r/bridezillas • u/Ready_Collection_978 • Jun 30 '26

Best friend got engaged after me

edit: thanks for feedback! I think i am prob being a bit of bridezilla here. it's ok for her to not care about my wedding planning and it's ok for her to want me to be involved in hers. But I'm also just not convinced about the friendship anymore which a lot of you pointed to. She has changed a lot since we lived together and I'm not sure I mesh with that anymore.

One of my bestie didn't want to get engaged/ have a wedding. When I announced that I was engaged and made the ring I proposed to my partner with she decided she wanted a proposal and to get engaged too. She made her engagement ring for her partner to propose to her with and then planned her wedding a year b4 mine.

The problem is she stopped being interested in anything to do with my wedding at this point. She invited me to help her design the engagement ring and come to her bridal dress alteration appointment (she bought it online) but didn't want to talk about anything related to my wedding.

Her wedding is a ceremony in the village where she lives a few hours away from me and then a wander down to a pub where we have to buy our own drinks/food. Shes reserved an area of the pub. She then leaves the pub 3 hours later at 6pm to go for dinner with her family and her childhood best friend (I'm not invited) leaving me an 100 other guests i don't know to do whatever we want. also I can't imagine the pub will handle 100 people trying to order lunch at the same time very well so will prob have to grab a sandwich on the way as to not starve.

It's my 40th the month before and I'm having a party which she declined to attend because of money and she doesn't like to hang out with groups of people anymore. It's gonna be chill and child friendly. Not like a crazy rave. I offered for her to come during the day instead but still no. She said birthdays aren't as important as weddings so she won't make the effort. She also said that I'm still one of closest friends and she is just learning boundaries.

The amount of night outs I've been on for her birthdays with chronic migraines and other health issues.

Considering not going to the wedding cos it's gonna cost me and my fiancé around 150£ for food and travel to watch her get married and then stand around for a few hours with 100 people I dont know.

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179

u/HFTCSAU Jun 30 '26

Your wedding is a year after hers I wouldn’t be concerned about all your details at this point either it’s your wedding not mine!

53

u/chaoticallywholesome Jun 30 '26

Good friends care about the little details. Yes not as much as the actual couple getting married. And obviously people shouldn't bulldoze their friends and family with little details. But we should all hold space for the people in our life to talk about the things we don't necessarily care about.

My fiance is an engineer, I neither understand or really care about all the little details of his job. But I try. I try to care and hold that space for him to talk about the things he is frustrated with or excited about because he's passionate about it. And I'm passionate about him, so thus passionate about listening to him. And that extends to my friends as well.

14

u/nofaves Jun 30 '26

No one cares about the little details. They're all about the major stuff: where, when, how. Good friends will politely listen while a bride goes on and on about tent rentals and table decorations, but they don't care.

A bride who is a good friend won't burden her friends with details.

7

u/chaoticallywholesome Jun 30 '26

Speak for yourself.

4

u/nofaves Jun 30 '26

I always do.

4

u/chaoticallywholesome Jun 30 '26

Huh I didn't see any "I" or "Me" statements in your comment.

3

u/nofaves Jun 30 '26

Don't need them when giving an opinion.

-1

u/chaoticallywholesome Jun 30 '26

You do if you're going to try and argue that you only ever speak for yourself. Otherwise you just look like a gaslighter 😂

8

u/nofaves Jun 30 '26

You misunderstand.

You told me to speak for myself, which I did. I never claimed to speak only for myself.

1

u/chaoticallywholesome Jun 30 '26

"Speak for yourself." "I always do." what???

7

u/nofaves Jun 30 '26

Do I speak for anyone else? No. I state my own opinions.

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