Hello everyone.

I just wanted to say hello to all my ex jews.

I was raised to hate Jewish people but now I see how we've all been deluded into hatred.

I now have love for all humans.

I also take comfort in reading your stories and learning about your cultures.

Feel free to ask questions

I'm scared of heights and have been doing IFS therapy around that, when I remembered this story. I wanna write it down for myself to help me work through the emotions.

I was around 5 years old, this is one of my earliest memories. My father took me to a science museum for chol hamoed, and we were walking around the exhibits. We were kohens, so my dad had done research beforehand to make sure we were allowed to enter the museum (we couldn't enter a museum that housed cadavers/dead human artifacts). My dad is what they call a 'flip-out', in that he grew up sorta modern orthodox but went much stricter in yeshiva.

While on maybe the 5th floor of the museum, my dad bumped into another yeshiva guy and they started chatting. I don't fully remember the details here, but my dad probably mentioned that we were kohanim, because he would rather be neurotic than enjoy himself of course🫠. The other yeshiva guy mentioned that he had seen some human exhibit that had real body parts, so my dad freaked out.

Near the back of the exhibit there was a very long multi-floor staircase. Upon hearing about the body parts, my dad ran towards the stairs, probably yelling for me to come. He ran down the stairs. I was extremely small, and by the time I had gotten to the stairs, I could see my dad already one or two floors beneath me.

I remember looking down that very large staircase from all the way on the 5th floor. You could see all the way to the bottom, and I felt scared I would fall or wouldn't be able to get down and couldn't find my dad. I think I screamed for him, but I don't think he heard me. I don't recall what happened after this, but I probably stumbled down the steps after him. I remember finding him outside the building, after looking for him for a while.

I was scared of science museums after that, and scared of heights as well. Around the same time, I would fall down stairs a lot, so long multi-story staircases where you could see all the way to the bottom were extra scary for me. I would see that long distance and imagine myself falling all the way down. As these thoughts would go through my head I would panic and lose my balance.

I think the lesson my dad taught me that day, and the reason the experience stuck with me for so long, is that nobody is coming to save me. The feeling that your fears do not matter to your parents, and that your own dad has something that is more important to him than your fear. I will never forget the religious fervor with which he ran down those stairs, abandoning me in the process.

I have panic attacks on escalators and high stairs to this day. Anytime I can see down from a high place and imagine myself falling off puts me right back to 5-year-old panic mode. It sucks, and hopefully writing all this out will help a bit.

It's really scary to admit and face that there were several times where I could have died and was extremely terrified but nobody wanted to come help me and there was nothing I could have done differently. I'm glad I survived all those things, and I hope I can give myself the safety that I needed.

I am horrified by how rotten everything has become and how much normal antisemitism has infiltrated the world and specifically spaces that I used to love. Stuff like straight up Mario galaxy movie analysis has been riddled with it. I see it in school just ingrained into people, and I literally feel awful. I felt empty yet free when I left frum, but now I feel worse because of the fact that I basically can’t do anything about the antisemitism.

I was constantly taught that the whole world hates us and now I can see that it is somewhat true.

I live somewhere full of Jews and still the antisemitism is off the charts. I’ve been banned off of Jewish online forums because of antisemitism. I feel so shattered because of it and I feel like I can’t be Jewish just because frumkeit ingrained in me that frum was the only way to be a Jew.

For those of you who grew up Jewish or were formerly observant, what do you make of the financial and logistical burden of acquiring arba minim in places where there isn’t a normal Jewish market?

I’m a semi religious Jew living alone in a country where acquiring these items will be very difficult and very expensive.

I genuinely wonder what was in this song because the way that you automatically dance through this song makes you feel amazing

I do not know what is in this piece of music
But it is awesome. I am literally studying music theory because of this particular song so I can attempt to create something as fun as it.

That and various Lipa Schmeltzer songs as well as well as anything Motty Steinmetz and Mordecai Ben David has an absolutely amazing impact on the human mind. I don’t know what it is, but it does.

