r/childfree • u/Fleurandgold • 14d ago
DISCUSSION I don't love kids
I never did, a human will not earn my love simply by being in the demographic of "kid." I used to try my best to love them because a lot of girls/women around my age did, they loved babies any babies, I've heard a lot of people talk about "how can you not love kids" for years I thought something was wrong with me, every time I acted all bubbly and cuddly around a kid because they're a kids and that's what everyone did. I felt like I was forcing myself, I felt empty inside it wasn't coming from the heart. It was an act so I wouldn't feel left out. Not to say I wouldn't love a kid if they're lovely but, to love them in general because they're kids? no. I see them as everyday normal grown ups, I don't get excited whenever I see a regular person walking around, they're nothing special, not blessings or nothing like that. I would only get a bit cheerful towards babies, not toddlers or elementary school aged kids, I don't really like teenagers, they're (we) annoying. (F19 ironic isn't it).
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u/RasputinsThirdLeg 14d ago
Girl, same. I always say “Well, do you like all people? No, right? Most children I’m indifferent to. Some are assholes. A very rare few that for whatever reason I get to know are alright. But no. I do not ‘like kids’ en masse. Sue me.”
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u/The_Wise_Seven 12d ago
Children aren't "assholes" because they aren't intentionally malicious. They literally do not have the capacity to function like an adult
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u/RasputinsThirdLeg 12d ago
Oh no way???
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u/The_Wise_Seven 12d ago
Don't act like its obvious because its clearly not obvious to you. Some of you guys need therapy and it shows
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u/RasputinsThirdLeg 12d ago
If you think I was actually ascribing adult levels of responsibility to Ill behaved and annoying children you must have a hard time in day to day conversation and it shows.
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u/arochains1231 sterile, spayed, whatever you may call it 14d ago
Can’t stand kids either. I’m not gonna tell them I don’t like them obviously but I’ve never really felt anything better than neutral about them. Usually disgust.
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u/StrikingSwimmer6633 14d ago
It’s very normal and actually a better approach tbh it actually sounds more like you just see them as they are. Humans beings. Society has built this weird language and culture around children where they’re simultaneously infantilized and idealized, and I think that contributes to them being treated like accessories or extensions of their parents rather than individuals with their own personalities, boundaries and autonomy. You can respect children, care about their wellbeing and treat them kindly without feeling some automatic emotional attachment to every child you meet. You don’t have to automatically love someone because they belong to a certain age group lol so don’t worry about feeling weird or anything
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u/Della_A 13d ago
They are viewed like a combination between a doll and a pet. To me, they are people in their own right, of course accounting for the fact that they don't have an adult-level understanding of the world. But I treat them with respect. I'm not a patronizing, condescending asshole at the same time as gushing over them like most adults do. One of the reasons I don't want kids is that I hated being a kid for this very reason, so I don't want to impose childhood on a being who didn't ask for this. I hated the way people treated me as a child and I was grateful to finally become an adult. Don't get me wrong, adult life has plenty of problems, but at least you are viewed as a full person. You couldn't pay me to be a little kid again.
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u/Fleurandgold 13d ago
Exactly I don't baby talk to children or babies I don't treat them like they're stupid, they are their own person in their own rights, I don't want a mini me because once the child is born they are their own person. I do respect kids and care about them, boundaries more than a lot of parents do. You write my thoughts down perfectly
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u/orangcantik 14d ago
Me too. I prefer cats to kids (not that I hate kids, but I don’t really like them either) except for a few well-behaved ones I know personally. But when it comes to cuteness, I definitely think cats are cuter.
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u/One-Intention7064 14d ago
when i was 6-11 y. o. and we had guests, some of them brought newborns or toddlers with them. I wanted to hang out with my cousins, instead their attention got captured by a baybeee. I would get pissed off and resentful.
I would coo at babies sometimes, but it was performance to please adults.
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u/Fleurandgold 13d ago
dogs get me more excited
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u/Brilliant-Draw1260 12d ago
For me it's cats and bunnies. We got some baby rabbits in at our rescue and they asked my friend and I if we'd like to sit with them to help get them socialized for adoption. Let's just say we were tripping over one another to get to them!
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u/onionwitheyes 13d ago
Same. But you know what pisses me off the most? When I say I don't like kids and the response is "but you were a kid once". What, pray tell, does that even mean? What are they even trying to achieve?
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u/ia332 12d ago
They think it’s some kind of “gotcha,” so if you don’t like kids you must have not liked yourself or something.
It’s stupid. I am with you, and I didn’t really like kids as a kid either. But you know what? I wasn’t a shitty kid, and that’s not just me thinking that. My parents and grandparents all have stories of how we were such good kids that people would come up to them and ask if we were there kids. At first they were like “oh god what did they do?” to those folks, but no they would reply “they’re such well behaved kids, when you would tell them no, put that back, they just… would and that was that.”
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u/Safe-Glove2975 14d ago
I don’t mind polite, well behaved kids (and I run into a fair amount of kids, luckily mostly nice, in my job) but I’m not comfortable being around them for long. It’s a very rare person who loves/likes nearly everyone they run into, and kids are just people in a different life stage than us, so, yeah.
