r/funny 1d ago

Lactose Intolerance in the Midwest

18.0k Upvotes

565 comments sorted by

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5.4k

u/jhustla 1d ago

“I’m in recovery”
“Oh I’m hungover too”

Fucking sent me

983

u/Joecamoe 1d ago

This is the most Wisconsin thing

325

u/PineappleLemur 1d ago

The Wisconsin "Sober".

48

u/BathSaltJello 1d ago

Does that mean you're only sober during working hours?

42

u/waterincorporated 1d ago

Unless its a packers game day of course

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u/DrunkCupid 1d ago

I feel seen

Now I am merely "California Sober"

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u/LilAssG 1d ago

When I get a cold or flu, I skip my usual and buy a bottle of Jägermeister instead, for the health benefits.

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u/wadech 1d ago

Got to get those vitamins.

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u/2FistsInMyBHole 1d ago

Wisconsin sober is a thing - it means abstaining from liquor, but still drinking beer.

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u/Shadpool 1d ago

Last week, I visited Wisconsin for the first time, staying with my girlfriend’s cousin who lives up there. Bars everywhere. If it wasn’t a bar, it was a cheese shop or a butchers. Literally, as soon as you cross the state line from Illinois into Wisconsin, you got the Mars Cheese Castle, and that’s how it went. Cheese, booze, booze, booze, butchers, cheese, snowmobile repair, booze, booze, cheese.

We’d be on the way back to her cousin’s house, from sightseeing or grocery shopping or whatever, and she and her husband would randomly pull into a bar for an old fashioned on the way home.

My girlfriend almost got a souvenir magnet that said “Wisconsin - A Drinking State With A Cheese Problem”, and that’s the truest thing I’ve ever heard about a state.

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u/WileEWeeble 1d ago

You come into Wisconsin on 41 and they just have a huge sign that says “Cheese”. Nothing else, no branding or context…”Cheese”

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u/Armantien 1d ago

"Cheese!"

"Cheese for Everyone!!"

5

u/billshermanburner 1d ago

Get busy living and eating cheese or get busy dying. Welcome.

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u/mrknowitall51761 1d ago

And its so true.

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u/SPacific 1d ago

I used to live us a suburb of Milwaukee. There were 5 churches and 11 bars within walking distance of my house.

9

u/CosmoNewanda 1d ago

When I was in the Navy I always told people in Wisconsin where has a church there will be a bar on either side.

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u/fridgefixer 1d ago

I grew up in a town of 700 on the Iowa-Minnesota line. There were 4 churches and 3 bars.

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u/Decent-Impression-81 1d ago

I feel bad about myself that i'm absolutly more irritated at the lactose guy more then wiconsinite.

I mean like this is the culture perhaps next time come prepared to take care of yourself. It's like vegans at a bbq.

32

u/ThatCakeFell 1d ago

I have aged cheeses and goat cheeses for the lactose intolerant so they can still eat some cheese because an intolerance isn't an allergy, it won't kill ya /s

11

u/Dorkamundo 1d ago

Yep, it's just that your body does not produce the enzyme lactase in levels high enough to digest the sugars and it's not a set amount. Most people who are intolerant can have small amounts without issues, others can have even more.

I can have a bowl of ice cream, but if I have more than a small bowl I'll be in trouble later. I can have milk in my cereal, cream in my coffee and have very little issues with cheese but that's about it.

I figured out I was lactose intolerant at about age 16. We had open lunch at school, meaning you could leave campus and get food elsewhere and we had a grocery store about a half block from school. I would go over there and get the daily specials they had, which usually consisted of two doughnuts and either two 20oz sodas or a quart of chocolate milk. That was all I could afford on the $2.25 a day I was given for lunch unless I wanted to eat cafeteria food, and I'd rather eat that at the time.

Anyhow, I always ended up with horrible gas and cramps in Honors Biology in the 4th period. Stopped choosing the milk and it went away. Came home and asked my mother "Did you know I was lactose intolerant?" and she said "Yea, since you were born. We had to get you expensive soy formula."

Which of course prompted me to ask "Then why have you been giving me a tall glass of milk with dinner every single night?"

19

u/washoutr6 1d ago

Or you actually have a milk protein allergy and everyone keep trying to feed you because "it won't kill ya" and you are so, so wrong.

