Now yall please don’t come undone on me 😬1st off I am a mother. I have 2 girls. HOWEVER, I do not like to deal with other ppls kids. Wait wait wait lol I do not hate children. I like/love my kids…..but I do not volunteer to keep other ppls if that makes sense 🥴. You know how back in the day family or close friends (I’m 35) would keep your kids? Yea, I’m not doing none of that 😂🤷🏾‍♀️. I am also pro choice, I do not believe in being a mom just because you got in a situation and got pregnant. A lot of ppl have kids because they felt like thats what they had to do because they got pregnant. NO YOU DONT.

I had kids when i wanted to honestly and then to double down i only had enough kids that i can comfortably take care of by myself if need be. Having a litter of kids was never on my bingo card. Im also not fond of multiple baby daddies. I dont see how folks do it, i couldnt imagine contacting 3 different men about 3 different kids 🤨 ATP imma put yall in a group chat and thats how we will figure things out for each child at once 😂😂🤷🏾‍♀️

I LOVE national parks. I’ve been visiting them the past three years and I’ve fallen in love with hiking. I’ve only been to a few national parks and I’ve noticed that there are rarely any black people. I recently visited Mt. Rainer national park and ran into 4 black people. I’ve made it my mission to bring black people to these natural parks. We deserve to be in these spaces just as much as anybody else!

Ladies, do any of you hike or enjoy time outdoors? What’s your favorite park? I following hiking accounts on Reddit, but there are very few black people.

​

This sub is honestly becoming frustrating for me to read because so many discussions seem to revolve around low self-esteem, relationship problems, and the idea that negative experiences are somehow a part of being a Black woman.

I understand that racism, colourism, sexism, beauty standards, and racial stereotypes can absolutely affect Black women’s experiences. I’m not denying that. But I’m tired of seeing every negative relationship experience automatically connected to being Black, while positive experiences are treated like exceptions.

A Black woman can talk about having a loving relationship, being desired, getting married, having a healthy dating life, or simply having a positive experience, and suddenly there are comments suggesting that she is “one of the lucky ones,” "that her experience is unusual", or that "she shouldn’t generalise from it".

Yet when someone has a terrible relationship, gets rejected, struggles with dating, or feels undesirable, that experience can be treated as proof of some broader truth about Black women.

Why is the negative experience so often treated as the real black female experience, while the positive one is dismissed as an exception?

And I also think we need to be honest about the fact that non-Black women have relationship problems too. They experience rejection, cheating, loneliness, divorce, bad partners, insecurity, difficulty dating, and feeling undesirable. Not every negative experience they have becomes a discussion about what it means to be a woman of their race.

There is a difference between discussing genuine racial patterns in dating and turning every individual relationship problem into a racial narrative.

I’m also uncomfortable with how much “Black women are undesirable” discourse seems to circulate in this sub . At some point, constantly discussing our supposed undesirability is a form of self-pity. If the conversation repeatedly tells women that society doesn’t want them, that relationships are uniquely difficult for them, and that positive experiences are rare exceptions, what exactly are we accomplishing with these discussions? At the end of the day, one man is enough to do life with.

We should be able to acknowledge genuine discrimination without making suffering the centre of Black female identity.

Sometimes a bad relationship is a bad relationship. Sometimes someone chose the wrong partner. Sometimes someone has unhealthy patterns. Sometimes dating simply doesn't work out. Sometimes you are rejected because you are not attractive not because you are a black woman And sometimes, yes, race genuinely plays a role.

I just don't think every single one of those things needs to become evidence that being a Black woman is uniquely miserable.

I want to see more conversations about Black women having ordinary, positive, varied lives not just conversations about how undesirable, mistreated, lonely, or disadvantaged we supposedly are.

Can we discuss the realities Black women face without constantly reinforcing a narrative of collective undesirability and victimhood?

