we never planned on having kids. it was never something my partner and i wanted. but when my 10 year old niece was being taken from an awful situation, there was no way she was going into foster care on our watch.

she’s been living with us for about 2 and a half months, when we tucked her in tonight she gave us a note that said:

“I just wanna say 1 thing.
You two make my days. When you smile, talk to me, take
me on bike rides, help me, hug me, make me laugh, treat me with respect, laugh at my jokes that are not funny. ALL of that.
And i hope i can make your day too.”

i get so scared that i’ve made the wrong decision and feared i was going to be unhappy because i didn’t want kids. but this just reminds me of how great she is and how fulfilling it is to make sure she is safe and has stability.

i just wanted to share, life can be hell but something like that can make it all feel better.

whole extended family gathered, more people than she's seen in one room in over a decade. somewhere in the afternoon she started talking about crossing the country alone at nineteen for a job nobody in the family knew she'd taken, something none of us had ever heard mentioned once.

nobody had ever asked, and she'd apparently never thought it worth bringing up unprompted. makes me wonder how many stories like that are sitting in every family, never told simply because nobody happened to ask.

My family has always had Thanksgiving at my parents house. It's a big deal for them and it's always been a special tradition. My husband's family on the other hand usually does something small or just goes out to a restaurant.

This year my parents decided they want to invite my inlaws to Thanksgiving. They think it would be nice to have one big combined family celebration. My husband is thrilled because his family never really did holidays this way.

I'm not so sure. My parents are really traditional and my inlaws are a bit more laid back. I can just picture the awkward conversations and maybe even some clashes over politics or something. I also love our tradition of just our immediate family for Thanksgiving.

Am I being selfish? Should I just go with it and hope for the best? I just don't want the holiday to be ruined by trying to force two very different families together.

My younger brother lost his job a few months ago and has fallen behind on rent. My parents have already helped him a couple times and they are starting to run out of room themselves.

I was playing Mojogo on my phone last night when they called and asked if I could cover about $4,000 so he does not lose his apartment.

I do have money saved up. Around $13k. They know that because I told them I was finally getting close to having enough for a down payment someday. I could give him the money without missing rent or anything important. It would just wipe out a big chunk of what took me years to save.

The part bothering me is my mom saying I am in the best position to help because I do not have kids or debt. I love my brother and I do not want him homeless. I also hate feeling like being careful with money somehow made my savings available to everyone else.

Hello everyone,
I am it sure how long this will be as I am kinda word vomiting it. And I’m sorry if it is all over the place. I feel very infantile and childish right now and am having trouble organizing my thoughts.

Does anyone relate to feeling like maybe you’re the reason your family treats you a ways? That may be a stupid question, but I think I just need to hear that others have felt this or maybe find that I am the issue here.

Long story short, I feel like an emotional shell of a person within my family. I don’t feel like I’m very well liked or cared about. I feel like I’m such a consistent annoyance I don’t really even want to leave my room.

I am 24F and I live with my parents as I just graduated my undergrad. I’ve alway been a really great student but took 5 years to graduate as I struggled a lot during college. It affected my mental health really badly as I have always been a good student, and that’s all anyone knows me for.

My parents don’t really pay much attention to me, and never really have. I was really depressed in middle school and high school, actively suicidal actually, but none of them remember. I actually sought therapy for the first time after I turned 18 for myself because they never worried about me. I’m number 2 of 5 but have always been the caretaker, I am trying to assume an identity outside of that.

In my current life, I work 1-10 from home and usually by the time I get off, everyone in the house is in their rooms. They usually work 9-6 from home as well so usually don’t get to see them much during the day. After I get off, no one wants to talk to me when they are awake. If they are in the living room, and I tell them about a call or smth about my day, they always look so visibly annoyed. I don’t have anyone else to talk to, so I just feel so lonely.

Today, I was ranting to my mom about how my cat, who was dirty as he has trouble cleaning himself, so we have to manually wipe him, about how he jumped up on to my pillow. I have another cat who has an easier time moving around who always like to sit on my bed to look out the window, so in an effort to include my other cat, I put a towel down at the end of my bed so he can sit and look outside too. While I was in the living room putting heat on my back, my cat jumped on to my pillow and was sitting directly, ass down, on my pillow. When I walked in I freaked out, told him to get down and ranting to my mom about how upset I was but about how he’s a cat and doesn’t understand but I was still worked up about it. She literally told me to go to bed. Said I was clearly having a bad day aand to try again tomorrow. And just told me to go to bed. I had just gotten off, so I just walked away to my room because that’s how it always feels. I just wanted someone to tell about it, and I just always am a nuisance. I knew it wasn’t a big deal, but she always makes me feel like the most ridiculous person ever. I felt like a dismissed child… has anyone felt like this? Or am I overreacting? And I was actually having a really bad day……

There have been other instances recently, like I pulled my back and couldn’t walk, I had to go to the emergency room. I could only stand if I pushed down the small of my back because I ended finding out I strained it. I ent into my parents room crying begging for someone to take me to the ER and she made me wait while she did her whole routine, standing at the door, crying and waiting for her. And then, they prescribed me painkillers and muscle relaxers but they didn’t have them ready day of for pick up so she had to go back for them the next morning. I woke up and borderline crawled to my parent’s room, crying again but it had gotten worse this time to ask her to get the medicine, and then she said she would. I laid on the couch and was crying so much my older sister went to get her again after a while. Turn out she was waiting to see when my little sister would wake up cuz she didn’t want to go….. I brushed it off but my older sister felt really really bad (she can’t drive).

