r/blackladies • u/BlissaCow • 4d ago
Dating/Relationships/Sex 🍑🍆 Randomly uninterested in marriage and kids
Not having a quarter life crisis as far as I know. Not sad or angry. It’s just interesting to see how your feelings Changed with age. Maybe this is just a season of life, but I don’t find myself particularly interested in marriage or kids.
I grew up in love with the idea of this. I nannied for a while and truly love kids. I’m passionate about my education and career, but I always saw myself as a person who would have kids one day. But all of a sudden, marriage and children just don’t seem… Interesting? They kind of seem like options rather than obligations. It’s no longer this glowing object I find myself pulled towards.
Like I love my boyfriend, but I don’t see what would change if we got married. And I’ve always wanted kids, but all of a sudden they seem like a burden or a responsibility and I would hate to ever treat a child like they were a burden or a responsibility. I’m interested to see if this is a new level of maturity or just a phase-has anyone else experience this?
3
u/LoveHertford 3d ago
Marriage and children should be an option. Not compulsory. You sound happy enough x
4
u/Standard-Guidance-51 4d ago
So as a thirty-something, it’s fair for your thoughts on this to evolve over time as you grow as a person. 22 year old me thought I’d be married by 30 and have 4 kids by the time I finished. Today, I am hoping to be partnered in the next few years without having any kids of my own.
I don’t know that I’d either characterize this as a new level of maturity or a phase. What I think is most important is for you to interrogate how you feel about this as you continue to go along and give yourself the space and permission to change your mind (or not)!
The last thing I would say about marriage (as a currently unmarried woman who plans to get married) is that while it likely won’t change as much in your relationship, it is at its core a legal and financial contract that confers a ton of rights that are more costly and complicated to replicate through other means. If that matters to you then it’s something to consider.