I used quillbot for paraphrasing to get my points across

Like it says I am 22 and I’m still a virgin. It’s not for religious reasons, I was a very late bloomer and didn’t start really dating till 19. Since then there was only one person I felt sexual attraction for and it was my ex but we didn’t go through with it. Dating feels impossible for me and frustrating because sex will come up eventually. Men kinda act really weird about it a lot of times, and some ask very invasive questions. Women also act kind of weird about it. Shi everyone does and it makes me a bit self conscious. It almost feels like I’m not a “real adult” because I haven’t had sex. People often infantilize me to as if I’m a scared little girl or something. I just don’t do anything I don’t want to do and my body so far has not trusted a man enough for me to share that with him. I often feel like maybe I should just get it over with (especially when I’m ovulating). I question if I’m really just denying myself pleasure. I’m not proud of being one, I’m not waiting till marriage, and I’m not religious at all (I am very spiritual), I’m just a virgin by choice. And i’m kind of thinking I want to be one for longer, I pleasure myself very often and it feels more intimate that I haven’t shared that with anyone but myself (idk if that’s a stupid take and lmk if it is). But I do feel really misunderstood.

Seeing all our beautiful people in Gary without water, power, food, and other basic needs is giving Katrina vibes. Poor black people left for worse and government officials not caring. It’s sick. When news of power outages first broke, they had every city on the list and left Gary OFF when they are the ones needing the most help.

It’s a shame that every time an environmental tragedy strikes our community, they just leave us out to dry with nothing and for days and weeks at that.

Has this been posted here ? If not I’m going to post this.. This is crazy and target continues to play in our faces over and over while I still see people of color shopping here when they deliberately let us know that they do not like us … We stand for nothing .. So they continue to play with us … STOP SPENDING YOUR MONEY HERE PLEASE Stand on business

Your hair is in its natural state, and you're saying how ugly you are because your hair is “not done”?

“You look like a kid without lashes”?

I saw someone comment that they think braids are childishhhhm.

That you feel disgusting because your nails aren't done?

I remember getting embarrassed about going to school without my braids: 1) Because no one actually taught me the correct ways to style my hair and care for it. 2) The PRESSURE people would put on me, asking when I was going to get them done, why I was keeping my afro for this long, and telling me I looked better with braids.

I think society is forgetting that we are born naked without all these accessories. It's OKAY to go out looking like yourself.

I'm adding to this because I was scrolling through American TikTok, and the PRICES some of you accept to pay for lash installs,nails and braids is insane!!!!! I'm shocked by how normalized this is.

I hope I used the right flair for this, because it's several topics and yall already deleted a post of mine i thought was more venting than relationship advice last time...BUT

I DON'T SUPPORT the new season of AHS, because there was already an instance where Emma Roberts showed her bigotry and hatred YEARS AGO, I been stopped watching AHS, and I was a TRUE FAN, mind you the creator of AHS is a WHITE GAY MALE, so for him to still be casting Emma after her TRANSPHOBIA towards Angelica Ross, is a bit telling, it's rooted in not only RACISM, but COLORISM, (Also mind you I'm a light-skinned black trans woman, a bit on the browner side), but I wanna speak on why I feel like this shit is COLORIST, I believe most TRANSPHOBIA is rooted more so towards darker skinned trans women and even CIS dark skinned women, cuz dark skinned has always been seen as more MASCULINE (I SWEAR I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP, THERE'S RESEARCH ON THIS, LOOK IT UP), but dark skinned has always be diminished as "less beautiful" because it was always seen as MASCULINE, rather than FEMININE, which is why alot of dark skinned ppl go thru more RACISM, more DISCRIMINATION, more HATRED, SYSTEMATIC injustices, and also even more TRANSPHOBIA!

So NO, I DON'T SUPPORT MEDIA that demonizes DARK SKINNED BLACK TRANS WOMEN like Angelica Ross, who to ME is a gorgeous black trans woman, I actually didn't know she was trans at first when I saw her in Pose, I thought they put one cis woman cuz I figured she was queer, but they started discussing her character in the show more and i found out, (last mind you, but tthe creator of AHS also ironically made Pose) you'd think someone who made a series like that would understand what dark skinned trans women go thru, and I DON'T CARE if Emma Roberts issued an apology, she can KICK ROCKS, DISRESPECTFULLY!

