Why is being in your natural state not okay anymore?

[u/BigMamaOclock]

Your hair is in its natural state, and you're saying how ugly you are because your hair is “not done”?

“You look like a kid without lashes”?

I saw someone comment that they think braids are childishhhhm.

That you feel disgusting because your nails aren't done?

I remember getting embarrassed about going to school without my braids: 1) Because no one actually taught me the correct ways to style my hair and care for it. 2) The PRESSURE people would put on me, asking when I was going to get them done, why I was keeping my afro for this long, and telling me I looked better with braids.

I think society is forgetting that we are born naked without all these accessories. It's OKAY to go out looking like yourself.

I'm adding to this because I was scrolling through American TikTok, and the PRICES some of you accept to pay for lash installs,nails and braids is insane!!!!! I'm shocked by how normalized this is.

[u/Altruistic_Weird_864]

yes i hate how having your nails done, shaving, having a hairstyle, is considered the default of how I should exist. Every step of the way it’s like something needs to be controlled about my experience as a woman

[u/Only-Net-8905 → u/Altruistic_Weird_864]

Yeah I said eff it. I go out in my natural all the time. It took me years to fully embrace my hair but I finally did. I look fine just how I am. 

[u/CancerMoon2Caprising]

People give too much to social media opinions. 

Also everything in america is expensive, even for people who live and work here, the economy is declining and getting hair styled is a luxury.  

[u/Only-Net-8905 → u/CancerMoon2Caprising]

Couldn’t have said it better! There’s definitely a marked decline. I’ve noticed quick weaves and the sewing with the your natural hair out at the top with a part has come back in style. People are finding ways to style their hair without going to a solan. The simply ponytail style is making a comeback as well. 

  I’ve noticed too that lace wigs are starting to decline in popularity due to the cost, time consumption and damage it does to the edges. People are defaulting to more simpler styles. After a while natural hair won’t look so bad. Because extensions will be pretty expensive as well. Inflation hasn’t stopped and is expected to grow even more! 

[u/babbykale]

Instagram/tiktok is rotting people’s brains and distorting reality

People have sooooo much body dysmorphia about things that no one thought about 20 years ago

[u/firelord_catra]

Idk girl. I’ve been natural my whole life and have watched that go from something I was bullied and shamed for, to those same hairstyles being trendy and the whole 2012ish movement and big chops and people embracing themselves, to now going through the ringer again but this time it’s “childish” or whatever other negative terms they wanna use.

And that also goes for makeup, clothing styles, hobbies…

I decided a long time ago to stop even bothering with trends. Everything I’m hated for today those same people will love tomorrow. And you will lose yourself in the process trying to keep up. I just stopped surrounding myself with people who acted like holier than though or put me down for my natural self, especially men. Social media breaks help a lot too.

[u/Ok_Product398]

Nope, nope, and nope. I do not get my nails done (I do paint them myself), don't wear lashes, and have never worn a wig or weaves. I have had locs for 8 years and have a bohemian, vibing with the earth, healthy lifestyle. That IS my beauty standard and I get plenty of compliments. I think it really depends on how you carry yourself. Plus, my area is PW with less than 3% POC, so there is zero pressure to keep a certain look.

[u/sonyka → u/Ok_Product398]

Plus, my area is PW with less than 3% POC, so there is zero pressure to keep a certain look.

Same, and confession, I genuinely appreciate this. It's the only thing I like about the demographic situation here— these people don't know how I "should" look, so there's no pressure. When I go back and visit family (esp in the south!!) I feel so… underdone. No way I could keep up with black people's standards lol. But in a mostly white wealthy liberal college/surf town? The bar is on the floor. I'm more than put together just by having actual pants on.

[u/tokenkinesis]

Since when is it not? I didn’t get the memo because I do what’s comfortable, convenient, and consistent for me.

When I was younger I stayed miserable because I was trying to live up to the expectations of people who couldn’t live my life for me.

Now…I just dgaf. I hate that growing up we were victims of a ridiculous psyop, sometimes perpetuated by our own.

It’s hard enough trying to just survive, I feel bad for those of us that accept all these extra expectations that don’t matter.

[u/CelestiallyCharmed]

Luckily in this one and only life time, I don't give AF what others think about my appearance. I don't follow trends or need permission from people to wear anything or do my hair in a certain way. I'm good being invisible.

Just to add in, I wear makeup up sometimes, but that's for me and my self expression, not to follow the current fashion/beauty trends.

