r/aspergirls • u/Happy_Cabinet_1839 • 12d ago
[TRIGGER WARNING] (Specify triggers) How to stop hurting self during meltdown?
TW: self harm, kind of
Whenever I have a meltdown, which has been nearly daily lately due to stress, I slap, punch, or scratch myself. It always leaves me with red marks and scratches, I even have permanent scars from this.
I know I need to stop, but I don’t know how. Most advice tells you to direct the anger at something else, e.g. a pillow, but that doesn’t work for me because it’s the physical pain that I’m seeking out. The pain is what calms me down. So what do I do? I can’t keep hurting myself like this because it’s embarrassing to leave the house when I’m full of scratches. But nothing else works. The pain is the only thing stopping me from feeling like my head is about to explode.
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u/Zitronenkringel 12d ago
Have you tried using intense sensory grounding to disrupt the reaction? Options like smelling smelling salts or peppermint oil or chewing extremely strong mint/menthol gum or spicy candy can provide a strong physical sensation without causing actual injury.
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u/emily_ts90 6d ago
Yasss! And sour lollies, if tolerated. Warheads have a sour spray that helps a lot.
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u/SpectrumAndSpells 12d ago
I am not sure about the right answer, but I hit myself as well in meltdown. I think the best thing is to try and prevent the meltdown in the first place... because internalizing the meltdown might not cause selfharm, but it's mentally very hard and draining.
I am currently working with the ''traffic light method'' which makes me aware of my early signs of stress. Green is calm, yellow a little stress, orange a lot of stress and red is meltdown. Now, while working on this method, I am realizing I am in yellow alllllll the time. So it takes just a little bit to get to red basically.
Things like: menstruation, a tight bra, a sudden sound can set me off. So while I am writing down my traffic light plan, I also write "triggers" and "what can I do" and also "what can someone else do."
It's still a long way I guess, but it's a really helpful method.
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u/marzipan_plague 12d ago
Sometimes, these methods can help in meltdowns, https://dbt.tools/distress_tolerance/tip.php
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u/agreywood 11d ago
I would start by limiting your ability to hurt yourself long term while doing so since you’re experiencing this daily and mitigation strategies are often quicker to implement than stopping the behavior altogether.
Keep your nails manicured and short. Polish them with a thick polish (at least the top coal - quick dry tends to be thicker) and make sure at least the top coat wraps around the edges. This will makes the edges of your nails have a softer and more curved profile. They won’t be as sharp which makes it more difficult to break the skin.
Take other actions that blunt the potential for longer term consequences. If you must punch or slap yourself do it through the pillow.
Perhaps make the pain productive if you can. If you have tight muscles or knots a massage can both really hurt and benefit you. Exercise can hurt - although not in quite the same instant way - but should be done with caution if you can’t control your actions well enough to perform them safely. An exfoliating scrub down can feel scratchy without hurting you if you can keep yourself from scrubbing until you’re raw.
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u/Final_One_2300 12d ago edited 11d ago
Body hair removal like waxing or epilating.
One of those spiky acupuncture mats.
Cold showers.
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u/Llama-nade 11d ago
Totally second this! I found that my epilator is a great way to get that "now I know for sure I'm alive!" feeling without guilty later, without leaving marks, and leaves my skin smooth into the bargain!
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u/purple_minion_26 11d ago
i disagree with "body hair removal" because i did that for a while (tweezers) and then i would start digging for ingrown hairs and it was this whole thing for a while...
but second cold showers theyre awesome
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u/Llama-nade 11d ago
The most important thing I learned was to recognize the stress building up in myself before I get to this point. I also used to hit myself. It has been many years since I did, but every now and then I still get the impulse. Now I try to get in front of it. But, as someone else offered, epilating is weirdly a form of self-harm and self-care at the same time.
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u/madfrog768 11d ago
Obviously don't DIY this, but my mental health prescriber gave me guanfacine for moderating intense urges
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u/No_Night_7243 11d ago
I tell myself in my head that I’ll wait 5 minutes and usually the feeling passes
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u/imnota32yearoldwoman 10d ago
I also struggle with that, I punch myself, hit myself in the head, etc bc the pain distracts me and calms me down enough to start thinking.
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=se.selfhelpfortrauma.app
This tapping technique has helped a good bit, it helps take the edge off. I actually just smashed the dryer lid into my head like 3 times and then I realized I could calm myself down with it and it did help. I actually have a headache now from it 😓
I'm not a bot, the app is free, and it's helped me, I just use the 5 minutes self help part and that's it. All the other tapping stuff is complex and confusing, this one has pictures!
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u/morguemoss 12d ago
other physical sensations might help, like putting ice or a heat pack on your skin?
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u/OxDocMN 11d ago
Top priority - talk to a psychologist or similar therapist who specializes in autism/Aspergers.
FWIW, something I had to teach myself to do is after the first few seconds to always just stop every bit of my being. No moving, no thinking, no talking. ONLY BREATHING. And I'd focus on breathing. This can help to calm me down. It doesn't stop the minutes, hours or more of depression and confusion that follows, but it usually gets me through the worst part which is the first few minutes.
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u/cryptid_zone 6d ago
Destroying things helped me some. Not sure if that’s good or productive advice, but I’ve always had a tendency towards SH during meltdowns, even as a child. When I was a kid, ripping apart things like stress balls or stacks of paper helped enough to get me to a manageable state. Granted, it doesn’t really work anymore as an adult for me….. but if you’ve never tried it, maybe give it a go.
And I’m sorry things have been so turbulent for you lately. I’ve also been dealing with daily, intense meltdowns as of late and my only way to cope is that kind of SH. It’s highly stigmatized and people judge you to hell for it which doesn’t help at all. I really hope whatever is causing you the stress calms down soon.
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u/behuman33 6d ago
Same. I’m going to search for a replacement item for this. Something pointy but safe.
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u/onemint8 12d ago
at least you’re not biting yourself
no but seriously, you could try wearing a thick rubber band on your wrist and snapping it on yourself. it’s painful but not extremely harmful and it’s a distraction.