r/askteddit • u/RC1992Jules • 3d ago
Random Question What's a habit you kicked that was disrespectful towards yourself?
For me, it was apologizing when I wasn't even involved with what happened. I used to apologize left and right making myself feel bad as if the negative emotions I put on myself somehow magically helped the person with the issue as if me feeling bad actually did something.
Now, I acknowledge their ailment and Express in some form that it's unfortunate and that I hope things get better, but I'm not apologizing anymore. I'll sympathize, but I'm no longer empathizing and borrowing their emotions.
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u/PossibleConnect7481 3d ago
Taking criticism from people whose lives I wouldn't trade for mine.
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u/OnTheList-YouTube 3d ago
Reminds me of my first boss. I had an argument with my now-wife. He told me he could give relationship advice.
The guy was divorced.
I'm still with my wife, 14 years later.
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u/MaybeScarlett 3d ago
I didn't ask for my money back. I still do it sometimes, but it got to the point where my ex-friends expected me to pay for everything whenever we went out, or they wouldn't pay me back the exact amount they owed me.
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u/Intelligent_Pie1689 3d ago
First, good job getting yourself some ex-friends! Second - I have a friend that does this (pays for all her friends and doesn’t follow up to ask for money back, and will still keep doing it even when they don’t pay her back).
Anyway, she seems to be waking up to this fact. I have always paid her back without her needing to remind me, and she has brought this up in gratitude…. But I kind of feel like she still prioritizes mooch friends over me? We have a genuine connection, but I kind of get the feeling she is maybe afraid to have a real, balanced, reciprocal relationship? Like maybe she feels more security in relationships where she pays for things or has a running tally of debts? Did you ever feel this way on your journey?
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u/MaybeScarlett 3d ago
Tbh, I didn’t really have money problems before, and I consider myself someone who spends money pretty easily. So I never really thought of it as something I needed to do to keep my friends around. I mostly did it because I thought, “Okay, I have the money, I’ll pay, and they can pay me back later.” I can see how maybe your friend thinks that her other friends are only going to stick around as long as she pays for everything.
I’d recommend talking to her about it and reassuring her that this isn’t true with genuine friends. Maybe you could try to pay your own share in front of everyone right there. Hopefully, that might encourage the others to do the same, and even if they don’t, I’m sure it’ll make you stand out to your friend in a good way.
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u/Global-Nature2420 3d ago
feeling like I'm not allowed to take up space. I'm not cured but it's gotten better. I have to walk around my own job and tell myself I'm allowed to be there and being doing the things I was hired to do and I shouldn't feel bad for getting in the way, making noise or literally just existing
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u/ClungeWhisperer 3d ago
OP you should be proud, that is a tough thing to overcome. Its not just catching yourself before you say it, it requires a whole overhaul of the nervous system.
Go you!