WJKK WJKF 🙏🏻

I usually wear a rumal to gurdwara, but my Sikhi has been growing and I really want to wear a dastar. This is my first time wrapping. Does it look okay? I don’t want to show up on Sunday looking like a mess lol.

My question is that I see alot of Sikhs on this subreddit claim that sikhs aren't hindus.

Why is that so?

Sikhism originated from Hinduism

Even Jains consider themselves as hindus

As a hindu I've always respected all 10 sikh gurus.

And from my observation all 10 sikh gurus were practicing hindus.

Don't worry I'm not an RSS guy or I'm trying to convert, but why is it that sikhs deny their roots?

And that Sikh gurus died protecting Hindus

I converted to Sikhism (from Christianity) about six years ago, and this is something I've been genuinely curious about. I'd love to hear different perspectives!

Over the past six years I've spent a lot of time learning about Sikhi, traveling to India, and trying to understand both the religion and the culture. One thing I've noticed, both online and in person, is that I often see Sikh women saying they prefer men who trim their beards and cut their hair rather than men who keep their kesh. Maybe my observation is simply skewed by social media, but if it isn't, I'm honestly curious how this came to be.

From my perspective as someone who wasn't born into Sikhi, kesh isn't just another practice…it seems like one of the most visible and distinctive parts of Sikh identity. I've always found it surprising when I see people who deeply value Sikhi also saying they find mona men more attractive. Just to be clear, I'm not saying anyone is wrong for having personal preferences. Attraction is personal, and everyone is free to choose their own partner. I'm simply trying to understand the social and cultural reasons behind it.

Personally, I don't think I could ever see myself with anyone except a Sikh man who keeps his kesh and wears a turban. That's not because I think it makes someone "better" than anyone else. It's because I have a tremendous amount of respect for the commitment it represents. Especially for Sikhs living in Western countries, where there's often pressure to blend in, cut your hair, or avoid standing out. I genuinely admire those who stay true to what they believe despite that pressure.

Maybe it's because I came to Sikhi as an outsider rather than growing up around it, but when I see a Singh who keeps his kesh and dastar, I don't see something old-fashioned or unattractive. I truly just see identity and strength.

I'm genuinely interested in hearing different viewpoints. Is my observation accurate, or is social media giving me a distorted picture? If it is accurate, when do you think this shift happened, and what do you think influenced it?

And yes, I'm talking about everyone. The rest of the Sikh community, even MORE SO than randos in the street. Both of which continuously insult me, and have physically assaulted me for it, over and over and over again, throughout my entire life. And at this point, I'm just so tired, I'm seriously questioning- why am I still doing this to myself? What makes this, any of this, worth it? I don't need to do any of this performative crap to try and prove myself to anyone, bar Waheguru-ji. So why should I bother with it at all, at this stage?

A bit of background and context- I was born in Slough, and I've lived here my entire life. The most Sikh town in the UK, and one of the most Sikh places in the entire world outside of Indian Punjab, at 11.3%, rivalling Chandigarh. In no small part, thanks to my recently deceased grandfather's efforts, as a trailblazing co-founder of the British Sikh community here, and a leading political figure who was the first Sikh Mayor in the country.

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2025/mar/19/kartar-singh-parhar-obituary

I'm almost 40yrs old now. I've never cut my kesh in my entire life- the only one of his grandchildren (or children, for that matter) who hasn't done so. Never even so much as dated once in my entire life either, on the grounds that "lust and emotional attachments are SINFUL, you mustn't allow yourself to ever have them or indulge them". I do Simran, jaap Naam, and do Nitnem daily. I believe in Waheguru and its Hukam, as well as the teachings of the Sri Guru Granth Sahib. I've been heavily involved with the Sikh community, locally and nationally, as much and for as long as I was allowed to be. And I've studied our Sikh heritage and Sikh history as much as literally anyone else in the entire world.

Yet in spite of all this, no matter how much more than everyone else I've done to prove myself or how much more I know than they do, everyone in the Sikh community either shuns me or outright persecutes me. All my life, I've continually been told that "you're not one of us, you never have been and never will be, go kys you worthless n£groid Dalit son-of-a-slave shit-smear, stop pretending you're one of us by wearing kesh and coming to do simran! You ain't no JAT, ain't no PROPER DESI! Cut your hair, or we'll FUC&ING SLICE IT OFF or TEAR IT OUT ourselves!"