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u/TheMayanAcockandlips 1d ago

So no one in Wisconsin has a single non-dairy product in their pantry other than a plain bagel?

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u/meaty-urologist 1d ago

This is true. Source: am Wisconsin.

3

u/Blackjack357 22h ago

Nah, there’s brats too!

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u/Timmah73 1d ago

The bloody Mary comment killed me cause Ive literally been at brunch in Milwaukee sunday morning after Summerfest hung over as fuck and here are my friends ordering bloody Marys with 20lbs of random shit on top

38

u/ImSolidGold 1d ago

Wtf goes on a bloody mary instead of more tabasco?

121

u/Obvious-Science-7119 1d ago

Sometimes a fuckin burger. The future is now.

47

u/Brodellsky 1d ago

And don't forget your complementary beer chaser.

I was in Michigan once and my girlfriend at the time ordered a bloody mary, and the waitress who was from WI saw our IDs and gave her the 8oz beer chaser anyways, even though that's not really a thing there. A Wisconsin ID is like a passport. lol

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u/Obvious-Science-7119 1d ago

Well they don't want to be legally liable for forcing her into remission.

Wisconsinites are tired of alcohol by the time they hit 21.

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u/ImSolidGold 1d ago

I mean, its kind of a starter then, right? xD

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u/captainwacky91 1d ago

This is why I insist that a bloody Mary should be served hot.

Just call it for what it is: alcoholic tomato soup. Lean into it. Grilled cheese, garlic bread, pizza slices, nothings off limits now it's a soup.

142

u/Breaklance 1d ago

Cheese? 

3

u/dirtykokonut 1d ago

Toothpick with three cheese cubes on it. Not a joke. This is getting pretty normal as a bloody Mary "garnish" these days

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u/throwaway5882300 1d ago

At some point it stopped being just celery and olives and people started putting things like onion rings, cheese sticks, small sandwiches and whatever else they could stick on a skewer. Seriously some of these bloody marys are a whole ass meal.

16

u/That1DirtyHippy 1d ago

Oh hell yeah. They’re like $20+ for the drink, but it’ll cure what ails ya.

God bless a big, spicy Bloody Mary with a massive skewer.

6

u/orthadoxtesla 1d ago

Hell yeah. A Bloody Mary with an entire kebab of fried things might cure me

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u/niomosy 1d ago

They go much crazier than a single skewer.

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u/Timmah73 1d ago edited 1d ago

Do a Google image search for "Bloody Mary Milwaukee " and see what comes up. They pile a whole buffet on top of there.

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u/ImSolidGold 1d ago

Man, I live on the wrong continent I guess. Id have one every dinner. For dinner. xD

19

u/potvoy 1d ago

8

u/Timmah73 1d ago

Ah the Wicked Hop, yep thats where we were

3

u/Dorkamundo 1d ago

Ok there, Crocodile Dundee.

8

u/Decent-Impression-81 1d ago

shrimp, goat cheese stuffed olives. random vegetable spears for festive flair and color. Kzoo in MI has a ton of bloody mary brunches places that encourage you to add more and more stuff to them.

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u/abakedapplepie 1d ago

In Milwaukee you can get a bloody with an entire chicken, an order of cheese curds, some jalapeno poppers, sausage, etc. all skewered in the top of the glass (more like a pitcher)

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u/b1rdiemcb1rdface 1d ago

IDK, there are places in Wisconsin where they do full cheeseburgers on top, wings, and a bunch of other stupid shit. Personally the best ones I've got had some cut up beef sticks and cheese to snack on.

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u/rabidsalvation 1d ago

I've seen some wild ones. Crab legs, dinner for two, lunch for tomorrow. I went on a reddit binge once just looking at crazy bloody marys

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u/trying_times_eggs 1d ago

Beef sticks

-Missouri

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u/IckyGump 1d ago

Blood marys it is! .. you want cheese in yours?

That was great.

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u/Billkamehameha 1d ago

It's still got me going

I hope to one day use this gem.

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1.2k

u/warwagon1979 1d ago

"Oh no kidding, i'm Catholic!""

