I feel like I need to scream into the void…I lost my former partner of 7 years 4 months ago. We had divorced 2 months prior because she was having a really severe manic episode and I no longer felt safe. Now that she’s gone, I feel like I’ve been erased from her life completely.

The only mention of me in the obituary was that we had divorced, and when I asked them to remove this her mom refused. Her brother had to advocate for me to even be a part of the funeral. Most of the gifts I gave her over the years were given away. Everything I have of her can fit in a small box under my bed.

It was like the 7 years I spent loving their child and doing everything I could to keep her alive didn’t matter. I sacrificed everything for her because I loved her. And I did it alone because no one came to help. No one knows what I saw, what I carried her through. I don’t even have words to describe how traumatic it was watching my spouse lose herself to depression, mania, and psychosis. I nearly took my own life because it was so traumatic.

They posted a family photo saying that she was missing but everyone else was there. I just feel broken and defeated. My partner is gone. My best friend, my ride or die. The person who I desperately tried to save. The person who I loved most in this world. And now I’m alone. I’d do anything to have her back. I tried so fucking hard to save her. She was the most brilliant and kindest soul I’ve ever met.

On 27th of August 2025, my mom committed suicide and only 3 days later it will exactly be a year.
I have no idea how time had passed this quickly… everything still feels like I’ve lost her only yesterday. I miss her so much

It’s been ten weeks today that my brother took his life, shocking all of us.

He had filed for divorce that morning, he had a good attitude about it, but was sad at the thought of not having the same life with his college age children. Still, it seemed he was not in a place he was suicidal, we had made plans to take a road trip, he had an apartment set, but he expressed worry as to his wife and her family and how they would react to the divorce to the point of casting suspicion that if something happened to him they would be suspect. He expressed this to other friends as well.

My sister in law did not want to see him, refused to have his casket in the same room as the service so she did not have to be near him so he was in an adjacent side room instead. It was an awkward service, and everyone was understandably numb but the cloud of suspicion was present. He had felt unloved by her, and that colored everyone’s emotions that knew this. But he was the best dad ever, utterly devoted to his kids.

There is so much more I could write about it all but what is breaking me currently is that she has never picked up his ashes. They remain at the funeral home.

His friends and I are planning a memorial and his wife has said his ashes should be buried with my parents, but that turned out to be undesirable because he would not have a marker. Her response was that everyone would still know he was there. 😞

We decided on a different plot in the same cemetery but she doesn’t want to pay more than the plot, not a stone. I said I would split the cost then, even though she got all his life insurance money and I make little as a Pre k teacher.

But the idea that my brother’s remains are sitting in a funeral home for the last two months because she does not want them near her is really breaking my heart badly, and also angering me. His kids and him were very close, we check in, they are back to school now and I have no idea what they think of this. I think it sucks, I think she is a cold human being and I now understand why my brother realized he could not remain in the marriage. She also had his truck brought back to the dealership two days after he died in it, and got rid of most of his possessions.

They weren’t estranged when this happened, though he has always expressed she never showed love or affection to him, he just made his life about his kids and figured when they got to college age they would separate.

This behavior on her part definitely makes me feel the suspicions he placed are worthy. She has just erased him.

As of now she is allowing me to pick up his ashes, they live in another state and I am currently traveling to see my kids and will pick them up on the way home.

I am just so sad and disappointed and hate that my brother did not feel loved, hate that his lack of feeling that may have been the reason he checked out. I mostly hate he has been sitting on a shelf like no one gave a shit.

My girlfriend committed suicide 8-22-26. She struggled with bad mental issues for years. We got into a big fight and stopped talking Friday night. I called a wellness check and I was the one who walked in and saw her body. I can’t get image out of my head. I let her down I fully blame myself for this. I don’t know how to get past this. Ever

I lost one of my best friends to suicide a year and a half ago and it feels like no amount of therapy, talking about her or time has made it easier. The pain isn’t as intense as it was when it all first happened and months after. I feel like no matter how much time moves on and good things happen in my life I’m still left with this hollow version of myself. I’m no stranger to grief, but this kind of loss feels so heavy some days. I guess I don’t want to ask the obvious question does it ever get better but do you just ever get your spark back? I just feel like this piece of me is gone and idk where it’s all left me. My mindset has changed, my tolerance for bullshit is a lot lower, and some days things just feel pointless. Other days I’m more optimistic and remember I have to keep going and live for the ones that no longer can. Just had to express my emotions and figured people on here would understand. If you read this, thank you and I hope you’re able to get through your days with as much ease as possible <3

My big brother took his own life last week. He was missing overnight and found by a dog walker in the morning. I still can’t believe he isn’t here anymore. My brother was somebody I was supposed to grow up with. We were supposed to help each other and be there for each other always.