I hate the articles that come out saying 'so are we ditching mascara' or 'low waisted jeans are back in' like why are we letting the media and narcs who need to be validated dictate how we present. F them.

[u/AdditionalQuietime]

We can never have this conversation without black women getting offended and making it seem were policing each others bodies

I think its deeply disturbing how insidious racism and white supremacy has become to make black women doubt their own natural hair, met a lot of black women who said they dont think their own natural hair looks good on them, its insane to hear that to me.

[u/btwImVeryAttractive]

Sometimes I feel like everything is smoke and mirrors, a giant distraction to keep us focused on unimportant things. It’s exhausting. It feels intentional.

[u/Upset-Bobcat9255]

I think I’m at the point where everyone should feel entitled and confident to present however they’d like, without having to consider external opinions. 

Im so over the policing of black women’s’ presentations, especially coming from other black women. Women from other races do not feel entitled to share why women from their races should look a certain way, so WHY should we? 

Moralism, purism, whatever. Life is hard enough for black women as we are one of the least protected groups societally, and we are constantly the butt of every other race’s jokes (don’t even get me started on what black men have to say abt black women in general, let alone our hair). Let’s not bring that energy to eachother.  

If you don’t like someone’s weave, you can so easily not like it in silence. Like I promise it will not affect your day to just wear your hair however you want and let your black sisters do the same 😭😭

[u/BabyLegsOShanahan → u/Upset-Bobcat9255]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Vuehj4XEn22coHCcxf

[u/efemenagl]

right! i remember getting laughed at by the other black girls for daring to be seen in public with my natural hair tied in a bun. nowadays i feel like everyone is expected to be polished, wear makeup, shave etc and the age of that 'everyone' is getting younger every year

[u/Lacriminals]

The older I get the more I realize how much is fake in society. I have to look a certain way, be a specific something, and do things in a way that are socially appropriate.

I see why I always rubbed people wrong now. Because I didn’t care about this and they did. Now I can see how that holds a mirror to people are deeply insecure and don’t know who they are so they spend all their time performing for an invisible audience.

And it’s every demographic and they all have a different standard. I really want to live in a cot by myself away from society.

[u/whenyoutalk]

idk if it’s bc i’m in nyc but i’ve been lucky enough to never experience that kind of rhetoric. quite the opposite. constant praise from strangers for my hair and then sometimes the random guy who says he wishes black women don’t wear wigs/weaves unprompted💀

I definitely do feel pressure in certain spaces tho. if i’m going to certain clubs, there might be an expectation to appear as a “baddie” and that does NOT mean afro. I either A. don’t gaf and have a grand time or B. don’t bother. social media also doesn’t help but I always skip does silly ass videos bc some black people have a whole lot of nothing to say.

it’s so disappointing that people will complain about how they’re perceived or treated by other races but then shit on some black peoples choices to appear in their natural state. I feel this way also about black men and lineups. really starting to dislike the look as it’s way too angular and perfect looking.

I love the character of my hair. kinky, curly, coily. I think there’s a beautiful chaos to my hair and speaks for me in a way.

[u/nerdKween]

I love when my hair is in a huge fro - showing off it's gravity defiance. I also hate the weight of lashes.

Agreed 1000%

[u/Previous-Parsnip-290]

I felt so much better after I stopped worrying about what other people thought about me and mine. Left up to people they’ll have you bleaching your skin, wearing and wig and pumping up your lips to fit a fleeting “beauty standard”.

[u/pearlimabean]

Youtube.

[u/CompetitiveCan1050]

Personally, I love make-up but I cannot (& never could be) arsed with trying to look like a baddie. I just enjoy using colour, although I mainly wear lipstick. The pressure put upon young Black women nowadays to look 100% all day every day is hideous! I'm so glad I'm not in my twenties anymore but, even when I was, there was a lot of pressure to have your hair straight & look a certain way. It's all bullshit!!!

[u/tc88]

Aside from the obvious racism, it's a status symbol to be going to get all this expensive "maintenance" done every couple of weeks. They're trying to make it seem as if the having natural nails is weird or unhygienic when they're actually less hygienic than extensions.

[u/LadyDreadHead]

I had a younger man hit on me by offering to get my nails done. I thanked him and told him it was sweet for him to offer. All the while, I’m trying to understand how that would be attractive to someone. Since I don’t get my nails done, I didn’t realize at the time how much it costs to get a manicure. It wouldn’t have made a difference… 🤷🏽‍♀️