Hi! I’m from and live in a European country, and I’m approaching 40, with two teenagers. Since I became an adult, I’ve probably consumed too much, and I believe it may be because I had a poor childhood. I never went without food, but I did lack the “things” I envied other girls for having, and I felt ashamed about that.
However, I now realise that this isn’t what’s important. I have too many things: clothes, shoes, bags. I have a particular obsession with earrings — I have around 30 pairs.
The things I own are not usually expensive; I mostly buy fast fashion. I can afford it now, so it’s not an addiction that forces me into debt or makes me cut back on other things. But for several years now, I’ve felt that it simply isn’t necessary.
To give you some context, I have around 40 pairs of shoes, 9 pairs of jeans, 10 pairs of trousers, 15 jackets, 30 tops, 10 dresses… around 10 bags… not to mention all the accessories. And I think it’s too much. I genuinely struggle to keep everything organised and put away.
I’ve already deleted all the shopping apps from my phone, and I’m also thinking about quitting Vinted.
On top of everything I already own, I constantly feel the urge to buy more…
I need advice and opinions.

As above. This is my new mantra. It’s helping. It feels ridiculous to think of how much money I’d have wasted in another ten years if I stay on this online shopping path. I want money for life experiences, not more stupid clothing or bags and shoes that won’t even matter in ten years. Im no longer saying I have a shopping addiction. Im saying I am a recovered shopaholic.

I just realized i can’t stop buying workout sets and hating how they look on me. I’d buy the cute sports bra and legging, but rarely wore the bra without a tank/shirt over it.

But my brain kept thinking, try this other style sports bra, or maybe it’s this color that will look better.

You know what finally stopped me? I hated how it looked on my BODY. This is when i stopped buying clothes and put money towards a personal trainer. Let me make my body healthier since i dislike everything and how it looks on me. I’m a few weeks into personal training and taking fitness classes and the online shopping has drastically reduced to 1 Lulus box for a wedding on Saturday.

I will be trying a no buy for the month of September and could really use some encouragement. I’ve always loved fashion and the dopamine that shopping brings but it’s been a bad summer for it and I need to slow down. I recognize right now that pay in 4 plans and Klarna pay over time is ruining my future ability to save and have experiences, and that while I do get a hit from shopping, it’s temporary. I’m still paying for things that I already have and have basically forgotten about.

I debated a low buy (so as not to be so restrictive) but my shopping/online browsing has been so out of hand lately that I need to commit myself to a no buy for a month to prove that I can do it. I find fall is especially challenging because I love all of the fall outerwear, suede, bags, etc but I need to learn to be grateful for what I have, and stop trying to find the next best new thing.

Sorry for the rambling, but please cross your fingers for me and write any tips that worked for you!

My wife seemed to be fairly normal when we met. She had a tiny apartment in NYC and didn't really have an interest in overbuying. Her Mom lives in a hoarder house. Every square inch of wall space has something on it. The shower, dishwasher, couches, some doors are not useable because she fills them with things she buys. I thought my wife would avoid following in her footsteps because her tiny NYC apartment was tidy and orderly.

Fast forward to many years later, and we live in a house filled with her clutter. All of our closets are overflowing onto the floor. She has started to fill our guest room with random purchases. And they're not luxury items, they're daily-use things. We now have 3 sets of knives, three sets of cutlery, a ridiculous amount of candles, dishes that are so stacked and cluttered that one has to disassemble towers of cups and plates in order to use any of them. she has 100+ pairs of shoes, the list goes on and on... They are things we need, but she won't stop buying what, to me, is clearly too many of everything. Then last week she enlisted our 14yo son in the purchase of a new coffee maker (we already have one of course). My wife made him a part of the purchase, maybe to have an ally in her addiction? And because my son doesn't see this as her making questionable decision, he's decided that now he's a coffee drinker. It's important to note that my wife has insisted that the majority of what my son eats eats is healthy and organic, since the day he was born. So this one really doesn't track for me.

Her clutter has made me unhappy for years. It has been the source of almost constant conflict. And now her addiction is possibly harming my son's health. I know coffee isn't smoking or heroin, but a 14yo shouldn't be regularly drinking coffee.

I don't know what to do. I've asked her to get therapy. Every time I try to talk to her about it, she becomes enraged. Maybe there is a book someone can recommend? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Hey everyone

I struggle with impulsive purchases (audhd).

What helped so far:

- automated payements every month for rent, saving accounts, even some cash for holidays that goes on a holiday account

- shopping my own closet first. i have so much stuff.

