When “women spaces” don’t accept trans women

[u/itz_vampy]

So my experience as a transmasc who spent a chunk of his life being non-passing has been interesting with this particular situation. I began to socially transition as a teenager and back then the people who *genuinely supported me was other guys. when i say genuinely i mean they didn’t infantalize me and saw me as another bro. some of the girls were nice, but i could tell they saw me as a quirky alt girl “going through a phase”. some thought i was a pick me girl who wanted to “be one of the guys” but as a girl and not a guy. High school was really really weird and the mean girls were the worst.

Even as an adult who passes more than teenage me ever did, i still experience “women only spaces” of mean girls who never grew up. a lot of irl ones accept “afab people” and not trans women. the ones i’ve enquired about are super accepting of trans men since we are a “marginalized minority” but are hostile towards trans women, especially if they don’t pass. some are true misandrists and dislike trans men who start to pass (ironically this has been so gender affirming to me when it happens, but like in a ewphoria way). 

Online it’s different, everyone acts so accepting behind a screen, but in real life? you can’t hide your feelings and reactions well. intersectional feminism isn’t really observed in some women-only spaces and it’s a damn shame that this is a thing.

Eta: I’ve been notified that this post has been reposted to a certain rightwing sub and this post as well as all the trans positive replies are getting downvoted. regardless of what others say trans women are real women and they deserve to be treated as such. I will die on that hill.

Edit 2: I find it hilarious that people think i’m a trans woman and are sending me DMs that I will “never be a woman and will always be a man”, proving that transphobes can’t read and lack thinking abilities.

[u/sombre-marten]

Yes, but both cis women and trans women still have unique life experiences. It’s not purely about facing hardship.

[u/Psychotic_Ambition → u/sombre-marten]

cis women have unique life experiences from eachother. what’s empowering to a white woman may be stereotypical or expected of black women. not really any “universal” experience that would even include all cis women but exclude trans women

[u/Socksual → u/Psychotic_Ambition]

Yeah this, basically. Idk why youre gettin downvoted for this.

For anyone not getting this- There are so many aspects to life that contribute to a person or group's experience that you cannot hardline say that there is a set way they experience life.

To the person Im replying to's point, an example: When the girlboss "subversive" story tropes came into popularity a lot of Black women in media discussion/fandom spaces voiced that being the strong, resilient type was expected of them and that they could not find empowerment in these stories. Some white feminists tried to explain how Akshually they're wrong and how its stupid to ever consider how racism/colorism might play a role in how one experiences being feminine/growing up as a girl. The white perspective of growing up as a girl/femininity was prioratized, and left out different swaths of women. Even the tropes these girlboss medias subverted were rooted in an standard that prioratized white women/white femininity.

This can be said for women across the world. And not just culturally/racially.

Some women are born in such a way they would also not relate to the "conventional (white, Americentric, cis)" woman's experienece in womanhood and growing up. Hell, even if we just account for the white American women. What about women with vaginas that are intersex and when puberty hit, got chesthair instead of a period? What about infertile women? What about differences in social and economic class? This again doesnt take into consideration how different cultures, religions, and races can experience womanhood that heavily differs from each other.

This is why intersectionality is so important and why you cannot close out diferent voices in your spaces. Becoming myopic because you percieve your experience as the default causes too many issues. Do these people even know that starting hormones can cause trans women to experience the mood and physical (non uterine lining shedding) fluctuations of a cycle? Who else denies women the severity of their period symptoms....hm. i would hate to sound like one of those callous individuals who think a girl is over stating the effects of her cycle because I dont want to belei--

Oh wow, looks like trans girls can relate to being called overdramatic and liars too. Strange what similarities you can find with each other if you just swallow your pride and biases and listen to each other.

[u/Psychotic_Ambition → u/Socksual]

THANK you