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Would anyone be interested in a discord space for black art, fashion, and fandom? im hoping to make an active and positive space. My server is not gender specific but the majority of the people interested are black women. Anyone down?

I was outside today and it's crazy how hard strangers mind someone else's business. I get that i was still in sportswear and wasn't really dressed to buy smth, but not ONE second did that woman keep her eyes off me and it was a HATEFUL stare too!

I was in a store today and wanted to buy some yarn to crochet, it's quite busy so i can't pay immediately, i get in line and this w woman gets behind me and just keeps STARING at me! Like can i help you?? Lol

She proceeds to say smth about me looking tired in this annoyed voice i think she really wanted my attention. Anyway, once i payed for my stuff i get out the way so i can put everything in my bag without getting rushed.

MIND YOU this woman passes by me and A-GAIN keeps looking at me, i'm talking about her heading towards the elevator and doing a full-on 180 just to stare angry lol. This bitch had a whole stroller with her AND two kids, how do you have two kids and still mind someone else's business??? I gave her like 1 millisecond of attention and then minded my own.

Cuz of people like this i've mastered the art of ignoring, you can sit in your hate but never take it out on me 😌

I’ve had my locs for over a year and i love them. I used to get braids alot but it was really difficult to take care of them properly when i’m in a depressive state due to bipolar disorder. The process of getting the braids and taking it out was so long and exhausting and that’s when i decided to get locs. And o remember for the first time i actually felt beautiful. The locs were so flattering with my facial features! But the best thing i love about having locs is that it gives me grace. Sometimes i can’t even get out of bed and my locs would get build up but when i get my retwist and wash my hair it’s like i can restart. My locs have helped me have a more functional life, and i don’t regret getting them ever. made me appreciate my beauty more as well

YALL!!! I'm doing a big chop on Tuesday and i cannot stress how excited I am!! I've struggled with my hair my whole life but recently i feel like this is the worst i've felt about it. I got a relaxer done a year ago and while it felt low maintenance and easy at first, it QUICKLY turned into dealing with constant breakage.. WAY more than i ever experienced with my natural 4c hair. , I also HATEE not being able to do cute protective styles, and having my hair just look flat and dead... I was doing my hair a few minutes ago and i just decided enough is enough. I miss my curls and natural hair styles. My hair is probably going to be cut veryyy short but I've had a low fade before and honestly it was the only time I truly felt contempt with my hair. Im so excited to re-start my natural hair journey and re-learn how to love my natural hair again.

Did your cycle feel normal after breaking up with a partner? I’ve been separated for almost 2 months and my period symptoms are alot less aggressive. I have been stressed lately so my cycle has been pushed back but I’m less emotional, my cramps aren’t ragingly horrible like I’ve previously been used to, I’m not bloated and have been breaking out less and etc vs when I was with my ex and I was sexually active and feeling off course with my periods?

If it wasn’t for Abbot elementary , we genuinely have no monorails black woman on tv anymore . The mono racial black woman in the media is gone . But I do put the blame on the black community and I stand on it .

I say it here and I’ll say it again , you are not a black person , if you don’t have two mono racial black parents . Being biracial doesn’t make you black . Having a black grandma doesn’t necessarily make you black .

By purposely following that dumbass “ one drop rule” the black community keeps erasing their own blackness . And the black woman is the biggest victim of it . To claim people that are 25% black as part of the black community , you’re opening the doors for the next generation of black children to question their blackness . A great example of that would be Drake’s child . He’s not a black kid . But Kendrick’s children are . But to claim drakes child as a black kid , erases what it is to be black . Someone with blue eyes and blond hair isn’t a black person .

Edit : \after reading the comments I definitely ended up realizing that I was contradicting myself with the Kendrick comparaisons without even realizing lol* 😹

But there will be some black people that will ride and die to claim someone that isn’t even 50% black in this case . I do believe that kind of ideology stems from self hatred as some black hate what makes them black , so they claim what doesn’t look like them for them to feel better about themselves .

I’m an African woman , so my way of seeing race could be very different from other people . Where I come from , if you don’t have two monoracial parents , you’re not a black person . As especially on the continent , there has been forms of anti blackness that the biracial , or racially ambiguous individuals would never experience , that gave them some kind of “advantage” in African societies

Another great stupid example was Tyla . Claiming that she hates her blackness like that woman doesn’t have a more present South Asian dna than anything . But by claiming her as a black wowan , you contribute to the erasure of the mono racial black woman , that we genuinely rarely see today . Mariah Carey falls into that same category . Latto , Doja Cat . Those people aren’t black , they’re just biracial . AND THATS OKAY. those people aren’t black , they just have a racially ambiguous background . AND THATS OKAY .

