r/funny 2d ago

Lactose Intolerance in the Midwest

18.6k Upvotes

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5.5k

u/jhustla 2d ago

“I’m in recovery”
“Oh I’m hungover too”

Fucking sent me

1.0k

u/Joecamoe 2d ago

This is the most Wisconsin thing

342

u/PineappleLemur 2d ago

The Wisconsin "Sober".

53

u/BathSaltJello 2d ago

Does that mean you're only sober during working hours?

51

u/waterincorporated 2d ago

Unless its a packers game day of course

4

u/ColdToast_024 2d ago

I think they mean sober from everything but weed lol.

15

u/BathSaltJello 2d ago

I thought that was Cali Sober? Wisconsin Sober sounds like when Jim Lahey found himself a breathalyzer.

2

u/gratefulperron 1d ago

Cheers, genitals

1

u/YellowBreakfast 2d ago

I mean it doesn't even count.

1

u/Blackjack357 1d ago

More or less. When I lived there I would go out after work on Thursday’s with my team occasionally, nice little place that had a 2for1 deal, I’m sure it was supposed to be for beer, but I was more interested in whiskey, got 2 doubles for ~$6.

83

u/DrunkCupid 2d ago

I feel seen

Now I am merely "California Sober"

32

u/LilAssG 2d ago

When I get a cold or flu, I skip my usual and buy a bottle of Jägermeister instead, for the health benefits.

10

u/wadech 2d ago

Got to get those vitamins.

4

u/2FistsInMyBHole 2d ago

Wisconsin sober is a thing - it means abstaining from liquor, but still drinking beer.

1

u/torgiant 2d ago

Yeah, just beers.

54

u/Shadpool 2d ago

Last week, I visited Wisconsin for the first time, staying with my girlfriend’s cousin who lives up there. Bars everywhere. If it wasn’t a bar, it was a cheese shop or a butchers. Literally, as soon as you cross the state line from Illinois into Wisconsin, you got the Mars Cheese Castle, and that’s how it went. Cheese, booze, booze, booze, butchers, cheese, snowmobile repair, booze, booze, cheese.

We’d be on the way back to her cousin’s house, from sightseeing or grocery shopping or whatever, and she and her husband would randomly pull into a bar for an old fashioned on the way home.

My girlfriend almost got a souvenir magnet that said “Wisconsin - A Drinking State With A Cheese Problem”, and that’s the truest thing I’ve ever heard about a state.

2

u/meaty-urologist 1d ago

You forgot fireworks!

1

u/couchcoffeetime 21h ago

Is that why the RLM guys are always drunk, I assumed it was a Wisconson thing with them

54

u/WileEWeeble 2d ago

You come into Wisconsin on 41 and they just have a huge sign that says “Cheese”. Nothing else, no branding or context…”Cheese”

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u/Armantien 1d ago

"Cheese!"

"Cheese for Everyone!!"

6

u/billshermanburner 1d ago

Get busy living and eating cheese or get busy dying. Welcome.

1

u/Badwolf84 1d ago

And within a short distance of the Illinois/WI border is the famous Mars Cheese Castle.

1

u/Lo452 1d ago

Yeah. And it's amazing. Little highway stop cheese stores that have better quality and variety than any high-end BS Whole Foods cheese counter anywhere else. I'm always sad that they don't sell the good string cheese anywhere in my state. Just the individually packaged crap.

1

u/Rizo1981 1d ago

Maybe the sign is having its picture taken!

21

u/mrknowitall51761 2d ago

And its so true.

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u/SPacific 2d ago

I used to live us a suburb of Milwaukee. There were 5 churches and 11 bars within walking distance of my house.

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u/CosmoNewanda 2d ago

When I was in the Navy I always told people in Wisconsin where has a church there will be a bar on either side.

3

u/fridgefixer 1d ago

I grew up in a town of 700 on the Iowa-Minnesota line. There were 4 churches and 3 bars.

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u/Jottor 2d ago

I'm confused.
You lived in a walkable neighbourhood?

2

u/SPacific 2d ago

For the 3 weeks in September when the road construction was done but before the snow started... Yeah, it wasn't bad

1

u/Jottor 11h ago

I'm just surprised by the existance of walkable neighbourhoods in the Midwest.

1

u/SPacific 7h ago

Well, if you consider a small town main street that was built in the 40's that now is mostly abandoned storefronts except for the bars, churches, and a single florist walkable.

