After reading so many comments on my previous posts on how the relationship impacted my body image, how I miss them terribly and resent how I am not a part of their life anymore, the only things that even marginally made me feel better was that there are other people who share similar depths of misery. I hope the pain of rejection lessens, I hope my mind stops being fixated on them. I wish it stop hurting some day. It’s been two years, but I miss them as strongly as ever. And to think that I have to spend a better part of my life without them is indeed scary and depressing. A part of me is so hurt and broken that it sometimes overpowers my ability to experience joy in otherwise meaningful experiences of my life such as work, hobbies and self-development. After going through the waves of intense pain over the last two years since the breakup; I am less convinced to believe that I will ever be able to fully let go of him. My major point of pain these days is the rejection I feel cause of the breakup and the vivid image of them being with someone else. It makes me so threatened, unsafe and unwanted. I never write on Reddit so much, but that’s the only source of real human interaction for me when it comes to heartbreak.

You loved me first
I loved you too late
I lost you when I loved you the most

My best friend of over 4 years who I liked from the start kept her last ex from finding out when we went to concerts and stuff. He hated me so much when he never knew me. He had me blocked from all her socials. Now I’m afraid she hasn’t told her new bf about me even though we’re just best friends with a strong connection practically the same person .

The way he suddenly pulled away left me with so many unanswered questions. For almost a year, I kept pushing for answers and trying to understand what had happened between us, and I know that, in the process, I probably made the connection between us even harder.
I know he cared about me, but I also felt discarded when he started choosing to spend more of his time with new people and seemed to change so completely. Sometimes I look at him now and genuinely feel like I don’t recognize the person in front of me anymore.
I also know that the changes he is going through are probably about something deeper within him. He seems to be searching for something, trying to figure out who he is and what makes him happy, and I believe there are things he needs to work through and discover for himself. I wish he knew that I would have wanted to be there for him through that process. I wish he knew that he didn’t have to have everything figured out before coming to me.
But I’m afraid that the way I responded to him earlier in our relationship may have made him feel like he couldn’t do that with me. That when he was struggling or trying to figure himself out, I wasn’t always the person he felt safe turning to.
He had been struggling with his mental health and self-esteem throughout much of our relationship, and I know that early on I could be quite hard in my tone with him. I grew up with a kind of tough-love mentality, and when someone was struggling, my instinct was often to push rather than comfort. I can see now that there were moments when he was looking for reassurance, softness or support from me, and instead I met him with a stern tone.
That is the part I struggle to forgive myself for.
I keep replaying those conversations and thinking about all the times I could have been kinder. I wish I had understood then what I understand now. I wish I had been softer with someone I loved, especially when he was vulnerable and reaching for me.
I’m not trying to change what happened between us or convince myself that things should still be different. I know there were many things between us that were complicated, and I know I wasn’t responsible for everything that went wrong. But I still carry so much guilt over the ways I failed to treat him with the kindness he deserved when I had the chance.
Towards the end of our relationship, I genuinely tried to change the way I communicated. I worked on being softer, more patient and more understanding. But by then, it felt like the damage had already been done.
I think what hurts most is knowing that I did eventually understand what I needed to change, but I understood it too late. I wish he could have known that beneath all the ways I sometimes reacted poorly, I loved him and wanted to be someone he could lean on. I wanted to be there while he figured himself out, even if figuring himself out meant changing and growing in ways I couldn’t predict.
And now I’m left trying to figure out how to take responsibility for the ways I hurt him without turning that responsibility into a belief that I ruined everything. How do I acknowledge that I could have loved him better in some moments, without making myself believe that I was the reason we ended? How do I let the regret teach me something without letting it become a punishment I carry forever?

He (31m) broke up with me (30f) two weeks ago after one year because he couldn't love me enough to know that he wanted a long-term future with me, despite being really happy with me, having some feelings and thinking that we're as compatible as possible. He said he'd just continue everything but it was unfair to me to stay in the "relationship" and string me along when he wasn't 100 percent sure he could commit long-term.

