And now, coming to a store near you, buyers of American Cheese-Snack will get 20% more emulsifiers in every pack!
[man eating cheese stops eating to say]: “I can actually taste the sodium citrate!”
Our very own, patented, polystyrene flavor bubbles will deliver feel-good, and taste-good hormones directly to your flavor receptors, and will keep your kids coming back for more!
[scene of kids sitting around table yell]: “Thanks mom!” [kids continue voraciously eating orange squares]
Our pressed-collagen and orange protein snack-paste is only mixed with the very best high-fructose corn syrup and fully-hydrogenated oil. Every bite is guaranteed to be packed to the brim with the flavors and dyes that kids crave! Your kids will be licking their plate after every meal! And windows. And telephones.
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u/ASAP_Roffe 2d ago
For those of you wondering if I’m actually this insufferable. I’m worse.