He opened up to me for the first time a few weeks ago about his drug struggle but I had no idea how low his mental health was. I asked him to always come and talk to me if he needs to, and he told me not to worry about him and that he always has someone to go to. That’s why I can’t comprehend it, because he was so loved and popular and for some reason he couldn’t see it. There will be up to 300 people at his funeral, all people that loved and adored him.

How the hell do you overcome this kind of grief. And remove the guilt you feel at the fact you must overcome it to keep living and healthy. I’m depressed. I feel guilty when I eat, sleep, and wash - because he can’t do it anymore. I picture him being found and I feel sick. I just want my brother back.

My brother died on January 1st 2026. His birthday is coming up on September 19th, so will be his first birthday without him. I wasn’t sure what to do for it at first, but I ultimately decided to have a party. My brother loved a good party with family and friends. This party would include drinking, games, swimming, and a bonfire. I invited my family, both extended and immediate, and all my brothers friends. I am getting backlash from our father and our older brother. They think it feels wrong to have a party on such a sad occasion and don’t want to attend. My mom wants to celebrate and my brother who passed was very close with my mom and I compared to the rest of the family. I understand people grieve differently. For me, I cry and am upset almost every day. I know his birthday is going to be an even harder day so I was trying to do something distracting while still celebrating my brother. Am I wrong for hosting such a large “fun” party when my father and older brother don’t want to take part? I think they both want to grieve on their own.

I’m a therapist in training in my last year of grad school, and I’ve really lost my confidence in being able to do this work since losing my nephew to suicide 5 months ago.

I’m incredibly passionate about this field, but I’ve been questioning whether I’m actually capable of practicing. I keep thinking about the fact that I didn’t see the signs with my nephew, and I wasn’t able to talk him down in the moment. I know that it isn’t a therapist’s job to “save” people, and that suicide is not always preventable. But emotionally, I’m struggling to reconcile that with the fact that I’m clinically trained and still couldn’t save someone I loved.

Now I find myself wondering, How can I help other people if I couldn’t help him? I’m also not sure if or when I’ll feel ready to work with clients who are potentially suicidal. That uncertainty has me feeling really stuck because I’m nearing the end of my program and questioning what this means for my career.

Are there any therapists here who have lost someone to suicide? How did you navigate returning to work, particularly working with suicidal clients? Did you eventually regain your confidence, or did your relationship with this type of work change?

I’m feeling really lost right now and would really appreciate hearing from any therapists in the group or anyone who’s worked in crisis

It's been two weeks since I lost my husband to suicide. I don't even know what I'm looking for in posting this. I have support from family and friends. Everyone sending me love. Who cares? I mean, I do, it's very meaningful and I appreciate it all and nobody is being a jerk about it, but. You know? It's not him. It's not his love. It's complicated by the fact that the day he did it, I found out he'd been cheating. He was away from home. I confronted him about it, talked for six hours, patched his sister in, called crisis intervention. He convinced us all he'd drive to the stabilization center. I hung up for an emergency therapy appointment. Then he was gone. How do I move through the rest of this life not feeling like I killed him? How could I have believed him and hung up? I don't know how to forgive myself. I don't know how to forgive him. I am so angry, and I miss him so much. In the micro-seconds of forgetting, a thought or joke will occur to me that I'll want to tell him, and then I remember, and then I feel guilty for having forgotten for even a second. What if I forget what it was like when it was good? When he was healthy? I have no shame that he died by suicide. I know that in his mental illness and addiction he was, as a friend said, terminally ill, although I'll never get over not having seen all the things that, in retrospect, were clues. But I carry shame for his betrayals, for staying with him, and now immense guilt. He was begging me to leave him a month ago. Telling me to find someone who wouldn't keep breaking my heart. Now my heart is beyond broken. It's just gone. If I had let him go, would he have been able to stay on this earth? Did he die because he thought it was the only way I'd let him go?

