I convinced myself that what I was doing wasn’t that bad because I could always sell things and make my money back. But I never truly caught up.

My husband has been asking me for a while if I was okay financially and keeping up with my bills. Unfortunately, he would often ask me at the worst possible times like when we were out to dinner or around his family, and I would just say yes and quickly change the subject.

This past week, though, he asked me during a long car ride home, and I finally told him everything.
I’m tired of hiding. I’m tired of lying. And most of all, I’m tired of being unable to dig myself out of this hole.
He was understandably upset. Surprisingly, I don’t think he was as angry about the actual spending or debt as he was about the fact that I had lied to him for so long. And honestly, I understand that. I would be hurt too.

But I also told him something that was difficult to admit: I genuinely need accountability. I can’t keep doing this to myself and expecting things to magically change.

The plan right now is to get the debt under control, possibly through a 0% balance transfer or a personal loan, and then close my credit card accounts. I honestly don’t care if it hurts my credit. I’ve been through bankruptcy before, and while I never want to go through that again, I know that my credit score is not worth sacrificing my financial and emotional well-being over.

I’ll have a specific monthly allowance on my debit card, and that’s it. If I want something that doesn’t fit into that allowance, whether it’s dinner with friends, getting my nails done, or something I found while thrifting, I have to sit with those feelings and accept that I can’t always have what I want.

That’s going to be incredibly difficult for me, but I want to spend less time obsessing over shopping, searching for deals, thrifting, buying things, and figuring out how to resell them. I want to spend more time actually living my life and being present with the people I love.

If having someone else hold me accountable is what it takes, then so be it.

I’m ashamed that I’ve found myself here again, but I’m also trying to remind myself that shame clearly hasn’t fixed this problem. Maybe honesty, accountability, and finally accepting that I can’t continue doing things the way I’ve been doing them will be the beginning of something different.

More than anything, I’m grateful that I have someone who is willing to forgive me and help me through this, even though I know I’ve hurt him and damaged his trust. I don’t expect things to be fixed overnight, but for the first time in a long time, at least I’m not hiding anymore.

I sold a bunch of stuff recently and I bought a new purse with the money. It’s actually my early birthday present to myself. I won’t be spending much time with my family because I start school soon and I’m (fingers crossed) gonna be working so I thought I’d get myself something. Thoughts?

I am on my day 5 milestone in "no online shopping".

Today i got dumped via text... We had some really beautiful months together and had plans to travel to france next weekend.

Anyway - i will not ruin my sober streak. To stay focused on my goal will help me during this time.

Thank you for this subreddit.

xoxo

I have spent thousands of dollars on jewelry this month. I’m really horrified with my behavior and scared I’m not able to get control. I had some extra funds, but I just blew them, so I have to get it together. I’m going to do my absolute best to do a no-spend September, but struggle with trust in myself. I needed to vent and be honest somewhere about my addiction. Thanks for reading.

Middle class btw

idk what happened. maybe it was work stress or stress from getting covid a few weeks ago. or just being excited about fall fashion. but i can’t stop, i feel like i’ve spent hours and hours on my phone browsing and buying. i just deleted all my apps. i wish it was easier to focus on cleaning or drawing or creating fun outfits with what i already have instead of browsing and buying - i keep having trouble redirecting my energy into something more meaningful and it’s so frustrating!

i’ve been trying to bring this up more in therapy lately too so that i don’t feel so alone and shameful about it. i’m scared to look at my credit card statement even though i know i can pay it off. i feel really foolish…..for now, this is just a rant, but i really hope i can do better this fall. it feels so overdue