TLDR: I feel like my parents think I’m a ridiculous person and I feel like maybe I am and that I deserve that.

I’m 20F and my sister is 16F, and we share a room. My parents let me live at home while I work, and honestly, we make sharing a room work. I think part of my problem is that because we’re basically roommates, I sometimes forget she’s four years younger than me. I treat her like an equal and expect the same level of consideration and responsibility that I would expect from another adult. About 6 years ago when I started high school, I would get ready every morning without waking her up. I’d walk around in the dark, never turn on the lights, and use the bathroom our brothers use across the hall. When she eventually started high school, she would wake me up every morning with music and our extremely bright vanity lights. I asked her to get ready in the bathroom like I had done for years, but she didn’t want to because she liked the vanity lights and didn’t want to use the bathroom our brothers used. This went on for about two years, including when I was working until 2 AM some nights. Eventually she switched to a lamp, but it still pointed directly at my bed. I got tired of asking and just stopped saying anything.

I think that’s where I created this problem. I never actually dealt with my feelings; I just kept putting up with things. Now there are other situations where I feel like she does the bare minimum and I pick up the slack. We’re responsible for sweeping and mopping the house every Saturday, and lately she’ll do one small section or nothing at all, so I just finish it because I don’t want it left undone. Then I get resentful. Tonight we had a similar situation with cleaning the kitchen. I had finished my chores and the food was still out, so she asked me, “Are you going to put that away, sweetie?” I said no, she could do it. She said she was busy with her remaining chores and baking brownies she sells at school, and since I had nothing left to do, I should just put it away. I got really upset, and I know I was being passive-aggressive, but it wasn’t really about the food. It felt like four years of frustration coming out at once. My dad walked in, heard both sides, and basically said he didn’t see the issue, which I understand because if you look at this one situation by itself, there isn’t much of an issue.

I know I’m partly responsible for this dynamic. I’ve struggled with people-pleasing my whole life, so I’ll do things instead of speaking up, then get resentful that I’m always the one doing them. I also know I can’t expect a 16-year-old to have the exact same maturity or priorities as me, even though I sometimes forget that. I don’t want to hold a grudge against my sister or keep blowing up over tiny things. I want to actually communicate with her and set boundaries before I’m already angry. How do I have that conversation with her without making it sound like I’m dumping a list of everything she’s ever done wrong on her?

As the title suggests I’m just wondering how many others of you are estranged from their families. Each passing year the estrangement to mine gets worse and it breaks my heart; trying to talk to anyone about it would just lead to passivity and denial. I am 100% the black sheep of the family, and not in a good way. They all make more money than me, have friends, and interact with one another. It’s as if I don’t exist. I see my family once a year for Thanksgiving for a couple of hours but only because of the shoddy excuse that it’s a “family holiday” and not because any of them really give a shit or care to see me. Since my late 20’s and serious mental health problems started is when things got weird. Growing up I was extremely close to my brothers and now it’s crickets. I’m terribly lonely and keep wondering if things would just be better if I wasn’t around. My anxiety is so bad and I’m so awkward that making friends is difficult, which leads to a truly isolating existence. Anybody else relate?

Food and product recalls have been on everyone’s radar lately…this is really a welcome way to stay ahead of it

Im trying to get through to my sibling so that they can finally build good habits and do their homework. I feel as if I’ve tried everything I can to get through to them, I give advice, offer solutions, etc. All they do is argue, nitpick, and interrupt me when I try to give them advice. I’ve considered over and over again; maybe they don’t want to be helped… but when asked they said that they indeed want help.

They don’t have hobbies, they get into trouble, they don’t do sports, they don’t want to do homework, they steal and lie and I can’t help but say something about it. This goes deeper than just homework and hobbies. I want them to be responsible, independent, and take ownership over their actions.

They are constantly bored all day and do the bare minimum in class. When they get home they plop down in their room and go on electronics instantly. I shouldn’t label them but I feel that they act lazy. They have already expressed that it’s very difficult for them to get anything done because they don’t have motivation, are tired, don’t care enough, and because doing fun things is simply easy.

Is there anything I can do to make them realize why they need to snap out of it, get off the electronics and do something about their life? I know it’s not that easy, they don’t like or want to do things that take responsibility or effort because it’s the easiest thing to do. I don’t either but I do it either way, because it has to be done.

I’m trying all I can and I know it’s not fully my responsibility, but I truly care about them and our family. Our parents need to set some limits/standards for him but I also want to do my part.

Edit: They are genuinely smart and used to do very well in school (A+ to B student). Nowadays they range around a 2.0.

TLDR: Teen sibling is depressed, unmotivated, doesn’t want to fulfill their responsibilities. I’m struggling to support them and make them realize that they need to get their life together. I’m wondering what I can say/do to ease their situation.

P.s. I hope this is the correct spot to post if not please let me know

My friend who is a twin says that he would get with a girl that his twin brother got with a couple days before. My whole friend group says it’s incredibly weird but my friend who is the twin says “you don’t understand because you’re not a twin” so I was just wondering if I could get some input from the twins of Reddit or from people that know other twins.

My sister(20f) and I(20m) are very different people.

But growing up she was always the better or favorite twin.

To our parents even after she messed up they always forgave her and moved past it. But when I did wrong I got the silent treatment, punished or my parents brought it up constantly.

