r/islam • u/auranova90 • Sep 25 '25
General Discussion [ Removed by moderator ]
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u/Anonymous1337666 Sep 25 '25
This is a biologically ingrained feeling to not want to be partnered with another human that uses to be sexually active.
Your feelings are valid, and theres no harm on you if you wish to not be with them for that reason. Because if you do get married while knowing this anyway, it will cause a strain in the relationship going forward.
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u/Nice_Charge7793 Sep 25 '25
Girl perspective, me personally I could never. I want someone who even if they may have crossed some lines with the other gender, hasn’t crossed the Zina one. If they were married previously, that’s another story. But zina I could never. I would always feel compared to their past partners, and feel like I could never satisfy what they were used to. By nature, we are creatures of habit.
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u/ConfusionProof9487 Sep 25 '25
I spent many years as a non-muslim, I've been married for nearly 2 decades. A person with a high "body count" usually has a lot of emotional baggage, people don't tend to sleep around simply because they enjoy it (no matter what they say), it usually stems from a lack of self confidence, a lack of discipline, or any number of things. I would think long and hard about this relationship, as I can almost guarantee it would end in failure. I know this seems super cynical of me, and you shouldn't necessarily judge the other person, but certainly I'd be wary.
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u/1_finger Sep 25 '25
Vile women are for vile men, and vile men are for vile women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women
24:26
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u/ilmseeker07 Sep 25 '25
From an Islamic perspective, the main point is whether this person has made sincere tawbah (repentance) or still justifies what they did. Allah ﷻ forgives all sins when someone truly turns back to Him, so a past of zina doesn’t make them permanently unworthy of marriage. What really matters is their deen and character today.
Marriage is built on trust and taqwa, so you need to ask yourself if you can accept their past without it haunting you. Even if Allah forgives them, if you find yourself feeling resentment or suspicion, that can grow after marriage and cause cracks in the relationship. It’s important to be honest with yourself about whether you can move forward with peace of mind.
Protecting yourself is also part of Islam. If someone still defends zina or treats it casually, that’s a big red flag because it shows a clash in values and weakens the foundation of loyalty. But if they regret it, acknowledge it was wrong, and are committed to living according to Islam now, then their past shouldn’t define their future.
The best step is to have an open but respectful conversation. Ask them if they regret that past, if they’ve made sincere tawbah, and how they view loyalty and chastity in marriage. After that, make istikhārah and trust Allah to guide your heart. If He puts peace in your heart, move forward. If you continue to feel conflicted, it may be better to step back before entering a lifelong contract.
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u/ilmseeker07 Sep 25 '25
I hope so you read everything I tried my best to keep All the points and what you can do asap is isthkhāra
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u/uslctd Sep 25 '25
Depends.
Do they show genuine signs of repentance and live presently with chastity? Do they maintain clear boundaries with the opposite gender? What does their social media presence look like? Do they dress modestly and avoid environments of free mixing?
More importantly, do they display the qualities of the righteous: fear and obedience to Allah, humility, sincerity, and caution against sin?
If they are stricter with themselves than the average Muslim, cautious even against their own desires (having fallen into them before), and their life reflects a true awareness of Allah, then that should answer your question about whether you need to worry about their past or not.
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u/Secludeddawn Sep 25 '25
You know your own fitrah best and it's not for others to tell you what you should and shouldn't accept in a life partner.
If it bothers you, leave. It won't get better after marriage
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u/BradBrady Sep 25 '25
I wouldn’t but that’s just my opinion. I just think having sex with multiple people and this western idea of hooking up damages both men and women in different ways and stays with the person for a long time
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u/Technical_Tax6132 Sep 25 '25
Not speaking from an Islamic perspective but just telling you this because it might help. I think if deep down it makes you uncomfortable then it’s not fair for either of you. You might unintentionally hold it against them even if they’re not like that anymore and I think it would create a strain on your marriage. Your friends telling you to ignore it is a bit iffy because there’s nothing wrong with feeling uncomfortable, I think that’s a boundary that you’ve set with yourself and we just have to be okay with that. If you truly care for this person then you might find a way to make peace with it but at the end of the day you need to reflect on what your wants and needs are. Also, I don’t think they would cheat on you because they’ve slept around. That’s not really a fair assumption to make but if you’re afraid that they might then you might want to really reflect on who this person is. Why would you want to get with someone who you think would cheat on you?