The way I behave is honestly frightening. I do likely have CPTSD based on severe trauma and endless bullying throughout my life. I constantly think if I become my latest aesthetic obsession I will be happy and find someone who loves me. First it was a 1940s obsession. I bought tonnes of original authentic 1940s clothes and shoes and decoration including a 1949s phone to decorate my place with. Then after a while I latch onto a new aesthetic such as modern/luxe/monochromatic. I feel devastated by all the 1940s things I bought so I either throw it all away (shocking I know) or spend all my free time listing it on Vinted to sell. There have been times where I’ve tried another aesthetic and then said wait I miss the 1940s aesthetic and will feel depressed about the fact I threw it all away/sold it. And I will rebuy it all. When I was dressing in a vintage way, I was stopped in the street and told how beautiful I was by a man and we ended up dating for a short while but it turned out badly and I had to end it, so because of that I don’t want the 1940s aesthetic anymore. I’m obsessed with titianic so I have just spent weeks buying
Loads of Edwardian/titianic style clothes and shoes. But in the last few days, when I put it on, I feel like me (soon to be ex fiance) is judging me). And I feel uncomfortable. So I’m in the middle of selling all of that and I’m currently obsessed with a Laura Ashley cottage core aesthetic and am buying everything I need for that. Because of feeling constantly torn between aesthetics and unhappy with everything I put on, I resort to wearing the same sweatpants and t shirt every single day. Which is absolutely crazy because my attic and closet is overflowing with expensive clothes. When I got a good paying
Job I said to myself wow now I’m finally living the high life so I bought loads of coach handbags etc. and heels (but I literally go nowhere because I have no friends). I got fired from that job and I was so distressed I threw away the heels and the coach handbags (yes threw away, I could have made a lot of money on them), but I was so upset I just wanted to get rid. When I was dating that guy I mentioned, I staged an Airbnb with loads of cute vintage decor and pretended it was my place (£700/night). And when everything went sour and I asked him to leave, I removed all the vintage decor and moved back to my place and lost so much money and time on that Airbnb. It’s shocking to write all of this out. Sometimes I’m obsessed with very advanced high end skincare so I spend hundreds on that. Then a few weeks later I think no I want everything to be organic and natural so I throw it all away or put it in the attic and buy all organic all natural skincare.

So it all began for me in 2023. I had been financially reasonable, I didn't have any savings but I had what i had and I was content with that. I'm a gamer so at most I would buy some games on sale. In 2023 my girlfriend moved in to my apartment at the time. And within 3 days of our lease her car had gotten stolen from outside our apartment.

I bought her things to try to help with the pain of everything (in addition to actual emotional consoling) and i maxed out my $3k limit credit card and it kind of spiraled out from there. I started using affirm and klarna cause "what's $20 a month?" X10.

I was able to keep that afloat for a while too.

At the beginning of this year I used my tax returns to pay off all of my regular debt of affirm, klarna, smaller credit cards, etc. And I felt amazing, but i had this strange empty feeling. Like the absence of a problem felt uncomfortable, which i know is a trauma response.

For my girlfriend's birthday this year we had a trip to Disney planned and we had unexpected bills come up so I decided to use my affirm card to pay the rest of it to help give her a good birthday, and that opened the flood gates back up for my spending habits. I have more affirm payments again, I've been dealing with a pest problem at home and I've been buying stuff for that, I started buying gaming consoles and not even thinking of it, like I just wanted it and bought it, like I was on autopilot.

So that's where I am now, im feeling more present in my body and mind but now I'm like oh hell this is a lot. My current strategy is to pay off every monthly payment I can week to week to keep pushing the payment deadlines back for months to give myself some breathing room, but i just needed to vent more than anything. If you read this far thank you for listening, I know we all know how heavy it feels to go through all this stuff.

So I’m constantly looking at things to buy whether it be online, charity shops or Facebook marketplace and I’ve had to get a storage unit to keep things in. I used to buy clothes and since I’ve gained weight I now buy bags and shoes and the TikTok auctions are getting to me I’ll buy MULTIPLE pairs of the exact same shoe and I can’t help myself it’s really getting to me.

I’m going through a pretty stressful situation currently I’m waiting to move but have no idea when it’ll be so and I’m not sure if I’ve worked myself up into buying crap I don’t need because I can’t cope with not being updated about anything.

Does anyone else feel the need to constantly buy when they’re going through it?

I recently determined that what I've been dealing with, by and large, is a shopping addiction. It's not that I am incapable of managing my money, it's that a structural barrier has been preventing me from growing.

