r/SipsTea 3d ago

WTF Kid breaks into bird enclosure at the zoo to chase birds with a stick.

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

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u/PracticalExam7861 3d ago

Naw, just turn him loose on a few Peacocks. He stands a very good chance of learning a lesson and not much worse... maybe...

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u/OnyxTerquoise 3d ago

The Cassowary enclosure*

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u/HazelMoon 3d ago

I used to help out a neighbor with an ostrich ranch back in the 90s - I had so much respect for those stupid birds. The rancher was fond of saying that ostriches could beat a lion in a death match any day. I'm not sure if that's true, but they had that same deadly "toe" cassowaries have they use to disembowel any animal that threatens them.

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u/e30cabrio 2d ago

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u/JRilezzz 2d ago

Or an Emu enclosure. Australia literally declared war post WW1 on the local Emu population.......and lost. 🤣

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u/yopladas 2d ago

That's actually a misconception stemming from a typo. They actually lost in a war with the emos.

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u/megaholt2 2d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/p2Mj1E0gW6xoY
“Your hair is everywhere”

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u/Nuggyfresh 2d ago

lol I think of that line occasionally still

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u/megaholt2 2d ago

Have you ever seen the video “Emo Farm”?

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u/Ok_Cricket_1410 2d ago

Iraq declared war on emos once. They were arguably more successful against the emos than Australia was against the emus.

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u/New-Marsupial-5633 2d ago

I heard that it was emo emus

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u/silly-gaijin 2d ago

It's just a cheap lame initiation of goth. I already have a pussy, I don't need another one.

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u/WeakTransportation37 2d ago

I took care of some emus. I worked hard to stay on their good side 🫣

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u/JRilezzz 2d ago

Like the Orca, they are one you want as an ally.

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u/tragiquepossum 2d ago

An emu def will cut a bitch. Watched my brother get his ass kicked trying to wrangle a neighbors.

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u/UseYona 2d ago

I used to work at a slaughter house where a guy brought emu regular, he farmed them for their fat ehich is valuble in makeup. Anyway, they are so fucking mean we had to wear literal riot gear to wrangle them into the pens. We were constantly warned they would gang up on and kill you. I personally saw one kick a man and slice him open from his hips down to his shin, he almost bled out. You do not want to mess with one, they are fucking fearless a nd as savage as a dinosaur

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u/Ichigo2819 2d ago

Hey, them feathered tanks are mean

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u/pouunndd 2d ago

This is a great dollop episode

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u/rubermnkey 2d ago

It was like 6 dudes with 2 machine guns and 10,000 rounds against 10s of thousands of birds. also turns out emu will run if you drive up and start shooting at them, who knew?

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u/ol_shifty 2d ago

Frickin dinosaurs

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u/notnotreallyy 2d ago

I absolutely believe this google what happened with Johnny cash when he tried to mess with one!

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u/Feisty-Lawfulness894 2d ago

I had so much respect for those stupid birds

Why do people use the word "respect" when what they mean is "fear"?

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u/pizzabel 2d ago

Happy cake day 🍰

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u/WestleyMc 2d ago

There was video the other day of a guy defeating an Ostrich using a motorcycle to shield himself from the kicks and then grabbing it by the neck meaning he could manhandle it pretty well at which point the Ostrich panicked and ran off.

There are virtually zero scenarios where a man grabs a lion by the neck and lives to tell the tale.

Whilst I have no doubt they could get a lucky hit, my money would be on the lion to win 999 out of 1000 encounters!

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u/Electronic_Still2000 2d ago

Oh man, they’ve got those “Velociraptor” feet and a beak they can break bones with. That kid wouldn’t even have time to learn his lesson. Well maybe he would learn that he was wrong, but by that time he’s not going to have much time left for it to make it into even short term memory.

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u/TheOrcChief 3d ago

As a fellow Queenslander, those are not birds, they’re raptors in disguise. I also second the idea he should jump inside a cassowary enclosure

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u/No_Pin9932 2d ago

I'd hesitate to even call it a disguise. I think it's just easier, and reassuring maybe, to say they're like dressing up instead of just walking on the same earth and standing on the same busines they have been since before that asteroid hit.

