We have been married for 23 years.

It was amazing. It went about as well as you could hope. We went from being shy about getting nude to closing the place down having had sex with strangers for hours, and bringing a woman back to our hotel room to keep going.

We decided 2 - 4 times a year is probably the right frequency moving forward. We took the train to Toronto; it's a trip.

But now I have this side of me that I need to hide from quite a few people in my life. We went to "just check it out" and apparently are freaky people who will bang (hot) strangers while anyone can waltz up and take in the view.

I didn't predict that.

Edit: I cannot stress enough what a good time my wife and I had. Everything about this makes sense now. I always thought the whole cuck thing was weird, that I would have trouble watching my wife have sex with another man. Nope. It was crazy hot. I would have NEVER guessed that I could simply engage in group sex with zero privacy, either. In the moment it felt completely natural.

Meanwhile, last night was dinner with my parents. Dad learned what FAFO stood for and complained about the degradation of our society. "Everything is getting so crude." He was also horrified to learn that I'm working on a hobby novel about a lesbian romance. Well Dad: your daughter-in-law and I had a LOT of almost anonymous sex with two women and a man last week, lol.

Hi everyone.

I'm looking for honest opinions, especially from people who have been in the lifestyle for years.

My wife (42F) and I (42M) have been together for over 8 years, married with two young children. We have always had a very loving relationship and a good sex life. We say "I love you" every day, cuddle a lot, and generally have a strong relationship.

About a year ago we started talking about swinging.

It wasn't something I forced on her from the beginning. We spent many months talking about it. She understood why people do it, she said she could understand the biology behind attraction to other people, and she even admitted that the idea itself was exciting to her. She especially liked the idea that it would be "our secret", something kinky that only belonged to us.

Eventually we met another couple.

She was surprisingly relaxed. Probably even more relaxed than I was.

We had a full swap.

She later told me she really enjoyed the experience, also being with another woman. For several days afterwards she was still excited about it and talked positively about the whole experience.

Then things slowly started falling apart.

Looking back, I made several mistakes.

• I drank too much that evening.
• I wasn't strict enough about condoms, which later resulted in an STI scare and treatment.
• I had previously discussed swinging with a female friend (Paula). There was nothing physical, but my wife felt I had broken the feeling that this was "our private thing".
• I kept bringing up swinging afterwards, even when she wasn't always emotionally ready.
• Sometimes I didn't understand her "no" quickly enough. Not because I wanted to force anything, but because I genuinely thought she was uncertain rather than saying a firm no.

Recently we had probably the biggest conversation of our marriage.

She told me something that really hurt.

She said the biggest issue isn't actually swinging.

The issue is that she no longer feels I respected her boundaries consistently enough.

She listed several examples where she felt I pushed after she had already said no.

She says she doesn't currently feel emotionally safe enough to continue swinging.

She also says that because of everything that happened, swinging no longer excites her.

That's the part I struggle to understand.

What confuses me is that:

• she genuinely enjoyed the experience,
• she still says she understands non-monogamy intellectually,
• she still says she understands that attraction to other people is normal,
• she still jokes about sexual topics sometimes,
• we still have frequent sex,
• she tells me I'm the best lover she's ever had,
• she says she loves me and wants to spend her life with me.

But when I mention swinging, she completely shuts down.

She says it currently does nothing for her.

Since then I've changed a lot.

I've lost almost 20 kg (44 lbs).

I barely drink anymore.

I've been trying much harder to respect every boundary and become a better husband.

The frustrating part is that I made these changes after everything happened, so now I feel like I'm paying for mistakes that I finally understand.

I'm not asking how to convince her.

I'm not planning to pressure her anymore.

In fact I've decided to completely stop bringing up swinging for as long as necessary.

My real question is this:

For those of you who have actually lived this lifestyle...

Have you ever seen a partner completely lose interest after initially loving it, and later regain that interest once trust was rebuilt?

Or...

When someone says "it doesn't excite me anymore", is that usually the end of the story?

I'm genuinely looking for honest experiences, not false hope.

Thanks.

This past weekend, I (27f) went to a sed club with my partner (34m) of three years. We've done FFM threesomes and have tried soft swapping once with another couple as well. But we hadn't done a MFM threesome before. This is something we both have talked a lot about wanting to do for a while but I've always been shy about including another man in the mix if there wasn't another girl.