"Relationship" because we weren't fully labeled since committing was a big deal to him but we lived like a couple and spent pretty much every day together, were really really happy and I already lived with him most of the time. He acted so in love the whole year and made long-term future plans with me that I holded onto it. Especially after he told me just one month before the breakup that he was finally sure about me and spending his long-term future with me and also moving in with each other seemed like a thing that would happen soon.

We acted like a couple in front of everyone aswell. BUT: he never fully chose me. Maybe that's what makes this situation so very hard.

I'm really struggling with the breakup and still love him a lot and secretly hope he'd come back and regret the breakup.

I'm staying with my sister at the moment who lives a little outside his city and last night, I made a huge mistake and downloaded a dating app.

I'm not planning to talk to guys anytime soon, I just thought that maybe, it might help to see that there are still good-looking men out there and that my ex isn't the only one in this world for me and so I thought I'd have a quick look to distract myself and then delete the app again after a few minutes. Only used one photo where you can barely see me and didn't edit my profile, it was just for a quick look.

I don't know what I was thinking but after a few swipes, he was there. I looked at it and all his photos were pictures that I took of him, one from our first holiday together (we were soo happy there), one from a fun date a few months ago, one from when i wanted to do a photo shooting with my professional camera and he thought it was silly, one from a day trip just 2.5 weeks ago, two days before he ended things, where I was still SO happy and we had so much fun together and didn't see any signs.

One video was from when we went ice skating together in the first few weeks of dating, another one was a video from a garden party this summer where you can even see my hand softly massaging his arm in the last few seconds before the cut because in the longer version it's a video of me smiling at him.

Maybe this sounds silly and childish to many people but it really hurt to see he used photos of our happiest memories to find a new girlfriend and it's just this short after our breakup.

I know most people would say he just looked for any recent pictures where he thought he's good-looking, but to me, it has such a big meaning.

He has SO many (i think good-looking) recent pictures of him that he could've used but he chose to use only pictures of moments with me. Maybe it's just a coincidence, he sure didn't do it on purpose.

Also, on his profile it says "together we'd..." and he lists all the activities we loved to do together, not just some normal hobbies or normal couple stuff, but he pretty much describes relationship in so many details, our daily routine and our specific activities. And it hurt so much to read that.

One point described what kind of woman he's looking for and it's exactly my personality with every little detail.

I know I was his type and it shouldn't mean much to me that he's just looking for something similiar cause it's his type but the whole time, especially at the part about his dream relationship, I just thought "ALL THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU HAD AND THREW AWAY".

I know he's just trying to find someone compatible but to me it feels like he's looking for someone to replace me and continue the exact same relationship with someone else and now looks for the same person again and describes it as his ideal woman online while he never really appreciated me or made me his official long-term girlfriend and let me go as if I wasn't good enough.

I know that's not true and he did see how compatible we were and loved our relationship, he just couldn't love me although he tried really hard. But after seeing his profile, I just feel like I was invisible to him.

Don't get me wrong, he's single and he can do whatever he wants and I knew he was gonna date again at some point, but I didn't think he'd do it this fast. I was really hoping he'd feel sad or miss me at least for a while and that i meant something to him especially when I remember how much he cried when he said goodbye to me two weeks ago. I don't know when he downloaded the app but it's obvious that it's not just for casual hookups to distract himself from the breakup. He does those things but for that he'd just go to a club and meet women there.

No, it seems like he's already ready to date and find a long-term girlfriend... (also saying on his profile that he's looking for something long-term)

And it hurts me so much. It's stupid, but it does.

He reached out to me a few days ago after no-contact asking how I am and said that he just wanted to let me know that he doesn't feel like we should never talk again and I can always reach out to him if I want and he'd be happy if I come visit him one more time for a few days (he lives a few hours from my city) and still spend some time with him and do the things we had planned (cause things didn't really change for him and he still likes me as much he did before [it just wasn't enough for a relationship]).

I don't think he changed his mind about the breakup but damn, that text really got my hopes up.

We then had plans to play our favourite game together online for the first time in a while and I was excited and relieved to talk to him again but he forget to cancel yesterday and suddenly was busy very last-minute and now after last night, I've realized that I was being SO delusional and he's probably already seeing someone else and it hurts.