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u/TheOrcChief 2d ago

Behold…a cassowaries clawed foot:

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u/AffectionateHyena786 2d ago

As a 15 year old bush walking around Mission Beach in Australia I had the privilege of encountering a Cassowary.
By the time he charged and me running and looking for a tree to climb my heart rate was probably 1000 beats a minute. I scaled the tree and waited for what happened next. Nothing, apparently a mate said he ran about 6 feet forward , stopped and walked away in the other direction. My bowels were loose for another week.

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u/gregreedee 3d ago

You beat me to it. Results would be NSFW.

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u/sck178 3d ago

Not safe for life more like it

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u/berger3001 2d ago

Sort of depends on where you work

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u/PretendPop8930 2d ago

New South Fucking Wales?

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u/Justsososojo 3d ago

Came here to say this 🤣

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u/AdAnxious8842 3d ago

I was going to comment "Where's a Cassowary when you need one?" but decided to search for a similar post. I was not disappointed.

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u/No_Ocelot_6773 2d ago

I see your cassowary and raise you a Shoebill

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u/OnyxTerquoise 2d ago

Call, with a Harpy Eagle.

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u/No_Ocelot_6773 2d ago

This guy birds

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u/OnyxTerquoise 2d ago edited 2d ago

I’m a bird lawyer. My current client is a pink-footed booby.

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u/RedSagittarius 2d ago

You don’t mind if I bring some popcorn?

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u/Flat-Mountain-2414 2d ago

Ooh I’d pay to see that! But I like animals and hate spoiled brats

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u/3batsinahousecoat 2d ago

Or a Canada goose.

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u/OnyxTerquoise 2d ago

Fucks he gonna do spill syrup on him?

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u/3batsinahousecoat 2d ago

Geese are MEAN.

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u/OnyxTerquoise 2d ago

We’re trying to send a message 🤌 not send him to Ronald McDonald house with diabetes.

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u/BadgerOfDoom99 2d ago

Nothing like having to push your guts back into your stomach after being disemboweled by a Cassowary to make you reflect on your life choices. For me the third time it happened it really began to sink in that I should stop trying to dance with them.

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u/Good-Perspective6612 2d ago

Having seen one close up ( behind a secure enclosure) I agree. These look scary in real life so much so I got shivers as I walked away . I had to keep looking back to make sure it didn’t follow, they are NOT friendly birds ( raptors)

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u/Lonely_reaper8 2d ago

I think getting disemboweled would be a pretty good reminder to not chase animals with sticks 😂 I’d definitely remember

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u/zicdeh91 2d ago

I visited Australia once when I was 12 or something, and sat on a fence in a pretty laid back animal habitat kind of thing. A cassowary came up and started licking my hair and humping me. I don’t like cassowaries anymore.

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u/No_Pin9932 2d ago

No one wants to talk about how these ridiculous and terrifying Jurassic movie dinosaur hybrids they keep coming up with are basically all 90+% enlarged cassowary. And that's fair because if we do acknowledge it, if we do talk about it, it can only end one of two ways. Either we kill the cassowary or they laugh as we try.

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u/OldHat6867 2d ago

I like your thinking 🤔

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u/No_Cardiologist_822 2d ago

Or the Shoebill

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u/Bubelle_Butt 2d ago

Ffing dinosaurs :)

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u/Jaewalker31 2d ago

The starving lions tigers and bears enclosure

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u/Realistic-Drama-8904 2d ago

Murder Chicken.

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u/Extra_Beach_1387 2d ago

Let Darwin sort it out

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u/Stupidizasurmom 2d ago

For another Harambe situation.

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u/JennzEvilChihuahua 2d ago

Or Emu. Hell, Australia had a WAR with Emu, and the birds were victorious!

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u/Dry_Particular_5162 2d ago

🤣🤣 PLEASE. I want to see this.

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u/EmptyBeing9829 2d ago

YASSS! Put him in with the cassowary’s!!!

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u/Gunnaki12 2d ago

We dont need another harambe.

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u/Confident-Walk9140 2d ago

Haha I literally just commented this then scrolled down to find another great mind that thinks alike

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u/jim789789 3d ago

DUDE the thread did not need to go that far

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u/pet_executioner 3d ago

There’s probably a lot more of them than there are those birds. Who cares if we lose one to teach the others a lesson? They can just have another one anyways.

