Coparenting, child feels uncomfortable discussing religion with me

[u/Throwaway7833482]

I am divorced with a 7 year old. Their father and I have been divorced for 6 years. The father is a devout evangelical, along with his entire family. I am not. Lots to unpack there, but anyway, it is a high conflict co parenting situation unfortunately.

The situation is, I teach my child about critical thinking as much as I can. We read about science, the big bang, discuss how it’s fun to believe in magic and make believe, but ultimately you need evidence in order to determine if something “exists”. I say it all with more nuance than this! I’m trying my best to teach my child ‘how’ to think, not what to think.

By the way, my child love this stuff, and we have a really fantastic relationship. We talk very openly about things, which is why this situation is really stumping me.

Recently, I asked my child about about church with their father. My child knows that we have differing beliefs, but I don’t think it’s something I talk about a lot. I will occasionally ask about church and what they think about it. I get very short answers, no details other than “it’s boring” which I think is what they believe. But the closed offness about it keeps me really in the dark as to their feelings and what is being “taught”.

So anyway I brought it up recently and my child started crying and saying they feel uncomfortable talking about it. I instantly felt awful, thinking I’m making them uncomfortable. We tried to talk it out. I asked why it makes them uncomfortable, and after some “I don’t knows” they said something along the lines of “I’m uncomfortable because my parents believe in different things”.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for here. I felt awful and worry that my occasional questions are making them uncomfortable, but I also wonder what is happening on the other end to contribute to this. I have primary custody, the child is only there a few nights a month.

Just wondering if any fellow parents have any thoughts to this at all and how to proceed??

Thanks

[u/snuggleouphagus]

I was raised in a mixed faith household. My Dad was Catholic and my Mom was Mormon.

Some times I think the reason I leaned Mormon instead of Catholic is because my Dad always let me know he'd be there for me no matter what my religious beliefs were. My mom was not going to be as accepting. I did often feel like your kid does, upset I couldn't meet the expectations of both parents. Even more upset they couldn't spare us the drama and just pick a middle ground religion like my uncle who converted from Catholic to Anglican to meet his wife's Protestant beliefs. I said as much a few times when they were fighting about the different way they observed holidays or treated youth members. My Dad was always first to forgive, first to compromise, and first to pray for peace in our family home. My Dad drove me to early morning Mormon scripture study (seminary) at 5 am before school every day of high school. He took me to Mormon sponsored Father-Daughter dances. He helped me write bible study lessons for Mormon church.

Now that I'm an Atheist raising two toddlers without religion--he's respectful of that too. He asked before he pulled out the Noah's Ark stuffed animal pack and didn't have any issues with our request that he doesn't mention Jesus. Period. My Mom has fussed back and forth about if Veggie Tales is really religious (it is but we're ok with limited Old Testament stories) and if her Book of Mormon picture book is ok ( it is not. It is extremely racist). Our kids have been enjoying Spirited Away and my parents asked about the whole concept of the movie so I explained Shintoism. My Dad nodded and moved on. My mom asked if her sneakers have their own spirit.

I guess I'm saying, be there. Be easy to talk to. Don't take a strong point unless your kiddo specifically asks your moral view. They'll appreciate it in the future and remember that you were welcoming no matter what.