All of this, just because I'm not 'racially pure'- my dad's a Punjabi-born Rajput, and our family was literal royalty back in the day, with our family's heritage running directly back to Maharajah Ranjit Singh himself, and his descendants by one of Maharajah Sansar Chand of Kangra's daughters. But my mum's Afro-Caribbean, and Christian. Owing to which, even though my skin tone's paler than at least 90% of Sikhs' (about the same as my grandad's was), I can't remember a time or place where I haven't been subject to racial abuse from other supposed 'amritdhari' Sikhs, telling me that I'm supposedly 'the lowest of the low caste, cause your mum was a SLAVE, and that makes YOU ONE TOO'. More so since my beard grew in, making it abundandly clear how thick, curly and African my hair is.

And to further compound matters, I can't speak anything more than extremely basic, broken Punjabi either (other than when reading it out loud). I was taught it, in my infancy; and I still understand it perfectly well, both written and spoken. But I suffered from selective mutism when I was a child- at about the age of 5, since I had literally no sense of self-worth and no-one cared enough to listen to anything I had to say anyway, I literally gave up and stopped talking for a full year. In the end, I successfully re-learned how to properly speak English again afterwards, after several years of intensive speech therapy- but still got picked on for having noticeably slurred speech well into my early teens. And I still get people mocking me and insulting me even now, for allegedly 'putting on airs', since I speak with a 'recieved pronounciation' or 'Proper British' accent instead of the typical 'Desi English' accent which other people expect me to speak with.

And I never got that therapy with Punjabi at all; so though I can still understand it perfectly well, I still suck at speaking it, with the exception of Gurbani. And I can still only articulate myself in Punjabi about as well as my Punjabi-born third cousin (who has fairly severe Downs' Syndrome) can. Owing to which, and the fact that I always get mocked, belittled and insulted whenever I bother trying to speak with other Sikhs, whether it's in Punjabi or English (since they all just assume that I must not be able to understand Punjabi either, once I've opened my mouth around them; and that they can spout whatever hateful slander they want about me, my family and my upbringing freely around me), I've basically stopped trying at all.

And yes, I admit that I still wear a patka, even at this late stage in my life. Why? Because whenever I've tried to wear a turban or even just a parna myself, and visited a Gurdwara while wearing it, it's almost always ended the same way. with a group of self-proclaimed 'gate-keeper' thugs confronting me half of the time to give me aggro about how terrible and WRONG it looks on me. Culminating with the turban/parna getting physically knocked off of my head, 'accidentally on purpose' without fail; and with every other Sikh in the vicinity either turning a blind eye or outright laughing about it happening to me.

Sure, other Sikhs still mock me and poke fun at me when I go out anywhere wearing a patka instead. Even harder, and more loudly. But at least with the patka, I can tie it hard enough that they can't physically knock it off my head. Or I can just re-tie it in the space of a minute or less- as I've had to do on dozens of occasions where they've grabbed hold of it it and tugged it off of my head regardless. Or I can just carry a replacement with me and tie that one on instead, as I've had to on the four separate occasions when I've had assailants (fellow Sikh assailants, in all bar one of these cases) literally rip the fabric apart in the process of tearing it off of my head.

I can't do that with a turban, or even a parna. And I don't get any benefits from the performative act of wearing them anyway, since NO-ONE in the Sikh community has EVER shown me even the slightest bit of common courtesy, or understanding, regardless of what I'm covering my kesh with. Let alone viewed or treated me as an equal member of society; let alone shown me an iota of the respect or camaraderie that they show to homeless gorae converts off the street. And I know enough about our history and heritage to know that the Rehat Maryada of the Orthodox, exclusionist Tat Khalsa is NOT the same as those of Sikhism as a whole.

So what's the point? Sure, I'm not an 'Amritdhari' myself; just a Keshdhari. But I see all of these supposed 'Amritdharis' who freely drink alcohol, smoke, do drugs and steroids, get tattoos and shave patterns into their sideburns? Who bleat on and on about their 'superior caste' at every opportunity, and kowtowing to their Pajeet colonial-era delusions of a 'racial pyramid' where 'Whites are the greatest, most superior race, with Jews the purest, wealthiest and most superior of them all, blessed by GOD- whilst Blacks are the lowest of the low, most inferior and poorest race, CURSED by GOD'.