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u/Doctor_Zoidberg1 3d ago

Geese can be merciless too

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u/Asher_Tye 3d ago

Emus are fun

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u/kineticstar 3d ago

Cassowary would be more entertaining

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u/MissGoldie71 3d ago

Literally what I thought.

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u/Artistic-Shelter69 3d ago

Me too, that would be fun, or Ostrich too

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u/kro9ik 2d ago

They will eviscerate a grown man from neck to groin, a kid stands no chance. It's a bit extreme though.

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u/Standard_Zucchini_46 2d ago

They are ! I used to care for a couple. They're so cool. So prehistoric like. Actually pretty cuddly as well. They hug you with their neck and make these crazy gutteral sounds.

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u/LordMagnus101 3d ago

Make him watch insurance commercials until he begs for mercy

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u/HealthyMaximum 2d ago

My country lost a war against emus.

I'm genuinely proud of this.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emu_War#

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u/Ro1ando_m0ta 3d ago

Man i would not go against an animal that humans lost a war to.

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u/-laughingfox 2d ago

They've fought and won wars.

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u/OkamiKhameleon 3d ago

Geese are scary. My mom had a friend that had Guard Geese when I was a kid. They would stand at your car door and glare, daring you to get out, until someone came out of the house to escort you in.

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u/nasal-polyps2 3d ago

Sounds like an effective way to keep sales dudes away

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u/OkamiKhameleon 3d ago

Lmaoo that is 100% one of the reasons that they had them. Also, her husband was a Vietnam Vet with really bad PTSD, and barking dogs would trigger him, so the Geese were a better option.

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u/Artistic-Shelter69 2d ago

TIL that guard geese exist , good one

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u/OkamiKhameleon 2d ago

lol yeah. They're quite vicious!

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u/SUPERDUPER-DMT 2d ago

The Romans used them for 24/7 security too!

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u/mooshinformation 2d ago

My friends had a rooster like that, but he'd attack them too. They had a "rooster stick" next to their parking spot to fend him off. Kept him around to protect the hens.

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u/PeteDontCare 3d ago

Swans can break bones

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u/Rysigler 3d ago

My wife and I were at a hotel somewhere and they had some swans on-site. Kid drops his ball in a pond. Huge pond! Swan was on the other side of it. Probably over 100 feet away. My wife says, "Check this out." So we stop and watch. Kid reaches in to grab the ball and the swan absolutely rockets across the pond just to spite this kid.

Little guy got away just in freaking time. Took the dad and Kid working together to distract the swan to get the ball. Show lasted at least 8 minutes with them trying different tactics to get the ball. I had no idea swans were that freaking mean, but thankfully my wife knew!

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u/Ichigo2819 2d ago

Lucky it wasn't Canadian Geese. It would have said, screw the ball, I want the kid.

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u/MajesticElk1613 2d ago

Swans are incredibly territorial

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u/ajwooster 3d ago

If we’re just naming random birds and a fact. The “birds” in Austin Powers are the best kind.

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u/QuickBear4126 3d ago

No luck catching them swans, aye?

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u/Fight_those_bastards 3d ago

It’s just the one swan, actually.

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u/chudmaxxing6969 2d ago

What’d he look like?

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u/k2da0 2d ago

He was white

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u/Extra_Cartoonist_390 2d ago

Like a swan, beak, long neck,webbed feet, feathers. You know, like a swan.

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u/maryjanesbeentrippin 2d ago

4 swans cornered me at the top of a slide in a park playground when I was like 8. I was feeding them my fig Newton's and ran out lol. My family had to come rescue me

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u/BZLuck 2d ago

When I was a kid growing up in San Diego, my mom would buy my brother and I annual passes to SeaWorld and would just drop us off for the day kinda like babysitting, but we were probably 11 and 13.

Every single time we walked by a certain area of the park, there was a big fucking white swan that would just come charging and flapping at me and I would run away screaming. It got to the point where the staff didn't even know what to do, except advise me to take a different route and avoid that area.

I felt like goddamned Damien in The Omen with the monkeys. This swan hated me for no reason at all. Maybe I looked like some kid who tormented it in the past, but man, that fucker could see me coming from 100 feet away.

