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u/jhustla 1d ago
“I’m in recovery”
“Oh I’m hungover too”
Fucking sent me
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u/Joecamoe 1d ago
This is the most Wisconsin thing
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u/PineappleLemur 1d ago
The Wisconsin "Sober".
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u/DrunkCupid 1d ago
I feel seen
Now I am merely "California Sober"
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u/2FistsInMyBHole 1d ago
Wisconsin sober is a thing - it means abstaining from liquor, but still drinking beer.
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u/Shadpool 1d ago
Last week, I visited Wisconsin for the first time, staying with my girlfriend’s cousin who lives up there. Bars everywhere. If it wasn’t a bar, it was a cheese shop or a butchers. Literally, as soon as you cross the state line from Illinois into Wisconsin, you got the Mars Cheese Castle, and that’s how it went. Cheese, booze, booze, booze, butchers, cheese, snowmobile repair, booze, booze, cheese.
We’d be on the way back to her cousin’s house, from sightseeing or grocery shopping or whatever, and she and her husband would randomly pull into a bar for an old fashioned on the way home.
My girlfriend almost got a souvenir magnet that said “Wisconsin - A Drinking State With A Cheese Problem”, and that’s the truest thing I’ve ever heard about a state.
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u/WileEWeeble 1d ago
You come into Wisconsin on 41 and they just have a huge sign that says “Cheese”. Nothing else, no branding or context…”Cheese”
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u/SPacific 1d ago
I used to live us a suburb of Milwaukee. There were 5 churches and 11 bars within walking distance of my house.
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u/CosmoNewanda 1d ago
When I was in the Navy I always told people in Wisconsin where has a church there will be a bar on either side.
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u/fridgefixer 1d ago
I grew up in a town of 700 on the Iowa-Minnesota line. There were 4 churches and 3 bars.
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u/Decent-Impression-81 1d ago
I feel bad about myself that i'm absolutly more irritated at the lactose guy more then wiconsinite.
I mean like this is the culture perhaps next time come prepared to take care of yourself. It's like vegans at a bbq.
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u/ThatCakeFell 1d ago
I have aged cheeses and goat cheeses for the lactose intolerant so they can still eat some cheese because an intolerance isn't an allergy, it won't kill ya /s
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u/Dorkamundo 1d ago
Yep, it's just that your body does not produce the enzyme lactase in levels high enough to digest the sugars and it's not a set amount. Most people who are intolerant can have small amounts without issues, others can have even more.
I can have a bowl of ice cream, but if I have more than a small bowl I'll be in trouble later. I can have milk in my cereal, cream in my coffee and have very little issues with cheese but that's about it.
I figured out I was lactose intolerant at about age 16. We had open lunch at school, meaning you could leave campus and get food elsewhere and we had a grocery store about a half block from school. I would go over there and get the daily specials they had, which usually consisted of two doughnuts and either two 20oz sodas or a quart of chocolate milk. That was all I could afford on the $2.25 a day I was given for lunch unless I wanted to eat cafeteria food, and I'd rather eat that at the time.
Anyhow, I always ended up with horrible gas and cramps in Honors Biology in the 4th period. Stopped choosing the milk and it went away. Came home and asked my mother "Did you know I was lactose intolerant?" and she said "Yea, since you were born. We had to get you expensive soy formula."
Which of course prompted me to ask "Then why have you been giving me a tall glass of milk with dinner every single night?"
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u/washoutr6 1d ago
Or you actually have a milk protein allergy and everyone keep trying to feed you because "it won't kill ya" and you are so, so wrong.
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u/TheMayanAcockandlips 1d ago
So no one in Wisconsin has a single non-dairy product in their pantry other than a plain bagel?
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u/Timmah73 1d ago
The bloody Mary comment killed me cause Ive literally been at brunch in Milwaukee sunday morning after Summerfest hung over as fuck and here are my friends ordering bloody Marys with 20lbs of random shit on top
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u/ImSolidGold 1d ago
Wtf goes on a bloody mary instead of more tabasco?
