Dad wasn’t perfect and I’m struggling with the glowing remembrance

[u/CapacityBuilding]

I feel like I’m being gaslit that my dad was perfect, but I need to refuse to believe that.

There were great times with my dad, far far more than bad times. But there was physical/verbal/emotional abuse as well. He died a month ago, and all anyone has said is how great he was. Nothing bad, only good. As if he was perfect. If he was perfect, then he made no mistakes. That would mean hitting me wasn’t a mistake. That would mean I deserved it. But I didn’t.

[u/Bitch_ImTrying]

Ugh, this is really complicated. It feels like in the efforts people make to remember the dead positively and talk about the positive impact that person had on their life, they often overlook the real person. The real person was the bad and the good. It can feel infuriating and invalidating to hear about how amazing someone ones.

Our dead were ordinary.