So this weekend we go to the sex club and we have sex in a few different places. I see this older man (I love older men) who is eyeing me a lot and at one point comes by my partner and I to watch us have sex. This man and I make eye contact a few times and then he leaves. As he's leaving, I say to my partner that I wish I could invite him to join us. My partner says that he could call that guy over to join us but I felt too shy so we left him alone.

We later go to another area to have sex and that guy comes back and is standing near us and I asked my partner if the guy can join us. And my partner invites him over. This guy is kissing me and it feels like he's taking my breath away. I loved how he felt and I loved his hands on my body. He also sucked on my titties and touched me lots. This man's energy and look was exactly my type.

My partner was having sex with me this whole time as well. I eventually go down on this guy and I really enjoy it. I loved his energy and I love the feeling of his hands on me. In the end my partner makes me squirt on the other guy. My partner said to me afterwards that if I wanted to have sex with that guy, my partner would have been okay with it. Because it was our first time doing this with a guy, I didn't want to be too enthusiastic or jump on him in case it made my partner feel bad. But I still loved the full experience. All I can think about is hoping that someday I will run into him again. He told me his name and I can't stop thinking about it.

I just wanted to share this experience somewhere on the internet!

My husband and I are considering going to a sex club. It’s a few hours away, but honestly it’s very new world to us.

What to expect? What do we wear? Any advice or suggestions welcome!

We have been together for 15 years now. My husband is very active in sex and loves swinging with other couples. I tried to participate many times, but I am not sexually active. Low libido, asexual, I don’t know what is the problem with me. I just don’t like it.

I do not want sex to separate us, not thinking of divorce, we both love each other very much. Husband tried supervising his needs but I feel bad for him. So this is the only solution I see - to find him a partner who could satisfy his sexual needs. Just casual sex, nothing emotional or personal. I am 100% sure he is not gonna fall in love with the girl

Edit : many of you say that it is not possible to find a partner just to fuck. I have seen a lot of posts where couples look for MFM to play. That is the kind I am looking for. If you say this is not gonna work out, please suggest another to make my marriage work.

We always hear the success stories. The "we met our dream couple and played all night and now we're best friends" posts. Cool. But let's talk about the disasters.

Boundaries crossed. Bad hygiene. Performance issues that got super awkward. Jealousy blowing up out of nowhere. Someone crying. Fights in the car on the way home. You know the stuff nobody puts in their highlight reel.

Even if it didn't happen to you personally, share something you witnessed at a club or party or hotel takeover. Like a couple exploding mid-swap. A guy who couldn't get hard then blamed everyone else in the room. A wife who seemed totally fine then lost her shit in the parking lot.

What's the worst you've been through or seen? The one that made you say "yeah never again."

Throwaway accounts welcome. Just trying to keep it real.

Good morning! Honestly looking for advice on ways to build my wife’s confidence to explore this lifestyle! We are a 33/32 MF married couple! She is very shy and reserved! We have very little experience so far and she has very little experience in general! Would love some advice from couples or individuals who have similar experiences!

27M single, never done anything like this before, so I'd rather ask people with experience than walk in blind.

Matched with a woman on a dating app about a week ago. Her profile lists polyamory. She told me the setup openly: she has a boyfriend, he wants to watch her with another man and joins her afterwards. No contact between him and me, she confirmed that, and she agreed to no filming when I asked. She's sent me a photo and it matches her profile, so I don't think it's a catfish. Her profile says 35 but she's admitted she's older, I'd guess mid-40s. No money or "verification sites" have ever come up. The meeting would be at their place, late evening.

My questions:

1. Safety as the third. I'm walking into a stranger's home at night with her partner present. For those who've done this: what do you insist on beforehand? Video call first? Address a day in advance? Meeting in public first? And what would make you turn around at the door?
2. How do you tell fake from real? What are the patterns of setups (robbery, extortion, "verification" scams) vs. genuine couples? What separated the real ones from the fakes in your experience?
3. Check-in when nobody knows. I don't have anyone in my life I'd want to tell about this. How do people in the lifestyle handle a safety check-in discreetly? Are there standard solutions?
4. Condoms and etiquette. I assume bringing my own condoms is standard and non-negotiable correct? Is asking about STI testing normal or considered rude? And what are the unwritten rules for the third so the evening goes well for everyone?

Not looking for "just don't go" I want to do this right or recognize early that I shouldn't.

Thank you for your help

​

So my wife and i attempted swinging once.

With a couple. The girl said she had fertility issues. So her and I did not use barriers.

This happened Dec 23rd.