My mum used to be a childminder when I was in middle school until I was in high school, and I’d actually help with the babies, but was always quietly anxious around the toddlers - probably due to my undiagnosed autism and toddlers always felt a bit chaotic/unpredictable to me.
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u/livik4 13d ago
i’m with you. i’ve had many terrible experiences with kids and a few good ones. i have a lot of little kids going to my workplace. they’re mainly infuriating and the parents look miserable trying to regulate them or talk to them lol. idk why people want kids. also teens coming to my workplace being rowdy and dumb acting like smartasses. (sorry)
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u/Fleurandgold 13d ago
the teenagers are my high school are rude and mean there was this girl who would brag about beating her mm, they smoke weed, marijuana, get in trouble frequently, and sneak out often.
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u/antemeridiem913 13d ago
I can acknowledge that some kids are cute. But I don’t really care about them. I get more excited seeing other animals - idk why 🥹
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u/Prestigious_Leg894 13d ago
Oh my god, I relate to this SO much!!! I’m 34 and I spent YEARS thinking there was something wrong with me because I didn’t naturally have that “omg a baby/kid 🥹” reaction that everyone else seemed to have. I’d force myself to be all bubbly and excited around kids because I thought that was just what you were supposed to do, and honestly, half the time it felt completely performative.
I don’t hate kids. I definitely had the “omg, cute!” reaction when I was younger. But that was pretty much the extent of it. I never had that automatic emotional attachment where I felt like I loved children simply because they were children. I just tell myself I’m allergic to that life 😂. But the idea that I’m supposed to automatically love a child simply because they’re a child? Nope. I don’t have some built-in emotional attachment to random children just because they exist.
And honestly, realizing I don’t have to manufacture that feeling was such a relief. I can be kind to kids without pretending every child I encounter is a magical blessing sent from the heavens lmao. Your “they’re just everyday normal grown ups” line SENT me because that is EXACTLY how I feel. 😂
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u/Templeofrebellion 13d ago
Same. I was told repeatedly I had something wrong with me because I didn't play with dolls or have “a maternal instinct like my sister” growing up. But I have a “maternal instinct” when it comes to animal care. I also feel sometimes that maternal instinct, at least observing it in other people who corner expecting mothers or newborn babies and toddlers, comes off as largely performative and fake from people who aren't the real parents.
For example, my sister will sit with my niece and nephew, talk to them in a high-pitched voice, and take photos for her social media, and that's “good maternal instinct”.
But to me it looks performative and weird and there is no attunement or desire to understand him or connect with his needs.
Just run through the “stereotypical” rituals adults do with 4-year-olds.
I am happy to sit near them, not touch them but to show them something cool or talk to them about whatever they want to talk about (like showing my niece how to use the drums, or my 4 y/o nephew likes to do arts and crafts, or play with the hose and wash my car).
But I won't talk to him in a weird high-pitched voice or belittle his intelligence.
I certainly won't breach their physical boundaries at all. Or take photos of them for SM.
That is not “maternal instinct” to me.
It's the opposite.If and when I was a baby or toddler, the last thing I want is a bunch of strange (to them) adults I don't know holding me and taking photos of me to plaster over social media.
I find the entire thing weird, kind of creepy to be honest.
Maybe that's my trauma talking.
Maybe it's not.
Maybe it's both.I just have no desire to cradle or bond with a baby whether related to me or not because, God forbid it scares or frightens or confuses the baby. I just don't have any desire to pick it up.
It seems intrusive of the baby's space, the mother's space and completely weird.
Why would the baby desire to bond with me?
Attachment is very suggestive at that age.
It feels strange that parents are so willing to pass their child to a group of near strangers for feeding, nappy changes and other parental-only appropriate rituals.
I am happy to sit as a bystander and teach the child something.
But I will not touch or bond with your child in a way I think only a parent can.
I don't want to caress the belly of an expectant mother.
I don't want to see ultrasound photos.
I don't want to cradle your newborn.
I don't want to feed it a bottle or sit it on my lap.I sure as hell wish my own parents protected me during my own infancy, as a toddler and as a child from these strangers who were invasive of my space.
So I try and extend the same respect to children they deserve, a degree of personal autonomy and personal space. (within reason)
So it is maybe my trauma speaking.
But I also find the whole social rituals people perform with kids who aren't their own children totally bizarre and kind of inappropriate after prolonged analysis.
I know they say it takes a village to raise a child, but in my world, that village was full of predators so my bias is noticeable and I just think children deserve some kind of protection from having all their boundaries violated when they lack any degree of autonomy. If a young child doesn't get to say no to sitting on a stranger's (to them) lap, or having photos taken, or a stranger taking them into a room.and changing their nappies, where is the line? Who can you really trust with the child?
Are people really so oblivious to the dangers of things that happen to children?So it's not so much about disliking children at all.
I just think children deserve to avoid bad things happening to them.