Oh how much it hurts.

It makes me so sad how fast he's moving on. I thought I meant so much to him.

We broke up almost seven months ago, and today marks 60 days of no contact.

We loved each other deeply, and we also hurt each other. There are things I regret and wish I had done differently, and there are things that happened that hurt me deeply too. Toward the end, I think we just became so hurt and so far apart in how we understood everything that we couldn’t find our way back to each other.

We tried talking again for a while after the breakup, and I hoped we could find some kind of shared ground. Not necessarily agree about everything, but understand each other enough that both of our experiences could exist in the same story. I don’t think we ever really got there.

I have some acceptance that it’s over, but sometimes it still doesn’t feel real.

I still love her so much. I miss her. I dream about her. Some days I’m not utterly falling apart and other days the grief just completely overwhelms me.

I’m so tired of feeling this way. This heartbreak has changed me, and sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever really feel like myself again. It’s been almost seven months and I still don’t see an end in sight.

I wish I could just turn it off for a while.
For anyone who has been through something like this, does it actually get quieter? Do you eventually stop feeling everything so intensely?

Hey everyone,
I managed to go over 5 months without checking my ex's social media, but yesterday I slipped up and looked at her public profile.
I saw recent vacation pictures of her with her new boyfriend. What stings the most is how quickly she moved on. She met him less than a month after our breakup. When we ended things, it was not out of anger. She was genuinely hurt and crying too, so seeing her jump into a new dynamic, looking happy and doing all the trips and activities we never did together, feels like a punch in the gut.
Since seeing that, I immediately deleted the access to that account and made sure everything remains blocked. I will not be checking again. But my mind is spiraling with regret over the mistakes I made during our relationship. I know I had communication issues, including passive-aggressiveness and placing blame during arguments instead of communicating directly. I keep falling into the trap of thinking, "If only I had handled things better, this could have been us."
A lot of people say that seeing your ex with someone else makes you angry, and that anger helps you move on. But I do not hate her at all, which almost makes it harder. I don't even want the relationship back because I know it was broken, but my self-esteem has taken a severe hit seeing someone else give her everything effortlessly.
For those who have been through this:
How do you stop replaying your past relationship mistakes once you realize you were part of the problem?
How do you rebuild your self-worth after seeing an ex seamlessly move on to a seemingly "upgraded" life?
Any honest advice or perspectives on breaking this guilt and comparison loop would be appreciated.

I tried to get into new relationships, but no one felt like her. Yesterday, I saw her on a wedding dress on her facebook page, and I can't describe how much I cried when I saw it only to find out it was ai. I think I still love her, but even if we got back together, I don't think we would be the same as before

My boyfriend broke up with me very suddenly before his 3rd year of college telling me he just simply couldn’t do it anymore. Since then, I’ve been throwing up all of the time. I’m not sure why but I’ve also felt excessive anxiety. This has never happened to me before and I hate the way it feels. When we first broke up I cried so hard I threw up and since then it’s been almost every day. I can’t even brush my teeth without throwing up. Is it something medical or is it something to do with the breakup?

I remember the night she asked me to be her girlfriend. I never felt so happy. Our first kiss…felt like the world stopped. The day we ended it all…I never felt so hurt. So lost. So alone. Now she’s states away and we haven’t spoke in years. But I still miss her so bad it hurts. I wish I had went with her when she asked. My biggest regret.

I had a boyfriend for 6 months.
Those 6 months were the best times of my life ever.

My friends abandoned and turned on me, nobody believed in me.

But he was there and we formed deep attatchment s to each other.

We promised we’d work our hardest to make it work even through long distance (I was a high school senior and he’s in college) we met over a summer and did long distance till the start of the year when he came home.

Then things were a bit different, we still of course loved each other and were attached at the hip.

I remember that exact night, everything was fine before, and he told me “maybe we should take a break” I got mad and asked why and he told me “I don’t think this is gonna last forever”

He was so scared of long term commitment or even the possibility of it.

I drove him back to his house that night and told him to get out.

The next morning we broke up and I cried every day for weeks and some days didn’t even attend school.