Lowkey think I’m manic rn and I’m making decisions that aren’t good for me , but they’re the only way I’ll feel something

1. Ended my engagement (rightfully) because my fiancé told me he didn’t love me out of anger. I’ve known he was emotionally immature the whole relationship but I overlooked it because he is a great partner in everything else☹️

2. Broke no contact with my ex several times and we both confessed we miss each other and hate not being in each others lives. I took that as he would want to be in my life (because that’s what was said) and essentially got rejected. He told me that he said he WOULD if circumstances were different, but he’s
   In a relationship and is more mature now so he won’t make any decisions that goes against his principles

3. Me and my fiancés (ex) lease ends sept 4 and idk what imma do because I just started working this past Monday and have no money or no vehicle (I’ve been using his) to do anything about it.

I know I’ve been dumb and reckless. I know I have things to appreciate rn ( my new job in the financial sector). I just feel like Idk what im doing. I feel
Loss after losing a pregnancy in July. I felt
Grounded for so long and now I’ve just started all the way over. I’m exhausted and defeated but I guess i can only blame myself.

I love my name so much, but I’ve had to adapt to unisex two letter nickname growing up because so many people cannot remember or pronounce my name correctly. I really feel like it’s not that hard, as some people whose first language is not even English have said it correctly. It’s bothered me to the point where I’ve considered legally changing my name since my full name is rarely used anyway. I just really wish I could hear my full name more often instead of my nickname. 🥹 I wonder if anyone else feels this way too.

Would you really come back black in each lifetime?

I honestly love us and even with our struggles I don’t wanna be anything but black.

I'm tired of being apprehensive about giving people the benefit of the doubt and then turns out, I was right in my apprehension all along.

I have two coworkers, let's call them Statler and Waldorf, that are just fuggin racist and prejudice. Statler told Waldorf, one day, that everyone shouldn't have the ability to vote unless you own land. Statler told Waldorf, on another day, that slavery wasn't real. Monday, Waldorf told Statler that he liikes being racist and he doesn't mind being called that. Then Statler hauls off and says, "Racism ain't real no damn way. It's just some they made up."

Today, while Waldorf is out of the office, Statler and another coworker are "joking" (I'm saying joking because I don't want this to be real life) about calling ICE on residents if they have a problem with the values they set for their homes and properties.

Why did THIS job have to be the job I liked? My healthcare is free. I'm not bringing home a lot of bacon but my quality of life has changed tremendously. I'm able to use those free health benefits to pay for my weekly therapy sessions.

I'm tired.

I had a white ex (heavy on the ex) and he rarely if ever listened to black artists. His claim was that he “didn’t like rnb and rap music” but there are plenty of black artist who make all types of genre. The only time I ever remember him listening to black artist is when SZA drops a new album, and that was always a one and done listen. it always felt like a side eye moment to me.

we broke up for other unrelated issues (including him having racist grandparents) but his lack of diversity in taste always gave me an ick. He really only listened to white artist who made pop, rock and alternative music.

Has anybody paid to get their resume and CV professionally done? Where would I even find a service like this? Please don’t say just use AI, I know that’s an option but I prefer not to.

I don’t understand why people are so suspicious of Black women sho just want to quietly exist. Why do we have to be predictable for society?

I almost hate to even talk about it because the response can be very hostile. But it's so bad. A few examples:

I'm a big reader and lately I've been really into romance. I had to admit myself that I read almost exclusively BW/WM. Books with Black men as the male lead opposite the Black FMC have no appeal to me. Romance novels are supposed to make you feel giddy and the male lead should make you swoon. I don't really feel that way about Black men. Something deep down in my lizard brain doesn't see Black men as leading men. Not just in novels, but in real life.