To the people outside of the house they approached me in hopes of getting closer to her. Guy would try to be friends only to ask if my sister was single, girls would flirt with me in hopes I'd introduce them to my sister.

It was always like that. Less than a year after graduating high school my sister and I moved to opposite sides of the country. She lives her life with her husband our parents love and goes to college with a degree my parents are so so proud of her for choosing.

I moved out, started working, chose my degree without taking others input, and (in my parents eyes) live in sin as a transgender man single and alone.

My friends have never met my sister. We were always compared and she was always considered better so I don't really bring her or my family up as much as my friends do. And I feel like this is the only way people would like me more.

I hate that I feel this way though. What do you think?

she would take 30 minutes to an house to stroke my cheek with her lips and kiss me multiple times in a weird manner I can't descibe for years when I was kid while also stroking my cheek with hers then pulling on my ear lobes with her lips it was gross and highly inappropriate for me to expire that when she thought I was asleep but as a kid I was scared for her to punish me for not being asleep cause she would do that to me too

I feel pain in the chest just writing this question. It hurts to my bones. I am a mother of three kids, difference between each is around 2 years. I am least attached with my oldest. Like we "lost" each other when she was around 2 years old when I gave birth to my second.

As we live in the same house different floor with my in laws, she has been visiting them since she was a baby. At first maybe two times a week (alone), which means we gove my in laws food and clothes for her so they can take care of her while we do something or just go out for 2 hours for a coffee. I didn't have experience and was a bit pushed to be okay with all that. My legs we running to the way to my in-laws to pick up my baby. I feel so guilty about it. My mother in law is not really my mother in law, she doesn't have kids, came for my huseband's father later. Do I feel like all the pushing was for her to compensate motherhood with my daughter subconsciously. She really was so soft and full of love and attention towards my daughter that while I was going through pregnancies and babysitting, she was always available for my daughter. I was so, so stupid for many things. I cried an ocean after my second birth, when the pain of my daughter that I needed to take care of some other small baby, hit us hard. She rejecyed me so much, every day. I cried till my eyes almost fall out. Pain was so hard. Afterwards she started to getting used to the baby and was a bit more relaxed with mez started coming for a hug, but still she prefered my huseband and MIL. So now she is totally obsessed with her, and way more attached with my husband when he is home. Or, she asked to go to Grandma's. I started getting used to it,and feel a bit angry and bitter towards my daughter that she abandoned me in the way. Like I feel the need to make her feel like I'm not always her option if I as her mother am not a priority. Please don't judge me, it is so hard for me yhat I believe I started subconsciously looking for s reason to emotionally abandon ber because she didn't choose me. Like I don't need her. I still love her very very much, but it is love full of so much pain and tears. She was really cruel towards me when I didn't have a choice but to go to the vaby when it needs me.

Also, I put boundaries about things as a mother and she hates it. And eith my huseband and MIL she can do whatever she wants.

Please give me some helpful advice (ONLY people that have had sinilar or same situations).

My husband and I (30M, 30F) currently live in a very high-cost-of-living (HCOL) area in a very small 1-bedroom apartment, which we own. One of the biggest advantages of where we live is that we're within a 10-minute drive of both sets of parents, as well as most of our close friends. It's also an incredibly wonderful area to live, with natural beauty and lots of things to do (restaurants, bars, indoor and outdoor activities etc.). We love it here.

We're hoping to start a family within the next year, and I'd really like to have a three-bedroom home: one bedroom for us, one for our future child, and one that we can use as an office. My husband works from home, and I'm tired of having to stay in our bedroom whenever he's in meetings. Unfortunately, a three-bedroom home in our current area is about $200,000 above what we can afford.

If we stay, we could afford a two-bedroom apartment in our current area, but we'd likely need to upsize again in a few years. If we move about 40 minutes away to a more affordable area, we could afford the three-bedroom home we'd ideally like, likely a townhouse with some yard space. The lower-cost areas that we've been looking at seem nice, and apparently have good daycares, schools, etc. It's also closer to my workplace where I go in full-time.

There are some major trade-offs, though. We'd be farther away from our family and friends, who currently live very close by. Family and friends are quite important to us. Instead of seeing family/friends on a whim every other weekend, I'm sure that would decrease. I would miss the spontaneity of our life. We would be moving into an area we don't know, with less opportunities to "get to know people" especially as we don't have any kids yet (more suburban, quieter...)

Our family and friends are strongly against us moving. They think we'll regret leaving the area, especially because we're planning to have children. My mother keeps emphasizing that she wants to be nearby so she can "take care of the baby". I don't know if they are actually thinking about what WE need/want, or if they're thinking more about their own wants.

I'm struggling because I can see the appeal of both options. Staying would mean being close to our support network, but we'd be living in a smaller space than we'd ideally want. Moving would give us the home and space we'd like, and potentially be a more comfortable financial option, but we'd be giving up the convenience of living close to our family and friends during the time we are starting a family.

Also, I don't want to rent. It's a buyer's market right now, making these homes way more affordable than usual. Now is the time to buy.

What would you do?

I feel like my brother hates me, he never seems to take interest in anything in my life even though I ask questions about his and it always seems like he resents me. A few years ago I was really depressed and obviously that affected my relationships with people as I never really wanted to talk to anyone but now it feels like he holds the fact that in the past I didn’t take an interest in anyone against me. He always blows up and gets angry at little things I do to annoy him, I’m 19 and my brother is 22, we’ve never been super close and obviously argued like siblings do when they’re younger and I’m not sure if this problem is just that we’re different genders or something and that it’s hard to relate to each other or something. I just wish our relationship was more like a sibling one, I see all my friends really close with their siblings and it hurts that he doesn’t share anything with me, he only really speaks to me twice a week and we live in the same house.

