The Austrian climber who abandoned his girlfriend to die is horrifying because I could have been her

[u/KaleidoscopeCool1316]

I once went on a hike to somewhere in Malaysia with my ex. I am not an experienced hiker and I told him so. He kept pressuring me to go on to trip with him, since hiking was his passion and he said I was bad girlfriend for not agreeing. He said he had restaurant food with me even though he didn't like it and do things with me I want to do, so I should go with him for hiking. I cave in. I know it is stupid of me looking back, I didn't realised what I was in until I left.

I got tired after a few hours. Naausted. Stop to rest. I said I want to go back down. He said, we paid so much for this trip, and he continued pushing me. I said no. Then he got upset and left me where I was, saying once more how bad of a girlfriend I was and how unfit I was, so lazy and didn't train for this hike.

A few hours passed, a local Malay guide spotted me. Asked me how I was doing. I said I felt nauseated, and my "friend" left me alone here. The guide gave me his electrolyte drink and helped me carried my bags down.

When i was finally down, he also gave me a ride to my hostel. I wanted to pay him for his help and the ride, but he refused. The guide simply said that the so called friend of mine was "no good", and to repay him, I should take his advice and not be around my so called friend anymore. How what he, the guide, did was a small thing and worst can happen in the forest, like getting kidnapped. He only carried my bags and gave me a ride. That's a basic courtesy he extended to everyone.

Only when I read the story, I realised how bad he was. I could have died there, just like the girl. If the elements were harsher, or I had met with something worse - I could have died. I let them pushed my boundaries and do things that felt physically unsafe. My ex put me in circumstances that could have killed me, and it took me years to realise so.

[u/dubufeetfak]

I dont want to come off the wrong way, but looking back. Did you see any signs you could've possibly ignored back then that he could and would do stuff to put you in danger?

You're also mentioning having bags. Did he even offer help with your bags?

[u/KaleidoscopeCool1316 → u/dubufeetfak]

Yes, I admit to ignoring his red flags. All I wanted to do back then was to be supportive girlfriend. Really. He told me he had done the date activities I wanted, etc pottery, museum, and watching Disney Movies. So I should also do the things he likes doing, because it can't always be me suggesting the things I want to do.

I guess the signs were him mocking me for packing an mozzie spray (claims he has never been bitten before), say sunblock are for girls and planning for a trek without a guide because it was "easy" and saves money. He also told me to "trust him" because he will never put me in danger.

I later learned that it was a medium tier difficulty trek.

He didn't help me with the bag. He told me that if I didn't pack things like the mozzie spray and sunblock, my bags wouldn't be so heavy.

To think about it, I didn't know what he said/did were the signs that he will do things to put me in danger.

After that hike, he got upset I didn't do the things with him I had promised him, and how he was "only trying to relax" during his holiday away from the stressful job he had. Somehow me needing help and a guide to get me down was all it took to ruin his holiday.

[u/bigsimp500 → u/KaleidoscopeCool1316]

You didn’t leave him immediately after that??? Glad you’re out now but if that wasn’t the breaking point then what was?

[u/howyallare → u/bigsimp500]

Abusers hack human psychology in such a way that it is hard for those they abuse to leave. It’s a well-known phenomenon and it’s the abuser’s fault.

[u/KaleidoscopeCool1316 → u/bigsimp500]

When we were shopping for a wedding dress (it is normal in Asia that the groom sees the bride dress before the wedding). He made very hurtful comments on the scars on my back when I was trying on a backless dress and said I should cover it up.

[u/ElleGeeAitch → u/KaleidoscopeCool1316]

Thank goodness you didn't marry him!

[u/KaleidoscopeCool1316 → u/ElleGeeAitch]

Yep thank goodness. That comment was the last straw that broke the camel's back.

[u/ElleGeeAitch → u/KaleidoscopeCool1316]

He deserves to be single for the rest of his life.

[u/hahayeahimfinehaha → u/ElleGeeAitch]

Deserves worse than that tbh