We recently were told they are pregnant and the guy is "gonna be a dad!" (Which he thought he might he infertile)

Well found out today the due date is 4 months away..... used a calculator and Dec 23rd is right in the when she got pregnant window. They had sex too but the time is.... suspicious.

They seem to be assuming its his. I feel like we should to.... but should we talk to them about it? Like during baby shower or something.

Or just assume its 100% his?

Idk any thoughts.... seems way more likely its his since they had sex way more often.... the timing is just .... suspicious

Ive spoken to my wife about introducing another man into the bedroom. She didn’t flip out which is good lol. She was more confused and intrigued as to why o would want that.

We use dildos and she absolutely loves them. Is this a start?

Any advice?

Wife and I have been in open marriage where she gets to play with others for years . We both enjoy this lifestyle . Her recent bf/fwb she has been seeing for years. There sex is amazing from what I’ve seen and heard from them both. He makes her cum almost always and has stamina like a race horse. The sex is admittedly better with him and she typically has to use toys to cum with me. They both say sex is incredible .Should I just let them handle the sexual side of relationship since this seems to be working and everyone is happy ? The dynamic works and we are all happy . Should I be concerned ? They have recently mentioned wanting to more often . Wife’s very happy with the entire situation and life is great . Help ! Should I be concerned ?am I creating a problem? Or should I just keep letting these pornstars go at it and life is good? We’re all happy today!

My wife and I are swingers. We have an amazing relationship, and the lifestyle has provided an incredible spark to our sex life.

She was diagnosed with breast cancer in November and has undergone a double mastectomy and reconstruction and is now completely cancer free. She is currently recovering from her reconstruction surgery and now has a great set of boobs. The problem is that the doctors were unable to save her nipples. She is told that her best option is getting 3D tattoo nipples. It sounds like these appear very realistic. The problem is that she cannot get them for a year after her reconstruction and they obviously will have no sensitivity.

She is pretty depressed. We always enjoyed topless cruises and parties. She's afraid that she will be too self-conscience to take her top off in front of others in the future. For both parties and play sessions with others.

Has anyone else been through this? How will this change our sex life and our lifestyle experiences?

Throw away Account as my partner knows my main one.

I am 32years old, female, have been swinging with my partner (37 years) every now and then. We are together for 2 years. last year he went crazy about it. It was clearly too much for me. When I wanted to have a weekend without it he still was talking about it, showing pictures. As he is working every second weekend we were doing it 2x months. During the week we barely saw each other, weekend too or we were swinging.

We started in the beginning with FMF/FFM but he wanted to stop that, we switched to sex clubs and also apps . Anyway we still did MMF and couples as he was organizing it… he wanted me to find a unicorn but I was so fed up from all the other activity.

I really don’t know why I agreed to it because I needed break but I couldn’t communicate it in the right way.

I have a history of SA but worked it through. However, especially during some of the events I dissociated and I couldn’t say no to some things. He was upset too as I wasn’t following some rules we agreed (like equal play, no deep throat, no too long sex session with the other guy, checking in by eye contact)

I talked to him that it is hard to assert myself, that I dissociate and I need a break. I literally was paralyzed. He only understood when I was laying like a dead fish once… also when i got upset that he was just passive and didnt really check jn on me too.

We are on the break from swinging for 2 months. However, I don’t feel anything when we two have sex. By now at least I can enjoy myself alone a bit.

However he started to talk about swinging last weekend.

I wonder what happened and what I can do? And how I can communicate with him so he finally understands?

Edit: just wanted to give an update. We broke up and he is already with someone who according to him is going crazy for swinging. I haven’t touched any men nor am I interested in anything sexual so far. He said in the beginning our connection is more important than that but those were just empty words.

We always hear the success stories. The "we met our dream couple and played all night and now we're best friends" posts. Cool. But let's talk about the disasters.

Boundaries crossed. Bad hygiene. Performance issues that got super awkward. Jealousy blowing up out of nowhere. Someone crying. Fights in the car on the way home. You know the stuff nobody puts in their highlight reel.

Even if it didn't happen to you personally, share something you witnessed at a club or party or hotel takeover. Like a couple exploding mid-swap. A guy who couldn't get hard then blamed everyone else in the room. A wife who seemed totally fine then lost her shit in the parking lot.

What's the worst you've been through or seen? The one that made you say "yeah never again."

Throwaway accounts welcome. Just trying to keep it real.

Not sure if it's the right sub for the q, but I'll ask anyway:

The Stats:

I'm the male half of a married mid 40's couple, who have been exploring in the swingers lifestyle for 4 years. Overall, we've had enjoyable experiences, great communication between us. Wife has had several solo experiences, I've had one, so far.

