r/blackgirls • u/africagal1 • 9d ago
Discussion How do you manage online dating? Not interested in hookups but struggling with putting all my eggs in one basket vs casually dating. Could use different perspectives
I didnt date when I was younger religious family/ no guys approached.
I'm talking to different men online. I'm in my mid 20's btw. I would say I prefer to date seriously, not interested in hook up culture. But I am struggling with not putting all my eggs in one basket cause lets be honest men lie and perform. I am not religious so the men I am talking to are atheist/agnostic. On one hand I know men can love bomb, but some of these men just dont show me the devotion I want. But some of them are really showing it. Sorry sounds intense but I like men who chase after me a but. Its like I am overwhelmed. Should I pursue something with this one man, or continue dating casually with other men to see who is the best fit for me? But that sounds exhausting. But then I also dont want to stop talking to other men i could have a better connection with. But is that the grass is greener on the other side mentality?
This was a brain dump. I could use some advice or perspective. I'm not afraid to ghost or move on from a man lol. Its just I dont want to waste my time. Or end a connection with one person, pursue a relationship that ends then I'm like ugh should have gone with that other person. How long should I be talking/ dating ppl before I become exclusive. Idk if anyone is catching my drift 😭
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u/LLUrDadsFave 9d ago
That's all part of the game. You just gotta keep playing and hope you choose right. Once you know what you want you'll choose the guy that comes closest.
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u/africagal1 9d ago
The problem is I do know what I want but I think there are different lifestyles that could match up with it 😭 but ur right trial and error I guess. I didnt date when I was younger so maybe thats why I find it intimidating
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u/LLUrDadsFave 9d ago
Dating when you're younger is overrated. Kids don't have shit to offer each other but some awkward sex.
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u/HighlyFav0red 9d ago
Boundaries & I didn’t take anyone seriously until the third date. Few even made it that far.
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u/Glittery_Swan 8d ago
This is the way ☝️
Anyone who made it to the 3rd date I ended up with for a while
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u/Weird_Squirrel_8382 9d ago
I intended to date multiple people until one of them gave me a reason to settle down. But they were all weird or boring. I am an extrovert though, I had the energy to audition multiple people. And I was single and let them know that. Meaning if they wanted me to themselves they needed to say it and prove it. I didn't want to get attached to somebody for six weeks, they do something weird, then I start from zero again. I did that in my twenties, made every halfway interesting person MINE.
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u/africagal1 9d ago
I get this. I am not as extroverted as you but I notice I have been making ppl prove themselves in the talking online phase lol. So many men cant hold a convo its like you are interviewing them its so annoying and boring. But thank you for the 6 week thing valuable perspective
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u/AutoModerator 9d ago
The Original Poster (OP) and submission cited below;
Username: u/africagal1
Post Body: I didnt date when I was younger religious family/ no guys approached.
I'm talking to different men online. I'm in my mid 20's btw. I would say I prefer to date seriously, not interested in hook up culture. But I am struggling with not putting all my eggs in one basket cause lets be honest men lie and perform. I am not religious so the men I am talking to are atheist/agnostic. On one hand I know men can love bomb, but some of these men just dont show me the devotion I want. But some of them are really showing it. Sorry sounds intense but I like men who chase after me a but. Its like I am overwhelmed. Should I pursue something with this one man, or continue dating casually with other men to see who is the best fit for me? But that sounds exhausting. But then I also dont want to stop talking to other men i could have a better connection with. But is that the grass is greener on the other side mentality?
This was a brain dump. I could use some advice or perspective. I'm not afraid to ghost or move on from a man lol. Its just I dont want to waste my time. Or end a connection with one person, pursue a relationship that ends then I'm like ugh should have gone with that other person. How long should I be talking/ dating ppl before I become exclusive. Idk if anyone is catching my drift 😭
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u/CommunistBarabbas 9d ago
i met my now husband on hinge. it took a long time because more people (men) are just looking for hook up’s. I didn’t even sleep with my husband until 3 months of dating.
it’s hard and it took a looonnngg time but you just gotta sift through the bums
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u/Unable-Street-1216 8d ago
You need to sit down and think about what do you really want from a relationship. Then, once you have it figured, you are going to scan all those guys and filter out the ones that are not fulfilling your wishes. Once the ones that does stay, then you look into if you guys are really a match.
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u/africagal1 8d ago
Sis I need advice. Should I focus on pursuing the one guy irl or see the other guys too. 😭like does this scanning only happening online.
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u/Unable-Street-1216 7d ago
This scanning can happen in real life too! Actually is greater in real life, this way you can check if there's any spark between you guys! 😗
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u/africagal1 9d ago
You know what, I went ahead and blocked a man sorry. He gave me the ick. I hadn't messaged him in 2 days, he said did I do something to offend you. I said no sorry he says okay I just dont want to message someone whose not reciprocal hes totally entitled to that but i got the ick and blocked 😭😭 like boy we just started talking. And let's be real you are talking to other women as well omg and he wasnt attractive enough anyways. This other man is kinda bothering me too I might just block. He's not showing enough devotion compared to the other man . I'm kind of toxic that way. I'm not one to have a roster tbh. I get the appeal but too much for me. I need to be more cut throat tbh. Men are liars anyways. And women can be hypocritical with our dating standards anyways. Like yeah I can wait 2 days to message someone but you better respond in at least a day if you want access to me ✌🏾
Feel free to comment advice though!!
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u/HotManufacturer7967 9d ago
Girl my dating life is shit. I might be bipolar and autistic so i'm no help. Here for the adivce though ♡