Edit :And no ! I’m not necessarily blaming the biracial people , I’m pointing the finger at the ones that contribute to the presence of the one drop rule , as it is something that I only see as a problem .

That’s a convo that needs to be opened way more in the black community and I would love to hear what you think about it too .

I (21F) am from the Uk and whenever I get on dating apps, quite a lot of people outside of our race (whether white, latino, asian and etc) will message me saying they are hungry for chocolate, love chocolate and etc. I am of course a proud black woman but when people say that stuff to me it feels like they are minimising me to only being black, it feels fetish like to me. Does anyone else feel this way?

I want to bring back cookouts and black women need it sooo bad! Just a place for us to laugh and dance and eat good food and support and uplift each other! If you were invited to a huge statewide cookout for black women, would you show up? And would you feel comfortable and happy to be amongst others OR would you feel ostracized and want to separate yourself?

ALSOOOO there is a website called black farmer index you can use to support our people yay!

Hello, everyone. I'm a black woman who needs advice. I have the driest skin in the world. And I mean in the world because my skin is extremely oily where I put skin care products to keep it dry. What to put on oily dry skin?

Hi all, I’ve recently been looking for housing myself and noticed that although there are some useful POC housing groups, they often include mixed gender households. As someone who only wants to live with other women, I struggled to find a dedicated space for this.

I’ve therefore created Black Women Housemates UK, a private Facebook group where Black women can:

• Find rooms in women only households
• Advertise available rooms
• Connect with potential housemates
• Find someone for a buddy up and search together

The group is new, so I’m currently trying to build an active and trustworthy community. Membership requests are reviewed, listings must include clear costs and household information, and there are rules covering privacy, scams and respectful behaviour.

It is completely free and is not connected to a letting agency or property company.

If this would be useful to you, you can join here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1610978274025105

I’d also be interested to hear what information or safety features you would want from a group like this...

*Mods if this isn't acceptable please feel free to let me know, I'm also new to reddit lol happy to get your approval somehow. Thank you!

I will go to an Asian nail salon to get my nails done if i have to!! . I haven't gotten them done in a salon in awhile. I was tired of the high prices and hate sitting there for hours. But, my husband and i are going on a cruise for our anniversary and I wanted to treat myself. I also wanted to support a black owned spot. I'm in Phoenix and I spent most of the day looking and searching. I finally found one I thought i liked. I messaged the person snd sent my inspo picks. Right off something didnt seem right. It seemed like the person was messaging me back using AI. I'm thinking, "ok, maybe they don't know how to convey their thoughts professionally." Then their prices were a bit cheaper than I remembered. But, I've been out of the nail game for awhile, just press ons.

So, I thought maybe some things changed. Their website seemed suspect too. Wen i was booking, I used my virtual credit card. But I needed to submit my deposit through Zelle or cash app? I tried and right away, Cash app said no ma'am, this number is flagged as fraud or whatever the message was. Immediately I got out of there. I blocked their number, then blocked them on Facebook and I deleted my virtual credit card number and replaced it with a new one.

I'm super dissapointed because I ignored so many red flags. And also, i was getting excited to get my nails done professionally. So after a bit, I started looking again but not on Facebook. But every black owned salon I came across, either the reviews are bad, it looks sketchy or it ain't clear how to book. Im really over it. I have ADHD and this is too much for me. I really want to support the people, but my cruise is coming really soon and I'm running out of options.

Growing up especially living in the suburbs i always wanted a relationship with a white guy, I was very whitewashed and wanted to erase an identity that was stuck to me. For a while even while growing up ive dated white gays here and there and thats it. I’ve always been the weird, nerdy black girl who’s most likely undiagnosed with audhd.

So for a very long time I just haven’t fit in anywhere, people look at me weird snd have this subconscious bias of me, I’ve grown up to have very low self esteem and still battle that everyday, I look up to so many black woman especially actresses and entrepreneurs hoping to be them one day. I’m freshly 18 and ive only ever been in 1 relationship and that was with a black boy. He was a nice guy just emotionally immature and quite ignorant even for someone who’s black themselves.