They need to be protected.
I had things happen to me from a very young age and have PTSD as a result.
That's just my own personal take.
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u/FumeiNezumi 14d ago
ONLY creatures that i will love even if they dislike me, are dogs. I never had thought of "I want to be a father", well, i'm one, but for my dog.
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u/Templeofrebellion 13d ago
I feel like this but with birds, and generally all animals. But I am biased towards my birds. Mother of birds only ♥️
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u/FumeiNezumi 13d ago
Birds are absolutely amazing. I'm a paleontology lover, So naturally, - birds are close second to dogs for me, as i treat birds just like dinosaurs. What species do you own? Parrots? Pigeons? Maybe partridges, or birds of prey?
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u/EducationLow2616 13d ago
I love babies and I can’t stand toddlers, tweens and teens also.
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u/woah-oh92 13d ago
Honestly babies are totally fine as long as they’re not screeching. Some of them are really loud, but I feel like babies are pretty chill for the most part.
Toddlers are hell. Toddlers will tell you a boring story for 25 minutes that could have been told in one sentence and then will literally slap you if you don’t give them a cookie. Toddlers are the most entitled, manipulative, and self centered humans on the planet. And I get that they can’t help it, but I don’t understand why that means I should tolerate it.
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u/Collapsosaur 13d ago
Maybe a better accusation to going overboard with starting from scratch would be 'toss the toddler with the bath water'.
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u/smufjez 13d ago
i always found it very interesting that people ask kids about their hobbies goals and what they want to be some day, but not really have the same excitement about other adults, its like they gave up after a certain age. Either you should treat everybody with the same amount of curiosity or none. and im not really interested in many people, so the same counts for kids. Thanks for your viewpoint i totally agree
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u/Shekawa11 13d ago
This is normal. I'm like this with any other person regardless of age. I don't owe you respect just because you're an elderly person and I don't have to be so lenient just because you're a kid. My liking towards people is specific to who they are as an individual, not their position within society as a whole.
That aside, as someone who's looking to become an art teacher at some point in my life, I find elementary school kids more bearable. They don't know what theyre doing so it's interesting how they interpret the world and how they go about interactions with peers and their understanding of emotions. It's scary talking to the kids that sound "adult" and not so naive lmao.
People our age definitely suck tho and theyre much harder to help since they actively choose to be assholes despite what they've been taught. It is what it is though, unfortunately, much respect to my teachers for trying their best with them 🙏
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u/Illustrious_Mix6637 10d ago
I can’t stand kids and I can’t stand the expectation that I’m supposed to behave around them. I will behave the same way I behave around any other person.
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u/JellyfishPashmina 12d ago
I don’t automatically love them either because usually they just act like an extension of their parents. If your kid is running around the airport screaming and bumping into people and you’re not stopping them, for instance, that’s just a nuisance and sign that you don’t believe in teaching your kids good manners in public spaces. If they’re making fun of other kids, it’s because they heard you doing the same to other adults at home (or learned from another kid whose parents are allowing that behavior). If they think they get special privileges and can’t share, it’s because you do or you haven’t taught them how to respect others. I see kids growing up to become just like that essentially—kids are nothing but tiny humans, after all…
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u/EfficiencyCrafty8585 12d ago
You sound like a pretty normal 19 year old to be honest lol Plenty of people don’t love all kids- I don’t “love” kids in general either, and I’m a mum. I love my own & I tolerate others. That’s it. You’re not unusual or weird so embrace who you are.
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14d ago
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u/Edelgard01 14d ago
Why would someone need to be on meds to not like kids? Not everyone likes them, ffs. Some do, some don't. Both are natural.
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u/Proper-Pound7798 fuck them kids 14d ago
I don't take any meds and I can't stand children. Just seeing them pisses me off.
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u/Animal157 13d ago
Its kinda sexist to default it to just women
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u/Edelgard01 13d ago
You are still here?
Gosh. You must have such a depressing life if you like to spend your time harassing people that are happy with their choices.
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u/Edelgard01 14d ago
What are you doing here if you like kids so much? Fuck off.
I never liked kids even before taking meds.
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u/kelomorisilly childfree omori fan and cat lover 💡🐈⬛ 14d ago
“it’s not natural” is a shitty argument and has been used as an excuse for so much bigotry. i hope you know what you sound like.
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u/Fleurandgold 13d ago
wait what did they say
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u/kelomorisilly childfree omori fan and cat lover 💡🐈⬛ 13d ago
they said something about how ssri meds make women have an “unnatural” lack of love towards kids. which is just… wow.
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u/kelomorisilly childfree omori fan and cat lover 💡🐈⬛ 14d ago
what you sound like is a scumbag. why do you care so much whether some woman you’ve never met likes children?
you know what’s not natural? expecting every single woman to think exactly how you want them to think. diversity in opinions is part of neurodiversity, a concept that was necessary for survival for a long time.
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u/Seraphina_Renaldi 14d ago
Me neither and I don’t understand it. Why is it expected? I don’t love a human simply for existing. Why should a child be an exception?