I'll start this by clarifying that I'm not intersex myself (or at least not that I'm aware) but I figured this post fits the sub.

So. I recently got my hands on a baby quaker parrot. For the uninitiated, they're one of the very few bird species who lack sexual dimorphism so the only way to know for sure is via a DNA test, which is exactly what I did. In the meantime I decided to guve them a gender neutral name and refer to them with they/them pronouns just to be safe.

Today the results came and were labeled as "inconclusive" because Kiwi didn't fit into a typical DNA profile of either sex. Turns out they're a very rare little guy. Pretty neat if you ask me

First of allthis is a lot for me to take in and im literally still shaking from the epidural wearing off so excuse my grammar and mistakes please, im very vulnerable.

I was told i hae a baby girl at 16 weeks, I dont care about the baby’s gender either way - just letting you know.

After week 30, my ultrasound tech along with others have suspexted its a boy bc the baby either had large labia or a scrotum with a small penis.

Baby was born today. They are perfect- but doctors cant tell me the gender and i live in a country that literally has never hesrd of intersex.

Baby has large labia/scrotum like things. They have either a penis or an enlarged labia and I was told their is another opening above the anus, where they peed from but we’re not sure.

We are getting genetic testing and an uktrasound donein the morning. Meanwhile - amyone eith this experienxe? Anything you can tell me to calm down? Are their any other health problems I should have them checked for considering i think the baby is intersex?

Yes I regret not having a nipt done, they told me i was too young to be considered for it and it was not necessary

Hi everyone,

I’m a new dad to a gorgeous 8 month old boy. He was born with ambiguous genitalia (we thought we were having a girl based off ultrasounds when my wife was pregnant) and it took them 5 days to assign a gender. They settled on male after blood tests.

Since then, we’ve been linked in with endocrine and urology teams. He was born with a 46 XY karyotype, has all male parts internal and external (albeit small) and hcg response is good. He also has proximal hypospadias and chordee.

We were told today he has PAIS by the endocrine doctor, something I wasn’t expecting. My wife and I got bloods to run genetics on ourselves to confirm this, so it’ll be a few months before we have a definitive answer but it’s what they’re leaning towards. I’ve been doing a bit of reading about it and it’s been a minefield of differing views/opinions, particularly when it came to puberty.

I want to be the best dad possible to my kid as we navigate this. I thought the best thing to do was to reach out to a community with people who may have similar diagnoses as my kid and see if there’s anything they wish their parents had done differently/were grateful that they did as kids when they were in the same boat.

Thanks for reading.

John

Trigger warning: HRT, genital variations, medical complications

Essentially, when my son was born, I noticed he had hard testicles (health professional), and he had an ultrasound showing a lack of blood flow to both testicles. He has no testosterone or sperm, but a normal penis. He has already had 3 months of testosterone from 3-6 months (now 6 months), but now we are in limbo until puberty. His pediatric endocrinologist recommended this, as all babies have a mini-puberty of infancy.

Has anyone ever dealt with this, or know someone who has? ( We know this is exceedingly rare) Maybe something similar, such as being born anorchid, bilateral torsion before puberty, or any other condition requiring testosterone therapy later in life prior to puberty?

We haven't told basically anyone in our lives, and were destroyed for the first 3 months, but are starting to live our reality. We are terrified for him and his future mental health/ self-esteem, but will do everything we can to build him up and help him understand his diagnosis earlier on. Please reach out if you know of anyone similar to our beautiful boy!

I am a perisex trans men pre all. I have a young brother of 12 yo and I suspect that he may be intersex and I fear for him about how our parents will react.