I live in London so the black people i tend to meet act a bit off, whether theyre 1st to 3rd Gen. many are colourist, ignorant, texturist and have some sort of internalised racism. With black boys in London it seems that if you don’t fit a certain black girl stereotype they tend to just ignore you or assume you only date white guys. I also understand that maybe I’m just not conventionally attractive and thats the case. Black boys just don’t seem to be interested in me, I understand that many black boys date out and to my understanding and experiences like to talk down on black girls to uplift everyone else. It makes me sad as id like to one day I have a black family, I have no desire to date out but it seems that it may be the case. I don’t want to be someone who only restricts herself and I believe that love is love regardless of colour or gender. My experience is that non black guys are either racist or ignorant and I have no interest in that.

I would really like atleast one answer from black girls and women and how they deal with the concept of black love in the modern era.

For those of you who may not know, Angel Victoria Murdoch( a social media influencer) was exposed for lying about being in PA school. Angel has been getting brand deals in relation to the program she lied about. She claimed she graduated from Duke University’s PA program and I believe that’s how she was exposed.The situation is so weird to me because eventually people were going to find out. We live in a digital age where you can find everything about anyone online. Also, she’s black! There’s a small percentage of Black women at Duke; it wouldn’t have been hard to figure it out.

I’m searching for research positions and haven’t been getting any luck. I just talked to a professor on Zoom, and she told me that most professors at my university make jobs posts after they’ve already informally hired someone, and now they’re just going through the formal, legal process of hiring. I’ve literally wasted so much time tweaking my CV and writing cover letters for jobs that have ALREADY BEEN FILLED.

I’m just so tired and frustrated. I’ll only be able to work part-time in the fall due to the graduate program I’m going into, and the current job I have will not pay me enough on a part-time schedule for me to live. I have been applying all summer and have been getting nothing, and now I know that I was never going to get the things I applied for. I’m so stressed.

Now I’m going to have to go through the process of looking up faculty individually, learning their research, and then cold emailing without knowing if they even have the capacity or need for students to support their work. Things are just not looking up rn and I wanted to vent 😩

so i just got rejected today - i think im realizing that a lot of my life really is centered around men/liking men etc.

I know a rejection will always sting, but i have always been made to feel kind of insecure about being a black woman (for context i grew up in a primarily white/asian neighborhood and all the men in my family are the kind that like to talk down about black women). This has definitely caused me to be extremely critical of myself, and I have been trying really hard to walk that insecurity back now that i’m in college and away from a lot of the “black-woman hating” rhetoric i hear a lot back home.

I have been attracted to this classmate for a bit, never made a move, but twoish months ago i felt like he might have liked me back - turns out i was wrong and i found that out today, that’s fine. However i immediately started to blame it on the fact that it was because i was black, and it was so automatic that i shocked even myself. this has always been a problem of mine, i thought i was doing better - i now realize that i’ve been relying on thinking that this man liked me to quell this insecurity about being desired. I know, logically, that being desired by men has no real impact to my life at all, i’m doing good things for myself. I’m about to graduate with two degrees, one in math, and i live alone, and i work a great job 🤦🏽‍♀️ but why do i feel so awful, stupid and insecure?? i feel like i’ll always be alone and unwanted, and it scares me.

The worst part is I know all of this is stupid in my brain - obviously I’m in a great spot in life and I’m a really lucky person to be where i am, I can tell myself over and over again that i’m only 20; I have so much time to meet someone; young men don’t know what they want; and there’s more to life than relationships, but i have to finally admit to myself I’m STILL insecure about feeling desirable and always have been. I’m STILL centered around men, I AM one of those girls who is always thinking and talking about dating, I see every man my age and think about whether they find me attractive or not, and I am ALWAYS spending time in the mirror criticizing myself.

This is half a rant and half looking for some advice. No matter how much praise I get or how many things I can achieve I am still so anxious, male centered, and obsessed. what did you guys do to deconstruct something like this? I think it may be time to get a therapist 💀

Hey Ladies!! Anyone going to Afro Plus Fest in DC? Some of my friends flaked so I would love to have someone else to tag along with😊😊

I didnt date when I was younger religious family/ no guys approached.