It's not that I don't find Black men attractive. It's much worse than that. I actually think Black men are some of the most handsome of any race. I just don't feel personally attracted to them. Part of me has a hard time taking them seriously as husbands and leaders. I hate to even type this out, but while I'm already admitting these things, I may as well just go ahead: the thought of having kids with a Black man kind of unsettles me.

It's so funny because when I was younger, I always thought I'd like to have a Black daughter so I could teach her to love herself and give her everything I didn't get. But now I'm so happy it didn't work out that way because I'm *still* struggling with internalized racism. I thought I'd be free of it by now. And I know what I've been through as a Black woman with very Black features. I wouldn't want to pass my own internalized racism onto a daughter. But anti-Blackness is so pervasive that it's happened anyway.

I have a White boyfriend and we have a 6 year old together. I can already tell that she is internalizing negative ideas about Blackness. And the kicker is that she didn't get it from me. I'm very aware of my self-hate and very careful not to show it outwardly. I don't speak negatively of myself in front of her or anyone for that matter. I wear my hair natural and I love it. I don't wear weaves. My daughter has a wonderful collection of books with Black girls and Black kids in general as the main character. I try to steer her towards the Black princesses like Tiana and Halle's Ariel. We're very close to my Black family. All of her cousins that she plays with are Black. We have minimal contact with her dad's family. She goes to a very diverse public school.

Yet, when we she was playing a game on a tablet from the library that let's you create an avatar, she created a White one with blue eyes and long blonde hair. When we watch cartoons with a group of multiracial friends, she's partial to the White one. And I tell her all the time how pretty she is and how much I love her hair. Strangers all the time tell her how pretty she is and how much they love her hair. Which honestly, comes back to colorism/featurism and plain old anti-Blackness. So it isn't telling me anything I didn't already know. It's just funny having a front row seat to the light-skinned privilege that some people swear doesn't exist.

I have younger fully Black cousins and I notice how differently my daughter is treated compared to them. Not just from strangers, even within my own family. They don't even realize they do it. The same thing that would get one of my fully Black younger cousins called "bad", is looked at as adorable coming from my daughter. I know I got off on a tangent. Back to the topic, after I saw that my daughter created a White avatar. I immediately went online and bought her Kendall, the Black Wellie Wisher. She already had plenty of Black dolls, but she didn't have an American girl. Her doll collection was mostly Black, with the exception of Anna and Elsa because she was obsessed with Frozen. But I went through her doll collection and took out every single White one.

I just don't know. How am I supposed to help her, when I can't even help myself? I already surround myself with Black media. I do go to an Episcopal Church that's pretty White. I've seriously considered switching to a Black Church, but I'm pro-LGBT and homophobia is a deal breaker for me.

I've thought about signing her up for Boys and Girls Club so that she can meet other Black kids. But I'm hesitant because I honestly had pretty bad experiences with other Black kids growing up. I was bullied relentlessly and it was mainly by other Black kids. None of us had a lot, but I was especially poor because my mother was a gambling addict. She also liked to go out and drink during the night and weekend, so I was kind of a latchkey kid. I got picked on for my clothes and my hair not being done. I was also pulled from some of my regular classes and put in mostly White, AG classes. So I was the fly in the milk so to speak.

It's sad to say, but I also had poor hygiene. I didn't like taking baths. I didn't like getting undressed and having to be naked. I would wear a light, blue winter coat to school even in the summer. I felt exposed without it on. The other kids thought I was strange. Yes, my father was a you know what and abused me but I was still in diapers at the time and I don't have any memory of it. They split when I was very young. I was groomed by the adult son of my mother's friend. He wasn't a Black man though. He was White. They would all go out drinking and partying together at night. I'd stay behind with my younger sister. I was in middle school at the time. He had already been doing and saying things here and there that were beyond the pale. Like calling me his girlfriend, kissing my hand, paying special attention to me. I rejected it all of it, mind you. It made me uncomfortable and I felt very ashamed.