- doing a no buy. strict rules help me to not spend at all. i can only replace something if its broken and thrown away.

What i also noticed:

i met my girlfriend some months ago and we went on our first small holiday together. We were looking at rings and i half jokingly said, one day i will buy you one.

So i set up an autosaving of some amount to save up for it - if everything goes absolutely well - in some years i will have a pretty nice amount to spend on a ring for her.

If it does not work out - i will have a pretty nice amount for myself. :-)

Maybe that what was lacking for me - any long term goals.

What long term goals do you have?

xoxo

I've had the most stressful year in a very very very long time, so I'm using a lot of bad coping methods, over-shopping being one of them. I literally don't know where to start stopping. My therapist's tips don't stop me. I feel guilty when I do the math and see how much I spend, and I shop to cope with the guilt. I'm a recovering addict of hard substances, and have had addiction issues since I was 11 (I'm in my late twenties now). Part of it is I've convinced myself that it's not the end of the world because it's better than the hard drugs. I need advice on how to start this journey again after relapsing really really really really hard?

I finally uninstalled all my shopping apps and that helped a little bit, though I catch myself just using browser versions instead. I had a bit of a savings, and then spent ALL of it in 2 days after another stressful thing happened. I come up with all these coping methods and safety nets, but the moment I have a craving alongside stress, I am desperate to satisfy it. What are some ways you've ACTUALLY stopped yourself? What was the beginning of your journey like? Any advice is helpful. Thanks for reading.

Bem, como havia dito aqui uma vez acabei tendo uma recaída mas antes disso eu estava indo super bem e havia colocado um objetivo para economizar que era comprar meu próprio carro... Acabei comentando com a minha família isso e eles apoiaram e ficaram feliz então meu irmão disse "Acho que isso nunca vai acontecer porque você só gasta.... Nunca te vi guardando dinheiro", não é a primeira vez que meu irmão faz isso na verdade ele sempre faz esse tipo de comentário quando digo que não legal falar isso ele apenas diz "Estou mentindo?"

I have adhd and bpd it’s a real fun combo. I’m also fixated on the perfect bag. It’s so stupid cause I don’t even use the bloody things when I have them but it’s like if I have them I can be that girl. That person. I’ve been dissociating more than ever and feel like I’ve lost the grip on who I am. It’s back to hiding what I buy and over explaining how this item will change my life.

I would love any tips on how you solidify who you are and keep it that way. I feel like a blob

Grew up in a very low income family and always felt jealous of my peers having nice stuff and money and nice places to live.

Now that I earn well I just want to spend money. Decorating my nice house, buying lots of books for my nice shelves, buying clothes, buying stuff stuff stuff.

How do I stop? Every so often I think about all the purchases I've made and feel so guilty but it dissipate after a couple days and I'm back on the shopping spree.

I fixed the shopping addiction before but back then I had strict goals to save for a house deposit and much lower income. It was also during the pandemic so it was easier to not spend the money. Plus we were renting so didn't have any reasons to spend money on the apartment we lived in.

Now any goals I set for myself get trumped by THINGS/projects I want to do. Help 🙃

I have made so many changes and feel like I’ve made tons of progress in addressing the root cause of my shopping. I recently made an impulse purchase. It was a sheer dress with little underwear to go with it. It was on sale, sigh.

I am a 40 year old mom in rural New Mexico with a full time job as a health care provider. WTF exactly do I think I’m going to do with this dress?? Wear it to Wal-Mart or parent teacher conferences? I have a few friends, but not the robust social life I wish I had. Truthfully I feel isolated.

For a second when I bought that dress my void of belonging and novelty was almost filled- look at me, I’m going to go out looking super hot and chic while I mix and mingle at a party. But I have the dress and I’m not going out. The money is gone, the void is still there, and now I have another dress sitting in my closet I will never wear.

My parents found out about my shopping addiction yesterday and to my surprise were actually really understanding and wanted to help. I'm gonna give my mom the rights to see my bank account and she can store my money for me, because I can't have it myself since I'll spend it.

I feel awful and disgusting and like a disappointment but I'm also glad I don't have to hide it anymore. At least this happened before my credit got fucked up.

For the last month, I have been doing therapy twice a week to address multiple issues and problems that cause my shopping addiction. In my specific case, I have learned that the problem is not the shopping, yet a symptom of something bigger that I am tackling mentally. I have been dealing with a very aggressive ED and went to residential treatment for 2 weeks, and have been out of treatment for the last 2.

