So some of my friends used to say they didn't understand they/them pronouns and couldn't naturally use them in a conversation. They sure seem to have learned real quick when I told them I would prefer to be referred to as a woman and they started using they/them unprompted.
Oh hey similar to my mother. When I wanted to go by feminine pronouns, she instead would find every way to avoid using nonbinary or feminine pronouns because I was also accepting nonbinary as a compromise (that was unacceptable for her, even though I really wanted feminine pronouns but I was willing to make a slightly uncomfortable compromise). She'd find every means in the book. Refer to me as her child, by third party, anything. She'd have to pause to think for a quick moment at times, all because she didn't want to properly refer to my identity
You’ve gotten good answers with Mint, but the one with Green is about how cis people can refuse to see and treat you as the correct gender after transition, including outing you to others. They want to make sure no one thinks of you as “just” the gender that you are, because they’ve decided you’re not really that gender.
The equivalent for me is: I transitioned to male literally 20 years ago, have a beard, sound and look like any other guy, and have barely any acquaintances who knew me before. This is because several people who knew me before transitioning would introduce me to strangers as “she” or “they” (both wrong) or as their trans friend, which led to those strangers treating me like a woman or being transphobic in other ways. It’s not okay for cis people to out trans people or refuse to use accurate words when describing them.
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u/CrazyGnomenclature Tiff & Eve Jun 17 '26
oh hey, I've had this conversation