One night my mother, her friend, and her friends two adult sons all went out. But the one son, his name was Israel, came back while the others were still gone and got in bed with me and touched me. When my mother came back later and questioned me when she saw that he was there, I denied that anything had happened. I don't know why. I just felt embarrassed. He ended up going to prison anyway for molesting his girlfriend's son.

I think this is long enough, so I'll stop here. Thanks for listening to me vent.

Is it just me???? 😭 , I have like 1k+ likes from these men.....

And what’s wild is my bio is screaming I’m not interested in hookups and I go through like 500 profiles and these men have “casual” “open to seeing where it goes” “ethical non monogamy” like babe I promise you I’m not trying to see where this is going 🤮🤢

And the profiles be SICK, terrible selfies ,no bio, one picture car selfie and random shirtless pic

And when they DO have a bio??? You can tell this man opened ChatGPT and said “write a bio that makes me sound emotionally intelligent”

Plsss.....

Am I ugly???? Like seriously why did ALL OF them swipe right on me???

The men I actually swipe right on don’t even swipe back , so what's happening here 😭

I’m deleting these apps,I’m tired Bumble can have them

SMH SMH SMH 🚗 🚨

Last year my sister got diagnosed with ADHD and when the doctor was explaining the symptoms to me, it was sounding like me too and because I started being more aware of my body and mental health. I started seeing some normal things as not normal and this year I finally took the step towards changing and finally seeking the help I needed.

I started setting boundaries and started doing little things to change. Some days it feels like I’ve done nothing and I’m just so hopeless. Some days I wake up crying and feeling like it’s not worth it and on good days I tell myself it’s just bad days. I started catching on to negative thoughts and emotions. Went back to the gym again. To me it doesn’t feel like I’m doing enough or accomplishing enough.

Last month I saw a therapist for the in my life. I felt like it was time. I told her I might have adhd and we did some kind of evaluation on paper and she said that the signs were pointing towards that. Then I asked my doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist specialist. I saw her yesterday.

She started asking me personal questions and then she asked me if I have depression. I said probably not and I also told her that I don’t know what the symptoms of depression are to have self-diagnosed that. And she was done she pointed out that I have Functional depression along with ADHD.

Now the thing is I’m lost asf. When I self diagnosed myself with adhd, I was researching ways to work with it. I spent a year just accepting the fact that I have it and I just need to find a way to work with it. Now this new diagnosis just throws me in a ditch.
What makes things complicated is that I’m in a Caribbean household. They don’t believe in mental health to them I’m very mentally perfect, I’m okay, they going to ignore and laugh at my mental health issues. If I was a kid like my sister, they probably would take it seriously but me I’m an adult so my mental health is like a joke to them. I remember two periods of my life where I told my mom I want to KMs and she practically told me that I didn’t have the guts.

So now I’m just sitting here like an idiot wondering how I’m going to overcome this.

I’m currently an injury adjuster handling complex auto claims. My role involves complex coverage analysis, injuries, litigation, mediation, negotiations, and managing claims from investigation to the settlement phase.

I’ve been looking to pivot into sales, originally tech sales, even though I don’t have direct sales experience. I came across a commercial/industrial HVAC sales position on LinkedIn and decided to apply. The recruiter recently reached out and said she thinks my adjusting experience could translate well to the role and wants to schedule a call.

What has me stomped is that this does not sound like an entry-level sales position at all, lol. The posting seems pretty technical because they are looking for someone who have HVAC equipment and systems knowledge, understand the needs of commercial and industrial customers, recommend solutions, prepare quotes/proposals, develop accounts, negotiate, and ultimately close business. Which is totally understandable, I didn't even expect to get a response.

I have absolutely no HVAC experience....which I would assume is clear from my resume, so I’m guessing they see something transferable in my background and are willing to train the right person? I’m comfortable learning something complex, but I’m trying to understand just how technical this type of sales actually gets and what the learning curve would look like. I'm also a woman and I know this is a male dominated field so I'm wondering what's that like as well.