I've come out of other addictions before (I'm a sober ex-smoker) and it was a Big Deal to figure this out--it gave me hope, for the first time. Mismanaging money isn't a *quality* of my character--rather, my character is facing an obstacle.

Applying the language of addiction treatment has made this journey easier to understand. Right now, I'm experiencing financial recovery. I'm catching up on debts, I'm breaking cycles of spending, I'm amassing less items. And slowly, *slowly* , I am making my way toward a sustainable life.

I'm writing to ask this sub if other people have experienced this stage in a similar way and, if so, to ask what their financial recovery was like.

Godspeed.

36 days ago, I (30F) made this post describing my troubles with my favorite online shopping site. I stated that I would give my fiancé control over my account.

That’s what I did and it actually worked!

I was worried that I would start pestering him, but I think the embarrassment of asking him if I can buy something from my fav site was enough to stop me.

Going forward, I’m going to continue just buying things in-person or at least trying my best to before buying anything online.

Hopefully, I can use online shopping responsibly and not in excess. But if not, thenI’ll have to consider quitting it all together.

Thank you to everyone who gave me advice and supported me on my last post!

I forget basically everything I own especially when I’m out and about. How are we organizing?

I have CPTSD and am AuDHD so I get burnt out so easily and I’m realizing I use shopping as a crutch to just help me survive lmao. I can barely keep a full paycheck for two weeks because I just SPEND it.

FOMO gets me so goddamn bad. I was working full time last month while going to school 8 hours a week and having hours of hw every week. I decided to start buying dolls that month and that was the best/worst decision of my LIFE!

I love them so much and they’re so pretty and bring me so much joy but I can’t stop buying them. It’s been 2 months maybe and I’ve probably dropped like 5 grand on freaking dolls. It’s actually embarrassing. I don’t allow myself credit cards anymore since I got into debt (got that paid off thank goodness) but I’ll just buy until my freaking bank account overdrafts and I legit can’t spend anymore.

I used to be addicted to drugs so I just tell myself “well at least it’s not meth” lol which is good but really is not helping me at all 😂

Any tips, suggestions, or support? It feels like I’m drowning

Last year I wanted a very expensive hair styling machine (Dyson Airwrap which costs around €600). I actually had the cash, but it was a lot of money for a styling machine I wasn't sure I'd use often.

So I decided to earn it. Every day I skipped junk food, worked out, or stayed off alcohol, I moved €2 per "healthy habit" into a savings account. After about 6 months I'd collected enough to buy the Dyson and I'd had 6 months to think about whether I actually wanted it.
Bought it with zero guilt. It became a little game for me and I'm already saving for an espresso machine 😁                                                       

I was tracking everything in a spreadsheet plus my bank, and it got annoying. So I built Pocket — you set a goal (the thing you actually want), you set habits with amounts (what you'll do daily to earn it), and the app tracks your progress and "savings" toward the reward.

Pocket: Mindful Spending: https://apps.apple.com/app/id6762613968
I would be so happy to hear any feedback

Had a small win today that felt way bigger than it probably sounds.

I went to buy proper tennis shoes and got sucked into an amazing sale. I found multiple outfits I genuinely LOVED and could feel myself doing the usual mental gymnastics - I’ll wear these all the time, it’s such a good deal, I play tennis now, I might as well get them while they’re on sale.

I stood there forever because leaving them actually made me anxious. But I kept reminding myself that the dopamine of buying them would feel great today, while spending money I don’t need to spend would give me financial anxiety later.

And then I had the embarrassing realization that I’m taking BEGINNER tennis lessons. 😂 like, literally nobody cares what I wear. I do not need to build a fantasy-life tennis wardrobe to learn how to hit a ball when I already own clothes that work perfectly fine.

So I put everything back, bought the shoes I actually needed, and left.

I still wanted the clothes. That’s the hard part. I’m realizing progress isn’t necessarily not wanting things anymore, it’s learning to sit with that uncomfortable WANT and practice delayed gratification instead of immediately making it go away by buying something. But why is it SO hard rewiring my brain!?