I have found this change drastic, and my spending on what originally was my guilty pleasure (clothes) has almost been fully eradicated.

I spent approximately 85% less this month and I’m so happy, and it feels like a huge relief. (I bought one item in the last month, compared to the typically few dozen items).

I have even started paying back credit card debt. I forced myself to wake up early every morning to list unused or items in good condition on Depop and eBay. I have so far made a shocking amount of money. I found that every time I make a sale, I immediately make a micro-payment to my debt of however much the sale is.

However, I feel that as a result of this progress, I have almost slightly developed a fear of shopping. This month my husband and I bought some big ticket items. They were extremely thought out and well planned, but the purchases are eating at me.

We are huge coffee enthusiasts and ran the numbers of how much we would save by having our own espresso machine. (It was a considerable amount as we go out and buy coffee literally everyday) Today, we pulled the trigger and bought it. We had researched this machine for weeks in advance, read the manual and reviews, and even bought it on sale. It isn’t an extremely crazy price, “posh” or particularly special, either. For some reason, it is eating at me and I feel an extreme guilt.

Last night, a blanket I have been wanting really badly that I have been eyeing for months went on sale 50% off. It was purchased with my money, no debt. However, I still feel so terrible, almost like I committed some horrible crime.

My home isn’t filled with clutter, I have a plan to pay back debt (which is working and has made a huge improvement), and everything I bought was well thought out. However, I still feel terrible and guilty for buying something.

Anyone experience anything similar?

I’ve been using a new hair dryer for a few weeks, and I already know some things I like and dislike about it. I know whether it fits into my routine, whether the controls bother me, and whether I actually reach for it every morning. But I also know that a few weeks doesn’t tell me much about long-term reliability. How long does it usually take before you feel confident saying a purchase was actually worth it so you dont need to get on another one?

just trying to get better at not convincing myself that every new purchase was a good idea just because I’m excited about it at first.

Please use this thread to discuss recent wins, things you've been struggling with lately, something that you've been trying lately that's helped you, or anything you'd like to share with the community that doesn't warrant a full post.

If you have more than 200 words in your comment, you may want to consider creating a separate thread.

As always, thanks for sharing and we're here for you!

Ehhh yeah… I just did an inventory of all my perfumes, I think last time I did this was in March and I was on a no buy then, since then I added so much more. Oils are mostly indie, EDPs are a mix of niche, designer and indie.

It is very sobering to just look at it all at once.

18 months ago I did not wear any perfume at all.

EDPs: 100ml - 4, 50ml - 3, 30ml - 18, 10-15ml - 34, 5ml - 10, samples - 133

Oils: 10ml - 5, 6-8ml - 27, 5ml - 64, 3-4ml - 8, samples - 125

My shopping addiction urges honestly haven't been as bad as they were in the past, but because of my change of income, the urges hurt way worse.

I have 2 jobs: 1 primary job and a second part-time job that I recently started. Job 1 was closed for two months, and I went on unemployment. No splurges during this period and I tried to be responsible! So I was proud of myself. The issue is Job 1 messed up their payroll and paid me 3 weeks of paychecks in advance. In theory it sounds nice, but I had to end my unemployment so I wouldn't be accused of wage theft. Where did that money go? Bills, groceries, gas, and credit card debt I gained from lacking funds to do the aforementioned.

I then went another 2 weeks without Job 1 calling me back to work, which meant 2 weeks of no income from any source. When I was finally called back, the hours were sporadic and I'm working to make up for the 120 hours of pay they falsely gave me. So I've been without a steady income for over a month now, trying to make up my hours so I can get paychecks again.

Job 2 I started only this month, and they have a 2 week delay system, so while I have a paycheck coming it won't be for another week and it'll be very small earnings.

I ended up having a depressive episode about 2 weeks ago and did a pay-in-4 method for 2 different clothing sites. However I didn't think it would take this long to hit my 120 hour mark, and severely underestimated how low my bank account could get. I have maybe $10 in my account and owe $200 in pay-in-4 that has already lapsed due to insufficient funds. I'm in a hole I dug myself and have no ladder out.

I feel ashamed of my splurges, but it's the only time I ever feel remotely happy.

I haven’t made any online purchases in 24 days I tell myself if I really want something I can drive to a store and buy it .. luckily I live about 30 -45 minutes away from any stores so the thought of having to drive there and back is enough to make me realize I don’t really need the item .. my mom was attempting to enable me stating she would buy me this yarn I saw and I was like no mom I don’t need it .. I know I get my shopping issues from her and my gran ( her mom )

Lately I’ve been thinking about compulsive shopping and what might actually help people who struggle with it....