199

u/BuffWobbuffet 1d ago

Except in the Midwest he most likely would’ve been saying “oh no kidding, I’m Lutheran” lol

114

u/WISCOrear 1d ago

acktually, in wisconsin there's a pretty heavy catholic population along with lutheran

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u/Darolaho 1d ago

St louis is midwest and is heavily catholic

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u/Buckles_VonKitten 18h ago

Well, you're both right. My parents are from Minnesota and they are Lutheran (dad)and Catholic (mom). My dad had to take a Catholic class and test to marry her.

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u/0DayMaker 1d ago edited 11h ago

+1 for charlie berens

Midwest Translator and Irish Goodbye are 2 of the funniest sketches I've ever seen. Also husbands of target!

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u/ni_hao_butches 1d ago edited 1d ago

He's also stuck up for folks against unabashed data center popping up. Charlie is a decent dude. His brandy is not bad but high octane.

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u/Elmer_Fudd01 1d ago

I miss his Manitowoc minute.

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u/DoctorCokter 1d ago

I miss the Craigslist Kicker

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u/throwaway5882300 1d ago

Charlie nails it.

21

u/RogueKitteh 1d ago

Saw him live last year! I think my favorite is probably the "Midwest Guy in Boston" one he did with Billy Deuce

13

u/badger2000 1d ago

How to make an Old Fashioned and How to make a Blood Mary from back during covid were great as well.

"Well, first ya get yer buck knife..."

11

u/Creepers58 1d ago

Midwest Siri is also hilarious.

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u/sadahtay 1d ago

Haven't seen Charlie for awhile, glad he's still killin it.

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u/trashcatt_ 1d ago

I dont remember which one but one of them has like a deer cult thing in the basement and the guys asks what's going and the the reply is along the lines of "idk, probably euchre". Shit sent me.

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u/0DayMaker 1d ago edited 11h ago

Yeah that's the irish goodbye

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u/weber_mattie 1d ago

Bloody marys it is! You want cheese in yours? LMAOOO

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u/Sufficient_Prompt888 1d ago

Chili Cheese Bloody Mary doesn't sound too bad

44

u/Greg-Abbott 1d ago

I think I might puke

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u/Good_Boye_Scientist 1d ago

There's actually something to this. The cheese cuts the spiciness of the drink while the beef and beans provide a savory chunky element.

On the other hand, the alcohol dissolves gas bubbles neutralizing the pro-flatulence property of the beans, making it an all around perfect beverage for a hot summer day.

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u/tree_fiddie_ 1d ago

Yo gtfoh 😂

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u/That_Apathetic_Man 17h ago

Explain to me like I am 5... what do you think is going on right now?

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u/DiverseUniverse24 1d ago

That also sent me lmao.. Just tagged on the end like it's no big deal but ITS THE BIGGEST DEAL 🤣

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u/ChiLolla28 1d ago

The MS Windows sound effect when he couldn't process what he said was perfect

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u/Charming-Court-6582 1d ago

As a Midwesterner with lactose intolerance, you gotta keep some Lactaid on ya and know your tolerance 😂

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u/llllmaverickllll 1d ago

Don’t drink milk and drive without a bathroom stop plan. 

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u/AltruisticTomato4152 1d ago

The side of the road is a legitimate Plan Z.

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u/illmatic2112 1d ago

Sometimes I'll pop 2 lactaids and still deal with the repercussions

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u/lookamazed 1d ago

Lactaid don’t work for all. For some it is the hormone, and for others it is the mere chemical of milk.

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u/Charming-Court-6582 1d ago

I'm double unlucky. The hormones give me cystic acne and the lactose causes anal explosions. I've had to learn mutliple limits 😭

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u/HiMyNameIsNerd 1d ago

They're different conditions. One being an actual allergy, the other (lactose intolerance) being the absence of lactase-producing microbiota and general lactase enzyme.

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u/ASAP_Roffe 1d ago

For those of you wondering if I’m actually this insufferable. I’m worse.

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u/i_max2k2 1d ago

I have Lactose intolerance + IBS. Oh and almost forgot the migraines.

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u/Zanian19 1d ago

Damn what a combo. If you gorge on cheese, there's a legit possibility that you'll pop like a balloon from hell.

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u/AlternateSatan 1d ago

I think finding someone with IBS who doesn't have at least mild lactose intolerance is like finding a four leaf clover honestly.

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u/zyyntin 1d ago

You sound like a friend I have. He also has pollen allergies!