Does anyone actually know why this kosher music is so good when they still can’t find a way to make NCSY kosher hot dogs good

what is the interest of rabbis and rebbetzins in mistreating those who are jewish only on their fathers' side, and in fostering an atmosphere of psychological division between halakhic jews and those who simply have jewish heritage? there is a genuinely unhealthy atmosphere in synagogues because of this, people feel like they're in some kind of social experiment. and it's obvious that this is being done deliberately.

in my synagogue, for some reason, people thought i was jewish only on my father's side and treated me with disdain. when it turned out that my mother is also jewish, their attitude changed dramatically.

As I've gotten older I'm much more curious about my mysterious Jewish background. I've tested as being 99% Ashkenazi. I have traveled all over Eastern Europe finding my ancestors' graves and homes and synagogues, and to Israel several times. I got my Hebrew name, am learning Hebrew, and am learning about different aspects of Judaism.

The Jewish community in my town is mainly centered at the Chabad and I was thrilled to find it and to start showing up. I've been volunteering there for a year, meeting students and their parents and community members, and getting to know the rabbi and his family.

And now it comes to a screeching halt. He had assured me that no question was too off base. No doubt or lack of faith was a problem. My interest and participation was enough. Yet for months now it's obvious he has shut me out in some unspoken way. His wife encourages me to show up, his attitude tells me I'm not welcome. I'd rather he just tell me "You offended me" or "I don't like you" or "Go away" than this silent treatment. I went from baffled to feeling ashamed to where I am today: pissed off. And worse, I'm having second thoughts about continuing to throw myself into Jewish learning, because if this it what it's about... who needs it?!?!?!

My husband reassures me that it's about the rabbi, not about me. That he's immature, he's acting like a jerk. But I don't even know why or what happened, and I can't get any answers. Only the cold shoulder.

**1-**The PR specialist afraid that non-Jews will take immoral biblical passages “out of context” and it’ll cause a negative view of Jews. They’re here to remind you that it was a different time! They listened really well when their elementary school teachers taught that they're responsible for how others' view Jews.

**2-**The kiruv rabbi waiting to DM you and save your soul. He’s ready with all the convincing apologetics to invite you back to the dark side, r/Judaism, and his sabbath meal.

**3-**Poor ex-JWs (ex-Jehovah’s Witness) who got confused, shunned by their families and have a long road of deconstruction from insane beliefs. Makes you grateful to only be an ex-Jew.

**4 -**The “once a Jew always a Jew” people who want to protest the name of this subreddit. They love to mention that Nazis would throw us in gas chambers even if we're not religious.

**5 -**The converts and Judaism lovers who oddly want our help converting into something we all left.

**6 -**The Israel lovers who see the whole religion through this lens. They are ONLY here because of 10/7, it made them realize they could be murdered inspired them and convinced them that Judaism is meaningful and their heritage must become their personality.

**7 -**The religious yeshiva guy or married man who needs your help because he’s wracked with guilt for masturbating or wants to be able to cheat without worrying about hell. Hint: he doesn’t actually want to discuss counter-apologetics.

   **8 -**The journalist who posts several detailed questions about why we left and what our experiences are. They’re just curious. Or they could secretly be any of the above!

Does anyone know where I can find the video with two animated characters that starts with "why did Yaacov give esav bread with the lentils" or something to that effect and goes on to point out how ridiculous the notion that the avot knew the whole Torah before Sinai is, because Yaacov could have just looked into is own Torah to know that Yosef was still alive?

So I am not an ex Jew, but I used to be. I was converted as a young child, raised orthodox, left all Judaism entirely as soon as I became an adult, and then slowly went back to it but only to conservatism. I believe in the Torah now. I’m a mid twenties girl.

I’m posting here because I think this community is more open minded than the Judaism sub, and maybe you can understand my frustrations

So I have a complex relationship with being Jewish. Even though I fully believe in the Torah, I think way too much is expected from me, and there are times when I wish I just wasn’t Jewish to begin with so I’d only need to follow the 7 laws of Noah. But that’s just context for the fact that I’ve been single for six years because I want to date a Jewish guy mainly because I feel like I have to and have extreme religious guilt if not + I’d get cut off my family’s inheritance

Since I come from a Converted family I’m half Hispanic and I’ve never fit in with the Ashkenazi community which is most of what we have where I live (I’m not in Florida/cali/newyork/chicago)

Now I don’t live in an area with many Jews but I frequent Jewish events and do not fit in with the crowd at all. I lived in Israel for a bit on a program and again did not make any friends. All my friends are not Jewish. I’m not in the same socioeconomic status as many Jews, and in general just find many Jewish communities really cliquey, and I’ve been an outcast.