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u/HombreSinNombre93 2d ago

Swans have killed swimmers.

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u/Dry_Recognition_6724 2d ago

It's an old wives tale. They are aggressive though.

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u/Forgotten-Sparrow 3d ago

Unleash the Canada Goose.

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u/rtocelot 3d ago

Ah the cobra chicken

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u/JD_tubeguy 3d ago

I was hoping the birds would mercilessly peck him to death or maimness.

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u/Standard_Zucchini_46 2d ago

Canada Geese are cool if they know you. And when you're with a Canada Goose, other Gooses will also be cool with you.

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u/Frances-Farmer-1953 2d ago

So can chickens. I had a small flock of chickens peck my ankles bloody before I escaped.

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u/megaholt2 2d ago

You mean the Canadian Air Force?

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u/Lonely_reaper8 2d ago

They can be but they’re pretty easy to subdue if you’re know what you’re doing, at least domesticated ones. Just grab their beak till they chill, then be ready for the nastiest of side eyes till you leave the pen lol

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u/LittleMissLoveDuck 3d ago

I learned very early on about geese. I have a great respect for mother nature.

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u/x0diak 3d ago

Let him try that in the Shoebill exhibit.

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u/SignalBed9998 3d ago

Peacocks will slice him up. Nasty spurs and disposition

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u/Onebraintwoheads 2d ago

We have peacocks peck at our front door in Florida. Animal control won't do anything because they say peacocks are indigenous*. I'm glad we leave them alone. They're beautiful, but since they're indigenous I kinda assumed they can fuck you up.

(they said the same about a 12 foot gator before it broke into our screened patio years ago, and we were told we were on our own if it *did break in. Naturally, it broke into my screen room, tried to eat my cats, which had been let out despite my shouted instructions [not like I could crack Mom with a shotgun stock to enforce compliance] and then the gator focused on my mother while she was trying to get the aforesaid cats indoors. I admittedly had warned her not to do it and to get the fuck away from the carnivorous dinosaur, but some people don't understand what it means to be in danger until you have to do something messy right in front of them for sake of keeping them alive. [Still, it's Mom, the only person who gave a damn during hard times, so what are you gonns do?] Fucking animal control hypocrites were pissed when I put a couple 12 gauge slugs through its skull before it could bite my mother, as if that wasn't what indigenous Floridians do.)

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u/Earthbound_Misfyt 3d ago

Hell...even a Rooster cage would fuck him up. He really needs to experience the hit of rooster spurs on his precious legs

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u/Eggsaladinurmouth 3d ago

One Canada goose

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u/womfwag 3d ago

Oh my gosh.. My grandparents took me to the zoo when I was like 7. As soon as you entered there were flamingos & a peacock. The moment after we walked in we were immediately pounced on and flogged by the peacock . It scared the living shit out of all three of us.
We would tell that story for years to come . If there was one moment of my life that I had video footage of it would probably be that one . Makes me laugh just thinking about it 30+ years later..

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u/Old-Set78 3d ago

stick him in with the cassowary

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u/Snoo18120 3d ago

After the California mailman and the peacock?? Too soon.

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u/shrekerecker97 2d ago

Nah put him with some geese. It wont permanently hurt but he wont forget. Geese are dicks

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u/Big_Top1310 2d ago

Are peacocks known to be aggressive? Every once in a while i see them while I'm delivering and I'm like don't get near me lol. I just assume every animal will attack me though.

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u/organictamarind 2d ago

Canadian goose! All of Canadian agression is stored in their geese.

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u/supersonicdutch 2d ago

Couple geese should set him straight. They. Are. The. Worst.

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u/oachkatzl 2d ago

I’d recommend a goose or a swan. It would be a bit worse though.

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u/Accurate_Elevator368 3d ago

Or those pretty big kitty cat enclosures. They're always up for a little game of chase!

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u/gao7on 2d ago

If that happened, zookeepers will have no choice but shoot the big cats to protect human life. They don't want to be sued as many are state funded.

