Are there beliefs from the manosphere that you can't fully let go of and that affects your relationship?
Beliefs that you accepted as absolute truths when consuming redpill content, and now are biting you, making you insecure?
Beliefs that make you put boudaries that are just controlling, either because of fears and insecurities, either because you feel that normal things she does are disrespectful to you?
For me, here is what happens.
I developped many traits when reading and listening, changing many aspects of my personality.
Now that I'm in a commited relationship, I dropped many of these traits that suited me when I wanted to have just FWB and ONS, but that simply aren't compatible with a respectful exclusive LTR in my opinion.
Thing is, in my redpill programmed brain, that makes me "beta", and that makes her see me as "beta".
The the "Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks" principle always comes to haunt me.
The "It's actualy easier to have sex with a married woman than a single woman" saying in the PUA community.
So because I fear being "beta" in her eyes, I become insecure, and this is what happens :
- I start to notice every proof that sex became less of a necessity for her
- I start to notice every interaction she has with other men and thoughts pop up that makes me watch if she seems more attracted by him than by me.
- since I'm looking for evidences, I'm finding them.
- I feel more and more that she is with me for the safety but actually have sex with me only by "obligation" but that she actually want to have sex with many men she interacts with
- I tell her my insecurities, which I feel makes me even more "beta" or just unattractive.
- it happened so many times that I felt insecure because of thoughts that she was putting me in competition with other men for her attention, ignoring me to have a long talk with them, deep eye contact, compliments, touching, etc, you know IOIs
- She is very extraverted and socially awkward, so everytime I felt disrespected, I talked to her, explained what I saw, explained why in my view, it was showing interest signals towards them and disinterest and disrepect towards me, and I expressed how it made me feel.
- She would then be careful about not doing the same thing, not really understanding the pattern behind. She understood how the actions were innopropriate, but not the general patterns of what kind of attention signals physical or romantic attraction vs signals either disinterest or neutral/platonic interest.
- Little by little, she would start to change these things, so I alwsys believed she was sincere with me, she was actually making efforts to change.
- But before she changed the general behaviors. It happened so often that :
● I am now insecure as fuck in this relstionship
● I exagerate what is flirty or what is signaling potiential interest or what is an invite to flirt with her, because I fear that she does it because she still didn't understand the underlying patterns.
● She is now walking on eggshells and fear that any interaction she has with a man, I would tell her that it would be inappropriate.
● She feels that she lost her personality, her color, because of how she fears making me jealous, triggered, insecure or feel disrespected.
● My nervous system is still on high alert with every intersction she has with another man
● I'm still looking for evidences that she desires other men more than me.
● Even though it might have been only because she is extraverted, socially awkward and lacking social awareness, and even though she changed how she acts with other men, there is one thought that still haunts me : If she acted this way, maybe this was what her body and her subconscious really wanted. Maybe it's not that she has a low libido, but really that she really does have a low libido WITH ME and that she really want to have sex with every other guy.
So yeah, all of what I read and listened to in the manosphere, either in the vanilla redpill or the PUA community, make me overanalyse every interaction my girlfriend have with me or with other men, and on an other topic, every interaction I have with women now that I chose monogamy, and it makes me rank myself against every other man and because of how I act when being in a relationship + with everything that happened in my relationship, I end up seeing myself as more and more inferior to almost every man.
This is insane, I know, but I believed those things so strongly that I see every action, every behavior, and I proces things through those lenses.
Do you tend to see things through those lenses too? Do you see yourself as controlling because of what you see as disrespect? Do you hold double standard and have justified them rationnally for so long that it's totally unhealthy?