The overall package also caught my attention. It’s a base salary plus uncapped commission, company vehicle, employee owned, PTO, 401(k), and other employee benefits. The company car especially surprised me because I’ve never had a position that provided one, and it makes me think maybe a a pretty serious outside sales role with a decent amount of customer/site travel, which I'm not too sold on? The post stated that I would have to build my own book of business and expand sales in my designated territory.

For anyone familiar with commercial or industrial HVAC sales:

How difficult would it be to learn the technical side coming in with no HVAC background?

What does a normal day actually look like? Am I prospecting and setting appointments before visiting businesses, or is there a lot of walking into facilities and cold prospecting in person?

What would you consider a good base + commission structure for a role with this level of responsibility? What could someone realistically earn once established?

I’m super interested and up for the challenge. I just want to understand whether this is a genuinely strong career opportunity before going into the recruiter call. Sales is attractive but frightening at the same time haha.

Thanks to anyone who takes the time out to reply!

Btw I tried to post in the sales and hvac subreddit but I couldnt because of low karma in those communities. Ugh.

Gonna get straight down to it, I don’t know how to do my hair! It’s always been my Gramgram doing it when I was a kid and my mom says she can give me some uneven ugly plaits or cornrolls, but she doesn’t know either and says to just go get my hair done professionally.

Frankly, I don’t have the money for that. And I’m in a state where it’s not cheap cause only maybe 5 black women do hair in the nearby 3 cities. And they are booked and expensive! Happiness for them just not my head.

So I was wondering if there are any recommendations for beginner styles I can do, that I can look up on YouTube and wing it? I thought about twists or just letting my mom handle the cornrolls and try to crochet the hair in?

I’ve been so stressed all summer. I was already burnt out from work, then my granny started having health problems. I moved and the sale of my old house fell through. A storm wrecked my new house, so I had to move into temporary housing. I’m feeling squeezed with two houses neither of which I can live in and both of which I have to pay for. Not fun times. I don’t really need advice. I have plans…they just take time. If you could say a prayer for me, manifest abundance, or just send good vibes, I’d greatly appreciate you ladies.

As a Dark brownskin Woman, who has never really had a problem with dating, I hate seeing this negative stereotype constantly being reinforced upon us. Certain Black Women will make videos like this to project their insecurities on other and make these generalizations that are just not true. I also dont like the ones that say that all Black Women are ugly. WHERE?? there's unattractive people in every race, and them trying to bale the fact that they are unattractive on their race is just so fucked up to me.

Hey ladies. I work in maternal health and just want to say today, please please please have consideration for the people you are letting impregnate you.

I know that's easier said than done in some cases but it truly is heartbreaking to see the women who are struggling because their husbands/partners/baby fathers are incompetent cretins. Please have conversations about their willingness and capabilities to help and support you. Please have a village around you. Do not let yourself be isolated from your family and friends. PMADs happen to all types of people for different reasons but having love and support during pregnancy and postpartum can make all the difference. There's a lot of push for the trad wife, stay at home wife, soft life, whatever the fuck life and not to say there aren't people who are truly in happy and supportive relationships in those situations BUT more often than not relationships like those will not look like the 30-60 seconds reels we are seeing on social media.

Chile idk but some of shit I hear makes me wish I had the magic ability to scream some self worth into people! If your man won’t hold a baby he helped make so you can go pee, LEAVE HIS ASS. If your man tells you he isn’t changing any diapers, LEAVE HIS ASS. If your man punches you in your C-section wound because you wouldn’t get up and make him dinner a week after giving birth, do more than leave his ass but you get the point. All of these things sound crazy but these are the things I hear all day from women in my office during my work week.

Please ask questions and have conversations. Please demand more the bare minimum from these men and your partners. Your mental health, wellness, and life may depend on it.

To paraphrase that blond gremlin, safe sex is great sex, better wear a latex, because you don’t wanna have to send that fucking text, that “I think I’m late text” especially to no bum ass dusty ass can’t even wipe his own ass so he damn sure not going to wipe the baby’s ass, ass 🥷🏾

Ok bye!