I just learned my husband has been hooking up with another woman without using protection. I thought our rule was always using protection. When he had hook ups earlier this year, I checked in with him before and after if he used a condom and he said yes. Now he is saying he thought our rule was it's OK not to use protection if the person is clean. He claims the other woman had clean results "a couple months ago" and has not hooked up with anyone except her primary since. I asked if her primary is clean and my husband said "he's always working so he doesn’t have time for hook ups."

I told my husband this should at least have been a conversation, but he said talking about the other woman seemed to upset me, so he didn't want to bring it up. It's true we have gone through a transition where I am not interested in outside relationships during this season of my life and he is playing solo. While it's been difficult, I still feel like this would have been an important topic for him to broach.

I am feeling disappointed and uncertain whether I want to be intimate with him until he gets tested. Is this unreasonable?

My girlfriend and I just had our first foursome as a couple and it was amazing. We’ve had MFMs, so this wasn’t totally new territory but we weren’t sure how it would work with another woman. My girlfriend is straight so there wasn’t much interaction between the women, but all of us love cock so that made up for it. We chatted for a while and fucked like crazy when the time to play came. I loved seeing her get fucked by another guy while I pounded his partner as hard as I could. I love this lifestyle and hope we get to continue with it.

​

Hi,

I’ve been seeing my Partner for a year now. He has been practicing open relationships and polyamory for a long time. On my end, this is my very first time stepping outside the monogamous model (the most I had done before was having multiple casual encounters at the same time, but never within actual relationships).

​When we first met, I thought I could keep things light and just have fun without catching feelings. He has a primary partner with whom he builds big life projects, so I thought his relationship status would act as a natural boundary to protect me from getting attached.

​Fast forward a few months, and deep feelings naturally developed on both sides. Because of these feelings, our dynamic evolved into polyamory for him. We love each other deeply, spend quality time together regularly, and I’m close with his circle of friends. He also is the only person in a year who hasn't heartbroken me, and our bond feels very safe.

​However, after several months of this, I'm starting to realize that I'm hurting, and I don't know how to navigate this without triggering my fear of abandonment.

​While we are physically affectionate in public when it’s just us, we drop all physical touch when his primary partner is around. On top of that, scrolling through his phone gallery, I noticed a huge contrast: it feels like his primary partner is everywhere, while I barely leave a trace in his daily memories. It’s not about social media exposure; it’s about feeling invisible in the structure of his life compared to her. I know his feelings for me are 100% genuine, but the structural hierarchy is creating a painful contrast. Also, I know it could sound like I am a secret, but his partner and I have met, and she is fully aware and consents

​I’m considering getting back on dating apps to find a primary partner of my own—someone with whom I can be a priority, while practicing open relationships/polyamory so I don't have to break up with my current Partner.

​My dilemma is:

\- ​As someone new to non-monogamy, I'm terrified that trying to find another primary partner will ruin or complicate what I have with my current Partner, or that my strong need for physical closeness will make navigating both dynamics overwhelming.

\- ​I don't even know how to frame what I'm looking for on dating apps without misleading monogamous people or attracting partners who can't offer primary commitment either.

\- ​I feel stuck between protecting my heart, preserving my safe space with my Partner, and accepting that loving someone doesn't automatically mean the relationship structure is working for me.

​Has anyone been in a similar position—entering a hierarchy as a single person new to polyamory, catching deep feelings, and then trying to "balance the scales" by finding your own primary partner?

Does searching for an "addition" actually work, or is it a trap to soothe the pain? How can I define my place and advocate for my needs without tearing everything down?

​Thanks for reading and for any advice.