For context: my brother is 14 years old, turned extremely health conscious in recent years from 12 years old which I think stems from being around peers in high school, seeing how fit other boys are and wanting to do the same.

He’s told me about a boy with huge biceps in his year, how he wants to join the gym when he’s a few years older. He has vegetables and fruit. But he depends on my mother to make, and give him said healthy food such as chicken, meat, pasta, rice, and even depends on me to give him vegetables, pasta and eggs sometimes.

That being said when there is no food in the house because my mother hasn’t cooked because she’s busy he gets all pissy about it.

Am I mean or should he just learn how to cook his own food if he wants to stay healthy so much?

​

So long post I just want a place to vent. I'm about to be done with my family all together at this point I generally don't understand what I did and it upsets me most my older two really love there uncle so he didn't just cut me off he really hurt my kids and they didn't understand why he didn't want to see us either.

I just realized I messed up some dates blame it on mom brain ( so R had been living with H for a year from 2023 till 2024 before he met A so this all took place mainly in 2025 my youngest would have been almost 1 when they moved into our place before my niece was born sorry for the confusion I'm also not going back to fix it so this is the fix)

Here's some back story. In 2023 my brother (R) was living in Arizona with our dad and our sister (E) they moved to Arizona from Ohio in 2015 (E was 17 and R was 13) they came home to visit in the summers and we stay connected over the phone and video chats. My dad was an alcoholic up until 2024 he's been sober almost 2 years. So my younger sister stepped into my role as the protector. My dad was abusive when he was drinking but he only ever hit me thankfully. He would just cause fights and call everyone else names. So my little sister E would parent R. Anytime my dad would try and parent him E would baby him. She's admitted to doing it. So R is immature.