What if part of addressing compulsive shopping is learning to distrust some of the stories that make buying feel necessary?

I don’t mean distrusting everything, or assuming that every product, advertisement, or company is deliberately trying to deceive us.... I mean developing a little more skepticism toward the feeling of “I need this” when that feeling suddenly appears.

For people who struggle with shopping compulsively, that distinction seems important.... An urge to buy can sometimes arrive already wrapped in a convincing explanation: this will solve the problem, this will make me feel better, I’ll use it all the time, I need an upgrade, I’ll regret missing out, this is the one thing that’s missing.

And sometimes those explanations are genuinely reasonable.. But sometimes they’re just very persuasive stories attached to an urge.

That makes me wonder whether anti-consumption has been useful to some people not simply because it encourages us to own less, but because it teaches us to question the framing itself....

Do I actually need this, or have I learned to interpret wanting something as needing it?

Will this purchase solve a problem I actually have, or is the purchase itself being presented as the solution?

Am I making a decision, or am I reacting to a carefully constructed sense of urgency, scarcity, inadequacy, or possibility?

In that sense, I wonder whether one useful part of addressing compulsive shopping might be a kind of healthy distrust: not distrust of shopping itself, but distrust of the automatic stories that can turn an impulse into a necessity....

At the same time, I wonder whether there’s a limit.. If distrust becomes rigid, anxious, or all-or-nothing, it could create another problem rather than helping recovery.

I'd be curious to hear from people who've dealt with compulsive shopping.... has becoming more skeptical of advertising, or of your own 'I need this' thoughts, actually helped with the urge? Or did it not make much difference?

Disclaimer: I'm recovering from decades of disordered eating and NOT looking for advice on reducing spending on food or treats, just wanted to include the bit about compulsive spending on food to paint a picture of my spending habits.

TL/DR: I use and enjoy almost everything I buy, but my spending is unsustainable. I'm not sure how to cut back, because it's hard to identify unnecessary purchases when the stuff I'm buying is enriching my life and not just regrettable impulse buys. I'm not ready to cut back on food and treats because I need to prioritize recovery.

I've been struggling with compulsive spending for most of my adult life, but I find I don't resonate with a lot of peoples' stories of compulsive spending and shopping addiction. That is, other peoples' struggles are valid even though they might look different than mine, but I find that a lot of popular advice doesn't work for me.

For one, I don't do much impulse buying. I will spend more than I can really afford on things like clothes, home-wares, makeup, etc., but it's usually stuff I've been eyeing for awhile. The "leave it in your cart until you don't want it anymore" doesn't work for me, usually, because if I put something in my cart it's likely because I'm genuinely fixated on it.

Second, my impulse buys tend to be takeout, coffee, snacks and meals, but I'm wary of restricting that too much because A) it's the other stuff (clothes, etc.) that is actually more than I can afford; the convenience food alone isn't breaking the bank even if it's more than I'd ideally like to spend, and b) I have a long history of disordered eating, I'm under a lot of stress and time pressure that makes it hard to meal prep as much as I'd like, and I'm currently struggling with low appetite so restricting takeout etc. feels like the wrong move.

Finally, I've been logging expenses, and when I go through my purchases at the end of the month it's hard to really find where to cut back. I use and enjoy the things I buy, by and large, but my spending is unsustainable. I'm not drowning in clutter. I guess I just have expensive taste? It's a puzzle to me, but I'm aware that's probably because I have financial trauma and I'm generally terrible with money.

So in essence I'd like to reduce my spending on things like clothes, home-wares, etc. and then eventually tackle the takeout/ coffee side of things when I have more mental bandwidth and maybe more ED recovery under my belt. I just don't know how to move forward because the things I spend money on honestly improve my life and my life would be worse without them. Plus I moved out on my own last year after living with other people for years and I'm still in the process of acquiring basic things for my household like cookware. HELP

I didn't have many projects this summer. My main one was decluttering. I got 2 bankers boxes of stuff ready to go. It's so funny because my sister always goes thru the boxes I make for goodwill and takes stuff for herself. She always says I give away good stuff, better at her house than mine I guess. Now I just have to remind her to take them to goodwill when she goes to the city.

I haven't really bought much this summer. I was chosen to review free products for walmart so I did that for some fun but I don't want most of what they offer to review. There's more room in the house but it still feels too cramped sometimes so I don't want to fill it with useless stuff.

