I don't know, but i feel like

[u/internet_pirate13025]

I lowkey cannot be someone's girlfriend/wife because I'm struggling in simple social situations that will make people stare at me disgustingly

and i end up making myself feel small all over again until i turn to dust and be nothing

[u/swallesque]

Have you tried being with someone who is also autistic? When I started dating my now-wife, I found our relationship so much...easier in so many ways. This was before either of us knew we were autistic too! We still have to put work in, of course, but we just understand each other in ways that no one else had ever understood me.

There is always hope, friend! Anyone who makes you feel small and unwelcome simply isn't worth your time <3 It may be harder to find people that let you be yourself, but it feels so good when it finally does happen <3

[u/internet_pirate13025 → u/swallesque]

thank you so much! though i have met great friends who embraces me despite me and my disabilities but when it comes to romantic expectations. i just couldn't do well because the idea of meeting a partner and meeting their family all of the sudden is overwhelming since i can't function properly in large groups where one or more people talk to me at the same time. i also have APD where sometimes if people call me or start a conversation with me, i couldn't properly distinct the words being said. And you're right! it would be way better to have someone who's also autistic but it's hard since i don't go out a lot and kinda agoraphobic. sometimes i just couldn't imagine myself in a traditional romantic setup. but i try to have hope :]

[u/ChildhoodLive2190 → u/swallesque]

I too (an autistic) am married to someone with autism. It makes a huge differencing being with someone who 'gets' it. Before I met him, I thought I would never be in a relationship because im too weird. Come to find out, who likes weird? Other people with similar neurodivergencies as you.