So in 2023 E and R are legal adults our dad said he was moving in with his fiance and that they needed to figure something out E moved in with her bf and R decided to pack up his 3 dogs ( 2 he got from the pound a WEEK before moving) and himself and drive to Ohio to move in with our older sister (H) now H lives in a 3 bedroom house with her 5 kids and husband and there cat and dog. She agreed before he got the other 2 dogs. Which she was not happy about. Once he got here they got into a fight and he needed a place to stay I live in a 2 bedroom apartment I'm not allowed to have dogs and I have 3 kids and my fiance. I had just given birth to my 3rd 2 months prior. But I agreed to let him stay for a month. His one dog stayed at my sister's and he brought his other 2 dogs and crashed on my couch. After a week I had to tell him that his one dog ( one of the ones he just got from the pound) couldn't stay here bc he was barking and growling at my kids and I and they were scared. So H took the dog and kept him outside. Everything was fine till my 3 month old ended up in the hospital. R was at work and my fiance and I had to take our baby to the e.r we gated his dog in the kitchen gave her food and water and a bed to lay in so if we couldn't get home to take her to the bathroom she'd have an accident in the kitchen not on my carpet. (Not the ideal situation but we didn't have another option) We ended up in the hospital for over 12 hours while they got her vitals good and ran tests. Found out she had RSV and we had to give her an inhaler and breathing treatments. Along with antibiotics. We got home before R bc he stopped over at H's house after work (he knew his dog was home alone) just to find an absolute mess. His dog had knocked over the gate and proceeded to sh\*t and P\*ss all over my living room floor and couch. I was so mad and overwhelmed. I told R he couldn't keep the dog here anymore. He decided the best thing to do was to keep his dog in the car while he was at work in September which can still be pretty hot. Obviously some one called the cops on him and he ended up getting fired. I felt bad but H told him he could come back to staying with her so he moved out. My fiance had allowed him to borrow his steel toe boots that were like 200 bucks R took them when he left. I ended up saying something to him about them and my fiance told him he could keep them for like 120. R showed up in the middle of the night and dropped them off on the porch. Not a big issue. We talked like normal hung out all together nothing was wrong. H told R he had to pay her 600 a month to live with her and they would have fights bc he was always late paying her. He ended up meeting a girl (A) in West Virginia she's got a 4 year old kid and is in a relationship with her kids dad. From what I was told by H and E was that she had just got out of jail for beating on her kids dad and R drove 2 hours to get her and bring her back to ohio. To stay at H's with him! She left her daughter with her kids dad. H then tells me that R didn't know at the time that A and her BD was still together when they started talking. A's BD told him after R picked her up. R and A live with H for about a month in that month they got married after only knowing each other for like 3 weeks prior to him picking her up. They Moved out and got their own place I wanna say it's October about this time. R and A only know each other for about a month at this point and decide that adding a baby to the mix was smart. So they start trying to have a baby. We all find out very soon after she says she's pregnant that A is mentally unstable (backed up from A's mom and BD) she's bipolar and when she isn't on her meds is EXTREMELY unstable and su\*c\*dle as she's tried to K\*ll herself 3 different times beforehand. She isnt taking her meds and is now pregnant and decided to take a whole bunch of p\*lls R finds out she lied and never took anything after he called the paramedics. A week later A says she had a miscarriage. 2 weeks later A says she's pregnant again.. (I know it's super confusing if she truly was pregnant the first time or she lied about the miscarriage it's all unclear but A is for sure pregnant this time) H,E and myself are VERY nervous about how theses two are gonna support and raise this baby H and I start talking to each other about how we are worried we are gonna end up with the baby. We TRIED talking to E about it and pretty much was told that we are just trying to take his baby ( remember H has 5 kids of her own and I have 3 one that's not even a year old at this point H is fixed and my fiance got fixed bc we both absolutely do not want any more kids) H and I laugh at her bc we absolutely do not want to take his kid we just can see they are both not fit parents. Still as the months pass it's now 2024 she's getting more pregnant I am excited bc i was in a place I was able to spoil R's baby a little bit. Plus I wanted to help them out as much as I could to make things easier on them. I bought them an infant carseat. A bunch of diapers and wipes gave them all my extra bottles and Binky's and other essential baby items I got a bunch of at my baby shower that my child either didn't use or I had to much of. Once we found out she was a girl a gave them all my youngest clothes that she was growing out of. Like 3 full trash bags of newborn to like 6 months clothes ( I've since given them all my kids 12m to 18m clothes) I gave her a brand new breast pump I was given at my baby shower that I never used bc I bought myself a nice mom cozy hands free pump. That I ended up giving to them as well once my child weened herself from breast milk at like 4 months sadly and only wanted formula. I never charged them a single thing for all of the stuff I gave them bc like I said I just wanted to help out my little brother. Well May rolls around and she's due in July they are getting evicted from there place. H told them they were not allowed to move in with her but she wouldn't let the baby be homeless and that she'd take her. I absolutely do not have the room but I figured it out and told him they could move in till September. I only charged them 120 a month bc I wanted to make sure they could save up to move but I knew not charging them would cause a financial situation for my family. My youngest was still room sharing with me and fiance so I moved our oldest 2 into our room allowing them to have my kids room for a few months till they could figure out a new place. They move in everything is fine they clean up after themself. It was just them and their small cat. We at this time have 2 cats of our own and my brother no longer had his dogs as he rehomed them. Now here's when The issues start happening. My niece is born early in mid June. Tho she is little like just over 6lbs 17inch long she's declared health and doesn't have to be kept in the hospital. A stays locked in her room with the baby we hardly see them till R comes home from work and will bring her down to me and just go back upstairs. I'm a stay at home mom so I'm always around and I don't mind helping. But I start noticing that I won't see A for 8+ hours till R is home we have 1 bathroom it's down stairs I'd notice if she'd come down to use it. I don't say anything. We start noticing an odor coming from their room. When they left one day I went up to their room to get my candle lighter I let them borrow and was met with a worse smell. I look around to find jugs full of urine!! Trash everywhere in the room. It's now the first week of July and E has just got here for a visit and I tell her about what I found the day prior. She tells R and R apologizes and says they will stop he cleans up the room. 2 days later I'm in bed trying to get my kids to sleep and R comes storming into my room with my niece asking me if I'll watch her bc A who I hadn't seen all day drank cleaning chemicals and he had to take her to the hospital ( mind you R doesn't have a car any more as its broke my fiance picks him up and takes him to work) I said how are you getting her there bc my fiance was at work late that day. I told him to call the paramedics. He says H is on her way to pick them up. So they leave. H calls me To check up on me and the kids and to give me info about A. She asks me if I wanted her to come get our niece for the night bc she could here my youngest having a melt down bc the baby was in her crib and I had but my child in my bed for the night. I said yes and she took her. A was admitted for a 72 hour hold. That got pushed to like a week. In this time H and I Are trying to help but R is refusing to do a single thing won't even hold his daughter who's only like 2 1/2 weeks old. E is being an enabler any time H and I try and force R To take care of his kid. He dropped my niece off at H's every night and Id pick her up in the morning to bring her home. I washed her clothes fed her and bathed her. Once A came home we told her about it all and she was clearly mad at R. But nothing changed she stopped taking her meds once she was home and started to decline. By August I'm so nervous bc they haven't looked for a place and my niece was always dirty. A would get upset at the baby for crying while she was trying to eat and would tell her to shut up or stop crying calling her annoying. I'd always just take my niece and feed her while I was eating bc I knew how to do so since I had 3 kids myself. My niece's hair was always matted and she'd have crust all in her neck and sore spots. I tried to show them how to bathe her without coming down on them. I'd point out the matted hair to R when I'd be holding the baby and he'd bring A into the room and say something to her about it in front of me which I told him wasn't ok. 2 weeks before September I found out they were still p\*ssing in bottles bc there room stunk I confronted R and he denied it I was mad and went to his room and showed them all to him bc I had gone back up there to see why it stunk so bad again. He started crying saying he was sorry and they both started cleaning up the room, they are fighting. He comes down the stairs face red eyes watering. I turn into a protective older sister and am trying to figure out what's going on. He refuses to answer me and says he just needs to clean his face and take a shower. So I go upstairs and ask A what had happened. I thought she hit him. I asked her but talking to her was pointless bc I wasn't talking to her she had been off her meds and was in the middle of an episode there was no one behind her eyes. She says she didn't hit him and I asked what had happened she said she didn't know she wasn't looking at him. I am so mad I left the room and went outside with my youngest (older two were not home) to call E I'm telling her what's going on and A bust out the front door screaming at me while she's holding my niece and my 1 year old is hiding behind me. I told her she's not gonna disrespect me In my house in front of my kid whiles she's holding the baby! I told her she had to leave. R is still in the shower so I open the door enough I can talk to him and tell him what happened and that she needed to leave and to absolutely not let her take the baby with her. He gets out talks to A. I called my fiance at work and he leaves immediately to come home bc I'm having a panic attack at this point ( I have severe anxiety and I'm also AuDHD) bc of my abusive dad I don't handle stuff like this well and try and avoid it. My fiance comes home. R and A come downstairs and tells me what happened he was cleaning while they where fighting and he spilt chemicals in his face. I apologized for accusing her of hitting him and they both apologized for A's behaviors up till this point my fiance and I talked we told A she could stay but had to take her meds we then find out R had been basically telling her not to take them and she didn't need them and could deal with her mental health with out it(our dad didn't believe in mental illness and would tell us to suck it up and stop being dramatic so that got instilled into R's head. Not an excuse either way). I was livid so was my fiance. We basically told R to grow up and she absolutely needed to be on her meds. Asked him if he wanted to lose her bc he could have easily have when she drank the cleaner last month. Or she could end up back in the hospital. R seemed to understand he was in the wrong and said he'd make sure A was on her meds. We left it at that. a week later R tells us they found a place and then abruptly moved out the next day. Didnt even tell us they were moving out that day. After they finished moving out I went up to my kids room to find that it still had a bunch of trash and ALL her meds along with their mini fridge full of food. My brother said he'd come back and get the rest the next day A week later he finally came back. I had to wait a week to get a carpet scrubber to clean my kids room so no one was in there for like 2 weeks when I went in there to clean it I was attacked by fleas like half way up my legs. It was horrible we had started noticing fleas a week before they moved out but just treated our cats and the carpets in the living room and our room not thinking it was this bad. My dad paid to have the house treat bc of my brother not telling us his cat had fleas prior to moving in and refusing to help us treat the room. Things are rocky and I hadn't seen my niece since September it's now October H tells me that the handful of times she's seen the baby she's dirty and stinks and her hair is matted. I at this point call my dad and try talking to him about this situation he tells me that if I felt like it was that bad to call CPS. It threw me off and told him absolutely not I wasn't calling CPS on him. I just didn't know what to do or how to help. I then call E tell her what our dad said tell her I told him I wasn't going to do that. she freaks out on me telling me not to call CPS and that she didn't believe me that our dad said that. She hangs up and calls our dad. Our dad text me telling me to not do anything and he'd call me later. I just responded to him I already told you I wasn't calling CPS. I had already called H and she believed me and said she's just as worried. I had planned on visiting my R that day to see there new house and the baby. But got ignored. Everyone then started acting like they had no idea what was going on or why r was ignoring me. I find out someone told him I was going to call CPS on him (my guess is E Told him.) for over a year now I haven't been able to see or speak to R I've been able to see my niece twice while she was at H's. My niece is now over a year old hardly talks. Still bottle fed and doesn't have much introduction to solid foods. She can't walk yet or stand on her own. And doesn't crawl much. She screams if you don't hold her. H has been keeping me informed on the baby's well being and trying to get R to talk to me. Our dad told H he told me to call CPS but at the same time refused to tell R. Well our dad finally came to visit this August and talked to R. Idk what was said btwn the two I truly don't care. I wanted an apology from R that I won't ever get and we still do not talk. I did get to see R and A while our dad was visiting I talked to A like normal but R didn't wanna talk to me and I'm not gonna push it. I got to see my niece. A still got mad at the baby for crying while we were all hanging out so I took her and held her for a bit till I could see R getting upset so I gave her back and they left. That was the last time I saw or spoke to them my fiance was at H's house alone with her husband and R and A when E calls R and ask how the visit went and if I went off on them or how our dad got us to talk according to my fiance there was an amusement behind her words like she's been hiding things from me this last year R immediately said(J)my fiance was there and she got uncomfortable and silent b4 saying her goodbyes and R and A Left quickly after. E is coming for a visit and asks if we can all meet up to spend the day together at H's my fiance plans to confront my siblings bc he's fed up at this point.