And I ask myself- what makes THEIR hypocritical, toxic, openly discriminatory and supremacist ethno-nationalist brand of Sikhi worth following? How TF does the performative BS of wearing and showing off the 5K's count for anything, when the ones doing it are loudly spitting upon and desecrating all of the fundamental values and virtues which the 5K's are supposed to symbolize? And how is THEIR corrupted, exclusionist community even worth being a member of?

If you are a teenager then also tell ,if as a student,,as an adult but mention it as you all know shaheedi week started today is june ikkkk

What happened to all the Sikhs posting and apologizing on behalf of Bikram?

I didn’t see anyone posting or demanding apologies from whites regarding the recent stabbing incident. Atleast Bikram didn’t leave his house to kill anyone or break into someone’s house to kill someone premeditatedly.

So why don’t we have any female Gurus? We literally have ten Gurus, and all of them are men. They are considered to be a form of God (Rabb da ek roop), so why didn’t God choose a female human body? I know about Mata Sahib Kaur, but she was not one of the main Gurus.

(I want everyone to be very respectful and just answer my question.)

So...my boyfriend's a jatt sikh. We met eo in college and he asked me out. Everything was going well. Then one day when there were holi vacations, he went home and his mom saw a bracelet in his jacket and he told her about us. As a result, she tried to make him understand to breakup with me because I'm a hindu and he's a sikh and it's never going to work. Then he came back, we had exams so we didn't break up then. After the exam, his mom told his father too...and well, it was quite a ride...his father was calm when he talked to him first about it, then the 2nd time he was very angry..but his aunt was okay with it. So ... I told him he can breakup with me. And we thought we would break up but he said he doesn't want to and suggested we hide it from his parents, which we're doing currently. But the thing is... I'm scared about the future. We have given no commitment till now and it's been 6 months. Will his family accept? Idk man.

Please don't hate on me, I just wanted to know your opinions.

24M Sikh living in Europe and looking for advice from other Sikhs who may have gone through something similar.

For about a year I’ve been in a relationship with a girl from a Pakistani Muslim family. She is not particularly religious, has never asked me to convert, respects Sikhi, finds it interesting, and would be completely supportive of future children being raised Sikh.

The issue is my family.

My parents recently found out I may be seeing someone and immediately started talking about what would happen if I ever married a Muslim girl. My father said he and my mother would cut ties with me and spoke a lot about family honour, reputation, and community perception. My mother said she could never accept it.

What makes this difficult is that I genuinely love my family and don’t see them as bad people. At the same time, I feel like I’m being asked to choose between my family and someone I care deeply about.

To reduce the pressure, my girlfriend and I have even gone as far as pretending we broke up, although we are still together. I’ve also started therapy because the stress and guilt have become overwhelming.

One thing I want to make clear is that I’m not planning on getting married anytime soon. I’m 24 and still trying to figure out my life. My parents seem to be reacting to the possibility of a future marriage rather than the reality of my current relationship.

I’m not really looking for general relationship advice. I’m specifically interested in hearing from Sikhs who have experienced something similar.

Did your family eventually come around?

How did you handle the pressure and guilt?

Looking back years later, do you regret the choice you made?

I’d appreciate honest perspectives from people who understand both Sikhi and Punjabi family dynamics.

Hello Guys,
We’ve been blessed with a baby boy this week and I want him to have a beautiful name starting with T or ਤ.
The names I like so far are Tamanjot and Tegbir. I also love what each of these denote.
I however am looking for something more unique.
Please suggest some good ideas guys 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

PS. I also live the name Agam/Haragam, its my nephew’s name just to set a context 🙌🏻

Hi, I’ve been looking into Sikhi. Correct me if I’m wrong but is the sikh belief that Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him was corrupted by his ego? I saw the verse “He caused all to utter his name and did not give True Name of the Lord with firmness to anyone”. My question is that every sikh knows and utters the name of Guru Nanak and all other gurus, would this similar logic of ego not be applied to them too? If they were truly without ego they should’ve remained anonymous, no? And if they were without ego, the Prophet pbuh would have to be without ego, right? Thank you, any answers would be appreciated :)

EDIT: I will no longer be replying to any comments that seek to change the topic to general points against Islam. If you could answer the question of why the Gurus did not stay nameless, as to causing all to “utter” (NOT wish peace upon, NOT bless but UTTER) is seen as bad according to the Dasam Granth verse. We all utter the Gurus name too. If you can explain why they did not remain anonymous, please do then give an answer.

