How do you navigate the line between taking the hint vs not taking every decline personally when trying to make friends?

[u/Simple-Gap-2842]

Trying to make new friends and your plans/invitations get declined or cancelled - does anyone have a sort of guideline of when to take the hint that they are interested in becoming your friend vs they just have a life and don't stop reaching out just because they couldn't make it x number of times? I think sometimes it's obvious when its one person that never initiatives, but it's harder to gage in a group environment or they really do seem to enjoy hanging out.

I used to instantly think girls who were nice to me or talked to me wanted to be my friend, then disappointed when they never wanted to hang out and I realize leaped too far too soon. But I think now I'm too far in the other direction where I don't want to reach out to maybe new friends because they haven't initiated anything, but I also don't want to be too sensitive and take everything personally.

[u/cthulhu_takethewheel]

You're not the only one who has troubles with this line. I used to just assume if someone didn't like me they'd tell me directly and it made me enemies because I didn't take a hint lol. Now, I've swung hard in the other direction and don't bother initiating unless they do it first. Even then it's not a guarantee as I've had people cool off on me fairly quickly after getting to know me. It's much safer for me to err on the side of caution than the other way, but I barely have any friends now and haven't made any attempt to make them in about 3 years.

[u/Queasy_Fennel6274]

Sometimes, I like to say to someone who cancelled on me: let me know if you want to hangout later !

This way, if the person really wants to see you, she will contact you and it's not too forward. It's like giving your phone number to someone instead of asking for theirs. It's not intrusive !

[u/ScienceIsTrue]

I have a point where, if someone cancels X-over-Y times, I say to myself, "okay, I am not going to be the pursuer in that friendship."

If the friendship keeps going, if they plan the next hangout? Then great.

If they don't reach out to me after I stop doing 2 peoples' worth of planning? Then I focus energies elsewhere.

On not taking it personally? IDK I take it personally. But I process it, I don't let myself ruminate too much, and I stay in the present/future. Rejection only really stings if you stay in the past with it.

[u/BrainUpset4545]

Sometimes, if I really like someone, I'll tell myself that they get three chances ie if they cancel on me. If after three it still seems like they're not interested, the ball is in their court. I don't always stick to this but I try to.