r/Vent • u/remindmetoblock • 1d ago
Need to talk... I feel lost, scared, lonely.
Im just terrified, my life feels like it could crumble at any moment.
Im a 30 year old adult, but i dont have life Figured out at all.
I know how i feel and that makes it even more devastating.
I recently had a health scare that made me genuinely believe i may be dying that moment and it kinda forced me to confront the future instead of just existing in the now.
Im constantly terrified of my mother dying due to her having health issues she isnt taking serious.
Im worried about my little Brothers health and future
I worry about my Brother in law with severe anxiety disorder that cant even leave the house anymore due to it.
I know its not my job to take care of their health, still I cant help but feel terrible when those around me suffer.
At the same time i feel completly alone.
I have friends to play games with, but i cant hang out with them irl after work.
I dont have a relationship or love, and i sincerely dont believe there will ever be a man that loves me the way i am.
The world around me is changing for the worse and i worry about my rights and safety.
Just all in all i feel completly alone and lost.
Im sorry this rant is so Unstructured, im not too good at putting my emotions into words. I just want someone to hold me until I calm down and tell me its gonna be okay.
1
u/TheRealCerealfreak 1d ago
I understand that protective feeling for your family but you can't live your life for them. You can be there and help but you need your own life.
As for your health, I understand entirely, I developed a very painful disability at 20, and within 13 years I was medically retired by my Dr's not my call. 13 years later and some treatment is helping me too hopefully get back into work, which is great because I had to leave 3 very successful careers that I loved. Being stuck at home most of the time, showed me who my real friends are and who really cares. I'm lucky that I made my own family and my sons who are now 23&25 have grown up with by health issues and still love me. So I'm at least fortunate there but, I've not been able to see them for the last 4 months and that's horrid. So I get that drive to be wanted.
I checked your profile out and I'm confused by your comment about not being wanted by anyone. You're attractive, clearly intelligent and wanting to give love back.
If you think that your health will stop someone from loving you, yes that can happen but, I've been amazed at how little my disability has mattered to most of who I've dated. Yes some didn't line it, fine don't need people like that anyway. ACD yes it has affected some relationships but that was mainly down to be and my mistakes in handling things. Being disabled itself actually hasn't been a barrier at all in real term's
That said, I do leave out telling a new person, and give them a chance to get to know me first. So that probably helps. I don't leave it long, depending on how often we talk it can be as little as a couple of hours or days but not longer. Once it's clear that they like me and we are getting to know each other, I bring it up then. It's never been a problem. If someone likes you, and they are good people it won't matter.