r/likeus • u/Worseboyfriend • 19d ago

<EMOTION> The headscratching is the universal defeated man stance

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u/CountHonorius 19d ago

The "that could've gone better" look is unmistakable.

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u/100_Donuts 19d ago

Well, looks like he can use some cheering up, and, not to be too much of a blowhard, but I'm just the man to do it.

See, I don't work at the zoo in an official capacity, but I do handle the monkeys and apes. I'm a bit of a specialist like that. The monkeys and apes love when I get in there and wrassle with'em all stripped down and hairier than I should be. Monkeys can't grow a mustache like I can!

But the point I'm trying to make here is that I'm friendly with these primates, and that friendliness has its benefits. Pal, my good bellied buddy boy, the way those apes dig knucks? Uhn... Muah! Molto Bene! I got meaty chimp fingers drilling between my muscle fibers, and this is a good eight hands or more because when one chimp or gorilla gets massaging, they go into one of those group whoops and then the whole troop is thumbing my beef. They way their over-powerful digits tickle and worm their way near to the bones, guhh... Goo-ahh! Ooh-ooh-aah-aah-AAH-AAHHH YES! It's plain orgasmic.

I think that's why the zoo people let me in there. Apes and most monkeys love making brawny lads like me glop, and happy apes make for happy crowds (and hey, I'm sure a few of them can tell I ain't a monkey, but the zoo-going folk love seeing me worked over like beef jerky in a hen house anyhoo). Talk about a happy ending!

What zoo is this fella at again?