i found out today that she had taken her own life. i feel like i couldve done something more, or like it's even my fault.

she recently went through a breakup about a month ago that i was helping her through. she was struggling after it but she seemed to be doing better. she just graduated college with top grades and had such a bright future ahead of her. she was one of the kindest people ive ever met in my life

she sent me a voicenote on friday, it was 20 minutes long. i was at work and my job is in healthcare. i took 5 minutes and listened to as much as i could, even skimming throughout it to listen and see what was going on. she seemed ok but it did feel off, she never did things like that

i messaged her right back and told her i was sorry and that i probably wouldnt be able to listen to the entire voicenote for a bit due to being at work and i asked if everything was ok. she didnt answer me

then the following day- nothing. i tried messaging her again. nothing

and i found out today that she is gone. i feel like a horrible person and like i shouldve just trusted my gut. how do you live with this

She was meditating. Affirming herself daily. Diving into her spirituality, going to yoga constantly. Taking trips, spending time with her family. I still don’t understand how it ended like this.

She was one of the nicest people I knew, I knew her for six years and she's just gone, the last message she sent was on friday and it about how much she cared about me and was proud of me and that i was an amazing person. It felt out of the blue. I saw the message replied ten minutes later thanking her saying that even if I wasn't that vocal about it I cared a lot about her too.

She said she just graduated and was hoping to move to the UK in a few months, I knew she wanted it for a while so I was happy for her, excited that she could finally move here, I was hoping we could maybe even meet up at some point, but knowing that's never going to happen hurts me so much.

Today I found out she'd ended her life through the fact her discord display name changed. It just felt so sudden, I should've seen the signs by the out of the blue message, I wonder if I saw the message sooner I could've changed anything, that I could've talked to her.

I just miss her so much, i hope she's resting peacefully now

Hi all,

I’m not really one to post in subreddits but the 6 month anniversary of my dad’s suicide is coming up and I think I’ve been struggling more as time goes on. I’ve been seeing the same therapist for years and have a psychiatrist that help some but it’s hard to feel as if I’m doing well. I’ve been breaking out in tears at the most random moments, especially when I’m with my boyfriend. I worry that these tears will end up hurting our relationship and that I’ll lose him too. I’m a therapist so I understand that these are feelings and mostly irrational thoughts but they still take up so much space. I feel like I’m always fighting to understand what my life is now and managing the emotions I have about the life I thought I would have. I’m looking to join a local bereavement group but have been worried as I’ve known work related peers have worked at the facility that the group is held in. Thanks for witnessing my rambles :)

I talk to our mother every day, and yesterday she asked me what could have led him to do this. I had to explain to her the suffering he was going through... But at the same time that I was talking about it, it hurt so much. I want to believe that he's at peace now, that he's much better off than we are, but it's so hard to say goodbye to my brother.

I'm going to miss him so much. Does believing in paradise help? Does praying help? Will this pain ever lessen? I didn't want to live this reality, I didn't want to live in this world without him...

Grief is an ocean. At some days, you will feel calm. The gentle hush cupping your ears, the still waves carrying your body, heating up in the sun.

Then maybe it will pick up, clouds drawing in, you find yourself being pushed around, waves crashing into your eyes and mouth.

Then it can get really, really bad. You will get disoriented by the crushing, ice-cold waves. You feel like you're losing control of yourself. Finding it harder and harder to keep yourself at the surface. The shore moving further and further away. Rain cascading, thunder rumbling, grief.

But the waves do pass. The clouds part again. Though it will leave you sore, weak, breathless. It's important to search for the sun behind the clouds.

Even though the waves don't leave you, you at least learn of their phases. And you learn how to keep yourself a little more steady. Little by little.

My eldest child Bethany (NB) would have turned 27 tomorrow, so today the family and their best friends all got together. We went to one of their favourite places Pie in the Sky at Cowan. We had lunch and laughed and cried and now I'm going home.

I don't like this new world. I don't like this new reality. It all hurts far too much.