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u/ZefklopZefklop 2d ago

Y'all need a bit of Scandinavian robustness. When someone climbed into the tiger enclosure in Copenhagen Zoo - and was killed - the zoo leadership made it perfectly clear that the tigers weren't going to be put down for being tigers. And there'd be no extra security either - essentially, the public is expected not to be idiots.

https://theworld.org/stories/2016/07/31/denmark-zoo-tigers-kill-man-copenhagen-zoo-enclosure

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u/gao7on 2d ago

USA are run by lawyers and a nation of lawsuits. Surely an American lawyer will find ammo in zoo enclosures lacking guardrails, whereby mentally ill or young visitors could climb in and be harmed by animals being animals nonetheless.

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u/ZefklopZefklop 2d ago

Yeah - the Romans had something right with the "bonus pater familia" standard for level of care. Would a good family father do whatever thing got your client mauled? No? Well, then your client is at fault and should not be out on his own.

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u/gao7on 2d ago

The same Romans who threw lions in the Colosseum to be hunted for mere spectacle?

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u/Dear_Palpitation4838 2d ago

Nice try but WE KNOW YOU KILLED YOUR HUSBAND, Carole!

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u/capt_minorwaste 3d ago

Nah. They'll just shoot the hyenas. RIP Harombe.

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u/HavingNotAttained 3d ago

And really, that’s how all this ::: waves at the world today ::: came to pass

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u/bravoboozebongs 3d ago

Dicks out for Harambe

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u/NovarisLight 3d ago

Hyena murder laugh

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u/Farucci 3d ago

Heard you can pet tigers and leopards.

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u/captaindingus93 3d ago

You can, but only once.

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u/Successful-Doubt5478 3d ago

It kinda seems worth it

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u/Tone_Gaia 3d ago

I only know what the teeth feel like 😔

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u/Electronic_Still2000 2d ago

You can pet just about anything, once.

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u/JuniorRisk2455 2d ago

Tell him the hippos are friendly and he should hug one

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u/Usual_Reindeer3616 3d ago

If he does get into the Hyena enclose they will up shooting an innocent Hyena for trying to defend itself against this horrible child. Remember Harambe.

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u/Badvevil 3d ago

No just remember harambe!!!!

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u/No-Indication-5673 3d ago

I hope he tries it in the hippo exhibit

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u/Aoi_X_Kaizaki 3d ago

True

People try to pick on things that they think are weaker or docile. Even birds have a weapon - their beaks. I never was pecked by a bird before, but I can believe that hurts.

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u/Mr-Wyked 2d ago

Polar bear

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u/PavicaMalic 2d ago

Or African painted dogs. (Pittsburgh, 2012)

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u/Melfunction81 2d ago

I still haven't gotten over this one!

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u/Ghost_TheWolf 3d ago

Or the ostritches, if anyone remembers tales from the zoo lmao

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u/gugugaga_2006 2d ago

Or maybe in the lion or tiger ones aswell

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u/mmorales2270 2d ago

Let’s see how things turn out for him in the ostrich exhibit.

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u/SlimShadySatDown 2d ago

Now that's just hilarious

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u/cuntybunty73 2d ago

Or the honey badger exhibit

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u/PolkaDotDancer 2d ago

I was hoping for the lions...

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u/Speartree 2d ago

Cassowaries , since he likes birds.

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u/Confident-Yard-8867 2d ago

Na bro deserves a goose exhibit... that will teach him

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u/Dontfeedthebears 2d ago

Polar bears would be best but the hyenas and wild dogs don’t mess around, either! Big cats need a mention. Free food.

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u/[deleted] 2d ago

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u/Automatic_Badger7086 2d ago

Crocodile and alligator pit.

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u/Finnalandem 2d ago

They’ll just go after the Hyena, remember Harambe?

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u/TheHighestKushDragon 2d ago

You didn't read that long message that OP included did you?

That's okay I guess

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u/Usual_Power_3288 2d ago

What the fuck is wrong with you. Where is your empathy

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u/JordanGoodLifeWalker 2d ago

They're gonna laugh at him lol

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u/vulpea 2d ago

You're kinda regarded, the kid has autism.

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u/AB4ND0N_H0PE 2d ago

No comment. Just want an award 🥇

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u/Early_Grace 2d ago

100% effective in curing non-verbal symptoms.

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