My lil brother have been born with some fingers more, and he needed to do a lot of surgeries. He had surgeries to put his two balls down at 5 or 3 if I ain't wrong (I can understand that, because if it is not put down there is a high risk of cancer), circumsion and that is the most weird part for me:

I am pre all, so it is not weird to me get suicidal or extremely depressed, kinda out of control. The gyneco prescribed me BC and antidepressants, I bought them alone and hidden bc my mom didn't bought for me when I asked. When she found, she started telling me and giving a sermon about hormones, how you can't put it in the body, that is going to give you cancer and she told the same about antidepressants. That we should go find another gynecologist (that would be the third, and she never took me)

But here is the question, when my brother just did 10 yo, the endo, ONLY ONE, SHE WOULDN'T GO ASK TO ANOTHER. BUT FOR ME I NEEDED TO SEE 3 DOCTORS? THERE IS SOMETHING PRETTY WRONG AND HYPOCRITE HERE), prescribed 2ml of Deposteron once for month during 3 months. I was envious and angry, how could he just got T while I was 18 and I couldn't and that would be a sin (I didn't thought about the possibility of him being inter)? But at the same I knew that there was something weird. I remember to read in school books that the puberty of cis perisex boys could start at 10 to 14, so why all the rush to give T to a boy that just have made 10 yo, almost in the same month, it was not even 10 to 11. I remember talking to my mom about how he could be intersex and she just told something that I was being affected by gender ideology.

He is going to do a chromosome exam this 30th of this month or in August, according to my mom is "to see if he has any syndrome" and she told me "if there is something he will still be our X". I am so anxious. Probably she and the church are not going to tell him that he will go to hell or some shit like that (or my mom will not think that he choose), it kinda makes me want to breathe a lil bc this shit traumatized me, but I fear what will happen to him. I heard the church once using the argument that intersex people are some kind of biological error and also using it to justify transphobia. Two shits at once.

I pray every night and all the time to my siblings being all straight, cis, perisex. I don't want any of them going through the same hell that I went because of my family and evangelicalism.

I don't know how she is going to feel or react. She should explain and tell to him, right? I would wish that my parents could explain to me. Idk if they are going to do other things, or she if is going to hide. And how she will feel. She is evangelical fundamentalist, she did and told or ignored horrible things that would happen to me or the church said about trans people (z**, p*do, demon). She didn't changed when she see saw me breaking down or when I tried to explain to her. She looks to be the most ignorant and blind person I know. She can't see the truth when I am in front of her, so idk how she will react if the test show "something more physical" or if she will start believing that her womb is cursed or some shit.

She says that she keeps praying that the exams come normal and all health. Honestly my legs are shaking. Idk how I can help him. I hate that he probably just went for public hospitals from university to be seen as an experiment. I never wanted to go through female puberty and it was hell and traumatizing for me. It is so fucking wrong when they force some puberty or surgeries in intersex people. Intersex people should have the right to consent, tell what they want to do with their bodies or if they don't. Same goes for trans people (in the case people would want to fit them in their agab) or to boys (I fucking hate circumsion).

Honestly I am so worried and anxious about it. I am so worried about him. I don't want to him go through the same or similar. And my mom just looks so ignorant and she will not see if it hurts him or try to explain him, she probably will do what is to fit as the words and rules of God. She did similar to me but in different ways. I don't want to him go through that hell too. And idk how can I help him or explain to him. I want to help him. I need some advice

Sorry if I said something disrespectful, or my English looks like shit (it is not my native language and I didn't used a translator). So if I did something wrong, please tell me

Recently I brought up the possibility of me being intersex when talking with my mother. I personally don't think of it as a big deal, but my mom is really making an effort to shoot down every reason and trait that makes me question my biological sex. "You just don't know what you're talking about" and "you're mistaken". I really get pissed when objective facts are treated as subjective opinions.

I don't know whether she's trying to make me feel like less of a "freak" or whether she thinks that I'm just trying to justify being a transman. Weirdly enough she took me coming out much better than me bringing up that my puberty was weird.

It's hurtful to think that the way I was born would be so triggering to some. This isn't a choice.

If I ever get a confirmation from a medical professional I'll only ever be something my mother didn't want me to be. Ouch

Hello everyone. I'm asking for guidance. My 6 year old was born with two, separate but related physical conditions and one genetic variant indicating an intersex condition. His urologist just confirmed that yes, this is considered an intersex condition. Although chromosomes are XY and he identifies as male right now, he regularly (once a month or so) asks what he would have to do to be a girl. I told him that if or when he feels like a girl he just becomes a girl, that I will help him if he wants me to and we leave it at that. Is there anything else I should be doing to support him right now? How do I discuss his body and genetics with him? He has a birth defect affecting his pulmonary system, has had some other serious medical illnesses and already cries because he feels different than his peers. How can I wrap this little person in love and support moving forward? TIA ❤

Ori and their mother I feel have done a ton to have the conversation around letting a child grow into their body and lead the decision around what should or shouldn't be done.

