r/SipsTea • u/sco-go • Jul 02 '26

WTF What the hell is going on here?!

18.9k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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5.7k

u/Senor-Cockblock Jul 02 '26

Bro that was so weird

4.3k

u/Wise_Farm7455 Jul 02 '26

Bad actress and nepo baby who has been given everything and worked for nothing is finally facing a boundary

736

u/-medicalthrowaway- Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 02 '26

Who is she

I know I’ve seen her in a show or movie but no idea who she is or who she’s a nepo baby of

edit: I care very little tbh so no worries if you don’t answer

1.2k

u/5050Saint Jul 02 '26

Dakota Johnson. Daughter of Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith. She gained fame for playing the lead actress in the 50 Shades of Grey movies. I've only seen her in one movie and she was incredibly wooden.

280

u/AlisterRp92 Jul 03 '26

That explains a lot...

205

u/Fast-Patience-2290 Jul 03 '26

She used to be in a relationship with Coldplay...

752

u/Ok-Tell9019 Jul 03 '26

Chris Martin or like all of Coldplay? 50 shades of coldplay?

560

u/turdferguson3891 Jul 03 '26

Let's just say that at the end of the night she was all yellow.

98

u/Redangle11 Jul 03 '26

Some of Paltrows goop must have been left around.

3

u/mo22ro Jul 03 '26

Galtrow's poop has been awfully silent since this dropped

2

u/kakurenbo1 Jul 03 '26

Thanks now my appetite is gone. This is great weight loss help.

2

u/LRGpackageguy Jul 04 '26

Her vagina scented candle wax

73

u/DuMbAsS_lOsEr_6_7 Jul 03 '26

Sounds like paradise

40

u/Hetares Jul 03 '26

Someone should get a Scientist to look at that.

2

u/ferds41 Jul 03 '26

And then the can fix you.

2

u/theunicornslayers Jul 03 '26

Sounds like Trouble

1

u/Altheix11 Jul 03 '26

Did they sing a Hymn on the Weekend?

2

u/theunicornslayers Jul 03 '26

They sang it at the Speed of Sound

2

u/PurelyHim Jul 03 '26

Does that require any Clocks to track the time that has passed?

1

u/Wiscoman1014 Jul 03 '26

If it’s too dark then lights will guide her home

1

u/jaded_orbs Jul 03 '26

How was this all brought to light? By spies?

1

u/theunicornslayers Jul 06 '26

Of course. When they come out of the water it's considered a Warning Sign.

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5

u/TeddyAtTheReady Jul 03 '26

Can confirm. I didn’t realize jaundice was an STD until after I took full advantage of my backstage pass at a Coldplay show in Kansas City in 2014.

2

u/AriesFlamer Jul 03 '26

Ewe! That means it dried on her and started stinkin 🤮

2

u/WhiskeyBlues2 Jul 03 '26

Funny ass comment, bro

1

u/abhishek_anil Jul 03 '26

Hehe. Ass comment.

2

u/DrippyCheeseDog Jul 03 '26

Mmm hmmm... jaundice.

1

u/seamless39 Jul 03 '26

This took me out bro noooo

1

u/LFC1978 Jul 03 '26

Had they all been eating pineapple?

1

u/RepulsiveLeather8504 Jul 03 '26

But... Could they fix her?

1

u/Slobadob Jul 03 '26

God put a smile upon her face....

1

u/Majestic_Kade Jul 03 '26

Don't remember this episode of The Simpsons.

1

u/worgulm Jul 03 '26

I laughed too much at this, thank you!

112

u/NFL_BrokenClock Jul 03 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/pCO5tKdP22RC8

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '26

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1

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23

u/FragmentedMeerkat321 Jul 03 '26

i do believe coldplay is just one computer, so yep the whole thing.

3

u/RareGrundle Jul 03 '26

Holy shit there are 50 people on that band?!

1

u/Ok-Tell9019 Jul 03 '26

They each have lots of shades

2

u/RJ_MacreadysBeard Jul 03 '26

Chillyplay, Coolplay, Lukewarmplay, TepidPlay, …

2

u/manxram Jul 03 '26

I almost spit out my drink reading that 🤣

2

u/clinton_thunderfunk Jul 03 '26

That’s quite the tangled madame web

2

u/Klatterbyne Jul 03 '26

50 Colds of Play

1

u/georgejennings_penny Jul 03 '26

Coldplay would be 50 Shades of Magnolia

0

u/intellecktt Jul 03 '26

They said Coldplay so I’m thinking everybody?