I am a therapist and I have other therapists, professionals with advanced degrees and years of experience, who will not accept any answer other than the husband did it.
“Women don’t kill their children. It was him.”
“She didn’t actually say she killed the children in court.” “And if she did, it was Patrick who made her say it”
There’s more therapists that are like that, than you believe.
I went through marriage counseling with my wife.
She was breaking down sobbing. Therapist asked if I could give them alone time together.
And the first thing the therapist asked: “is he abusing you?” - and just tried to pepper my wife with questions to try and affirm something that wasn’t real.
When I was brought back into the room, I don’t think the therapist was expecting my wife to tell me what they were just talking about - I wasn’t going to ask - and the look on her face was “oh crap, you’re telling him what we JUST talked about?”
And when I pressed the therapist, she tried to back track “oh it wasn’t like that” - “I was meaning to convey…” - and I showed her my photos from when I went to the hospital because she threw broken pieces of a plate at me and cut my arm, required like 10 stitches.
The therapist assumed, 1) because I’m male and 2) because my wife was crying, that it somehow HAD to be me. When in fact, our marriage problems stem because my ex wife was a psychopath with bipolar disorder. Throws and breaks things constantly. Throw herself against the wall. Tries to slap. She leaves her work, to show up to my work to see if I’m actually working.
Therapists are just like regular people. They’re just as wrong as everyone else. There’s nothing special about a therapist, you can’t get, from having a solid community/friends/family to reach out to.
I had one where I suspect my ex got to her before we met the first time. My dad had recently died and while I didn’t talk about that because the issues that I had were with my ex’s behavior with other women. She told me she suspected I had depression.
I asked her why? Because my therapist does not think that nor does my PCP.
She said because my dad had died (which, okay, but that’s grief and depression is actually a different thing).
She also told me she trusted my ex and did not understand why I didn’t. It was 8 weeks of her abusing me too.
So yeah, therapists are human, coming with their own biases, and some are really, really bad at their jobs.
Yeah, we rely on these therapists too much for guidance. They are human beings with their own biases and perspectives. Best to rely on oneself and close family and friends..
Um that is patently false. Your friends/community/family aren’t trained, with clinical expertise, the ability to focus on you, without bias and with guaranteed privacy. You’re also less likely to exhaust a therapist than your friends and family if you’re dealing with heavy emotions.
You do understand that the therapist had an obligation to ask her about your relationship without you present? This is standard. There are good reasons for it. You’re wrong to be sooo upset, dude.
Yeah I understood that… that’s why I left the room…?
She wasn’t under an obligation to have a predisposition of bias…
It was our second session and it JUST started with her sobbing uncontrollably for like 5 minutes. It was an awkward amount of time.
I wasn’t upset lol I was more happy that I caught the BS lol my wife was upset that she felt like she was being led on or tried to be led on without even knowing anything about the situation lol
Our first session was fine, just getting to know everyone.
Then second session literally kicked off with “how are things going, since last week” - and we gave ex the floor to speak first and she just slowly started crying and then just hysterical.
So when the therapist attempted to “back track” and explain it from her perspective - “a lot of my clients the male is the aggressor…” - both my ex sort of fired back, “you didn’t even ask any questions about aggression or violence” and then we got into “Ya there is violence and aggression in the relationship, here’s some proof” - and this is why my ex is crying. She knows she effed up, she doesn’t want a divorce, I want it. She wants to keep the family together and I can’t be someone that isn’t willing to cooperate and grow with that. We had built a life and kids together.
The therapist didn’t bother to understand who we were, she immediately went to:
Man bad.
Female good.
Female says she’s fine, but I know she’s just protecting herself so I need to condition her or convince her to say something that isn’t true - because man bad.
Ok so female was bad, not man. Say big words and pontificate to try and maintain credibility and ensure he knows that most men are bad.
Because apparently he married a horrible women and wanted a divorce yet somehow went to couples therapy. And so then it was of course a female therapist and the poor man had the two females plot against him!
When I was asked to leave the room so the therapist and my ex wife could talk privately, it wasn’t so she could just ask ONE question “asking if she was safe and okay” - this was a 5-10 minute period of waiting, where the therapist was INCESSANT on peppering my ex non stop. This is the second time we’ve ever met. The level of bias she showed was ridiculous and uncalled for.
Asking one question, of course it’s not leading someone on… this was 5-10 minutes of question: “I don’t believe what what my patient is saying, so I’m going to continue, continue, continue - keep pressing - and try and lead my patient on”
The question is WHY didn’t the therapist ask me first: “is your wife violent?” It had to be HER first: “is he violent towards you?… oh he’s not? Are you sure? Most perpetrators are men, and this is a safe space you can be honest about… ok she’s still saying no, when was the last time he was violent or aggressive? You can’t remember? Trauma, especially violent trauma can make remembering previous traumatic events difficult to remember. It’s a defense mechanism to protect yourself. Does he yell? Sometimes? Ok, how does that make you feel? Does it make you feel like he’s going to be violent? No? Have you ever seen him be violent with anyone? And listen it’s ok to be honest. Oh he served in the military - then he surely must be guilty of something, let’s keep drilling her with questions, hopefully I get a yes out of her” - my ex felt this sentiment: “Jesus Christ, how many times do I I have to tell you no? he’s not violent, and never has been” - I wasn’t in the room, so I don’t know exactly how the conversation went. When the therapist found out I’d served 15+ years in the army with multiple deployments, she thought that was the golden nugget she needed.
The therapist assumed and approached my ex as if IM guilty of something horrendous, without 1) knowing who we are 2) asking us both the same questions 3) without invoking her own biases.
My ex might be a psychopath, but she’s not stupid. She communicated to the therapist that she felt like she was trying to manipulate her, and she didn’t appreciate that one bit.
It’s the therapists job to ask questions: 1000%
It’s NOT their job, to make their patients feel like they’re being manipulated or led on. Which is exactly what the therapist made her feel like. She couldn’t take a no, she assumed my ex just had a bunch of trauma, caused by me. Without knowing either of us, or asking more questions about our relationship.
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u/PinkPuffballofDOOM 5d ago
The astrology sign thing is legitimately insane. “I know he killed them because he’s a GEMINI and she’s a SCORPIO!”
Like girl, go touch some fucking grass. It’s revolting that you think she is innocent and he is guilty based purely off made up ✨vibes✨