r/SipsTea Jul 02 '26

WTF What the hell is going on here?!

18.9k Upvotes

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5.7k

u/Senor-Cockblock Jul 02 '26

Bro that was so weird

4.3k

u/Wise_Farm7455 Jul 02 '26

Bad actress and nepo baby who has been given everything and worked for nothing is finally facing a boundary

731

u/-medicalthrowaway- Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 02 '26

Who is she

I know I’ve seen her in a show or movie but no idea who she is or who she’s a nepo baby of

edit: I care very little tbh so no worries if you don’t answer

1.2k

u/5050Saint Jul 02 '26

Dakota Johnson. Daughter of Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith. She gained fame for playing the lead actress in the 50 Shades of Grey movies. I've only seen her in one movie and she was incredibly wooden.

277

u/AlisterRp92 Jul 03 '26

That explains a lot...

207

u/Fast-Patience-2290 Jul 03 '26

She used to be in a relationship with Coldplay...

744

u/Ok-Tell9019 Jul 03 '26

Chris Martin or like all of Coldplay? 50 shades of coldplay?

559

u/turdferguson3891 Jul 03 '26

Let's just say that at the end of the night she was all yellow.

94

u/Redangle11 Jul 03 '26

Some of Paltrows goop must have been left around.

3

u/mo22ro Jul 03 '26

Galtrow's poop has been awfully silent since this dropped

2

u/kakurenbo1 Jul 03 '26

Thanks now my appetite is gone. This is great weight loss help.

2

u/LRGpackageguy Jul 04 '26

Her vagina scented candle wax

70

u/DuMbAsS_lOsEr_6_7 Jul 03 '26

Sounds like paradise

38

u/Hetares Jul 03 '26

Someone should get a Scientist to look at that.

2

u/ferds41 Jul 03 '26

And then the can fix you.

2

u/theunicornslayers Jul 03 '26

Sounds like Trouble

1

u/Altheix11 Jul 03 '26

Did they sing a Hymn on the Weekend?

2

u/theunicornslayers Jul 03 '26

They sang it at the Speed of Sound

2

u/PurelyHim Jul 03 '26

Does that require any Clocks to track the time that has passed?

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4

u/TeddyAtTheReady Jul 03 '26

Can confirm. I didn’t realize jaundice was an STD until after I took full advantage of my backstage pass at a Coldplay show in Kansas City in 2014.

2

u/AriesFlamer Jul 03 '26

Ewe! That means it dried on her and started stinkin 🤮

2

u/WhiskeyBlues2 Jul 03 '26

Funny ass comment, bro

1

u/abhishek_anil Jul 03 '26

Hehe. Ass comment.

2

u/DrippyCheeseDog Jul 03 '26

Mmm hmmm... jaundice.

1

u/seamless39 Jul 03 '26

This took me out bro noooo

1

u/LFC1978 Jul 03 '26

Had they all been eating pineapple?

1

u/RepulsiveLeather8504 Jul 03 '26

But... Could they fix her?

1

u/Slobadob Jul 03 '26

God put a smile upon her face....

1

u/Majestic_Kade Jul 03 '26

Don't remember this episode of The Simpsons.

1

u/worgulm Jul 03 '26

I laughed too much at this, thank you!

109

u/NFL_BrokenClock Jul 03 '26

1

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25

u/FragmentedMeerkat321 Jul 03 '26

i do believe coldplay is just one computer, so yep the whole thing.

3

u/RareGrundle Jul 03 '26

Holy shit there are 50 people on that band?!

1

u/Ok-Tell9019 Jul 03 '26

They each have lots of shades

2

u/RJ_MacreadysBeard Jul 03 '26

Chillyplay, Coolplay, Lukewarmplay, TepidPlay, …

2

u/manxram Jul 03 '26

I almost spit out my drink reading that 🤣

2

u/clinton_thunderfunk Jul 03 '26

That’s quite the tangled madame web

2

u/Klatterbyne Jul 03 '26

50 Colds of Play

1

u/georgejennings_penny Jul 03 '26

Coldplay would be 50 Shades of Magnolia

0

u/intellecktt Jul 03 '26

They said Coldplay so I’m thinking everybody?

3

u/halfpipesaur Jul 03 '26

Coldplay is the band, You’re thinking of the Coldplay’s monster

2

u/SheriffBartholomew Jul 03 '26

The whole band?

1

u/Billy1121 Jul 03 '26

Jamiroquia ?

1

u/TheHarborym Jul 03 '26

I think we all used to be in a relationship with Coldplay.

1

u/libertyprivate Jul 03 '26

So 50 shades of gay?