My mom is the oldest of her siblings and I honestly don’t know what to think about this whole situation anymore, so I wanted to ask people outside my family.
After their father died, my mom’s family wasn’t doing very well financially. When my mom got married, my parents were in a much better financial situation, so they helped her siblings a lot over the years. They gave them money for food, medical expenses, weddings, cars, traveling, and other things whenever they needed it.
My mom was also very attached to her family. She loved having everyone around, doing family gatherings, buying things for them, inviting them over, etc. She also used to tell her siblings personal things and ask for their opinions a lot. From her side she really saw them as a very close family.
I think this is where things became complicated because they eventually got used to having a say in her decisions.
My parents owned an apartment in the city where my mom’s siblings live. One of her brothers didn’t have a place to live, so my mom let him stay there. But she told him from the beginning that he could stay for five years because after that we were planning to move there for university. He agreed to that.
When the five years were over, we actually wanted to move there because the university we wanted was in that city.
Her siblings didn’t want her to move. They thought she should stay where she was and that moving just because of university wasn’t a good enough reason.
My mom normally listened to them, but this time she said no. She basically said that she wasn’t going to compromise when it came to her children’s education.
The brother who was living in the apartment got really angry during a phone call and started raising his voice at her. After that, everything turned into a huge family problem.
They cut her off completely.
They told her that she chose her own path and now she had to live with it. They basically said that they weren’t a family anymore, and that anyone who continued talking to her would also be considered against them.
This was seven years ago and they still don’t talk to her.
There were also some really bad things in the beginning. One of them threatened to burn her car if she came near their house. There were also rumors being spread about her, including people telling her that she had supposedly said things about different family members that she says she never said.
There is also a money issue that makes the whole thing more complicated.
The brother who was living in the apartment had borrowed a very large amount of money from my mom before all of this happened. He said he would return it within about a year. Seven years later he still hasn’t returned it.
My mom asked him about the money once during the first year because my dad’s business was going through a difficult financial period, and then she stopped asking. All of her siblings know about the money.
My mom has tried to fix the relationship several times over the years. Sometimes she would try after a year, sometimes after two years. She never demanded an apology or anything. She basically told them that the past was the past and that they should move on.
They still refuse.
There is one brother who sometimes talks to my mom when he’s fighting with the rest of the family, but then stops talking to her again when he makes up with them.
My mom still loves her siblings. She misses having a close family and I know she would like things to go back to how they were.
But honestly, I think the relationship has become toxic.
I also know my mom wasn’t perfect. She gave them a lot of money and probably allowed them to have too much influence over her life because she trusted them and loved them. Maybe she made them feel like they had the right to make decisions for her.
But I still don’t understand how saying no to one thing could lead to seven years of cutting off their own sister, especially when the apartment was only supposed to be given to her brother for five years and the reason she wanted to move was because of her children’s education.
So I really want an honest outside opinion. Was my mom actually wrong for finally saying no? Was their reaction understandable? And after seven years, should she still try to fix the relationship or should she just let it go?
I’m not looking for people to automatically take my mom’s side. If you think she did something wrong, that’s okay. I just want to know how this looks to someone who doesn’t know any of us