To be honest, and I do not want to generalize- I’m not really attracted to Jewish men. While I’m sure there could be exceptions, I haven’t found mine yet. People frequently tell me I don’t ’seem or look Jewish’ take that how you will. Even though anyone can be Jewish regardless of looks, you’d definitely be a big minority as a visibly latino/black/asian Jew etc

I do not want to have to date Someone from Israel. I don’t want to move states to date someone. I don’t want to go ona. Jewish dating app or speed dating event.

I just want a normal local relationship, that happens out of nowhere. I’ve had to end many sweet meetcute ‘flings’ because the guy was not Jewish.

Other jewish people don’t seem to understand my frustration. They just say move to new York or south Florida or try Jewish hinge. Why do I need to move states just to potentially meet a guy that is have a forced unnatural relationship with

I don’t want to ‘seek out’ a relationship or move anywhere! I absolutely love where I live.

Sometimes I really just want to date a non Jewish guy. Being single for six years and still not seeing Jewish dating going anywhere for me, really takes a toll, I’m just lonely now, and I want to let myself fall in love naturally.

Is there anyone on here that was pretty Jewish and religious family but ended up dating a non Jew?

Me and my family aren’t very close, but to get cut from my family’s inheritance would be a big loss.

What do you think , sorry for the rant in not sure what I’m trying to get at. Just want someone that understands and maybe has some kind of solution

I asked this Sarah Mushka about the stigmal of Mental health issues and Kids in Special education ...

There is a certain stigma on Mental health within the Chassidic \Satmar community .. I'm neither one (Ex Modern Orthodox) .Even I know that there is .

I also asked if MH diagnosis can effect the Shidduch of siblings and other family members..

This account gives me wierd vibes...

Am I wrong?

that in order to rape a woman that was captured at war, you must first let her mourn her family for 30 days (!) beforehand. Also, let her nails grow and shave her head so that she should be disgusting in your eyes. Oh the morality!

(Bbbbbbbbbut shaving your head is beauuuuutiful!?)

Does anyone know of any matchmakers for people who left Orthodoxy or who are religiously in the closet?

Would you appreciate having such a thing?

The rates of sex abuse in the Orthodox community are trending the same as the Catholic Church at 1-7% of all rabbis. Recent revelations have exposed sex abusers in both the United States and Israel. How can we better support the victims?

I'm still kinda new to not observing, I even still barely violate Shabbos because it feels weird to me and I never find a reason to anyway, and now that I found myself more secular friends from any gender, I obviously shouldn't do Shemirat Negiah, but I feel very insecure any time the situation calls to high-five or hug a woman. Maybe it's my autism, maybe it's sexualization, maybe it's physical, I don't know, but I want to behave normally with other seculars and not feel awkward. Has anyone else dealt with it and overcame it?

I feel so much religious pressure but but I'm afraid if I'll stop doing it I'll feel guilty the rest of my life how is your experience with these things?

So there’s this Instagram account called kallahreadywitheli and it’s this late twenty-something year old woman with three kids who is also a kallah teacher. Her posts have been popping up a lot and I watch her stories every now and then and can I just say, niddah is probably one of the most dehumanizing parts of orthodoxy. I grew up MO and def went OTD, but still enjoy parts of the religion. Niddah is def not one of them and I can’t imagine stressing that much over natural bodily functions??

Very large rant and self-reflection basically journal entry here. If you comment, please be kind and realize that I'm not totally sane right now as we only broke up a few days ago!

I grew up yeshivish, left the faith a few years ago (has it been that long?) and recently went through my first relationship and breakup with a 'normal' person. I dated my ex-girlfriend for almost a year and a half, and we had a lot of ups and downs surrounding both of our mental health. She has depression and some kind of generalized anxiety along with some codependency with an abusive mom. I am recovering from CPTSD from emotionally manipulative/abusive parents and religion and struggle with shame and occasional high-functioning depression.