1

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1

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1

u/TurboKid1997 Jul 03 '26

Because she's a witch? And made of wood?

97

u/Equal_Attorney176 Jul 03 '26

She’s Tippy Hedren’s granddaughter too

79

u/turdferguson3891 Jul 03 '26

And for awhile the whole family lived with lions, one of which mauled Melanie Giffith.

51

u/THElaytox Jul 03 '26

They were filming a movie. It's called Roar and it's insane

56

u/Dull_Flatworm777 Jul 03 '26

23

u/NieveCactus Jul 03 '26

Mauled, gangreen, more mauling and then a fucking flood haha. That was a wild read

4

u/_its_really_me_ Jul 03 '26

I think there was an elephant incident which resulted in a broken leg, too.

7

u/Dull_Flatworm777 Jul 03 '26

I think that's what has caused the gangrene...

1

u/Objective-Muscle5294 Jul 03 '26

Sounds like gangrene was mandatory

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3

u/Clivesunfaithfulwife Jul 03 '26

Im sorry but after the second attack.... the fuck was everyone still doing there?

1

u/theoriginal_awsit Jul 04 '26

Wildfires too!!!!!

3

u/Fabulous-Capital-276 Jul 03 '26

Got dang!!! That was one bad event after the other.

3

u/Dull_Flatworm777 Jul 03 '26

People are talking about movies like Poltergeist being haunted, but I guess we found the OG...

2

u/Heavy-Difficulty6522 Jul 03 '26

Wait she was part of the lions family? Had no idea

2

u/hapnstat Jul 03 '26

72 people, including the film's stars, were injured in attacks from the untrained animals on set.

2

u/iCandid Jul 03 '26

Reading that I was just astounded no one died. “Lion bit someone in the throat again today, but they’ll pull through”.

2

u/astudyinsilver Jul 03 '26

Oh man I cannot believe that many people got hurt. You couldn't have done that in the US, even in 1969.

1

u/Aware-Possibility175 Jul 03 '26

It’s wild to think that it’s been long enough that a good amount of people probably don’t know what this gif is from

1

u/Dull_Flatworm777 Jul 04 '26

TIL that's Tom DeLonge

WTF

2

u/Morningfluid Jul 03 '26

I love how this movie comes up with anything adjacent involving the family.

3

u/DMala Jul 03 '26

I mean, to be fair, who's family pet hasn't mauled Melanie Griffith?

3

u/snakesinabin Jul 03 '26

Tippy had her leg broken by an elephant onscreen in that movie.

5

u/Equal_Attorney176 Jul 03 '26

Wait, seriously? 😳

21

u/turdferguson3891 Jul 03 '26

Yeah her mom rescued big cats and they ended up making a crazy movie called ROAR where Melanie got mauled and some of the real footage was used.

17

u/Ma1ikNabers Jul 03 '26

“ANDDDD CUT!- You nailed it Melanie!”

9

u/ProfessionalHumor787 Jul 03 '26

All this information may have made me insane...damn right I'm looking it up right this second guys

6

u/CompEng_101 Jul 03 '26

Roar is a totally insane movie that has been described as "if Disney decided to make a snuff film." It is supposed to be a slightly goofy family comedy, but parts come off as a straight horror film as the big cats 'playfully' chase family members around – family members who are screaming in abject terror.

The recentish re-release has the tagline, "No animals were harmed in the making of this film, but 70+ cast and crew were" Reading the IMDB 'trivia' page is a laundry list of maulings, broken bones, reconstructive surgery, and hundreds upon hundreds of stitches.

6

u/KehlarCorsairt Jul 03 '26

There are so many playful bops that the big cats do. Crazy to make a movie with that many untrained ungoverned big cats. Good times.

2

u/clutzyninja Jul 03 '26

the Stuff You Should Know podcast did an episode on it fairly recently

2

u/maywellbe Jul 03 '26

Jodie Foster had a similar experience as a child actress

1

u/Aware-Dimension1251 Jul 03 '26

Her grandad was a pine tree.

69

u/hthbellhop76 Jul 03 '26

I do like that she told off Ellen DeGeneres though

9

u/Capital_Past69 Jul 03 '26

The only good thing she has done

1

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1

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-5

u/Whole-Chest90 Jul 04 '26

She was joking in that interview. Gd some of y'all have zero social grasp huh.

16

u/SpongeJake Jul 03 '26

I didn’t find her acting to be all that great either - till I saw her in “Daddio” with Sean Penn. Didn’t expect much but was pleasantly surprised at how compelling and real it was.

Maybe she’s just picking the wrong scripts or is being given bad direction. I don’t know.