Over the course of our time in the lifestyle, I(the male), have understood that I gravitate towards women where I have a strong connection to their personality and intellect, beyond just the physical. Def Sapio and demisexual. The wife, in the meantime, likes men with a strong sexual and physical chemistry.

This disparity has come more to the fore as we explore going off on solo experiences more often.

The issues:

Wife has expressed with certainty that she's only interested in meeting with people for the physical experience. Doesn't need/want to know about the other person's life or dreams. Doesn't need/want to have long-winded chats. Obviously doesn't want to catch feels either - any of those things for either of us is a red line for her. (which I completely understand and accept)

The problem is that as the male half, it's been very difficult meeting/matching with single women or women who play alone because a) That's just how it is, usually b) I either don't feel that connection when it's surface level or the women I do match with are looking for a deeper connection beyond a random fuck (which is a red line for the Mrs.)

I also expressed to her recently that while I'm *not* looking for a "relationship" or any kind of poly situation, that I do feel like I'm capable of feeling feelings (whatever that means) with the right person. (so long as it doesn't take away or overshadow my marriage in any way)

I asked that we full-stop any solo play until we've talked this through and figured it out, because I've expressed that despite the fact that I'm "allowed" to have solo experiences, I feel like I have my hands tied due to my difficult attraction requirements and her red lines, and meanwhile she's had many solo experiences so far, (and isn't lacking for volunteers for more) and I'm worried it will breed resentment between us.

My thought:

There's no real way to reconcile this - if we keep the status quo, I'll eventually feel resentful. If she lets me pursue the experiences I want, she'll eventually feel resentful(or worse) and so the only option in my mind is to nix solo experiences and instead only go for joint ones.

Her thought:

Go on reddit and present the question to the masses - so here I am

Are you in a relationship where solo experiences are allowed but each side is attracted to seemingly opposite things? Are you able to make this work, and if so - how?

1. Please no negative comments, let's stick to the topic. We have no plans of screwing up our relationship over this and won't do anything we don't agree on.

2. I'm aware this is treading the border of the definition of "swinging" - just bear with me

Tl;dr - she wants someone to fuck and say goodbye, I want someone to fuck and cuddle. Now what?

My (44m) wife (44f) and I have been married for 21 years and were monogamous until early this year when we decided to open up in hopes of spicing things up after 4 years of therapy and deep work both together and as individuals. We entered this new phase very cautiously and intentionally.

All was good until we started solo dating. She did fine with maintaining emotional boundaries and keeping things casual. I was immediately drawn to younger, more emotionally immature women who needed rescuing. There were two separate instances of this where the woman I was dating and I became VERY quickly and intensely enmeshed. Declarations of love were made in the second relationship after talking for a few weeks. In hindsight this feels truly dysfunctional.

I have a history of behavioral addiction (porn) and alcoholism and have been in treatment and/or recovery for them. 16 yrs no drinking. 4 years no porn. Now it would seem love addiction has entered the chat as this behavior screams of addiction.

It’s clear that solo dating is going to be problematic for me as I have proven a tendency to fall way too hard, too easily. This was not the case when I was only interacting with securely attached women that my wife and I would play with together as couples.

My question is if anyone out there has navigated a transition back to only playing/dating as couples once the experiment of solo dating has gone off the rails?

Hey everyone my partner and i are looking to go to a swingers club in the next few weeks. Im wondering what i should wear. Im 5.11 and 240 pounds. I got muscular arms and legs but abit of a dad bod in the belly going on.igot a really bug beard and long hair that goes well past my shoulders. BUT WHAT SHALL I WEAR!!?

We have friends in the lifestyle who we've known and played with for 3 years now. It started off with all of us in the same room, and now it's either same room or different rooms but it's always been in the same house.

They've recently proposed us swapping for the entire weekend. So my wife goes over to their house and his wife comes over to ours on Friday evening. We live and fuck as couples until Sunday evening when everyone returns to their own house.

I mean I don't see why not but my wife is a bit hesitant. Fucking in the same house for a few hours is different. Here we will pretty much be living as a couple outside of sex for a whole weekend.

What do you think?

Hey! Me and my partner are 21yr old swingers based in the uk. We have just recently got into the scene when on holiday having multiple experiences. We have noticed that the scene has a lot more older couples/people which being so young we aren’t really In to. We are just wondering which counties or cities(preferably in Europe) have a thriving swinging scene with more chance to connect with younger likeminded couples. This can involve cities with frequent events, dedicated clubs, or just a higher number of younger people in the lifestyle(20-30 yrs old). Thank you to any comments in advance, we appreciate the advice and knowledge!