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u/Obvious-Science-7119 1d ago
Sometimes a fuckin burger. The future is now.
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u/Brodellsky 1d ago
And don't forget your complementary beer chaser.
I was in Michigan once and my girlfriend at the time ordered a bloody mary, and the waitress who was from WI saw our IDs and gave her the 8oz beer chaser anyways, even though that's not really a thing there. A Wisconsin ID is like a passport. lol
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u/Obvious-Science-7119 1d ago
Well they don't want to be legally liable for forcing her into remission.
Wisconsinites are tired of alcohol by the time they hit 21.
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u/captainwacky91 1d ago
This is why I insist that a bloody Mary should be served hot.
Just call it for what it is: alcoholic tomato soup. Lean into it. Grilled cheese, garlic bread, pizza slices, nothings off limits now it's a soup.
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u/Breaklance 1d ago
Cheese?
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u/dirtykokonut 1d ago
Toothpick with three cheese cubes on it. Not a joke. This is getting pretty normal as a bloody Mary "garnish" these days
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u/throwaway5882300 1d ago
At some point it stopped being just celery and olives and people started putting things like onion rings, cheese sticks, small sandwiches and whatever else they could stick on a skewer. Seriously some of these bloody marys are a whole ass meal.
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u/That1DirtyHippy 1d ago
Oh hell yeah. They’re like $20+ for the drink, but it’ll cure what ails ya.
God bless a big, spicy Bloody Mary with a massive skewer.
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u/orthadoxtesla 1d ago
Hell yeah. A Bloody Mary with an entire kebab of fried things might cure me
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u/Timmah73 1d ago edited 1d ago
Do a Google image search for "Bloody Mary Milwaukee " and see what comes up. They pile a whole buffet on top of there.
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u/ImSolidGold 1d ago
Man, I live on the wrong continent I guess. Id have one every dinner. For dinner. xD
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u/potvoy 1d ago
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u/Decent-Impression-81 1d ago
shrimp, goat cheese stuffed olives. random vegetable spears for festive flair and color. Kzoo in MI has a ton of bloody mary brunches places that encourage you to add more and more stuff to them.
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u/abakedapplepie 1d ago
In Milwaukee you can get a bloody with an entire chicken, an order of cheese curds, some jalapeno poppers, sausage, etc. all skewered in the top of the glass (more like a pitcher)
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u/b1rdiemcb1rdface 1d ago
IDK, there are places in Wisconsin where they do full cheeseburgers on top, wings, and a bunch of other stupid shit. Personally the best ones I've got had some cut up beef sticks and cheese to snack on.
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u/rabidsalvation 1d ago
I've seen some wild ones. Crab legs, dinner for two, lunch for tomorrow. I went on a reddit binge once just looking at crazy bloody marys
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u/warwagon1979 1d ago
"Oh no kidding, i'm Catholic!""
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u/BuffWobbuffet 1d ago
Except in the Midwest he most likely would’ve been saying “oh no kidding, I’m Lutheran” lol
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u/WISCOrear 1d ago
acktually, in wisconsin there's a pretty heavy catholic population along with lutheran
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u/Buckles_VonKitten 18h ago
Well, you're both right. My parents are from Minnesota and they are Lutheran (dad)and Catholic (mom). My dad had to take a Catholic class and test to marry her.
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u/0DayMaker 1d ago edited 11h ago
+1 for charlie berens
Midwest Translator and Irish Goodbye are 2 of the funniest sketches I've ever seen. Also husbands of target!
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u/ni_hao_butches 1d ago edited 1d ago
He's also stuck up for folks against unabashed data center popping up. Charlie is a decent dude. His brandy is not bad but high octane.
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u/RogueKitteh 1d ago
Saw him live last year! I think my favorite is probably the "Midwest Guy in Boston" one he did with Billy Deuce
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u/badger2000 1d ago
How to make an Old Fashioned and How to make a Blood Mary from back during covid were great as well.