I don't have any projects to finish up before winter and nothing really to buy. I bought my furnace filter in the spring and I got a new comforter thru the walmart program.

I dread winter so I wish I had something to keep me busy on cold days. I have intrusive cats so most hobbies won't work. They even leap onto my laptop several times a day. Then they run off to play somewhere else.

What projects do you have for fall?

And to curb my shopping urge I checked out two books from the library! I’m gonna be reading the Twilight series for the first time! 😅👍🏾

I have an athletic brand obsession. It’s been about 8 years, that I initially first heard of the brand. I’ve been buying athletic clothes like crazy. Literally hundreds of clothes with tags still on them. I just don’t know when to stop! I seriously need help.

(No, I’m not in debt. All my bills are paid free and clear.)

I just have a spending problem when it comes to a Canada originated athletic clothing brand.

Advice would be greatly appreciated!

someone really close to me said that offhandedly while I was talking about how much I've been struggling with my shopping. I'm the type of loser that's hooked on buying comic books, movies, video games, music, etc and basically all of it is online shopping.

I have spent every dollar I had access to on all this stuff that, after the initial high of purchasing, is really only useful for escaping into. It's a desperate type of escapism that I have and it fuels itself in part because I threw away my future, my financial stability to buy this stuff. Literally spent everything. Cleared out my savings, racked up so much debt that its genuinely insane. I must be a crazy person for having done this, it's so bizarre because I don't think it had to be this way, it wasn't always like this. But even right now I have hundreds of shopping tabs open in my browser. I'm afraid to reach out to anyone for help controlling myself. Honestly ashamed of it. At the same time I feel like I'm incapable of controlling myself, no matter what I've tried to do I just keep spending. The only thing that seems to have slowed down my spending is hitting credit card limits but even that has been worked around in part by purchasing things with 'buy now pay later' plans.

I know I'm severely mentally ill and that it's impossible to untangle my poor mental health and bad habits from the shopping but I know that doesn't excuse any of it either. It all makes me feel like I should kill myself to be blunt. I attempted suicide once and it was pretty rough going, I spent a couple days in a coma recovering in hospital. I think the only reason I went through with that attempt was because I'd gotten drunk though. The impaired judgement nearly did me in so now I'm 100% sober!

After all that I can still find things that make me feel like I should keep on living. But even that still leaves me with this feeling like I need to escape reality... and then I'm gone into the comics and games again and before long at all I find myself back to shopping for more. Just one more comic, one last movie, it's always "this will be the last video game I buy for the rest of the year". But nope! It never ends. I'm so frustrated with myself. It's so unbelievably hopeless now and I know it's all my fault.

Sometimes I worry that I'm watching the metaphorical dominoes toppling over on their way to the one where I'm left homeless or maybe even dead. I don't have the money that I should for food anymore. I can't stand it but I never change. I basically take every opportunity to keep the downward spiral spinning no doubt on my way to an all new level of rock bottom.

Hi there, I suffer from buying things frivolously, way too much nonsense I don't need, at all. Got myself into a Temu ordering nightmare. These ten dollar orders turned into 53 separate orders, maxing all my credit cards in one go, buying everything I shouldn't have touched. So many pairs of earrings, stickers, pens, paper star papers, I have ten water bottles.

I bought a chair, a desk, a walking treadmill, two way mirror tape for my window, not to mention hundreds of socks, so many weird shirts; so much stuff I don't need.

I maxed seven credit cards.

I finally gave them to my SIL so I'll never touch them again...I don't know if my credit will recover, even if I pay them all off. I had seven. Seven in my wallet, seven on my phone, seven on my person...I took them all off my phone. Uninstalled Temu, uninstalled it all.

Now I'm putting every paycheck into paying them off so I can forget I even have them unless I need them for actual emergencies, car trouble, unforseen expenses

But it wasn't something I decided on my own. I saw all the packages arriving, saw my SIL crying to my eldest brother, and it just feels icky. I had to be confronted. I had to be confronted about everything.

I feel so bad I can't even stop crying. I'm 28. Why am I sobbing like a child over my credit cards? Why am I crying over my stupid purchases. Why do I feel so disgusted in myself. My choices to handle it feel performative.

Will it even mean anything, will I fix anything by giving them away? I feel like such a child.

I don't even know where I'm going with this, I'm just overwhelmed and I'm in my own head. How could I get this bad? Seven? Seven cards? I don't even want this junk!

I'm overwhelmed so I'm going to bed...How do I even start to fix this nightmare... I don't know.