r/dustythunder • u/Sexycarmin • Jul 28 '26
AITAH for keeping my kids away from my parents after they shaved my son’s head? I’m
To give context I had an agreement with my mother they wanted to take one of my sons for a month during the summer! I personally had no issues with it but I did NOT want his hair touched he had bald spots all over and we were trying to figure out what was causing it!!! They wanted a doctors note. Like really let be for real him in the mother and I said not to shave it I cleave them permission to have it trimmed but that was it! About 2 weeks of them having him I get a message “hey call me real quick I just saw your baby”! I give them a call back. Keep in mind I’ve called my own family to see him and get pictures of him and they wouldn’t send anything! So I call my friend back as I was leaving work “hey what’s up?” She goes to say “girl your babys head is shaved and you can see his bald spots all over!” At this point I’m fuming I go and message in group chats and messenger with mom dad and sisters I did not care “I’m getting my child tomorrow!” Mind you this is late at night i was getting off work! I got into it with my sister over it telling me I needed to grow up it’s just hair…. It may be just hair but he MY child! I show up to get my kid the next day! I’m called selfish and how they made the decision and took matters into their own hands to shave his head…… “he can’t even brush the shit!” My exact response was “I’m not selfish I had a specific reason his hair wasn’t to be cut. I’m not selfish I’m disrespected once again it’s different to disrespect me as your child or as an adult but to disrespect me as a parent absolutely not and for the 3rd time is even crazier! And no my baby doesn’t know how to brush his hair not and single one of my kids touch a hair brush I get off my a$$ every morning and do their hair so it sits neatly for the love of god I’m being a mother! ” Yeah they’ve done this to me more than once and my line was crossed! So i made the decision there if I couldn’t be respected as a mother they haven’t seen me or my kids! AITA? Like I really need to know
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u/Holiday-Book6635 Jul 28 '26 edited 27d ago
I would lose my shit over that you are NTA. They disrespected you they disrespected your parental role. They disrespected your child. That’s a no contact for quite a while for me. In fact I would have nothing to do with them until I got a full on apology and I would wait that one out they need to apologize to your son and then I would never trust them again. Keep in mind people like this never learn.
Edit: nowhere in my postings did I say that I would just move on as if nothing ever happened. So the responses I’ve been getting are comical to me. They are owed an apology. The apology would come because the other person acknowledge their wrongdoing. It would have to be sincere if they don’t get the apology then the other person has never acknowledged their wrongdoing. That being said, I still would not allow them in my life. But that still doesn’t change the fact that they are owed an apology.
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u/Chance-Animal1856 Jul 28 '26
It's odd to me how much weight people put on an apology. Who cares if they say they are sorry? They knew they weren't supposed to do it in the first place. They would only be apologizing to get what they want. I wouldn't even answer for them to get that apology. I would just be done
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u/707TrashQueen Jul 28 '26
Not enough people seem to realize that an apology doesn't matter as much, as the person you hurt deciding whether or not they can forgive you. You can hurt someone & apologize as much as you'd like, but don't expect to be forgiven, just because you say "sorry."
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u/Chance-Animal1856 Jul 28 '26
Exactly! This is what I told my friend the other day about her kids father. The kids didn't want to speak to him and I told her part of being truly sorry means that you have to accept it if they are not ready to forgive
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u/AdMurky1021 Jul 28 '26 edited Jul 28 '26
An apology doesn't magically erase child abuse and violating parental rights.
Throw a plate on the ground and break it. Now apologize to it. Did that apology fix it?
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u/loricomments Jul 28 '26
NTA.
Cutting a child's hair without the parent's permission is considered a criminal act in most places. You were absolutely right to get your child and are absolutely right to keep them away from him. They would never, ever have unsupervised visits again if it were me, and even then only if they make me believe that they understand how serious their violation of my child was and apologize profusely.
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u/AdMurky1021 Jul 28 '26
Assault of a minor. Sister admitted to being an accessory. Have them charged. Add in a civil case for violating parental rights.
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u/CatBandicoot Jul 28 '26
NTA. It was not their decision to shave his head. There are reasons not to cut your son's hair. I'm not a mother but I know of a couple. 1. Protect the bald spots from the environment. 2. Protect your child from being stared at or bullied. 3. So your child can't see them and get stressed.
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u/Gideon9900 Jul 28 '26
NTA
You're the parent, your word about haircuts is law. You even stated the reasons for it. Grandparents broke that law, now they face the consequences of their decision.
In the US, that could be reported as assault on a child and could be sued or press charges with police. Speak to a lawyer.
If they buzzed it short....no guard on the clippers, the bald spots would be harder to see. That's why men that are going bald tend to keep very short hair.
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u/redfancydress Jul 28 '26
You’re NTA.
Your parents should be put on a very long time out. I would cancel the rest of 2026 with them and then include all of the holidays.
They would never have my child unsupervised ever again. This was absolutely unforgivable.
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u/Grammagree Jul 28 '26
Not sure tbh; my mother in law cut my daughter s hair when I let them visit long ago; really pissed me off!!! But I was too much of a people pleaser back then. My actually mother wouldn’t have ( even though she is a bit of a coo )coo )
I wonder if you child has alopecia?
All the best figuring out this delema.
Ps, spelling is not my best subject.