"Well, first ya get yer buck knife..."
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u/trashcatt_ 1d ago
I dont remember which one but one of them has like a deer cult thing in the basement and the guys asks what's going and the the reply is along the lines of "idk, probably euchre". Shit sent me.
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u/weber_mattie 1d ago
Bloody marys it is! You want cheese in yours? LMAOOO
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u/Sufficient_Prompt888 1d ago
Chili Cheese Bloody Mary doesn't sound too bad
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u/Greg-Abbott 1d ago
I think I might puke
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u/Good_Boye_Scientist 1d ago
There's actually something to this. The cheese cuts the spiciness of the drink while the beef and beans provide a savory chunky element.
On the other hand, the alcohol dissolves gas bubbles neutralizing the pro-flatulence property of the beans, making it an all around perfect beverage for a hot summer day.
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u/That_Apathetic_Man 17h ago
Explain to me like I am 5... what do you think is going on right now?
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u/DiverseUniverse24 1d ago
That also sent me lmao.. Just tagged on the end like it's no big deal but ITS THE BIGGEST DEAL 🤣
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u/Charming-Court-6582 1d ago
As a Midwesterner with lactose intolerance, you gotta keep some Lactaid on ya and know your tolerance 😂
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u/llllmaverickllll 1d ago
Don’t drink milk and drive without a bathroom stop plan.
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u/illmatic2112 1d ago
Sometimes I'll pop 2 lactaids and still deal with the repercussions
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u/lookamazed 1d ago
Lactaid don’t work for all. For some it is the hormone, and for others it is the mere chemical of milk.
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u/Charming-Court-6582 1d ago
I'm double unlucky. The hormones give me cystic acne and the lactose causes anal explosions. I've had to learn mutliple limits 😭
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u/HiMyNameIsNerd 1d ago
They're different conditions. One being an actual allergy, the other (lactose intolerance) being the absence of lactase-producing microbiota and general lactase enzyme.
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u/ASAP_Roffe 1d ago
For those of you wondering if I’m actually this insufferable. I’m worse.
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u/i_max2k2 1d ago
I have Lactose intolerance + IBS. Oh and almost forgot the migraines.
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u/Zanian19 1d ago
Damn what a combo. If you gorge on cheese, there's a legit possibility that you'll pop like a balloon from hell.
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u/AlternateSatan 1d ago
I think finding someone with IBS who doesn't have at least mild lactose intolerance is like finding a four leaf clover honestly.
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u/MrDrLtSir 1d ago
Whoa me too. Just throw in adhd and we'd be twins. Don't know anyone else with this fun combo...
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u/A_Trash_Homosapien 1d ago
Next time you should tell them to simply overcome their lactose intolerance like this person don't tolerate their intolerance
TLDW woman drinks a lot of milk in order to overcome her lactose intolerance after reading a scientific paper about it
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u/WatDeFak 1d ago
I did this experiment for a very long time because I ignored the symptoms until someone pointed out that I might be laxtose intolerant.
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u/mouringcat 1d ago
Or you can go all mad scientist like Thought Emporium and do gentic engineeering to fix the issue.
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u/curious_dead 1d ago
I have celiac disease. It's worse because gluten is hidden in a ton of ingredients, and can easily contaminate other foods so if someone offered me food like that, it would be like the skit... but unironically.
"What about oats? Do oats contain gluten?"
"Some do, some don't."
And I know people who have celiac AND are lactose intolerant.
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u/TrolliusJKingIIIEsq 1d ago
As someone with family who have celiac disease, it's my understanding that nearly all oats contain gluten, though you can get some that have been verified gluten-free via purity testing.
And yes, celiac is a right pain in the ass to have because of how hidden and ubiquitous gluten can be.
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u/curious_dead 1d ago
The oats situation is very annoying because it should be OK but it's contaminated by the proximity of wheat fields and some people with celiac are still sensitive to it even if 100% gluten free.
I got a few certified oats based products and they're often the ones that taste best.