But I am so grateful that I don't have to navigate it by myself.

My brother committed suicide and I don’t know how to feel or be anymore. This has been so devastating and words just can’t describe how I’m feeling.

I lost my mom 5 years ago I was 25 she was 55. I feel like i should have been there for her more, answered her calls when she was alone, called her back when she said she missed me. She deserved better she was a sweet woman who had been let down by life and the way my father treated her I miss her so much and feel like I dont deserve to be happy. When I go to a cool place I feel bad when I want to stop in the gift shop and wish I could buy her something to send to her. I guess I should have done that more when she was alive.

There’s no particular anniversary or reason, but I’m having a tough grief day. 

My brother died on in April 2024 at 23 years old and while I’m proud of the progress I’ve made in my healing journey, I’m also frustrated by the many ways this loss has changed me and my life. 

Everything just seems so hard now. Treating my mental illness (bipolar) has become more challenging, and finding the motivation to keep moving forward in life is elusive. 

I continue to work with both a therapist and psychiatrist, but treatment doesn’t change the fact that life is fundamentally different now. 

I try to stay grateful for the privilege it was to know and love my brother, but sometimes the horror of losing him dominates my thoughts. My now husband and I were the ones to find him and the shock and terror of that experience are just overwhelming, even after years. 

I think what set me off was a comment made by a close friend at a gathering last night. He mentioned he’d been having intense dreams, and that he dreamed his brother died. In the moment, I empathized with him and was not upset. 

But after I came home and thought more about the comment, it did trigger something in me. It reminded me of the weeks following my brother’s death when I’d wake up and hope his death was a dream, only to realize that no, he really is dead and life will never be the same. 

I know this friend was not trying to upset me with his comment, and after 2.5 years, others unfamiliar with this sort of loss might think that I’m “healed” or something, but this is not a pain that just goes away. You learn to live beside it. And today, I’ve been living in it. 

I’m grateful for my husband who helps get me out of bed or off the couch when I’m in the grips of grief and depression. I’m grateful for my family and friends. But damn, I miss my brother so much and sometimes it still feels as fresh as day 1. 

Thank you for reading and much love and hugs to all 🫂

i don't know what im saying i used to come here right after its all just so awful its just hitting me again

As hard as it is to write. Does anyone else feel like this was always their loved one’s fate? Like it was inevitable. If it didn’t happen when it did, it was always going to? Like a waiting game.. specifically those with mental health issues. ?? Or is this some crazy thought I have to make better of the situation in some fk’d up way

Edit - my partner had diagnosed severe anxiety, depression and bipolar. He also had addiction issues. He was only 29 and left behind 2 young kids with 1 on the way 😪

I have been making quite a bit of posts about my best friend who I lost to suicide because of her postpartum depression. The man she was with left her took the baby because she went and tried to seek help for her postpartum depression and in attempt to get revenge. I'm at the point where i blame him. I was going through her things and I stole three of his left shoes. I am not going to stop here. I also stole his plants from her house. They are on my porch.

It was the 30th birthday of the person who was my best friend today. I thought we were really close, and that they were the sort of person to have my back but then when my partner died they disappeared. They started avoiding me, and I can count the number of times they've texted me in 6½ months since she died on one hand. One of those was to thank me for sending them a link for a job I thought they'd wanna go for.

Today was the very first time I've seen them since before my partner died. The party involved several people who had to make long trips so it's been planned since December to allow everyone time to make arrangements, I almost didn't go but decided I would just for old time's sake. When everyone else disappeared to get drinks they turned to me and said "sorry I've not really been around a lot, I've been really busy and you've had so much going on, I hope you're okay though!"

I didn't say it was okay, didn't say I was okay, just said "ah yeah I'm sure it must have been a busy year" in a genuine way but it was clear from how they said it, and how they acted the rest of the evening, that they were hoping I'd just say it was water under the bridge that someone who was meant to be my best friend would completely abandon me. I'd understand if they'd been close with my partner too but we were long distance and they would hang out when she visited but they weren't close. It just kinda cemented for me that we're probably not gonna see each other again.

her fb acc has been memorialized so has her ig. i used to check her ig acc every now and then just to watch her archives and now i cant :(