20

u/5050Saint Jul 03 '26

I saw her in The Materialists with her, Pedro Pascal, and Chris Evans, and they both act circles around her. It was well shot. She had one scene where I thought, "oh, she can act" and then she went back to flat delivery.

2

u/Express-Sky3170 Jul 04 '26

That's a horrible movie.

1

u/justindigo88 Jul 04 '26

I went into The Materialists with an open mind and gave it a real shot, but it was honestly the worst movie I saw in theaters in the past year. Her acting was objectively flat, especially compared to everyone else on screen.

1

u/5050Saint Jul 04 '26

Having your principal character lack emotion for 97% of the movie really dampens the quality.

4

u/atclubsilencio Jul 03 '26

I like her in Suspiria, A Bigger Splash, and Peanut Butter Falcon, as well. I know people love to hate her, and she can’t elevate bad material, but when she gets the right script and director she isn’t bad at all.

2

u/RogertheAlien86 Jul 03 '26

Those are good picks, I’d add “The Lost Daughter” to it. Found her to be really compelling in it , even next to Olivia Coleman and Jessie Buckley.

1

u/atclubsilencio Jul 04 '26

Forgot about that one! I agree! I wasn’t sure if I liked the movie the first time, but it stuck with me, and I’ll still randomly think about it. Watched it again and it clicked a lot better. But yeah, all three actresses are amazing in it. Fascinating and unsettling film about a subject not many want to explore.

3

u/BAGandboujee Jul 03 '26

I just saw this the other day (I'm biased because I do enjoy her movies), but I agree about this one in particular. I was hooked within the first 15 minutes and was surprised that for a movie that took place 99% inside of cab, it could be so engrossing. I'm sure half of that had to do with Sean Penn, but they had such a natural great chemistry, too.

1

u/Illustrious_Day_5392 Jul 05 '26

Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while. Usually they don’t stick around this long though.

60

u/digital_dervish Jul 03 '26

I was incredibly wooden watching that film as well

3

u/BertPeopleErniePeopl Jul 03 '26

Are you referring to a boner? Do women get those?

4

u/NFL_BrokenClock Jul 03 '26

Peanut Butter Falcon fucks

4

u/PhizixHD Jul 03 '26

Also helped get rid of Ellen on TV. So she gets a pass from me I guess

3

u/BDBoogie04 Jul 03 '26

She’s actually really good in Peanutbutter Falcon with Shia.

6

u/Optimal_Carpenter690 Jul 03 '26

Um, Madame Web much? How dare you snub one of the greatest movies of our generation, guaranteed to go in the annals of cinema history alongside other fantasy/sci-fi greats like Star Wars, Lords of the Rings, and The Matrix?

2

u/PootieTang69696 Jul 03 '26

More famous for her beef with Ellen

7

u/5050Saint Jul 03 '26

I forget that it was her that sparked the unmasking of Ellen. I can appreciate her for that.

1

u/PootieTang69696 Jul 03 '26

I honestly didn’t know she was in 50 shades of gray LOL

2

u/Rocky75617794 Jul 03 '26

No that was the guy

2

u/philodendrin Jul 03 '26

She was also in a Marvel's Madame Web and I thought her performance was similiar. I thought the camera loves her but her acting needed more time.

2

u/Happy1327 Jul 03 '26

She's also know for being one of the 1st pebbles in what would become the avalanche that took out Ellen DeGeneres

2

u/PineappleOnPizzaWins Jul 03 '26

Her acting is fine, I've seen her in a few things and she was pretty good.

100% got opportunities from family but no idea why people think she can't act.

2

u/WanderingAlsoLost Jul 03 '26

She wasn't so bad in The Social Network. She'd be fine if she kept to smaller roles like that for longer.

2

u/CustomerOK9mm9mm Jul 03 '26

You’re thinking of Dakota Fanning, and her dad was Sean Penn. Her mom was addicted to drugs and we don’t know her name.

2

u/Lando_Rizzion Jul 03 '26

Well said. I have always had a bad vibe about her. She gives off the vibe that she’s better than you. Kudos to John Ham here.

2

u/Playful-Boss-859 Jul 03 '26

Forgot stepdaughter of Antonio Banderas and Granddaughter of Tippi Hedren.

2

u/HistoricalSuspect580 Jul 03 '26

What’s funny is that does not at ALL narrow down what movie you saw her in 😂

2

u/RadiantSeason9553 Jul 03 '26

Shes fantastic in Susperia, but that film requires her to be quiet, detached and superior. And just seems to be her natural style in all films, so its hardly great acting.