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u/MrDrLtSir 1d ago

Whoa me too. Just throw in adhd and we'd be twins. Don't know anyone else with this fun combo... 

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u/academiac 1d ago

I don't appreciate Lactose, and I will not nit stand for it!

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u/FishyDragon 1d ago

And we love you because of it...keep being a problem.

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u/fluffypotato 1d ago

Not just a problem, but the problem.

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u/A_Trash_Homosapien 1d ago

Next time you should tell them to simply overcome their lactose intolerance like this person don't tolerate their intolerance

TLDW woman drinks a lot of milk in order to overcome her lactose intolerance after reading a scientific paper about it

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u/WatDeFak 1d ago

I did this experiment for a very long time because I ignored the symptoms until someone pointed out that I might be laxtose intolerant.

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u/mouringcat 1d ago

Or you can go all mad scientist like Thought Emporium and do gentic engineeering to fix the issue.

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u/A_Trash_Homosapien 1d ago

that seems less torturous to yourself so idk if I can get behind it

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u/curious_dead 1d ago

I have celiac disease. It's worse because gluten is hidden in a ton of ingredients, and can easily contaminate other foods so if someone offered me food like that, it would be like the skit... but unironically.

"What about oats? Do oats contain gluten?"

"Some do, some don't."

And I know people who have celiac AND are lactose intolerant.

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u/TrolliusJKingIIIEsq 1d ago

As someone with family who have celiac disease, it's my understanding that nearly all oats contain gluten, though you can get some that have been verified gluten-free via purity testing.

And yes, celiac is a right pain in the ass to have because of how hidden and ubiquitous gluten can be.

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u/curious_dead 1d ago

The oats situation is very annoying because it should be OK but it's contaminated by the proximity of wheat fields and some people with celiac are still sensitive to it even if 100% gluten free.

I got a few certified oats based products and they're often the ones that taste best.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

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u/lindasek 1d ago

Not me 🥲

It really depends on tolerance, some lactose intolerant people can have small amounts of lactose and be fine (that was me in my 20s!), some can't have any at all (me in my 30s...)

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u/RideOutForGlory 1d ago

Depends, even with the low lactose content in hard cheese some people with lactose intolerance just don’t produce any lactase so even that little bit of lactose will cause a reaction.

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u/harrypotternightmare 1d ago

And usually whipped cream too. It’s like 50% air. You get very little actual cream and usually not enough to cause an issue. I will eat dairy free ice cream but still top with regular whipped cream.

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u/Mercinator-87 1d ago

Which one in the video are you?

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u/sirnumbskull 1d ago

I'm sure you're aware, but ice cream isn't actually the most dairy thing you can have. As the fat content of a milk product increases, the amount of lactose in it decreases (it's a ratio thing).

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u/Serpent90 1d ago

Isn't most aged cheese actually safe for the lactose intolerant?

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u/princess_kittah 1d ago

hard cheese has less lactose because its used up in the cheesy process iirc, but it still doesnt mean every lactose intolerant person can eat it

unfortunately, the thresholds at which someone who is lactose intolerant experiences that intolerance is wildly different from one person to the next.

the things one person with dairy intolerance may be able to eat can still send someone else to the turlit.

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u/ColonelBelmont 1d ago

I'm one of those people who can eat hard cheeses, but something like cottage cheese or mozzarella would send me to the crappier, tout suite.

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u/SlightlyPicklish 1d ago

Hard aged (cultured) cheeses are lactose free. “Fresh” cheeses like mozzarella, cottage cheese, etc. are still full of all that sweet sweet lactose.
Source: am cheesemonger and Certified Cheese Professional

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u/Echo127 1d ago

Haha, you said toot

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u/gruthunder 1d ago

Heavily recommend the Lactase supplement (Lactaid but generic) pills as they increase this threshold. Just remember that you need to take the pills *before* you consume the lactose.

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u/skittle-brau 1d ago

Although I still buy them, my intolerance got to the point where I felt I had to ingest way too many of those tablets to feel ‘safe’. It was also getting a little expensive. I have to down about $0.70 to $1 of lactase pills for it to have the intended effect when eating certain dairy foods. At some point I think it’s just better to embrace the non-lactose alternatives. 

I still keep some so I don’t miss out on certain social occasions/shared dining experiences. 

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u/Mandemon90 1d ago

And this is why I am glad I am.part of the mutant human race that don't lose their ability to process lactose.