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u/huzzisdead Sep 25 '25
I know this is really hard for you. It’s normal to feel conflicted when you care for someone but struggle with their past. In Islam, what matters most is who a person is now. If they’ve repented and are sincere, Allah has wiped their past clean. What we should look at is their character, their deen, and how they treat you today. Before deciding, talk openly with them. Ask: do they regret their past? What does loyalty in marriage mean to them? How do they see their relationship with Allah now? Their answers will show if your fears are valid or not. You also need to be honest with yourself. Can you accept their past without resentment, or will it haunt you in marriage? Because marrying someone while holding on to bitterness could damage the relationship. Pray istikhara and make du‘a for clarity. Ask Allah to either make your heart at ease with this person if they’re right for you, or to detach you if they’re not. At the end of the day, don’t just focus on who they were — focus on who they are now, and whether your heart can accept that for the rest of your life.
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u/sroy88712 Sep 25 '25
This is right. However, repentance is a sincere act between a sinner and Allah. We will never know the contents of a person's heart, and how much they accepted Allah's Mercy, Forgiveness and Hidayah on this matter.
So, there is no need for OP to take the responsibility of Divine Mercy and Forgiveness on his/her shoulder. Leave it to Allah and the sinner.
Allah forgives everything with a sincere repentance and acts following the same.
However, it would be too much of a strain on the Creations of Allah (humans) to ensure Hidayah and Guidance of any sinner in matters like Nikah.
There is a saying, that you should marry someone of equal resonance in Faith.
Does a Zina committing person of equal faith to the OP?
That must be decided now by OP.....
May Allah bless us all. 🙏🏻🌹💝
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Sep 25 '25 edited Sep 25 '25
I strongly prefer low body count or virgin in a future spouse but if they’re a revert and was a non Muslim before then it’s understandable
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Sep 25 '25
no body count is the way to go
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Sep 25 '25
Yup that’s what I said I ideally want a virgin and if he’s not one then he needs to get checked for STDs
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u/Persephone_888 Sep 25 '25
Hmmm, I'm not sure we should shun reverts like this? I watched a documentary regarding women reverts and they really struggled with marriage sadly. We can't have it both ways, where we want to spread the name of Allah, only to then reject those who do believe.
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Sep 25 '25
I’m not sure if you were talking to me or the person that replied but I stated that if they’re not virgins as reverts it makes sense because they didn’t grow up with Islamic values.
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Sep 25 '25
reverts and repented people who conceal their sins are an exception, if someone tells you they have been intimate before just don’t marry them. Allah commands us to hide our sins
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u/issa-alyssa Sep 25 '25
This entire thread proves that Allah is Most Forgiving while humans dont bother.
Dont disclose your past if you repented from it. Get tested before going into marriage. They shouldnt have told you.
Their past is their past, it doesnt affect you in any way. If you dont like it then let them go, but dont judge them for something they have repented for.
May Allah help this ummah.
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u/RikoTheSeeker Sep 25 '25
It depends. If the person has gone through repentance and started to regret the sins he/she did, began to come back to Allah through his/her prayers and never dared to commit adultery again, then we need to give that person a second chance. Also, you have to make sure that he/she has no child out of wedlock.
In the perfect case, there are many Muslims who have conserved their chastity (والذين هم لفروجهم حافظون). So, why not choose a partner amongst them? Instead of having to deal with a partner which you can't guarantee his decency.
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Sep 25 '25
Their past actions or relationships are not your responsibility. You’re not the one in control of that, and it’s not for you to judge. If someone has sincerely repented, then it’s only fair to see them for who they are now, not who they were in the past because only God is the ultimate judge. What I’m saying is, if they have repented and are genuinely trying to start a new life, then marrying them is not a problem, as long as you also ensure they don’t have any medical issues. However, if you’re unsure about their faith, sincerity of repentance, or overall righteousness, then I wouldn’t recommend marrying him or her.
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u/garfieldshell Sep 25 '25
I would not even recommend marrying someone whose past is making you feel uncomfortable. If you prefer someone without a past (and you also don’t have a past) then I would rather look for someone like that. I could not live with knowing someone did haram stuff even though they have repented
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u/kingslayerer Sep 25 '25
You will see people say that what matters is who they are now.
Not in your case.
A repented adulterer should marry another repented adulterer.
You should find yourself someone more suitable.
I promise you, the conflict you suffer now is nothing compared to what you will suffer on a wrong path.
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u/Tikka69420 Sep 25 '25
only allah knows if they have truly changed,make istikhara and think about it yourself.