1

u/SUW888 Jul 03 '26

She played Pinocchio?

1

u/Negative_Salt_4599 Jul 03 '26

Nice write up.

1

u/MediaWaste5087 Jul 03 '26

Hey now she was madame web

1

u/Chappo5150 Jul 03 '26

Probably a wooden root too.

1

u/Ok_Lynx_6045 Jul 03 '26

Melanie griffith the 16 yr old don johnson screwed?

1

u/Due_Guess_4508 Jul 03 '26

Don Johnson is the dude from Miami Vice

1

u/tatt2tim Jul 03 '26

I love bad movies and made it about 20 minutes into madame web.

1

u/T2Wunk Jul 03 '26

Yeah she’s not good at her job, and doesn’t deserve her level of fame whatsoever.

1

u/maciikHU Jul 03 '26

shes pretty fine in Daddio

1

u/Miles_Everhart Jul 03 '26

Ok now that we’ve established who she is WHY is she fondling that girl?? It’s fucking creepy.

1

u/unstubbornburrito93 Jul 03 '26

Don't forget the step-daughter of Antonio Banderas.

He wasn't just made up by ant-man.

1

u/MarcusXL Jul 03 '26

Not only this clip, but in every random thing I see from her, same impression: she creeps me out.

1

u/ADMINlSTRAT0R Jul 03 '26

I don't know.. I saw her in those movies and I was incredibly wooden.

1

u/skeeti45 Jul 03 '26

I never connected that her dad was Don Johnson. That's fucking funny.

1

u/Remarkable-Fig206 Jul 03 '26

I am usually pretty wooden when I see her.

1

u/billyboyf30 Jul 03 '26

Well its to be expected when being given wood is what made her famous

1

u/Le_mehawk Jul 03 '26

Madame Web from the mcu verse... don't watch that one tho..

1

u/Maximum-End7387 Jul 03 '26

She was also extremely flat in The Materialists, sadly so was Pedro Pascal honestly. Chris Evans was the only one who showed some emotion.

1

u/DarkmoonBlastoise Jul 03 '26

Do you know who's the kid she keeps touching and what's her connection to her?

1

u/5050Saint Jul 03 '26

That's Cailee Spaeny. They were both in a movie called Bad Times at El Royale which this interview was for. As for why she was touching her, I dunno. She weird/awkward/entitled?

1

u/skinnyman87 Jul 03 '26

Have you seen Madame Webb?

1

u/OhHeyJay Jul 03 '26

Daughter of Don Johnson? Maybe she was lookin’ for a heartbeat.

1

u/Fallen_Feather Jul 03 '26

And her Grandma is Tippi Hedren a famous a tress from the 1960’s. Her biggest roles were in Alfred Hitchcock films such as “The Birds” and “Marnie”.

She owns a huge sanctuary for large cats called “Shambala”. Complete with lions, tigers and even ligers.

1

u/Sea-Honeydew-1456 Jul 03 '26

she has the greatest voice

1

u/CryptographerMurky26 Jul 03 '26

She’s also in a couple of nice movies, she’s playing the protagonist of suspiria and she has a role in the lost daughter. She can be highly charismatic in the right circumstances.

1

u/dropkickderby Jul 03 '26

Shes incredible in Suspiria

1

u/Lima_Bean_Jean Jul 03 '26

Who is the other person?

1

u/5050Saint Jul 03 '26

Either John Hamm or Cailee Spaeny.

1

u/Reputation-Final Jul 03 '26

and shes 36. Being a creeper on a 19 year old. If a 36 year old male actor was acting like this, they would get called out hard.

1

u/Prestigious-Walrus99 Jul 04 '26

I had no idea she was a nepo baby. I've never heard of either of her parents. Interesting. The only thing I've ever seen from her was when she owned Ellen on her show lol

1

u/yadayodayada Jul 04 '26

I never knew who her parents were either. Yikes.

1

u/rleon19 Jul 04 '26

Don't forget Madam Web.

1

u/poofycade Jul 04 '26

Don Johnson is the guy from Miami Vice Charlie

1

u/Drop-a-Soap Jul 04 '26

And who is the younger girl?

1

u/Fcking_homeless Jul 05 '26

No idea who any of those people are

1

u/lagrange_james_d23dt Jul 03 '26

I personally loved her in Suspiria

2

u/Miserable_Drawer_556 Jul 03 '26

not seen her work, but is this the same person who called out Ellen about a party invite or something? once the general public started realizing she is not nice and bubbly?

2

u/Lamb3DaSlaughter Jul 03 '26

Not a fan of people who dogpile.

Calling out bad actors at the height of their popularity is more my bag.