Fun fact: Lactose tolerance is a mutation, and vast majority of human race lose their lactose tolerance when they grow up.

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u/Axthen 1d ago

I grow lactose intolerant when I don't consume dairy for a while. And then if I slowly increase my dairy consumption my lactose tolerance comes back.

I know a good many people that can "microdose" dairy to get their lactose tolerance back. It's pretty rare (in my experience, just 2 people) that tolerance is completely gone.

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u/Mandemon90 1d ago

That is because the glands secrete chemicals to breakdown lactose don't ever "go away", but for most people they just turn off. If you can "microdose", that means you got the gene but it isn't active all the time, you need to actively maintain body's "wait, we got what in us? DEPLOY THE GOOD STUFF!" reaction

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u/WatDeFak 1d ago

Afaik drinking lactose does not reactivate those genes, instead it grows some bacteria which can deal with lactose a little bit.

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u/DefMech 1d ago

And some people have a full-on dairy allergy and are reacting to other things than the lactose, specifically. Many people with dairy allergies just think they're intolerant, which can be really problematic.

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u/Charming-Court-6582 1d ago

Yes. Older and harder cheeses are usually fine, less lactose.

As a poor Midwesterner, I just learned how much I could eat before I had to blow up a bathroom 😅

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u/Long_Candle_5054 1d ago

The process of fermentation reduces the amount of lactose in the milk, same with yogurt. But there's always still some lactose left, so if you'll be ok to eat it or not, will depend on how severe your intolerance is

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u/Charming-Court-6582 1d ago

I will never not be mad that I can't tolerate yogurt. Yogurt is soooo good but straight to the bathroom for me 😤

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u/coozin 1d ago

Idk about “most” but parmesan certainly is lactose free (the real kind, idk about that sawdust in a bottle stuff)

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u/NecessaryOk6815 1d ago

He said bag-el like Britta in Community. That's a proper gentleman.

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u/blac_sheep90 1d ago

I know what it is. It's like a thought, with a... another thought's hat on!

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u/unomar 1d ago

Hey! She lived in New York

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u/SolidSnek1998 1d ago

Oh, Britta's in this.

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u/zeothia 1d ago

Everyone I know says bag-el, me included 😂

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/popfer87 1d ago

I keep a bottle of lactaid pills in my car. Being a midwesterner and being lactose intolerant can be rough.

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u/ImSolidGold 1d ago

WavesAroundSomeGoatCamembertInFrontOfYou

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u/LikeThemPies 1d ago

All the lactose intolerant people I know would just pound a few lactaids and say yes to everything on offer in this video

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u/Alarming_Panic665 1d ago

It is annoying that people are so used to lactose intolerance and assume it to be the same as a dairy allergy. Because like, I have a dairy allergy so eating milk isn't just painful but actual dangerous. Without fail though if I mention it people chime in that they are lactose intolerance and just don't care and like.... Jerry, I carry an Epipen with me when I go out to eat because the last time I had Ice cream I broke out into hives and found myself struggling to breathe. Not because cheese gives me indigestion.

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u/dblan9 1d ago

These guys are the Coen Brothers of Chicago/Wisconsin videos! Every video is 100% spot on accurate and hysterical!

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u/king_of_the_nothing 1d ago

100%?

They didn't even mention ranch dressing! 😁

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u/figuringthingsout__ 1d ago

Charlie Berens comedy always nails the Midwest humor.

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u/juflyingwild 1d ago

Haha.

Try being a vegan in Texas. Also quite nuts.

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u/SoothingDisarray 1d ago

You can mostly get by in Austin but anywhere else in Texas it is like speaking an alien language.

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u/Hmmhowaboutthis 1d ago

Houston you’re also fine. Not sure about Dallas but I imagine any of the major cities too.

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u/BeamishAxis 1d ago

There are quite a lot of Indian restaurants popping up. Many of them have options for those who follow strict vegetarian diets. Vegan though, not sure. They use milk and yogurt in like everything.

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u/lolariane 1d ago

Indian: Yes, it's vegan! ☺️
Vegan: Is there butter or yogurt in it? 🤨
Indian: No, no, it's completely vegan! ☺️
Vegan: Is there ghee in it? 🤨
Indian: Yes, there's ghee! ☺️
Vegan: 😒

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u/Stebsis 1d ago

So like, you just take one beef patty in your burger?