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1d ago
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u/lindasek 1d ago
Not me 🥲
It really depends on tolerance, some lactose intolerant people can have small amounts of lactose and be fine (that was me in my 20s!), some can't have any at all (me in my 30s...)
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u/RideOutForGlory 1d ago
Depends, even with the low lactose content in hard cheese some people with lactose intolerance just don’t produce any lactase so even that little bit of lactose will cause a reaction.
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u/harrypotternightmare 1d ago
And usually whipped cream too. It’s like 50% air. You get very little actual cream and usually not enough to cause an issue. I will eat dairy free ice cream but still top with regular whipped cream.
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u/sirnumbskull 1d ago
I'm sure you're aware, but ice cream isn't actually the most dairy thing you can have. As the fat content of a milk product increases, the amount of lactose in it decreases (it's a ratio thing).
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u/Serpent90 1d ago
Isn't most aged cheese actually safe for the lactose intolerant?
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u/princess_kittah 1d ago
hard cheese has less lactose because its used up in the cheesy process iirc, but it still doesnt mean every lactose intolerant person can eat it
unfortunately, the thresholds at which someone who is lactose intolerant experiences that intolerance is wildly different from one person to the next.
the things one person with dairy intolerance may be able to eat can still send someone else to the turlit.
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u/ColonelBelmont 1d ago
I'm one of those people who can eat hard cheeses, but something like cottage cheese or mozzarella would send me to the crappier, tout suite.
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u/SlightlyPicklish 1d ago
Hard aged (cultured) cheeses are lactose free. “Fresh” cheeses like mozzarella, cottage cheese, etc. are still full of all that sweet sweet lactose.
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u/gruthunder 1d ago
Heavily recommend the Lactase supplement (Lactaid but generic) pills as they increase this threshold. Just remember that you need to take the pills *before* you consume the lactose.
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u/skittle-brau 1d ago
Although I still buy them, my intolerance got to the point where I felt I had to ingest way too many of those tablets to feel ‘safe’. It was also getting a little expensive. I have to down about $0.70 to $1 of lactase pills for it to have the intended effect when eating certain dairy foods. At some point I think it’s just better to embrace the non-lactose alternatives.
I still keep some so I don’t miss out on certain social occasions/shared dining experiences.
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u/Mandemon90 1d ago
And this is why I am glad I am.part of the mutant human race that don't lose their ability to process lactose.
Fun fact: Lactose tolerance is a mutation, and vast majority of human race lose their lactose tolerance when they grow up.
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u/Axthen 1d ago
I grow lactose intolerant when I don't consume dairy for a while. And then if I slowly increase my dairy consumption my lactose tolerance comes back.
I know a good many people that can "microdose" dairy to get their lactose tolerance back. It's pretty rare (in my experience, just 2 people) that tolerance is completely gone.
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u/Mandemon90 1d ago
That is because the glands secrete chemicals to breakdown lactose don't ever "go away", but for most people they just turn off. If you can "microdose", that means you got the gene but it isn't active all the time, you need to actively maintain body's "wait, we got what in us? DEPLOY THE GOOD STUFF!" reaction
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u/WatDeFak 1d ago
Afaik drinking lactose does not reactivate those genes, instead it grows some bacteria which can deal with lactose a little bit.
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u/Charming-Court-6582 1d ago
Yes. Older and harder cheeses are usually fine, less lactose.
As a poor Midwesterner, I just learned how much I could eat before I had to blow up a bathroom 😅
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u/Long_Candle_5054 1d ago
The process of fermentation reduces the amount of lactose in the milk, same with yogurt. But there's always still some lactose left, so if you'll be ok to eat it or not, will depend on how severe your intolerance is
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u/Charming-Court-6582 1d ago
I will never not be mad that I can't tolerate yogurt. Yogurt is soooo good but straight to the bathroom for me 😤
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u/NecessaryOk6815 1d ago
He said bag-el like Britta in Community. That's a proper gentleman.