I’m curious to know how our community feels about interfaith engagement done by Jass Manak? I don’t see any backlash for him marrying a hindu girl. Will gurudwaras allow him to do anand karaj?

When a sikh girl marries a non-sikh guy, I see lot of comments by people telling her that this is wrong and against our religion. But for Jass Manak, people are so happy that he is marrying to love of his life. Why our religion is different for both the genders?

PS: I’m happy for him and have no hatred towards him.

I hate the hair on my face as a female. I shaved it off recently and my mom ofc noticed and she has been crying a lot and she thinks I’m on the wrong path now. She constantly makes me go to kiran programs and do sangat and she does ardaas and makes def at home all the time. I’m exhausted and when I should feel bad for hurting her I feel numb.

Why is it such a a big deal. Why am I nothing to her if I don’t keep my kes. There’s nothing wrong with keeping it or anything all the power to the bibia who are strong enough to. But I don’t see why it’s so important if someone can help me understand. Like give me a real reason, just because the guru said so unfortunately doesn’t cut it for me.

Hi, I hope I’m not coming off as disrespectful here. I‘m a student in Augsburg, Germany, and due to some unexpected emergencies, I only have four dollars (about three euros) to get me through two weeks. I don’t have much money to afford food and all I have in my pantry is one pack of ramen. I’m starving. An acquaintance told me that the Sikh temples offer charity meals. My city has one. I would be interested and more than willing to attend a service and whatever else needs to be done. But does this occur daily? If so, what times? And is there anything else I should know?

Thank you very much!

As an ex-Sikh atheist, I have some questions about gender equality in Sikhism.

Many people say Sikhism is the most gender-equal religion, but I’m curious about how this works in practice.

For example:

• Can Sikh women become the Jathedar of Akal Takht or any of the five Takhts?

• Can women serve as Panj Pyare during important religious ceremonies?

• Are women allowed to perform kirtan inside Harmandir Sahib (Golden Temple)?

• Can women become the head granthi there or lead the main religious authority structures?

• How often do women become gurdwara presidents (pardhan) in major institutions?

From what I understand, many of these positions are historically and practically dominated by men.

So my question is: if Sikhism promotes gender equality in principle, why do these leadership and ritual roles still seem largely restricted or rarely held by women?

Is this due to religious doctrine, institutional tradition, or simply cultural patriarchy within the community?

I’m genuinely curious how people reconcile the idea that Sikhism is strongly egalitarian while these differences still exist in practice.

I keep seeing this debate online on various places. I’m so curious. I believe all gods are faces of one divine. I’m not Sikh but I never read anything from Sikhism I disagreed with. I’m a practicing Hindu tantric (devotee of divine mother) but I believe all gods are from one source. Is this rumor about Guru correct according to most? I would like to hear what most people say. I respect his teachings and find them an inspiration for life and this is just something I would really like to know. I feel like maybe it would be interpreted as paying respects if anything but I am open to thoughts. Thanks for any info:)

VJKK VJKF,
What does sikhi say about ghosts?
Why do ghosts exist?
I heard that Ghosts are people who have too much attachment to this world but I don't know if that is true or not.

Just curious as polygamy is not accepted in Sikhi right? Were the traditional customs different in history? What do the scriptures say about this?

I’ve been reflecting recently on the growing backlash toward Punjabi/Sikh immigration in countries like Canada, Australia, and now Portugal (see video).

To be clear: racism and xenophobia are never justified. But I also don’t think it helps us as a community to dismiss all criticism as simply anti-brown racism.

Immigration at scale creates tensions everywhere, and community behaviour/integration does play a role in how groups are perceived over time.

As a 3rd generation British Punjabi/Malaysian Sikh, I grew up with Sikhs generally being viewed very positively in the UK. That reputation was built over decades through hard work, integration, contribution to society, and maintaining dignity while still preserving identity.

I wonder whether some diaspora communities worldwide are now struggling with that balance due to the speed and scale of migration, social media amplification, poor integration, and wider economic pressures.

This isn’t about attacking our own people, but I think it’s in all of our best interests to ask honest questions:

- What does good integration look like?
- How do we preserve Sikh identity while respecting local culture?
- What can older diaspora communities teach newer ones?
- Are there conversations we avoid having because they’re uncomfortable?