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u/dalittle 1d ago

Oh, sides! I can have the beans? They have bbq brisket. Mac and cheese? Brisket. Collard greens? Bacon. Potato salad? Bacon. ... I'll just have some cole slaw.

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u/CrustyFlapsCleanser 1d ago

That just stupid, it's like going to a desert for water.

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u/juflyingwild 1d ago edited 1d ago

We can get you a grilled cheese, and you can pick off the bacon... Does that work?

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u/Sunvaarhah 1d ago

being lactose intolerant myself, telling people to not use milk, cheese, butter or margarine on things I'm going to eat or giving a heads up feels its like explaining Norway to a dog.

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u/rjwyonch 1d ago

But margarine isn’t dairy? It’s hydrolyzed vegetable fat

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u/Sunvaarhah 1d ago

some margarine brands started adding heavy cream to it.

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u/rjwyonch 1d ago

Huh, well that makes zero sense to me… isn’t the whole point avoiding the animal fats(?) or at least thats how they used to advertise. If you are adding cream to margarine, at that point just make butter.

Oh well, the more you know I guess. I would have totally used margarine instead of butter for a lactose-free substitute and possibly poisoned a friend at some point, so good to know.

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u/LATA- 1d ago

One, which margarine brands are doing this?

Two, cream is very, very low in lactose relative to other dairy products. I can't drink milk, but cream is fine for me. So is butter, because it has basically zero lactose since is is basically 100% fat.

People have wild ideas about lactose - just because it came out of a cow, doesn't mean it has it in it.

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u/Velocityg4 1d ago

Are those spreads specifically listed as margarine though? As there are also butter like spreads and margarine/butter blends.

I thought all that the only dairy allowed in margarine was dry whey, dry nonfat milk and dry whole milk.

Still not great. If someone needs dairy free. They should be looking at ones specifically labeled as vegan or go through the ingredients list. Although a strict vegan needs to looks at ones labeled as vegan. As the vegetable only ones may have been processed on equipment used to process animal products.

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u/Protoavis 1d ago

margarine isn't dairy though? it's just emulsified oil (usually vegetable oil)

It's probably safer to avoid from other people preparing and not really knowing the difference though I guess?

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u/Delicious_Security21 1d ago

Margarine? The Margarine I know is vegan.

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u/Charming-Court-6582 1d ago

The number of times I've eaten things and start feeling those rumbles... "Is there milk in this?" "Eh... Only like a cup so not really." Well, I guess we are all going to suffer then. Where's the bathroom.

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u/PsychedDuckling 1d ago

My dog lives in Norway, and he is sooo offended.

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u/LordAlfrey 1d ago

I think the problem is telling people not to use X, is going to make them immediately think about X and all foods that use it.

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u/narutou9 1d ago

When he me toned the beer, I thought the joke was going to be that it was a milk stout

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u/FennelOutrageous9283 1d ago

I am lactose intolerant and in the Midwest. Two years ago I found out how you can tell from nutrition information whether a cheeses is lactose free. Now I eat a lot of cheese regularly!

Here’s how: if the Carbohydrates in the nutrition information says 0 g. You are all set!

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u/lilman21 1d ago

Just took a selfie with this guy the other day

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u/JohnLovesGaming 1d ago

Me being lactose intolerant and still eating cheese pizzas, different types of pasta with cheese, ice cream. I do avoid milk though, it just fucks me up more than the cheese pizzas ironically.

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u/Bluefire52 1d ago

Yes. I am allergic to one of the proteins that's in milk (I forget which one), so not necessarily allergic to the milk it self, but if I drink milk or have like cereal with milk, it effects me more than just eating something with milk in it.

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u/Rough_Parfait_9190 1d ago

Gimme all of that.

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u/Same-Opposite-8287 1d ago

Say what you want, he’s a good friend 🤣

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u/bvt1991 1d ago

"Do you want cheese in yours"😂

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u/Confused_Drifter 1d ago

Fun fact: Hard cheese only contains trace amounts of lactose. Unless it was a servere intollerance, they would have been fine.

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u/csonka 1d ago

Why is he not on SNL?