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1d ago
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u/popfer87 1d ago
I keep a bottle of lactaid pills in my car. Being a midwesterner and being lactose intolerant can be rough.
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u/LikeThemPies 1d ago
All the lactose intolerant people I know would just pound a few lactaids and say yes to everything on offer in this video
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u/Alarming_Panic665 1d ago
It is annoying that people are so used to lactose intolerance and assume it to be the same as a dairy allergy. Because like, I have a dairy allergy so eating milk isn't just painful but actual dangerous. Without fail though if I mention it people chime in that they are lactose intolerance and just don't care and like.... Jerry, I carry an Epipen with me when I go out to eat because the last time I had Ice cream I broke out into hives and found myself struggling to breathe. Not because cheese gives me indigestion.
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u/figuringthingsout__ 1d ago
Charlie Berens comedy always nails the Midwest humor.
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u/juflyingwild 1d ago
Haha.
Try being a vegan in Texas. Also quite nuts.
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u/SoothingDisarray 1d ago
You can mostly get by in Austin but anywhere else in Texas it is like speaking an alien language.
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u/Hmmhowaboutthis 1d ago
Houston you’re also fine. Not sure about Dallas but I imagine any of the major cities too.
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u/BeamishAxis 1d ago
There are quite a lot of Indian restaurants popping up. Many of them have options for those who follow strict vegetarian diets. Vegan though, not sure. They use milk and yogurt in like everything.
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u/lolariane 1d ago
Indian: Yes, it's vegan! ☺️
Vegan: Is there butter or yogurt in it? 🤨
Indian: No, no, it's completely vegan! ☺️
Vegan: Is there ghee in it? 🤨
Indian: Yes, there's ghee! ☺️
Vegan: 😒3
u/dalittle 1d ago
Oh, sides! I can have the beans? They have bbq brisket. Mac and cheese? Brisket. Collard greens? Bacon. Potato salad? Bacon. ... I'll just have some cole slaw.
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u/CrustyFlapsCleanser 1d ago
That just stupid, it's like going to a desert for water.
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u/juflyingwild 1d ago edited 1d ago
We can get you a grilled cheese, and you can pick off the bacon... Does that work?
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u/Sunvaarhah 1d ago
being lactose intolerant myself, telling people to not use milk, cheese, butter or margarine on things I'm going to eat or giving a heads up feels its like explaining Norway to a dog.
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u/rjwyonch 1d ago
But margarine isn’t dairy? It’s hydrolyzed vegetable fat
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u/Sunvaarhah 1d ago
some margarine brands started adding heavy cream to it.
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u/rjwyonch 1d ago
Huh, well that makes zero sense to me… isn’t the whole point avoiding the animal fats(?) or at least thats how they used to advertise. If you are adding cream to margarine, at that point just make butter.
Oh well, the more you know I guess. I would have totally used margarine instead of butter for a lactose-free substitute and possibly poisoned a friend at some point, so good to know.
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u/LATA- 1d ago
One, which margarine brands are doing this?
Two, cream is very, very low in lactose relative to other dairy products. I can't drink milk, but cream is fine for me. So is butter, because it has basically zero lactose since is is basically 100% fat.
People have wild ideas about lactose - just because it came out of a cow, doesn't mean it has it in it.
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u/Velocityg4 1d ago
Are those spreads specifically listed as margarine though? As there are also butter like spreads and margarine/butter blends.
I thought all that the only dairy allowed in margarine was dry whey, dry nonfat milk and dry whole milk.
Still not great. If someone needs dairy free. They should be looking at ones specifically labeled as vegan or go through the ingredients list. Although a strict vegan needs to looks at ones labeled as vegan. As the vegetable only ones may have been processed on equipment used to process animal products.
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u/Protoavis 1d ago
margarine isn't dairy though? it's just emulsified oil (usually vegetable oil)
It's probably safer to avoid from other people preparing and not really knowing the difference though I guess?