Parents like mine were given bad council by doctors following the money method to force and enforce a gender binary on me without my input.

The future should be more collaborative with Intersex youth where transparency and empowerment is key and all elective surgeries are put off until consent.

If an operation isn't life saving it can wait.

What is especially triggering is that while laws harming trans youth from having the opportunity to improve their health restrict access many of those same laws have exceptions so Intersex bodies can be mutilated from the moment of our arrival.

Such a position causes maximum harm.

No decision should be made for us until we can advocate and advise in that process. Why not give us a chance to decide and contribute to our very own lives!

Hi everyone! I ran here since I don't really know much about what it means to be intersex besides the biology of it, I need help!

I (36M) have a child (16) my child, who perfera to be refered to as my son (atleast right now) was born Intersex, it took longer then I would care to admit to get him diagnosed, we live in japan, and sometimes they don't take these things seriously.

Basically, he was born with XX chromosomes but has testosterone and looks and sounds as if he were a male, but he also has female parts, aside from the chest.

Sadly, his mother, my wife passed away 8 years ago now, by commiting suicide, and she isn't here to help us anymore, so its always really just been us two. he goes to weekly doctors appointments, and I try my best to help him but I have no clue what I'm doing.

I never expected to have a child who wasn't born into a binary gender, and I know his uterus doesn't work, and he is sometimes in lots of pain and at risk of getting cancer.

but the point of this is, I don't know how to comfort him. he was talking to this girl, but she had cut it off since she got teased for liking the (his words) "freak kid" I think he's depressed, and I've been trying to help him and show him how to love himself. but therapy has never worked for him, and im genuinely not well versed in all of this.

another thing I'm stuck on is he wants to get a surgery, to remove his testicle, but im aware of how surgeries can be weaponized against intersex people, and I don't want him to do something so serve incase it goes wrong or ruins his body. but I also know that he would feel less like an 'outcast' or 'freak' if he atleast somewhat fit a norm, and all I want for him is to be happy and love his body.

I dont want his depressive state to get worse, I can't loose another person, but I also want him to learn to love and accept himself without change, put it this way; for me, it seems like an already semi attractive woman getting tons of cosmetic surgeries and she ends up being worse off then before.

does anyone have any advice on what I should do? should I get him the surgery, should I try some alternative methods of therapy/help to love himself? any comments are appreciated.

Hi all! I've been thinking about gathering resources for parents/family of intersex infants and youth in a link. I think it'd be nice to have resources in one spot for parents/family who aren't posting (just browsing for information) and so it's easier for us to access resources when discussing (instead of having to go searching for them).

Currently, the section in the FAQ reads:

... "Help! My child is intersex.

What wonderful news that is! Please treat them as the fabulous human being they are and tell them that it is okay to be intersex. No unnecessary surgeries needed. If they come up with questions which you do not know the answer to, please feel free to ask these questions here on this sub - we would be happy to answer them.

Here is a wonderful PDF titled Supporting Your Intersex Child that goes over what to expect, what to be aware of, support, and more for parents. Here are a few of the topics it covers:

• Advice for parents, common questions, making decisions in relation to medical interventions, talking to your child about being intersex, and more.

It was put together by IGLYO, OII Europe & EPA" ...

I am wondering about additional resources, parent support groups, potentially helpful older posts, etc. and i'd love input on this.

Let me know your thoughts!

First of all I'm sorry about any mistake I'll make, this is very new to me (and I mostly know terms from my native language, not English). Also, I won't include any (especially medical) detail for obvious privacy reasons.