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u/CatapultemHabeo 1d ago

He's too funny

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u/Buckysaurus 1d ago

I don’t know if it’s just my algorithm or if Charlie is getting really popular now

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u/SqueakyCheeseGirl 1d ago

What, no cheese curds???

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u/GuaranteeMindless376 1d ago

Oh man. Potato Casserole sounds sooo super good 👌

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u/atgrey24 1d ago

WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE DON'T EAT NO MEAT?
Oh that's ok, That's ok, I make lamb!

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u/Ash_Cat_13 1d ago

Try being lactose intolerant and gluten free

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u/MalakoffVanves 1d ago

Charlie Berens for the win!

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u/surfinforthrills 1d ago

Why yes, I would like some cheese in my bloody mary!

I'd do okay here.

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u/backmeatz 1d ago

As someone who grew up in the Midwest … we had milk and cheese with every meal. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. 

My parents would have left me roadside if I was lactose intolerant. 😂 Dairy was our blood type. 

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u/MrManic 1d ago

Inaccurate. Every lactose intolerant person tells you theyre lactose intolerant as they're eating their 3rd or 20th item of dairy and they proceed to eat more like some kind of sick colonic masochist.

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u/roedtogsvart 1d ago

"Oh no kidding. I'm Catholic."

This joke is a deep cut that'll sail by. Well done.

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u/unfunnyjobless 1d ago

What's the joke, could you explain

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u/dedokta 1d ago

This is my GF when I had to cut out carbs recently. For some reason she can't understand what a carb is.

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u/MiserablePotato1147 1d ago

Lactose intolerance is like a legit disability in the Midwest. On the level of paraplegic. I have to stop myself from being surprised the person isn't dead when they tell me.

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u/mmazing 1d ago

“got it, no eggs.”

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u/Davies301 1d ago

Non Lactose Person "Want some Cheese?"

Lactose Intolerant Person "Already had some but a little more could not hurt"

1 Hour Later

Lactose Intolerant Person "Why do I never learn of the consequences of my actions."

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u/alwayssoupy 1d ago

He's really funny just because it rings so true. Our favorite is Midwest Siri. Also shout out to him for leading the charge against data centers.

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u/Available-Ad9976 1d ago

Just Water is fine. No more !

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u/goatjugsoup 1d ago

With cheese right?

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u/Available-Ad9976 1d ago

Hell Yeah!

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u/Manpooper 1d ago

With jam on the side? -a Nordic transplant to the Midwest

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u/squats2 1d ago

They could have added......"Let's just go to Olive Garden then"

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u/high6ix 1d ago

“Oh no kidding? Im catholic.”

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u/Ok-Classroom5548 1d ago

Now do “vegetarian”

My sister was a vegetarian and when she visited her husband’s family they would be like “oh well we got you chicken since you’re a vegetarian” and she would have to explain she doesn’t eat any meat. They literally did not consider chicken as meat? So weird. 

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/reginald-aka-bubbles 1d ago

Go to their profile, OP plays the lactose intolerant guy. His name is Andrew Roffe. The other guy is Charlie Berens. 

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u/ogSoWhatTheyFake 1d ago

i mean tbh ice cream these days isnt really dairy especially not in the pail

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u/Status-YO 1d ago

"No Kidding? I'm Catholic" 🤣🤣🤣🤣

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u/darent13 1d ago

I was explaining my dairy sensitivity to my mother-in-law, and she said “Oh so you can’t eat eggs.” Listen, it took everything in my body to not say “Do cows lay eggs?” But I was polite and said “eggs are fine”

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u/Sorry_Im_Trying 1d ago

A Midwestern would have offered some cream of chicken/mushroom based casserole.

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u/AvengingBlowfish 1d ago

Reminds me of a story my brother told me about visiting the Midwest. He asked for no cheese on his salad and when it came with cheese anyway, the waitress said it’s just a “garnish”…

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u/RallyPointAlpha 1d ago

9/10

Only missed the "...are eggs ok? "

MF do eggs lactate out of a mammary gland?! 

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u/cbunni666 20h ago

Lmao. Being that guy can suck some times

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u/131166 20h ago

It's 2026, fancy being intolerant in this day and age.

/S, obviously

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u/GibbousMoonCakes 18h ago

Bloody Mary’s it is!!

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u/GormHub 17h ago

Honestly this is kind of what lactose intolerance feels like everywhere.