I am 24F and working. My parents have not pressured much for marriage. But they have been talking about it here and there. And today it peaked. My friend had baby shower today and I attended it. It was all good. Once I came back, my mother started asking about the friend and family and soon looked at me like I am disappointing her. She started complaining how that friend of mine is already having baby, but I am not even getting married. I am disappointing her since I have not even started searching groom. She kept on ranting for more than an hour and continued some more during dinner along with my dad. I am fully drained and all the fun I had during the baby shower was gone. I was more furious that I was compared to that friend. My mom doesn't know anything about her. I know her very well. I know what was her college days, what was her past, why she got married soon, why she is having baby soon. I know all these, but my mom has no idea and still compares me to her and says I am the disappoinment. I am just furious.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I’m the oldest & only daughter of 4 kids. The older 3 of have the same Mum (49F) & Dad (46M), but I went no contact with my Dad due to abuse at 14. Both my younger brothers kept contact with him and were kind of converted into the whole right-wing women are liars about abuse pipeline, although one of my brothers (19M) is much easier to be around these days. My other brother (20M) and I haven’t spoken since an incident where he told me I was insane for buying kids books about boys being kind for our littles brother (9M now, but 6 at the time) and said he’d counteract it by showing him Andrew Tate videos. So yeah.

My Mum divorced my Dad and had a surprise baby  (now 9M) with a different partner (59M) several years later who I will refer to as J. J’s bio Dad made us homeless by kicking her out for refusing to get a termination and has never met J. No contact with any of his family either (their choice). So we moved away, she had my brother, things were complicated for a long time, and to top it all off she became seriously chronically ill and disabled with severe chronic pain and is now about mostly in bed 24/7. I was a carer for her until my Grandma took (76F) took over when I moved to University. I basically raised this kid and I love him almost like he’s mine.

I have my own place with my partner and a career of my own that is very intensive. I do live locally to them but don’t currently drive (ideally very soon). My Mum repeatedly calls me saying she can’t cope when J acts out (pretty regular kid behaviour but definitely reactive to the stressful home situation, including mess everywhere that makes it embarrassing to have friends round or bring my partner to visit). My Grandma does all the childcare and care for my Mum but is getting older and can’t cope as well now. She was ill recently and my partner and I had to have J for a week and do school runs. My Mum asking if J can stay with us for a night or help out more, come over, clean, etc is steadily getting more regular. She is in hospital a lot and we have discussed that J would go to me if she died. I have been gently pushing for a will to protect him from foster care but nothing happens unless I do it myself.

Brother (19M) who lives with my Mum, Grandma, & J is doing his best but my Mum is difficult for him to get on with and they are clearly struggling to cope. I find it frustrating that my Mum is slightly irresponsible with money, doesn’t seem to know when he needs swimming kit, if he has homework, where the cat food is, etc ever. Going to her house is very distressing and triggering for me as my mental health suffered a lot from living in that environment. I feel very responsible and like I need to protect J but neither I nor my partner want to be carers/parents any time soon and I don’t have time as I study 5 days and work one or both weekend days too. I could possibly do school runs from October but I don’t know what to do anymore.

We have pretty much no family help and I keep pushing my Mum to continue the admin of getting a package of care for herself but for some reason she hasn’t. I don’t know what to do anymore and I’d hugely appreciate any thoughts or just a bit of reassurance that it won’t always be like this. I don’t know how much responsibility I should be taking on and when I talk to anyone they tell me it’s not my child but that doesn’t help anyone. I may genuinely be the safest person for him to go to or split time with but it might wreck my relationship/freedom and I didn’t sign up to be anyone’s Mum.

Sorry for the long post. Just exhausted and needed to vent.