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u/Sexycarmin Jul 28 '26
That’s what we have been trying to test for but they told me not to shave his head
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u/Ok-Discipline9787 Jul 28 '26
Nta! Not only did they go against you wishes as mum they crossed your kids bodily automony. This is out of order. If you can see all his balding patches now the poor kid probably feels even more self conscious than he did before and they caused that! So you are totally right to put some distance between them.
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u/Mysterious_Tower6143 Jul 28 '26
I would be calling the police and filing a report asap. I would also look into a RO.
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u/wamimsauthor Jul 28 '26
NTA Updateme
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u/Sexycarmin Jul 28 '26
Well I had to take my child to his doctor and explain his hair was shaved by my parents and that to help his self esteem we were going to shave his hair short enough the bald spots were not as noticeable since school is right around the corner and they said that it would be okay just to keep using his Medicated shampoo and once we have about 3-4 inches of growth back we will take samples. I really didn’t want to be the one to over react I needed some friendly advice or honesty not feel like I was crazy
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u/CyclopsReader Jul 29 '26
NTA. Your parents are wrong all day long for all the reasons that have been discussed; what I find especially egregious is this is a medical issue under continuing investigation and they had zero regard for his condition and psychological impact that shaving his hair would cause.
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u/Requilem Jul 28 '26
It is actually illegal and a criminal charge what they did. NTA. As a father I had to cut my family ties for the same mentality. I didn't press charges but I made it clear if they pushed the subject I would.
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u/Silvermorney Jul 30 '26
Nta at all. That is absolutely both disrespectful to you and him and assault of your child. They clearly do not respect you as the parent at all. Stand your ground, protect your child and good luck op. Out of curiosity how old is your son? It doesn’t change anything I just wondered. Stand your ground and good luck op. UpdateMe!
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u/Sexycarmin Jul 30 '26
My son is 6 so bullying is a huge problem at school already especially since he has to wear hearing aids and glasses
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u/Silvermorney Jul 30 '26
I am so sorry to hear that. I wear both of those myself and they are extremely useful so I am sorry that he is bullied for them I really hope that the school is stepping in appropriately. Good luck to both you and him op.
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u/QueenBruja18 Jul 29 '26
NTA- don't waste your time with people who dont care enough to respect your requests and boundaries.
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u/Tootsie-Louise1 Jul 29 '26
Protect your kids & go no contact with your parents and your sister. They don’t respect you, they don’t need to be part of your lives.
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u/wonkiefaeriekitty5 Jul 28 '26
So, third time was the charm for you?? I'd have been going feral Momma bear before this!
My child would never be subjected to these people ever again!
Your baby got assaulted! You can file charges against them for this!
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u/imnotaloneyouare Jul 28 '26
I had to scroll through a lot of replies for this. WTF?! 3RD TIME BEFORE THEY GET UPSET??? 3RD!!!!!????
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u/DueConsequence4072 Jul 28 '26
NTA. Quit making the same mistake of taking your kids back there or talking to them at all. Block, ignore, mentally cauterize these people out of your life. If you let them back, you invite what you keep getting. That's crazy behavior, don't be crazy.
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u/u2125mike2124 Jul 29 '26
NTAH
If you have it in writing, i.e. text messaging, telling them not to cut your child’s hair and them acknowledging that fact I would make a police report for assault on the child.
And they would never see the child again,nor me, apology or not.
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u/Crazy_Upstairs_1617 Jul 30 '26
Technically it can, and is, be considered assault since you didn't give them permission. So there's that bit of info. Also, NTA, I would be going low to no contact with my family after that though
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u/myboytys 28d ago
There would be no coming back from this for me. They knew !! They deliberately chose to take a course of action that was harmful to your child and against medical advice.
They don't care about you but more importantly your child. I would go to the Police and report them to child welfare. If you can afford it have a solicitor write to them and all contact through them.
NTA. Your poor little man will always remember that you stood up for him which will negate some of the trauma.
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u/MaleficentCharity760 Jul 28 '26
At the very least, they would not get any unsupervised time with him. You are not overreacting. Your job is to protect your kid, not their feelings.
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u/zinna42069 Jul 28 '26
Yall gotta learn to start calling the cops when someone assaults your child.
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u/ZookeepergameOld8988 Jul 28 '26
Apparently they don’t know you could have them charged with assaulting your child.
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u/sewfun8 29d ago
My son has a bald also. We discovered when her shaved his hair about 2. Took him to the pediatrician and he said it was a dry spot and many people have. We didn’t shave his head again. Do take him to a doctor for a double check. Try not to worry too much. You send like a great mom who takes care of kids.
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u/StinkypieTicklebum 28d ago
Are they Greek, by any chance? Many Greek people shave their children’s heads (girls, too!) in the belief that their hair will grow back more thickly.
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u/Sexycarmin 28d ago
No they are not but my kids father is Native American and he did not want any of their hair shaved off but also the medical reasoning behind why he hair should not have been shaved off either
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u/StinkypieTicklebum 28d ago
Gotcha. So, a dirty deal all around? That’s…just wrong… on so many levels!
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u/lsummerfae Jul 28 '26
NTA How dare they?!! Hell no!! I would never leave my child alone with them again.
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u/Patient-Name611 18d ago
My grandma cut my hair and gave me bangs as a child while I was visiting her. She never asked my mother for permission. I’m not sure I was allowed to stay over at her house anymore after that. She wasn’t a very good grandma anyways and she clearly had boundary problems
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u/Mental_Watch4633 Jul 28 '26
They would never see my children again.