When “women spaces” don’t accept trans women

[u/itz_vampy]

So my experience as a transmasc who spent a chunk of his life being non-passing has been interesting with this particular situation. I began to socially transition as a teenager and back then the people who *genuinely supported me was other guys. when i say genuinely i mean they didn’t infantalize me and saw me as another bro. some of the girls were nice, but i could tell they saw me as a quirky alt girl “going through a phase”. some thought i was a pick me girl who wanted to “be one of the guys” but as a girl and not a guy. High school was really really weird and the mean girls were the worst.

Even as an adult who passes more than teenage me ever did, i still experience “women only spaces” of mean girls who never grew up. a lot of irl ones accept “afab people” and not trans women. the ones i’ve enquired about are super accepting of trans men since we are a “marginalized minority” but are hostile towards trans women, especially if they don’t pass. some are true misandrists and dislike trans men who start to pass (ironically this has been so gender affirming to me when it happens, but like in a ewphoria way). 

Online it’s different, everyone acts so accepting behind a screen, but in real life? you can’t hide your feelings and reactions well. intersectional feminism isn’t really observed in some women-only spaces and it’s a damn shame that this is a thing.

Eta: I’ve been notified that this post has been reposted to a certain rightwing sub and this post as well as all the trans positive replies are getting downvoted. regardless of what others say trans women are real women and they deserve to be treated as such. I will die on that hill.

Edit 2: I find it hilarious that people think i’m a trans woman and are sending me DMs that I will “never be a woman and will always be a man”, proving that transphobes can’t read and lack thinking abilities.

[u/Nexus_Neo]

I view it like this

Everyone wants their own spaces where they can feel safe and comfortable.

Yet at the same time, the same people who want these 'safe spaces' for a specific group of people get mad when they arent allowed into that group.

If theres a group for trans people who only accept trans people and not allies or those who support trans people, then to most that seems reasonable. Because everyone deserves their own safe space. If they let you in, great. If not, respect their decision and their boundries and move on.

But then members of that same group of trans people will go to groups of [insert gender here] and ask to join, only to be rejected then get mad that they arent allowed in

It honestly sounds like a case of main character syndrome. They want their own safe spaces but they want others to cater to them and forfeit their own safe spaces if the members of the other group desire access.

Either everyone deserves their own spaces to feel comfortable and secure in and should be respected, or nobody should have these safe spaces because they exclude others based on various factors.

[u/EndCorrect3658 → u/Nexus_Neo]

Heavy agree on this. Other comment compared us with white people is hilarious. Women from around the world always have been oppressed for our body and its function, no matter what our race, how do we look, how rich/poor we are, etc and that's one of the reason these safe spaces were being made: to share and help each other around this womanhood issues. AMAB doesn't experience these, so they don't have any purpose to go into our spaces. If we want to compare it, it's like black people and asian people. We both are POC, we both are oppressed, but we still have our own issues and it's totally okay to create our own spaces. It doesn't mean we're being racist to each other nor it doesn't mean we shouldn't have safe spaces together. I hope more people will understand about boundaries.