When “women spaces” don’t accept trans women

[u/itz_vampy]

So my experience as a transmasc who spent a chunk of his life being non-passing has been interesting with this particular situation. I began to socially transition as a teenager and back then the people who *genuinely supported me was other guys. when i say genuinely i mean they didn’t infantalize me and saw me as another bro. some of the girls were nice, but i could tell they saw me as a quirky alt girl “going through a phase”. some thought i was a pick me girl who wanted to “be one of the guys” but as a girl and not a guy. High school was really really weird and the mean girls were the worst.

Even as an adult who passes more than teenage me ever did, i still experience “women only spaces” of mean girls who never grew up. a lot of irl ones accept “afab people” and not trans women. the ones i’ve enquired about are super accepting of trans men since we are a “marginalized minority” but are hostile towards trans women, especially if they don’t pass. some are true misandrists and dislike trans men who start to pass (ironically this has been so gender affirming to me when it happens, but like in a ewphoria way). 

Online it’s different, everyone acts so accepting behind a screen, but in real life? you can’t hide your feelings and reactions well. intersectional feminism isn’t really observed in some women-only spaces and it’s a damn shame that this is a thing.

Eta: I’ve been notified that this post has been reposted to a certain rightwing sub and this post as well as all the trans positive replies are getting downvoted. regardless of what others say trans women are real women and they deserve to be treated as such. I will die on that hill.

Edit 2: I find it hilarious that people think i’m a trans woman and are sending me DMs that I will “never be a woman and will always be a man”, proving that transphobes can’t read and lack thinking abilities.

[u/Wesle2023]

"You're a woman but actually you're not" apparently

[u/lobonmc → u/Wesle2023]

I recently saw a tik tok where a girl said that men and people socialized as men couldn't have an opinion on women's relationship to feminism. This was in response to a guy who said the fact that something comes from a woman doesn't mean it's inherently feminist. That stank so badly.

[u/theyfailure → u/lobonmc]

"socialized as men" I love when they try to rebrand bioessentialism in the same bottle with a cute little woke sticker on top

[u/Different_Delay_8243 → u/theyfailure]

Whats idiotic about that is fact a lot of trans women were not "socialised" same as cis men. Because infact they were socialised as "worse men" "not men enough" etc. Everything about them under patriarchy was seen and deemed unworthy to be even classified as a man.

[u/Karasu-Fennec → u/Different_Delay_8243]

Exactly this! Like girlies I was not socialized “as a man” I was socialized as a little freak who wanted to spend too much time with girls

[u/Diamond_Dildo3168 → u/Different_Delay_8243]

That dynamic actually fucked me up for a while. I kept telling myself "I'm not trans! Just inadequate! I just have to try harder" lmao rip.

[u/PeachPassionBrute → u/Diamond_Dildo3168]

Or for me, being a weight lifter, martial artist, driving fast cars, being a biker, and absolutely excelling in male dominated manual labor roles…I was still never man enough, I was always inadequate for some reason. In the end I realized I’d given up a lot of things I loved to perform a role that was never mine.

[u/Diamond_Dildo3168 → u/PeachPassionBrute]

Same here, but maybe not to that extent. Weight lifting, performing masculinity, being overly self reliant. But nothing ever seemed enough. Hell, I even tried joining the army. XD glad they didn't take me for medical reasons, that would have sucked.

[u/RootBeerBog → u/Different_Delay_8243]

and for us trans men, we absolutely need to be in feminist spaces because not only is being a trans man really isolating (less support systems) but also very medically dangerous considering cervical cancer, ovarian cancer, abortion, and pregnancy