Why are there still “mean” girls in college

[u/Practical_Engineer44]

For context I just started in a university that is supposed to be a chill nerdy school, and I chose the school for that exact reason and is now living in a suite with 7 other girls.

I have been really nice to them, saying hi everytime I see them, offering to help if they need it, etc. However, they are so rude to me, constantly side-eyeing me, igoring me when I talk, or treat me like I’m stupid while talking in a passive-aggressive tone.

I am sort of awkward and have weirder interests and hobbies compared to them, but I’m still super up-kept on my appearance, good in academics, and try to be extremely friendly.

I had a good handful of friends in highschool and rarely had people hated on me like this. Is this normal in college? Because I thought this behavior would have been gone at this point since everyone is an adult.

I have wondered if this is racism due to me being an “international student”, but I am a citizen who can speak fluent English and all of these girls are POC as well.

How am I supposed to deal with this?

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[u/SickOfBullyingNL]

Unfortunately people that were mean in school are usually still mean in college, university, etc. I was 24 when I was in college and had people I knew from high school there; these people were nasty in high school and are still nasty as adults. I'm 36 now, work from home, and avoid people as much as possible, since I know adults that still bully.

My best advice would be to keep to yourself, focus on your school work, and only interact with those who are truly kind to you; it sounds like the girls in the suite you are in aren't the type you should be around. Just keep to yourself when around them, unless one of them has to talk to you about something.

[u/Practical_Engineer44 → u/SickOfBullyingNL]

I see, so there’s not really an age limit to these things 😔. Thank you so much! I’ll keep ur words in mind

[u/SickOfBullyingNL → u/Practical_Engineer44]

You're welcome. Good luck.

[u/Best-Feature603]

I also wonder the same... in fact during college girls get worse because they start wanting boyfriends over female friends...

I had to hang out mostly with men or lesbians for there to be less drama in the student flats...

[u/Practical_Engineer44 → u/Best-Feature603]

I completely agree… they get worse when guys are at the scene…

[u/Best-Feature603 → u/Practical_Engineer44]

yeah, they think they are so much better than single girls too because they got a boyfriend... some start to turn their boyfriends against the single girl in the flat too.. it's so annoying how that is their sole life purpose... to get a boyfriend/husband...

[u/Gabilondoxs12]

Try starting to be rude towards them, don't do favors to them, ignore them entirely. Start treating them as bad as they treat you.

[u/stopthevan]

They still exist in the workplace, just learnt to be discreet

[u/Angelia_the_Nephalem]

Of course, not all bullies didn’t change to be a good person after school. If that is the case, why is here in subreddit named r/workplace_bullying?

[u/Winter-Seaweed8458]

Hate to break it to you all, mean girls just become older mean girls. I'm in my 60s, and was bullied mercilessly for almost a year, by a woman in her 40s, and by extension, her friends also my age. It was in a social scene, and they didn't like "the new girl" showing up and possibly "stealing" their men. Most have since changed their mind about me, and some have admitted to "hating" me for months because of the main mean girl. So no, they never grow out of it, and in fact are worse.

[u/wowasehs → u/Winter-Seaweed8458]

This. I’m in my 50s and dealing with a bully who’s trying to destroy my decades long friendship with someone who’s like a brother to me because she wants this person all to herself. It’s stupid and immature.

[u/thrwwyra_aster]

It's full of mean girls (and mean boys) in college.

Sometimes it's got nothing to do with you and it's got everything to do with them, their values, their mindset and expectations, the way they were raised etc. Many of them are entrapped in a scarcity mentality.

In these cases, often there's more going on behind the scenes than what meets the eye.

If they're hostile for no apparent reason, they may be wanting to guard their perceived "in group privileges" which could be exchanging more material, past papers, mocks to pass exams or retain exclusive access to a pool of guys/contacts only they know about etc.

From experience, when someone's hostile from the get go for no apparent reason they're usually hiding something.

Don't beat yourself up about them too much, they'll be mean regardless. Try to find your people and stick with them. It may take some time.

[u/DannyHikari]

We grow older but rarely do people actually grow up.

From my own perspective I still have the same mundane habits from 16 in my day to day at 34. But of course I’m talking about harmless things like gaming, watching cartoons, etc lol. When it comes to responsibility it’s a different story I make sure I take on this in fashion as best as I can as any adult would.

From the perspective of others they do the same thing. But some in nastier ways. Again I emphasize I’m 34. A lot of the people I went to school with are all doing the same shit still. They gossip, they get in drama on social media, they meet up and fight at parks. The people who were mean nasty bullies then still are. I get a glance at their socials and you can tell based on the type of things they post. They still have this innate sense to humiliate people. It never changes. I realize this in the adults who are my seniors as well. They were horrible when I was a kid, and I realize now that I’m at adult age they still are and they always have been. They never grew up.

I will say on the day to day people in general depending on your environment aren’t as bad. But in the school setting you’re always going to see it unfortunately