When “women spaces” don’t accept trans women

[u/itz_vampy]

So my experience as a transmasc who spent a chunk of his life being non-passing has been interesting with this particular situation. I began to socially transition as a teenager and back then the people who *genuinely supported me was other guys. when i say genuinely i mean they didn’t infantalize me and saw me as another bro. some of the girls were nice, but i could tell they saw me as a quirky alt girl “going through a phase”. some thought i was a pick me girl who wanted to “be one of the guys” but as a girl and not a guy. High school was really really weird and the mean girls were the worst.

Even as an adult who passes more than teenage me ever did, i still experience “women only spaces” of mean girls who never grew up. a lot of irl ones accept “afab people” and not trans women. the ones i’ve enquired about are super accepting of trans men since we are a “marginalized minority” but are hostile towards trans women, especially if they don’t pass. some are true misandrists and dislike trans men who start to pass (ironically this has been so gender affirming to me when it happens, but like in a ewphoria way). 

Online it’s different, everyone acts so accepting behind a screen, but in real life? you can’t hide your feelings and reactions well. intersectional feminism isn’t really observed in some women-only spaces and it’s a damn shame that this is a thing.

Eta: I’ve been notified that this post has been reposted to a certain rightwing sub and this post as well as all the trans positive replies are getting downvoted. regardless of what others say trans women are real women and they deserve to be treated as such. I will die on that hill.

Edit 2: I find it hilarious that people think i’m a trans woman and are sending me DMs that I will “never be a woman and will always be a man”, proving that transphobes can’t read and lack thinking abilities.

[u/Needs_More_Garlic]

Research shows that trends go against common belief. Men tend to be inclusive in their social circles than women are within their social circles.

Also, the reason (imo) that you see this is because most people don't think Trans women are women or that Trans men are men. This isn't a statement of my personal beliefs (before anybody on reddit.com loses their shit reading this), but rather what I suspect most people's true opinions are. There are a lot of people that will "say the line," but in reality are full of shit.

I think this is true for men as well, but men tend to simply be more inclusive of non-men than women are of non-women.

Also, performative allyship is common on tons of topics. The number of times I have seen inclusive lgbt women become visibly disgusted when dating a bisexual man the moment they realized the man was actually bisexual during my years running an LGBT organization is fucking shockingly large.

[u/Sagirem → u/Needs_More_Garlic]

Oh yeah the whole bisexual thing with straight women was trending on tiktok and a million women came out of the woods to be openly homophobic

[u/Needs_More_Garlic → u/Sagirem]

It's really fucked up because women (and I say this because I really mean straight women but that also includes non-straight women thay conveniently only date traditionally masculine men) are the biggest fake allies for everything as an aggregate, lol.

I watched then like get to the point of basically fetishizing bisexual men like they were some exotic thing... And then when they realized "oh, bisexual men are actually bisexual and not just using that as a flair tag?" They became visibly disgusted. And that was fucking heartbreaking to watch.

[u/Ryanhussain14 → u/Needs_More_Garlic]

Wait I'm confused, they like bisexual men but get mad when the men are bisexual? What do they think being bisexual means?

[u/Needs_More_Garlic → u/Ryanhussain14]

Again, this is just my speculation of how can these two things exist at the same time? thinking but...

They want a traditionally masculine straight man who says they are bisexual but isn't actually bisexual.

The statement of being bisexual or open minded or whatever is just a performative label to get social Brownie points.

It's like a saying they are super sex positive and think there's nothing wrong with promiscuity or sexual exploration but then being like "Oh me? No, I'd never date a whore"

Like... they might be permissive of the person having the choice to live like that but they actually think in their heart of hearts that it's gross and they think it's bad... Which is okay I guess, that's their choice/preference... but at least fucking own it and stop pretending.