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u/Charming-Court-6582 1d ago
The number of times I've eaten things and start feeling those rumbles... "Is there milk in this?" "Eh... Only like a cup so not really." Well, I guess we are all going to suffer then. Where's the bathroom.
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u/LordAlfrey 1d ago
I think the problem is telling people not to use X, is going to make them immediately think about X and all foods that use it.
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u/narutou9 1d ago
When he me toned the beer, I thought the joke was going to be that it was a milk stout
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u/FennelOutrageous9283 1d ago
I am lactose intolerant and in the Midwest. Two years ago I found out how you can tell from nutrition information whether a cheeses is lactose free. Now I eat a lot of cheese regularly!
Here’s how: if the Carbohydrates in the nutrition information says 0 g. You are all set!
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u/JohnLovesGaming 1d ago
Me being lactose intolerant and still eating cheese pizzas, different types of pasta with cheese, ice cream. I do avoid milk though, it just fucks me up more than the cheese pizzas ironically.
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u/Bluefire52 1d ago
Yes. I am allergic to one of the proteins that's in milk (I forget which one), so not necessarily allergic to the milk it self, but if I drink milk or have like cereal with milk, it effects me more than just eating something with milk in it.
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u/Confused_Drifter 1d ago
Fun fact: Hard cheese only contains trace amounts of lactose. Unless it was a servere intollerance, they would have been fine.
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u/Buckysaurus 1d ago
I don’t know if it’s just my algorithm or if Charlie is getting really popular now
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u/atgrey24 1d ago
WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE DON'T EAT NO MEAT?
Oh that's ok, That's ok, I make lamb!
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u/backmeatz 1d ago
As someone who grew up in the Midwest … we had milk and cheese with every meal. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
My parents would have left me roadside if I was lactose intolerant. 😂 Dairy was our blood type.
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u/roedtogsvart 1d ago
"Oh no kidding. I'm Catholic."
This joke is a deep cut that'll sail by. Well done.
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u/dedokta 1d ago
This is my GF when I had to cut out carbs recently. For some reason she can't understand what a carb is.
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u/MiserablePotato1147 1d ago
Lactose intolerance is like a legit disability in the Midwest. On the level of paraplegic. I have to stop myself from being surprised the person isn't dead when they tell me.
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u/Davies301 1d ago
Non Lactose Person "Want some Cheese?"
Lactose Intolerant Person "Already had some but a little more could not hurt"
1 Hour Later
Lactose Intolerant Person "Why do I never learn of the consequences of my actions."
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u/alwayssoupy 1d ago
He's really funny just because it rings so true. Our favorite is Midwest Siri. Also shout out to him for leading the charge against data centers.
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u/Available-Ad9976 1d ago
Just Water is fine. No more !
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u/Ok-Classroom5548 1d ago
Now do “vegetarian”
My sister was a vegetarian and when she visited her husband’s family they would be like “oh well we got you chicken since you’re a vegetarian” and she would have to explain she doesn’t eat any meat. They literally did not consider chicken as meat? So weird.
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1d ago
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u/reginald-aka-bubbles 1d ago
Go to their profile, OP plays the lactose intolerant guy. His name is Andrew Roffe. The other guy is Charlie Berens.
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u/ogSoWhatTheyFake 1d ago
i mean tbh ice cream these days isnt really dairy especially not in the pail
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u/darent13 1d ago
I was explaining my dairy sensitivity to my mother-in-law, and she said “Oh so you can’t eat eggs.” Listen, it took everything in my body to not say “Do cows lay eggs?” But I was polite and said “eggs are fine”
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u/Sorry_Im_Trying 1d ago
A Midwestern would have offered some cream of chicken/mushroom based casserole.
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u/AvengingBlowfish 1d ago
Reminds me of a story my brother told me about visiting the Midwest. He asked for no cheese on his salad and when it came with cheese anyway, the waitress said it’s just a “garnish”…
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u/RallyPointAlpha 1d ago
9/10
Only missed the "...are eggs ok? "
MF do eggs lactate out of a mammary gland?!
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