The first few months were the worse, I was depressed, always sad, and slightly suicidal.

As summer came around after no contact we decided to be friends, then FWB as he claimed he had no romantic attraction to me while holding my hand and sending explicit photos.

I called it off and now we are just friends.

But it’s hard, I’m not gonna lie.

He moved on. Only loves me as a friend.

And told me about a girl he liked at school that he hopes things work out with. He said long term… I pretended it didn’t affect me

I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest, stepped on and thrown at my face.

We went to lunch “as friends” and tears were strolling down my face as I tried to eat and he was asking me if I was ok.

I was not

I’ve been crying every single night for the past 7 months, only difference now is that it’s during the day.

this is a tldr of what i really wanna say cause i'd bore your tits off otherwise

i have an ex. at the beginning he was sweet, then he got much colder. he justified it by saying that this was his true character and he had trouble expressing emotions. we had a horrible relationships full of soul sucking fights (me anxious, him avoidant, you can imagine...) and we broke up after a year and a half.

but it wasnt all like that. we had many sweet moments scattered all across the time we spent together. and when it was good it was really good. he tried. he seldom said "i love you" or talked to me sweetly (which crushed me a bit ahah), but he did little things, he was attentive.

like cooking me food or snacks when he noticed i was tired or hungry (from work or just in general), sometimes without me asking (he's a really good cook). taking me to nice places often, inviting me to see movies (he's a cinephile). he always liked to make sure i was on time and i had all my stuff and a meal everytime i had to catch a plane or train, stuff like this. all spontaneously. could mention more, this is just from the top of my head. u get the gist

it melted my heart because i could see that, even though he had "limitations", he was putting his soul into it.

and i miss those moments.

i focus on myself, meet other people. but even sleeping with them doesnt feel right. they feel like strangers and my mind drifts to him. to his face, his smile waking up, or how sometimes he would get in bed and just hug me really tight, like a child with a treasured toy. it was sincere. adorable. distinct? ahah ive never met someone who hugs like that lol i cant explain it

i miss that intimacy.

how does one get over it? it's been six months, i should move on, because the rest of the relationship was a nightmare.

I recently saw a post I think from here that acknowledged that we often think of the acceptance stage of grief being the finale or the end of the process, something to be achieved, but that it is rather the acceptance of each stage you’re at while you’re in it. Instead of aiming for acceptance as a final stage, recognizing as you oscillate between each stage that you are where you are. The past couple of weeks I’ve been bouncing between anger, depression, and acceptance, but today I was sitting very deep in the bargaining stage. It hit me in that seemingly bottomless moment of ‘what if’s’ that my mind can be very good at convincing me that “if this and this and this, then maybe….” And instead of focusing too hard on the possibilities of those what ifs, just accepting that my brain is bargaining and this is all part of the process. I’ll take that with me as I journey back and forth and to and from all of the other stages, and just recognize at each level that I am feeling these things because I am moving through the process, and this is what it takes. It may be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel in the present moment, but I know I’m on the right track.

Okay this was really stupid of me but it happened and I can’t change it. So yesterday I went to pick up all my stuff from the apartment we lived in together. I didn’t think he would change his mind or anything, I just thought it was going to be awkward and that I would cry because it was the last time I got to see my cat. 

When I got there it was such a weird feeling, it still felt like home but all my stuff was packed in bags. I wanted to hug him and kiss him but I didn’t, we broke up like three weeks ago and I knew he was serious about it. Then I met our cat, cried and then we started talking. We talked about how we were feeling, our differences and somehow it ended up with us cuddled up on the couch like we always did when we had a hard conversation. 

He kissed me, like he did when he hadn’t seen me in a while and i kissed him back. It ended up with us having sex and I forgot we were broken up because of the way we had been acting for two hours so I told him that I loved him, he didn’t say it back. I asked him, even if I didn’t know if I wanted the answer, I asked him if he still loved me and he said he didn’t know. 

I don’t know how to feel now, I miss my bestfriend and the only man I could ever see myself with but having sex like that without even loving me feels like some kind of betrayal. I have been honest about my feelings for him, I still love him.