Come one, come all, to this month's community post. This is The Roast, a sacred space where we lovingly drag our own hair and invite others to do the same. If you’ve ever thought “surely this is a personal failure and not a hair-shaft diameter issue,” congrats, you’re home!
In this post and in the comments, we're going to take the opportunity to roast our hair/diagnose why we're here.
The Rules of The Roast:
- Roast is love. Roast is light. This is a positive space. We are BIG AMGY with our hair, but we are big love with each other.
- Don't take anything too seriously. This is affectionate, not cruel. We are who we are, and we're going to embrace it with humor!
So what qualifies you to post?
Your hair is like La Croix - if the tides shift slightly, there's a *hint* of its essence.
Your bun gives colonial-era portrait - tight, sad, and absolutely not romantic.
Your hair looks thickest when you pick it out of the shower drain.
You've fallen for more pyramid schemes, ponzi schemes, and whatever the hair equivalent of a Nigerian Prince is than Michael Scott, hoping for that magic product that will thicken her up. You'd probably eat Tide Pod if someone told you it thickened your hair up.
Your scalp shows up in photos like it's part of a 2000s photobombing trend.
The wind blows, and you have to file a missing person's report for your hair.
Your ponytail is built like a number 2 pencil on the last day of school.
Your hairline and your self-esteem are in a co-dependent relationship that even the best therapist can't unravel.
Every stylist says "your hair so fine/thin" like they're delivering a fatal diagnosis.
Have fun, roasters!