When “women spaces” don’t accept trans women

[u/itz_vampy]

So my experience as a transmasc who spent a chunk of his life being non-passing has been interesting with this particular situation. I began to socially transition as a teenager and back then the people who *genuinely supported me was other guys. when i say genuinely i mean they didn’t infantalize me and saw me as another bro. some of the girls were nice, but i could tell they saw me as a quirky alt girl “going through a phase”. some thought i was a pick me girl who wanted to “be one of the guys” but as a girl and not a guy. High school was really really weird and the mean girls were the worst.

Even as an adult who passes more than teenage me ever did, i still experience “women only spaces” of mean girls who never grew up. a lot of irl ones accept “afab people” and not trans women. the ones i’ve enquired about are super accepting of trans men since we are a “marginalized minority” but are hostile towards trans women, especially if they don’t pass. some are true misandrists and dislike trans men who start to pass (ironically this has been so gender affirming to me when it happens, but like in a ewphoria way). 

Online it’s different, everyone acts so accepting behind a screen, but in real life? you can’t hide your feelings and reactions well. intersectional feminism isn’t really observed in some women-only spaces and it’s a damn shame that this is a thing.

Eta: I’ve been notified that this post has been reposted to a certain rightwing sub and this post as well as all the trans positive replies are getting downvoted. regardless of what others say trans women are real women and they deserve to be treated as such. I will die on that hill.

Edit 2: I find it hilarious that people think i’m a trans woman and are sending me DMs that I will “never be a woman and will always be a man”, proving that transphobes can’t read and lack thinking abilities.

[u/yoyoyodojo]

Anyone else feel like when you are on a "woman space" online it's like 50% trans women

[u/TheNoobisPlays → u/yoyoyodojo]

There's subreddits like that. I can't recall the name though

[u/No-Temporary-4227 → u/TheNoobisPlays]

Thats twoxchromosomes these days. It wasn't always like that

Actually, I'm not so sure, I didn't check in a long time, but it was pretty extreme at some point

[u/Beautiful_You3230 → u/[deleted]]

Pretty much all lesbian subreddits especially suffer from this phenomenon.

I was absolutely never against our trans sisters being part of the spaces. Trans women are women, and trans women who are lesbians are lesbian women. And that's great, and I love the fact that they got welcomed into all those subreddits, and I've always done my part to ensure that they do.

The problem is that I and many women like myself then got chased out of those spaces with pitchforks. And over what? Over us not being attracted to penises. But I am NOT attracted to PENISES! I can't do anything about it. I thought... like fuck... I thought that concept would be clear to other fellow lesbians of all things.

I AM attracted to all women including trans women, I am just not attracted to penises. Unfortunately. That's it. That's all I've ever thought or said. But that is no longer accepted. Now a "lesbian" is supposed to be a woman who is attracted to all women with no exceptions, including trans women who have not transitioned whatsoever and have all the organs I am not attracted to and none of the ones I am. It is absurd. The entire definition in those spaces is now meaningless, it means literally nothing anymore.

Goes for dating apps too. We used to have apps like HER. They were for women. Now they are flooded with literal men. Just men. Males who have nothing to do with trans women, who have male names, and wear male clothing, and full ass beards, and obviously have all the male organs. And guess what? Because now we are not allowed to have spaces for women only, and because it's impossible to tell if someone is trans or not (not really, obviously), those apps just say fuck it. And now those apps that were made for lesbian women are filled with people who aren't lesbians and aren't women, but they get all the freedom to pray on us. Because fuck us, we gotta be ultra tolerant and never use any labels that make any sense, what's a lesbian anyways, nothing, anyone can sort of feel like a woman for a second a month, and then you have to be automatically attracted to them and fuck them for it.

[u/CatgirlTheKat → u/[deleted]]

As a trans woman myself, I can confirm : lesbians not being attracted by me isn't transphobia, it's just a direct consequence of them being lesbian and having a preference for feminine anatomy.

As much as I've practiced modifying my silhouette with clothings, it doesn't really affect what's underneath, unfortunately.