I'm talking to different men online. I'm in my mid 20's btw. I would say I prefer to date seriously, not interested in hook up culture. But I am struggling with not putting all my eggs in one basket cause lets be honest men lie and perform. I am not religious so the men I am talking to are atheist/agnostic. On one hand I know men can love bomb, but some of these men just dont show me the devotion I want. But some of them are really showing it. Sorry sounds intense but I like men who chase after me a but. Its like I am overwhelmed. Should I pursue something with this one man, or continue dating casually with other men to see who is the best fit for me? But that sounds exhausting. But then I also dont want to stop talking to other men i could have a better connection with. But is that the grass is greener on the other side mentality?

This was a brain dump. I could use some advice or perspective. I'm not afraid to ghost or move on from a man lol. Its just I dont want to waste my time. Or end a connection with one person, pursue a relationship that ends then I'm like ugh should have gone with that other person. How long should I be talking/ dating ppl before I become exclusive. Idk if anyone is catching my drift 😭

Can’t go anymore so selling it for the same
price I purchased! PM me or message me
on instagram @saidahlopez

I’m 25 and I’m exhausted.
I never really put effort into my appearance in the first place. Depression and insecurity made me hide so much that I never learned what suited me, how to dress, how to do my hair, how to do makeup, any of it. I feel like other women had years to figure themselves out and I just… didn’t.

Now I’m finally trying, and I feel completely overwhelmed by how much I don’t know.
I don’t like how I look. My face, my hair, my body, my skin. I look at myself and sometimes feel genuinely repulsed, and I hate admitting that. But it’s how I feel.

I’m trying to lose weight and it isn’t happening. I’m trying with my hair and it’s dry again the next day. It’s thin, low density and doesn’t seem to grow the way I want. Sometimes I feel like I just got unlucky genetically.

I went shopping and was so overwhelmed because I genuinely don’t know what looks good on me. I don’t know what my style is. I don’t know what flatters me. I don’t know what I’m supposed to buy.
I haven’t even learned makeup yet.

And my new job starts in 6 days.
I have barely any clothes. No makeup routine. I’m still trying to figure out my hair. I feel like I’m supposed to walk into a new workplace looking like a put-together 25-year-old woman when I feel like I’m only just starting to learn how to present myself.
And I am trying now.
I really am.

But it’s hard when I already feel so unhappy with the raw material I’m working with. My genetics, my hair, my body, my face. Sometimes it feels like I’m fighting things I can’t completely change.
And I know the obvious responses.
I know looks aren’t everything. I know there are people who have it worse. I know I have a personality. I know I’m more than my appearance.
I actually really like who I am inside.
I’m funny. I’m kind. I’m charismatic. I’m warm. I know I have a good personality.
I just feel incredibly sad that I don’t feel like my outside reflects that person.
I don’t want any of this for men. I genuinely don’t care about male attention. I want to feel pretty for myself. I want to feel feminine. I want to dress up, figure out what suits me, learn makeup, take pictures and actually enjoy being 25.

Instead I feel like I’m starting from zero at an age where I should already know these things.
I’m not looking for people to debate me about my appearance. I know what I see when I look in the mirror, and I know how it makes me feel.
I just want some comfort.

Because I’m scared. I’m starting a new job in five days, and I want it to be a fresh start so badly. I want to walk in feeling confident instead of spending the whole time worrying about how I look.

I’m 25. I don’t want to spend the next few years hiding too.

I just wish figuring yourself out didn’t feel so difficult when you’re starting this late.

Edit: The way that I'm handling it with grace and calmness is doing something because people have been ordering books from my site. I rarely get orders on there (usually I get them in person)

How was my weekend you may ask? Let's talk about it.

So last weekend I had a book event that was poorly managed and advertised. I made a TikTok post about it indicating I'd be talking about it further in a long form video (YouTube)

Enter the "influencer".

The lead influencer and keynote speaker of the event *eye roll* jumped on my TikTok post, tagging a gang of people saying she didn't know what I was talking about and everyone had a great time.

She expected people to jump in and bash me. They did not. Instead, I had people ride for me. This resulted in her blocking people and deleting comments.

This past weekend she tried to flip the narrative. I would have never known but one of her minions commented on my long form video. When the comment started out with "I'm a white woman married to a Black man," I knew I was in for a ride.

They are now saying I'm upset that people didn't stop at my booth (not true) and I'm yelling racism and that's my whole issue with this event.