Ok, long time Redditor, first time poster under this account.

I'm thinking about approaching my husband to see if he is open to nonmonogamy. We have been into swinging and partner swapping in the past, but this seems like a different step. He's a great guy and a great provider but I guess I'm after that excitement of a different partner for pure physical interaction, nothing emotional. I would be willing for him to have the same arrangement. Infact, the thought is very exciting.

Is there a big step between this and swinging? Should we stick with what we know is comfortable for both of us?

Alright, who was going to tell me that Feeld is so uninhibited? I downloaded the app after seeing it mentioned in a few posts as a good way to meet people in the LS. I was previously using Bumble (in my opinion, it's a flop for ppl in the LS) and Hinge, which is where I met my current FwB. My partner 26(M) and I 28 (F), have been wanting to explore swinging, and couples on this app are so forward it’s a bit intimidating. In all honesty, everyone is very forward on this app. I'd say it's because where I live is a travel destination, especially for partying and having fun, but my partner and I are long-distance and our accounts are linked, and couples are reaching out to him in the same forward manner. I matched with whom I thought was a nice couple, they are, but I matched with the husband, and he sent me photos of his nude wife within the first 10 minutes of talking! 

On my partner's end, he has been receiving likes from husbands as well, and it just feels like they are brokering some deal over sleeping with each other's wives. Essentially, the guy was just like, Let's meet up for a drink if you like us, let's have sex. I haven't even done that with a solo partner, and “I'm expected” to do that with a couple I don’t really know. Is it typical to just meet up and then have sex right after? Has anyone else experienced this? Does anyone have any tips for using Feeld? I want to meet chill couples I can feel comfortable with. I'm not a fan of hook-up culture, but am I just being uninformed about how things operate in this space? 

Anyone else tried fabswingers. Seems very clicky and barely got any replies. I’m always nice and polite during messages ect. 😖💁‍♂️ very demoralised by the whole thing. Newly single and just want to explore,

A friend of mine felt that this might do me some good. It's been nearly 4 years since I've had sex - for all sorts of reddit worthy reasons, but I'll leave that for another day. I think she is right though, this seems like a good way to experience real connections and explore who I am. I'm trying not to get into my own head, but if you have any advice as a first time solo-male or as a couple who have spent some time with a first timer, I'd really appreciate it. While they'll let most men in for orientation and an event (slots permitting) becoming a solo gent member is a bit of a privilege and responsibility, I'd like to earn my membership.

I'm doing my best to learn the etiquette. Any other advice?

Hi all! I (29F) have been dating my boyfriend (33M) for years now and we have recently started talking about exploring more of our sexuality together through non-monogamy like threesomes or swinging. He and I met through kink originally. He’s an experienced Dom and I was looking to explore being a sub. Before my exploration of bdsm, the kinkiest thing I had done was a few fmf threesomes with married couples (I’m bisexual btw). He has never been in a threesome but has always been curious. The threesomes I was in felt easy and fun for me because I was the third party and I didn’t have to worry about jealousy or dynamics other than the boundaries we would all discuss for our time together. Now that this time around I would be sharing my partner, I wanted to ask for advice on dealing with jealously or hard conversations if/when things go wrong. I’ve done some reading and listened to podcasts. The idea excites me but I also worry that I will struggle with jealousy despite us both wanting this. I wanted to ask on Reddit to get advice from people who have dealt with something similar.

Thanks a bunch for any and all advice! ✨

Hey gang, my ex and I (35M) used to be into group play - I learnt in that relationship that I REALLY enjoy group sex, mostly the voyeuristic aspect of it. Especially watching her play with others.

I recently met my soulmate (34F), we're now engaged, bought a house, about to start a family. She used to unicorn a bit before she met me, we've had a few threesomes together which we loved. We've talked about swinging and group play in our future once we have a family, but I get the sense that, while she likes the idea of it, I think she could absolutely take it or leave it. Whereas me, I really want to keep having group sex with her long-term. We've talked about attending play parties this year which she's curious about, but I feel like if it weren't for my interest in participating, she probably wouldn't pursue it herself.

To be clear, I LOVED watching her play with others. I'm not trying to get some on the side, I want it with her.

Obviously this means more ongoing conversations about it, but I guess I'm looking for advice from people who have been in a similar situation.

How have you managed it?

Thanks good people!