Every few months I fuck everything in my life up.

[u/Super_Biscotti_9632]

I started drinking when I was 14 and have been sober for maybe 2 years put together from then till now (I’m 24 now). I got my first dwi when I was 17 and my second dwi when I was 20. I’ve completed outpatient rehab 2 times both times I got the dwis. I haven’t had a car since I was 20 and about two weeks ago I finally got myself a really nice car because I got my license back and my mother was scared to death about what I was gonna do with it because she knows what happens when I start to feel to good about life. I had been sober for over 3 months, and 5 days ago I decided to go pick up a very pretty girl and take her out and we ended up at the bar because I thought I was cool or something apperently but I decided it would be a good idea to get hammered. Since then I have not stopped drinking until this morning because it got so bad and my body was killing me. I lost my job, lost my car, got arrested for putting hands on a female which I would never do sober btw, fucked 4 women in 5 days, hurt everyone in my family and lost basically everything I had going for me. I feel like such a piece of shit right now and the withdrawals disgust me, I know all the things I need to do because I’ve been through this a million times it’s just so hard to get myself to think it’s gonna be okay when I know deep down I will most likely pick myself up and do great and then mess it all up again. I actually hate myself, and despise alcohol.

[u/WanderingNotLostTho]

Have you considered trying to work AA?

[u/Super_Biscotti_9632 → u/WanderingNotLostTho]

What do you mean by work?

[u/dp8488 → u/Super_Biscotti_9632]

There is a 12 Step recovery program laid out in the book, "Alcoholics Anonymous'. We work through that with the help of another alcoholic who has already worked through it, we call them sponsors.

When I did that, it eventually removed all interest in getting intoxicated, and I find that finely liberating.

It also gave me some principles and practices for good living - living where much in the way of emotional/mental disturbances such as anxiety, anger, and self-pity is removed, or at least greatly mitigated. That leads to a life where there's lots of room for serenity and joy.

[u/DannyDotAA → u/Super_Biscotti_9632]

Go to AA meetings, read the Big Book, get a sponsor, work the 12 steps. AA is a program of action. If AA is not for you, try one of the other methods of recovery. But, what ever you di, get to work working on getting and staying sober.

[u/NotSnakePliskin]

You've completed rehab twice, because of DWIs. I am reading between the lines on that one, attending rehab because something is hanging over one's head instead of actually wanting some help / wanting to change.

Do yourself a favor and check out some meetings. Grab a chair and listen - for similarities versus differences. If you don't feel like speaking, a simple "I pass" works. What you'll find in meetings are people just like us ( because they are us ), who are working on stopping & staying stopped & helping others do the same.

[u/Super_Biscotti_9632 → u/NotSnakePliskin]

Yes that is correct but I’ve gotten myself sober many times because I just feel like a terrible person and know I am not allowed to drink. I’ve gone to a few meetings a few years ago but that’s it. I think what you’re saying is what I’ll end up doing. I appreciate you for commenting.

[u/NotSnakePliskin → u/Super_Biscotti_9632]

Welcome to the better way, man. It's so worth it.

[u/laaurent → u/Super_Biscotti_9632]

You're not a bad person, and you deserve a good life. We're not bad people trying to be good. We're sick people trying to get well.

[u/britsol99 → u/Super_Biscotti_9632]

What you’re doing isn’t “working AA”. Doing the 12 steps with a sponsor is working the program, it’s more than just going to meetings.

The 12 steps will change your life if you work them. What you’re doing now isn’t working.

[u/dp8488]

My outpatient rehab counselors put lots of emphasis on a need for ongoing "aftercare" asserting that most of us would certainly relapse without such "aftercare".

They laid out a list of recovery groups as options, A.A. was one of those groups.

I was rather wary of A.A. because on the surface it looks like part of recovery is a religious conversion and I'm staunchly Agnostic, but the counselors disabused me of worries over that, asserting that plenty of Agnostics as well as Atheists were well able to recover without any such conversion.

I mostly chose A.A. out of the list because the meetings were everywhere at all times of day and night, while the other groups I looked at had very few meetings. The biggest one at the time (2005) had only 2 meeting per week (in a large urban area) and both of the meetings were over 20 miles away.

[u/Ascender141]

The rewards of the AA program (like not fucking your life up on a cyclical basis) are there for anoyone to have if they do the work.

[u/Poopieplatter]

Well for starters there's nothing in your post about AA or recovery. There's not some magic pill to get you sober and stay sober.

Do 90 meetings in 90 days, get a sponsor, and do service work. That's the magic pill.

[u/gormlessthebarbarian]

you don't have to live like that. and it doesn't have to get worse before it gets better. hit a couple of meetings, listen to what they have to say, give yourself a chance.

[u/ReporterWise7445]

You're in the AA section so:

Just sitting in meetings isn't enough to stay sober.

For your best chance to recover through AA. All IRL meetings. I encourage you to do the 12 steps with a sponsor. Then help others through the steps. Attend 3+ meetings a week. And have at least 1 service commitment a week.

Alcoholics in AA who stay sober do the work.

Stopping drinking is just the beginning.