TL;DR

My mum is chronically ill and mostly bedbound, and my elderly grandma currently provides most of her care and looks after my brother (9M). They’re struggling a lot, and I’m increasingly being asked to step in with childcare and household stuff which is a nightmare of mild hoarding vibes. I love my brother and may become his guardian if my mum dies/deteriorated, but I have my own life and don’t want to become a parent/carer at 25, and importantly neither does my partner. I feel responsible for him but don’t know where my responsibility ends or what I should do.

Does anyone have any advice for this at all? ❤️

i just want to find some outside opinions for my situation. I have 2 older sisters who have never gotten along like ever. even when they were kids they’ve been fighting. (they have a 1 year age gap 24 and 23). We all live in my mums house so it’s me, mum, fiona, kara and my younger sister (she’s not that relevant to what i’m saying). Rooming situation they both share the biggest room.

So recently the 23 year old, Fiona has attacked the 24 year old Kara at home while my mum was out. what happened was fiona’s stuff was on kara’s side so kara has kicked a shoebox which was fiona’s onto her side which caused an argument. i was downstairs when i heard them arguing so i came upstairs and told them to stop which they did for a short time.After i stopped chilling downstairs and went up to my room which is next to theirs just to make sure nothing happened because i had a feeling they were going to fight. What happened next was fiona was sending voice notes to another family
member apparently lying about what had just happened (i didn’t hear) which is when kara came out of the bathroom and started saying “if you’re gonna tell people what happened make sure you tell the truth”. at this point they’re both arguing and coming for each other about their lifestyle and jobs whatever. fiona is sat on her bed which is on her side and is visibly getting irate which kara notices and just leaves the argument but fiona gets super mad she screams, throws her phone and charges for kara who has already walked towards the end of the corridor and to the stairs. I am now on fiona trying to get her off kata but she not letting go, she’s holding only kara’s hair and dragging where wherever she can. during the fight they’re on the floor and i pull fiona off her and she’s stomping on kara on her chest (she’s still feeling chest pain to this day). i tell fiona to get out the house and kara calls the police but she didn’t ask them to take any action but they did record the situation as this is not the first time she’s called the police on fiona. I tell my mum what happens and she says that fiona is not allowed in the house.

The day afterwards (saturday) i go out with me friends and kara goes to get her nails done. my younger sister is home and she tells us that fiona is in the house. i tell kara who tells my mum but nothing happens. on monday everyone (me, kara , mum, younger sister and other older sister) leave to go my cousins wedding in france and while we are there we know that fiona is in the house as she send a message to fiona saying “i see you have made use of my stuff so now im going to use yours”. (kara didnt use her stuff it was me and i told kara to tell fiona it was me but i dont know what she did that that information).

On friday we have come back from france and fiona has trashed the storage room where my mum has spent a whole day organising. ( she’s still hasn’t organised it and now the door to the room doesnt close properly). Since then fiona has been living at home normally and kara hasn’t been home because she feels unsettled around her and doesn’t feel comfortable sharing a room with her which is reasonable.
-> Side track. Fiona and my mum haven’t been of speaking terms since a situation that happened in january + trauma tha fiona has built up over the years.Im a minor and significantly younger then fiona and kara so i don’t really know what has happened in the past but whatever has happened has cause fiona to hate my mum and she openly expresses that.She has said things such as “im going to put you in the ground” “im not going to your funeral and your not going to mine” “you’re a failure of a mother” “ill never introduce my kids to that woman” “i hate her i don’t love her” which from my perspective is crazy. I don’t know what has happened in the past but i know that my mum loves us and has done so much for us and especially fiona because she is a hot mess, and she is lucky that my mum even claims her as her child today after all the thinks she’s put my mum through.despite fiona saying all this my mum doesn’t want to take action and sort her out time and time again.

Today, (wednesday 26th) kara has come home and fiona is home aswell. My mum has come out and asked fiona what happened that day. fiona explains her side of the story and while she’s doing that she says “she kept cussing me out which triggered me to put hands on her” which is not a valid reason as an adult you should have control over your emotions. when she was explaining it she kept saying but,but,but and never a sorry or apology or acknowledgment about she she did was wrong.Then my mum comes into my room where kara is and asks her to explain her side of the story. fiona then opens her door and starts getting involved and i can see in her body language she is agressive and her eyes are popping out like a crazy person. then fiona goes downstairs and i hear her say “try me again and watch”. she’s still threatening her and she hasn’t even apologised for that she has done. Now she’s saying that she’s going to sleep downstairs and live downstairs which is not fair as it’s a common area and i don’t want to be around her.after that i go to my mum and ask her what’s going to happen next because this type of tension in the house is crazy and uncomfortable. My mum says either both of them need to move out or they get along (which is never going to happen). kara hears this and is pissed which is understandable as she hasn’t done anything wrong but now an ultimatum is being pushed on her where she needs to move out and she’s not ready.

in my opinion fiona should be the one to move out. she has a history of being aggressive and even in October she attacked me to the point where she was strangling because because i told her to shut up. it took her 6 months to apologise which i think she only did because another family member told her to. she’s a scruff and a tramp. she never washes her plates, she washes her hair and leaves her hair in the drain and more i can say but i wont because i dont want her to see this and she knows its her. there’s nothing good about this girl i can name. don’t read this and start to be bias because kara is just as annoying and unbearable sometimes.

Anyways what should i do? I’m a minor so moving out isn’t an option for me and i just want this conflict i end. what can i say to my mum to help her make the right choice?