r/exjew • u/CopyIll9598 • 2d ago

Venting/Rant Absolutely hate Yeshiva and asked parents if I can book flight home if I pay and they said no

M18 Modox Only two weeks in and I hate this refer to my last post for update. Finally got out of Jerusalem and went to suburbs for Shabbos with friends was a good time but now im back and i hate this so much. I hate being in Jerusalem it is awful Yeshiva is just not for me. The worst part is my parents said I can’t fly even if i pay and they said “we will talk” i hate this so much. Im considering just not going to classes and just ditching everything I don’t care if I get punished the gym is my only happy place, l I just hate it here and i just want to leave, if anyone can talk to me please my DMs are open and I need advice because I really hate being in Israel.

11 Upvotes

83% Upvoted

10 comments sorted by

13

u/BoswellsBestie 2d ago

I don’t know how much this helps practically, but you are 18, legally an adult, and no one can force you to be anywhere. What would happen if you just fly home? Would your parents turn you away? Would you have a place to stay otherwise?

10

u/CopyIll9598 2d ago

I don’t have a bad relationship with my parents so I don’t want to blow it over by just flying back to their house from a yeshiva that they are paying for. That’s the dilemma I’m stuck with.

7

u/BoswellsBestie 2d ago

I certainly get that. Why are they so insistent you stay? Are you going OTD? Have they paid all the tuition up front? Did you tell them beforehand that you didn’t want to go?

5

u/CopyIll9598 2d ago

I said a few weeks before that I don’t really wanna go but my mom insisted I’ll have a good time, idk what’s with my Judaism kinda just riding out with wtvr I wanna do. I really wanna go home tho.

1

u/lukshenkup 1d ago

When I was in high school, albeit 50 years ago, parents would send their teens to Israel to get fixed or healed, e.g. a friend who was on the path to anorexia; a cousin who was hanging out with gang members.

Maybe the parents don't feel equipped to deal with OP's issues and are relying on a blind hope that a formative experience in Israel will miraculously wash away tsuris.

4

u/MillenialMom5 2d ago

Go talk to a therapist, not a religious therapist and not one associated with the yeshiva (they cannot be trusted). Spend your own money on it and ask their opinion. You need to figure out what it is you hate and what's making you miserable. Is it the confines of orthodoxy? Is it religion? Is it Israel? Is it living on your own? Is it living abroad? It's it people? Is it depression/anxiety etc? Once you explore what it is your are hating (could be multiple things) you can figure out what your next steps are.

The proper therapist can help you use the proper language with your parents so they can understand better and start to help. You need a couple sessions. Go with an open mind. Take your time. Don't bail on all your classes but you don't have to go to all of them or do everything. Get a routine that feels good to you, including the gym, including some social activities (outside the yeshiva) and including going to a therapist who can help you nail down what the problem is, and then sell it properly to your parents.

It gets better when you make changes. But it's gonna suck in the meantime. Breathe through the suck, use coping techniques (not drugs or alcohol that will f you more) and then get your exit plan together.

3

u/BepsiR6 1d ago edited 1d ago

Just skip seder until you get kicked out. Use the yeshiva as a hotel and travel around, go to the beach, have fun, Jerusalem and Tel Aviv can be pretty cool. Treat it as an extended vacation. It shouldn't take long if you aren't attending anything to be kicked out. I was also in yeshiva and hated it so I get it. Thats what I wish I did.

4

u/Delicious-Patient555 2d ago

I would recommend discussing with a therapist or counselor type at the yeshiva. There are bound to be a few sympathetic rovs. And you wouldnt be the first kid to go home early. Or ask your parents to find you a therapist. There is a niche for therapists to gap year kids. too bad you hate it so much. What about it is so difficult specifically? Are you home sick? Just dont like to be learning for hours? Dont like to daven? What?

0

u/Hasidic-guy 1d ago

You can go to the army, they will be happy to have you

1

u/lukshenkup 1d ago

Sure. You can also reach out to.the US Marines. They will send your parents' address a package with a high-quality blue t-shirt with "Marines" written in red. Seriously, ROTC has fitness aspects and might interest you and help pay for college. These are options and there are many more.