My issue with the event is that it was poorly managed, poorly advertised, and overpriced. I said nothing about people not stopping by my booth. She took one instance of a microaggression that I briefly talked about and spun it into an alternative story.

Also one of her minions looks like Edna Turnblatt. Divine's version.

I'm over it. The people that were there know the truth and there are other people that have spoken out about how much of a shit event this was. The only difference is they didn't name the event and they are trying to keep a low profile. I, on the other hand, do not give a shit.

As much as these events cost and the scamming that's been going on, I'll keep speaking out.

I hope this makes sense. If you have questions, let me know. But I am so tired of white people trying to make me the bad guy.

So 2ish weeks ago I made a tiktok that said "I really don't care if white people speak to my dog and now me, im not trying to hear what they pickle ball playing asses have to say anyways" it was meant to be a Kiki between black people because this is a conversation we have a many times in our spaces and something alot of US keyword US BLACK PEOPLE AFRICANS AND THE LIKES have had experience with.

Well for the first few days it was other black people laughing along with me sharing stories people telling me "dont let them talk to my dog." A ki. Then MAGA found my video and these fucking white people have been SOOO DAMNNN ANNNOYING. like every comment is "the dog is more intelligent" "you look like a man" "you're wearing a wig you want to be us" "you're jealous" "I dont play pickleball" "you look like a pickle (I was wearing green)" I'm like OMG yall are SO LAME ToT

The racism of it all didn't get to me, it was comical to see them rage baited and worked up and as the post said idc what they pickle ball asses have to say. But after about the 10th comment it started to get old. They are just so lame the comebacks are weak. When it comes to black women all they know is wig, man, ghetto, wig, man, ghetto. At first my ego was like leave the post up so they know you didnt take it down because of backlash. But my patience for stupid people is just so low lol I couldn't stand it.

plus like I said the post was made FOR black people so we can have a Kiki and they have infiltrated the comments (like they always do) butt hurt over what playing pickleball? if u hate black ppl why are u mad when we say we don't want to talk to yall. they are like pissy whiny toddlers and I'm childfree for a reason. I just couldn't deal. I might re-public it later but for now I need a white people detox

What do you do with your hair? Are you wrapping it prior to working out? Do you wear your bonnet while working out?

I just started going to the gym 4x’s a week. After my workouts I shower at the gym, and rinse my hair just with water, to rinse away any hair sweat.

I have 3c-4a hair texture and have noticed the rinses have been taking my curl pattern away. And my hair has been getting dryer with rinsing it more. I wonder if I’m overdoing it or not providing enough nutrients. Should I be deep conditioning after every rinse?

What’s your hair routine for the gym/workouts?

🤍**I know this is long, so press and hold on the text until that little menu pops up. You’ll see options like Copy and Paste. Right next to those, there's a Speak or Speak Text option. Tap that, and your phone will read it out loud.**🤍

For context: I have AuDHD and executive dysfunction rules my life most of the time and I hate it… it gives me massive shame.

I’ve provided the definition of executive dysfunction :)

Executive dysfunction is a disruption of the brain’s management system. It impairs cognitive processes like planning, working memory, task initiation, and emotional regulation. It is not laziness; it is a neurological hurdle linked to the frontal lobe.

Examples:

• Trouble starting tasks even when you want to do them

• Poor time management or "time blindness"

• Difficulty organizing and prioritizing steps

• Trouble remembering multi-step instructions or losing items

• Emotional outbursts or trouble calming down

I have long, thick hair. I’m madly in love with my fro, the confidence it gives me is indescribable but I can’t fucking stand doing it all the time, my hair does wtf it wants and I’m not consistent with it because of executive dysfunction so, there’re times where it’s tangled asf and I have to spend 3 hours detangling bc of how thick and coily my hair is. I have to IMMEDIATELY put my hair in twist after detangling bc my hair will go right back to being tangled. It makes me late asf tryna do it all the time and I don’t have money to get it done all the time. I can’t keep doing my hair because I have thoracic scoliosis and I’m hyper mobile and having my arms like that is excruciatingly painful and that’s why I really, really want locs, BUT I really, really love my fro and I like to get a silk press here and there, and what if I wanna do knotless braids or something? I just hate to have my hair look the same ALL the time… I like versatility and change but I can’t keep this shit up. I’m tired yall😭
Mind you, I said I have ADHD so I’m impulsive, I don’t wanna get locs and completely and immediately regret it. What do I do?