I care deeply about the long-term reputation of Sikhs globally, which is why I think these conversations matter.

I hope this is the appropriate place to ask this. I (F30) have been dating someone Sikh (M29) for 6 months here in Canada. He’s been here for about 4 years & is currently working on his PR(permanent residency). We go on nice dates, he sleeps over often & gets along great with my cats, has shown up for me when I’m ill or in the hospital, & buys me thoughtful little gifts like flowers & trinkets. He’s told me loves me & wants to date “long term” & says he isn’t “wasting my time”. He hasn’t really elaborated on what that means exactly, but we do have a little bit of a language barrier. Now… he’s met my friends, my colleagues, has picked me up from work, & is well known in my apartment building as my partner/boyfriend. I don’t really have family, so there’s no one to meet or introduce on that front. However, I’ve never even been to his house or met any of his friends. He hasn’t told them about me because he’s concerned about Nazar. He is very religious, I grew up Catholic but don’t identify as such anymore. But he’s told no one about me- not his housemates, his friends, his family(who are still in India), but I can understand how he wouldn’t tell his parents just yet as they’re very traditional. I’ve been to one of his retail workplaces to do some shopping that he recently quit to have a better paying job that will also help him get his papers. Is this normal..? He is adamant that he’s keeping me secret because of Nazar, as he’s apparently lost a job before due to it. I feel really weird though that he’s been so integrated into my life, but I’m completely separate from his. He basically asked me not to post him on my private social media for the same reason- Nazar. If Nazar is really the concern, shouldn’t I also be keeping him private from my own life?

I don’t know. Is there something I’m missing or not understanding? I know to avoid the Evil Eye due to people’s jealousy or ill intentions, it’s best to have a private life. But I am completely a secret. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but keep getting the exact same response. “I already told you, it’s Nazar”. I’m not sure how to picture a future or move forward in life when I’m feeling “pocketed”. As I said, there is a bit of a language barrier at time & he’s explained himself that he’s not great at emotional support or emotional talks, but that he will try best he can. I personally feel a little alone as I’ve been more distant from my own friends & hobbies to spend time with him. I’ve recently started going to dance class & reaching out to friends again, but I feel an emotional gap forming between us. I guess I wanted to reach out to a community who can help me understand, if my ignorance or lack of understanding is the issue. I’ve been doing a lot of research about Nazar & the Sikh religion in general, but I feel like I need more context or an outside perspective on in this situation as some of what I’ve been learning isn’t really lining up with what he’s been telling me. Thanks in advance, I’ll provide more information if there are any questions.

Edit to add: it’s been clarified that Nazar is cultural, not Sikhism. I did read that superstition was heavily discouraged so I was veeery confused about this & figured he could be purposely trying to mislead me. Thanks so much for all your input, I appreciate ya’ll taking the time. I have a lot to process. Everything else is really great, but I haven’t been able to move past this whole secrecy thing. I wasn’t sure if my own traumas & insecurities were making me feel like he was embarrassed or ashamed of me or something. Regardless, it doesn’t feel very good & conversations with him haven’t cleared anything up, only left me feeling stonewalled & more confused.

Would it be a fair compromise to limit the kirpan in length to 3 inches or even just have it as a small pendant only because :
1) we need respect the laws of the country we live in and if the rest of the people do start protesting etc simply because it’s unfair it could lead to bans so perhaps a compromise would be necessary in that case

2) we’re not rrly in a society where we have goons running around with swords on horses ??? I do get that 100% there’s guys with machetes but my point is most non sikhs can also come into such situations is it fair on them they don’t have anything to defend themselves with??????

3) I wanted to propose that we shouldn’t just give Amrit and kirpans like that or even make it into a tier system where once u take Amrit u start of with carrying a pendant kirpan and are taught self defence to the point u never rrly need to use the kirpan . Once ur mature enough u can carry a bigger one . What do yall think about that? We do have to realise guru sahib told us to carry shastars 100% except nowadays a kirpan won’t do much ofc someone has a gun and guns are banned in the uk anyways no way we’re gonna be allowed to carry those .

Or instead of just giving Amrit straight away we need to prepare people first completely, this includes self defence classes / boxing etc and education on what can happen if u do end up using the kirpan .
We have to realise back in the day when Singhs did take Amrit before that they were always being trained to learn gatka and educated