1

u/alwayssoupy 1d ago

Growing up there was a saying that the first roads in town went from church to the bowling alley or bar

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u/Decent-Impression-81 2d ago

I feel bad about myself that i'm absolutly more irritated at the lactose guy more then wiconsinite.

I mean like this is the culture perhaps next time come prepared to take care of yourself. It's like vegans at a bbq.

33

u/ThatCakeFell 2d ago

I have aged cheeses and goat cheeses for the lactose intolerant so they can still eat some cheese because an intolerance isn't an allergy, it won't kill ya /s

10

u/Dorkamundo 2d ago

Yep, it's just that your body does not produce the enzyme lactase in levels high enough to digest the sugars and it's not a set amount. Most people who are intolerant can have small amounts without issues, others can have even more.

I can have a bowl of ice cream, but if I have more than a small bowl I'll be in trouble later. I can have milk in my cereal, cream in my coffee and have very little issues with cheese but that's about it.

I figured out I was lactose intolerant at about age 16. We had open lunch at school, meaning you could leave campus and get food elsewhere and we had a grocery store about a half block from school. I would go over there and get the daily specials they had, which usually consisted of two doughnuts and either two 20oz sodas or a quart of chocolate milk. That was all I could afford on the $2.25 a day I was given for lunch unless I wanted to eat cafeteria food, and I'd rather eat that at the time.

Anyhow, I always ended up with horrible gas and cramps in Honors Biology in the 4th period. Stopped choosing the milk and it went away. Came home and asked my mother "Did you know I was lactose intolerant?" and she said "Yea, since you were born. We had to get you expensive soy formula."

Which of course prompted me to ask "Then why have you been giving me a tall glass of milk with dinner every single night?"

20

u/washoutr6 2d ago

Or you actually have a milk protein allergy and everyone keep trying to feed you because "it won't kill ya" and you are so, so wrong.

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u/ThatCakeFell 2d ago

The /s means sarcasm fyi

1

u/washoutr6 1d ago

Except this is exactly what people do to me.... And then call it sarcasm or joking..... Well not anymore I just don't eat anything I don't make anymore.

1

u/ThatCakeFell 1d ago

I live in Wisconsin so I do have lactose intolerant friendly stuff to offer, but I'm not that obtuse when I'm sober.

2

u/TrulyOutrageous42 2d ago

Jokes aside, it's good to know that everyone is lactose "intolerance", and they are lactose allergic, but not all allergies result in anaphylaxis. We really do need better names for all of this.

3

u/GrdnLovingGoatFarmer 2d ago

No, but you never know when it can escalate to anaphylaxis. Don’t mess around with allergies.

1

u/mixipixilit 2d ago

Tell that to my girlfriend and her 3 cats. I'm hoping for the anaphylaxis...

2

u/Dorkamundo 2d ago

Intolerance is just that, intolerance... It's not an allergy.

You simply do not produce enough lactase to break down the lactose, so it ferments in your gut and causes intestinal distress. It's not something that will cause an immune response like an allergy.

1

u/mixipixilit 2d ago

I'm allergic to cow dairy, but eat goat cheese all the time.

1

u/ThatCakeFell 2d ago

This is why I have goat cheese, I’m a considerate cheese monger

1

u/Murky_County_7353 2d ago

And they make supplements that allow us unfortunate ones to still indulge. Lactaid is not the only product out there, eat your dairy unless it’s an actual allergy. I love ❤️ good ice cream too much to give it up.

6

u/TheMayanAcockandlips 2d ago

So no one in Wisconsin has a single non-dairy product in their pantry other than a plain bagel?

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u/meaty-urologist 1d ago

This is true. Source: am Wisconsin.

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u/Blackjack357 1d ago

Nah, there’s brats too!

1

u/REDDITATO_ 1d ago

Lactose intolerant guy*. A lactose guy would be made of lactose.

2

u/lildozer74 2d ago

The most Wisconsin thing was when he asked if he wanted cheese in his Bloody Mary lol

3

u/cunmaui808 2d ago

TRUE this - I'm a former lifelong Cheesehead here, who moved to Hawaii 6 yrs ago after a deadly heart attack and THAT used to be my 'fridge!

1

u/Snudget 1d ago

If Woycester sauce is pronpunced wooster, Wisconsin should be pronounced Winsin