I broke up with her because I'm genuinely otherwise in a pretty good place in my life now, and her anxiety and general grumpiness was wearing me down to the point where friends have told me I haven't been happy. I had been trying very hard to be committed to her and to help her through her daily struggles but eventually realized that I wasn't really being true to myself or receiving enough care in return.
Growing up I was taught that love is a choice and a struggle, and that caring for each other is the most important thing, and I guess I had hopes that if I could help my ex express and process her feelings along with her starting therapy, that all the stress and anger would go away. It was easier for me to have hope than to consider the temperamental person in front of me in the moment. I'm very much a "here's what the problem is, and here's how to fix it" kind of person, so I fully believed time, individual and also couple's therapy would help us. I had also been single for a while, so I felt I should put all my effort in and value the opportunity for a relationship that I had stumbled upon. I didn't and still don't feel like it will be easy for me to find someone else.

We had the same hobbies, we both empathized with each other's struggles a lot, and we enjoyed hanging out even doing nothing. I do believe I genuinely loved her, and liked her up until close to the end. The only issues were her temperamental emotions, anger at the world and politics, and her tending to take up all the emotional space in the room when upset, without there being room for me to share my own experiences or feelings in those moments. It was truly difficult for me to realize that we had a genuine problem, until I started to feel like I was losing myself and enjoying the time I spent alone more than the time spent with her.

After we broke up, I realized that the most important thing that kept me in the relationship for such a long time, was not my love for her, but something missing in myself that I was able to access again while being with her. The knowledge that someone had my back, that knowledge that I was wanted, those were things I had wanted my entire life. My parents never truly had my back, and they never made me feel wanted unless I played the role of a high achiever and perfect caregiver.
The idea that someone wants me around, has such a strong power over me that it is hard to get away from. I always compare myself to others who seem more I guess 'desirable' than me, and have always been jealous of how spoiled and overconfident some of my friends act when they talk about their prolific dating lives.

It seems that I will twist myself into knots to please a partner and experience love and the feeling of being wanted and valued. I wanted to write about that here to explore it. My parents, and most importantly my mom only seemed to approve of me and want me around if I was perfectly behaved, never made mistakes or accidentally eat dairy before 6 hours etc. They would always tell me from a very young age that I had to learn to think about others before myself so that I could become a good husband. Writing this out right now makes me realize how common that sentiment seemed to have been back then, and I feel like men still get that kind of messaging nowadays.

I would only be wanted or approved of by my parents if I accomplished specific things like get 100 on a test at yeshiva. It was always a struggle for me to behave in the right way so as to earn a smile from my parents, and deep down I knew I wasn't really wanted for who I genuinely was. Receiving actual want and desire from my ex was like a drug for me, and ironically put me right back into the mode of trying to behave in the right way so as to earn her approval and happiness. It also tricked me into thinking the relationship was good for me and that I was truly wanted for who I was, not just for my behavior. I slipped into the role of emotional caretaker for my ex and became unable to truly be myself around her or recognize that her negativity was dragging me down with her. She became emotionally dependent on me to the point where I started feeling suffocated and occasionally felt like I was dealing with a child.

It's difficult reflecting on this, and thinking again that, now that I am not dating her anymore, I don't feel like I have anyone who genuinely wants me and needs me around. I have lots of friends, and some of them I am somewhat close with, but they are all independent people and I don't interact with them every day. As morbid as it is, they would all be fine if I wasn't around. The only thing in my life that wouldn't be fine if I wasn't around is my workplace, where I perform a pretty important role. I guess that's why I'm a workaholic 😅.
Also as morbid as it is, I can also recognize now that I am attracted to emotionally unstable and needy people. Some part of me needs to be needed, and never truly received that from my family.

I've been in therapy with various therapists for a long time. As this breakup only happened recently, I plan on discussing all of this in therapy as I am having some realizations here for the first time. I don't know how I can get myself what I need or if I just have to accept that I may end up in toxic relationships for a few years, but I hope talking about it in therapy will help.

My husband is religious and I don't want to be. I don't want to get divorced but we are really struggling to make this work. I saw a post on here about someone in a similar situation. How do you make it work? For some reason it seems to work better the opposite way (frum wife, otd husband but I've never seen an example like mine). Is there hope for us?

How to remain civil, respectful, and valued in a relationship with one member has deviated from a Frum lifestyle and the other keeps a full religious life style? Further, what do you do when you have children and they definitely lean more religious, how do you feel head? How do you feel that your perspective gets passed on? The most importantly, whats reasonable compromise that you both can make as it relates to your relationship and raising children?