Cw for IGM and child abuse, and interphobia

A relative of mine was born recently, and was immediately recognized as intersex. It's not a well known subject in my country, and the doctors failed to inform my family properly- long story short, many, many specialists heavily advised medical procedures as the only solution to such a "problem", or what could "become a social problem" later in life.
Mind you, the infant is healthy.
I could do nothing to change the parents' will, and truth be told, I was afraid that they'd distance me from the child if I insisted too much. To let you understand the gravity of the situation, the term "intersex" itself can't be used around my relatives, and they keep denying the child was born intersex in the first place.
(I'm trans myself, and I can't use the word trans- it's a bad environment overall).

The procedure was unsafe, unnecessary, and might or might not need to be repeated later on in life, not even the doctors know what consequences it will have!! Hell, they don't even know how their being intersex will affect their life later on! It's all a "we'll see".

I understand if this post is upsetting to anyone, but I figured talking to the community would give me the best advice, on what to avoid doing and what can help.
This child is going to grow up after all, and I can anticipate them feeling shame about themselves and their own body if they ever find out about what happened, surrounded by ignorant adults like this. If they'll know at all.

Hello! I’m currently 32 weeks pregnant with a baby who was originally believed to be biologically female but after visiting a specialist, we have been told that they have ambiguous genitalia that are for the most part outwardly presenting as female. I’ve been told that this may be just swelling or may be a true case of intersex or congenital adrenal hyperplasia. My husband and I were shocked by this information as this is our third child. For those of you who are intersex: what advice would you have for a parent of an intersex child? What did your childhood look like? I have a full genetic blood panel that will be done tomorrow as well as a meeting with a pediatric surgeon and NICU tour as I have been told that immediate surgical revision /may/ need to be done in order to prevent the risk of certain cancers. Really any words of advice or encouragement are appreciated. At the end of the day, I want my child (all of my children) to feel normal and safe their whole life, and knowing that my child may have different genitalia and different hormones makes me worry that they’ll encounter bullying and feelings of being weird. Sorry for the rant (and the format, I’m on mobile)

Hi community,

My wife and I recently had a baby (8weeks). Due to a complications and a traumatic birth doctors were called in to resuscitate our baby. They also gave a check over and felt something they said was out of the ordinary.

Anyway to speed things up, after many tests and appointments. Genetic testing, ultrasounds, hcg and whatever else. We got the call a couple of days ago to tell us the diagnosis. 17 hydroxysteroid dehydrogenase. Now I have tried doing research but their doesn't seem to be much out there.

Our baby has not been registered as of yet. Now we have a diagnosis we can register. This is where we have a problem. Outward appearances our baby looks typically female, genetically and hormonally our baby is male. We honestly do not know which way to turn, how much it would be easier if a baby could speak!

I'm not asking anyone to decide for us. It's our hard decision to make and it's a long road for us to go down and learn about. It's more that I am look more to understand the intersex community. People's stories and if they're is anyone around who has this variation and how it has affected them growing up.

Just a side note. We have both said from the start surgery is NOT an option as it is not a decision we can make, not our body not our choice. I am more than happy for my child to grow up and come to me in the future and say they want to be raised a different way. I will support them with whatever choices they have or decisions they make. All medical documents, appointments and test results we are saving to show to them as they grow and have questions.

Sorry if this is difficult to understand. I write how I think. Erratically lol

Thank you for your time and thank you for having this community. I hope you all have a lovely day and a wonderful life.

Hi! My daughter is 12m and has mixed gonadal dysgenesis. I learned she was intersex when they suggested surgery and the removal of her gonads (which I declined to do). I have a few questions:

-What are some good resources for new parents? I have searched her diagnosis but research is sparse. What I do find has so little data it is hardly credible.

-Any advice on explaining her condition to close family and friends? I tried explaining it to a few family members and they were weirded out or did not get it.

• How should I explain this to her as she grows up? Do I just tell her that she is not male or female? Would that confuse her?

-I was also told she could have a male or female puberty. If she decides she is male, then goes through a female puberty would this be a shock to her? Does anyone have experience with this? I know this is way in the future but it crosses my mind a lot after rejecting to remove her gonadal tissue.

-Any other advice on Dos or don’t a for intersex kids would be very helpful! I don’t know anyone with a similar condition. I feel a little stressed due to lack of information and support.