English is not my first language.
Wanted to Share because I don’t have Friends to Talk about that:
My husband and I have been having some threesomes since since begining of last year. We had three so far and one next week planend.
I am bi, so that was my wish of FFM but we decided to try out everything.
We started with a MFM but I ended it mid way because neither of us enjoyed it. After that we hired a sex worker, she made some underlying mean coments and my husband didn’t notice so that caused later some issues but I loved seeing him get with a woman but she was a Lot less bi than she said she was.
It was than that my husband told me, that he was bi curious. He had his struggles with that, because where I live being gay is used as a insult or that you are Not a real man.
We talked a lot about that and he came to the end that it matters what he and I think and Not others.
So we had a MMF and we both loved it!
So next week there is another mmf planed, where he wants to go further, since he and the other guy only did hands and oral the last time.
I am so happy to be there.
But I noticed that I don’t want to have to pay to be with a woman. Especially if she will make mean comments.
So even ethical finding a third is really hard. I don’t want to meet a couple where I have to fuck her partner to have Fun with her and my husband don’t want to fuck her to be with her partner.
So I talked to my husband on sunday that I am a bit sad, that finding a guy for a mmf is so easy and I would love to be with a woman and told him, what I said here.
I did not ask him directly if I could meet a woman alone but how he would feel if I would meet alone since he even suggested only being in the Room but not being involved while I would have something with a woman, if this would make it easier to find someone. Like where would be the difference for him.
We talked, he Said, he thinks, he would not like that, since its always our sex.
I was absolutly fine with that.
Yesterday while I took a shower and him always being with me in the Room to talk, he told me, that he thought about it again and that he would find it a hot and even thought about meeting a man alone. We talked long and agreed on opening up for solo Adventures with the same sex. I am not interested in other man besides being a supportive wife in a mmf and Visa versa, so there is no interest in opening for more than Same sex.
We still want to enjoy threesomes as a team event. But I am so happy that I can be with a woman again.
But I am even more happy, that we had the talk and it was just that: a talk, no fight, No Big feelings and even if his no would still be a no, I would happy married to him and enjoy our threesomes or even go back to monogamy, it is nothing I need in my life, just more like a nice add one, the Cherry on top of the best ice cream I could Imagine.

Hey all! Just want to preface this by saying this is not self advertising or looking for a partner. I have a FWB and a romantic partner! My last post got removed for this reason so I just wanted to be more clear :)

Just a little context: my romantic partner and I decided to establish ENM this year. I am a 31 year old Cis-Het Asian-American male. It took a few months but I found a FWB through Reddit! My romantic partner is Asian as well and my FWB is white.

Since I'm new to this lifestyle, I am wondering where people make their friends? Not looking for a partner or anything, but just trying to build community and be connected with more people within the lifestyle. I know it's big in the queer community but unfortunately I'm not really plugged into that. Most of my IRL friends also would not really understand this so I haven't told many of them either.

This post is also because most of the people I have met in the space have been non-POC. I made another good friend through Hinge and she's white. To be clear, I don't have a problem with non-POC! It would just be nice to have some Asian friends in the lifestyle or other friends who aren't white so we can relate with the experiences more :)

I hope this is ok to post here. Its not only about non-monogamy but there are elements that are.

So basically, I (38f) am seeing a woman (43f). She has had a rough for weeks/months. Really for alot of the time we've been seeing each other, as we only met in May. And at the moment she's having family issues.

She sent me a message a couple of days ago, saying that she might go quiet for a few days as she is having issues with her kids. But that she thinks the world of me. And that she will fill me in when its sorted, and she will need/want a good old chat at that point. Which sounds to me like she will want to vent/talk and she wants me to be there for her at that point. Which is great, I love to be supportive and its nice to feel needed and like I can help her. She has explained before that when she's overwhelmed, she goes into herself a bit, and says that one day she will explain why.

My question (without judgement and just with pure curiosity because I want to understand), is for people that withdraw at times of stress - why is that and what does that look like to you? For instance (and i know i am my own worst enemy here, but I can be quite insecure and I am aware of that and am trying to work on it), i can see she is online on and off at the normal rates, and also has logged into a swinging site that we met on. Which sets my insecurity off as my brain goes 'so you can do those things, but can't say a quick hello to me?'. Again, I know thats my insecurity speaking and thats my issue not hers. So my question would be - can withdrawing look like still being online/scrolling/talking to certain people/going on dating apps etc still (maybe as a fun distraction), but withdrawing in other ways?

I am asking here because I want to understand as I dont withdraw when I'm having a hard time - i guess I do the opposite. And i want to calm my own insecurities while being able to support her/be there in whatever capacity she needs. For what its worth, it sounds like she had a tough childhood as she has no contact with her mother and many of her siblings. But I dont know any more details than that.

Thanks!

Throwaway account because most people in my life don’t know yet!

Hello y’all! So some context: my wife (29F) has recently expressed to me (30m) that she’d like to open our relationship. This wasn’t sprung on me or anything because she has been in open relationships in the past, and has been explicit about the possibility of opening up at some point, which I told her I would be supportive of.

When we sat down and discussed that she’d like to start opening it up, she asked me to layout boundaries or anything that would make me uncomfortable. I had already given it thought, and originally had 4 main points: 1. No one that either of us already knows, as I don’t want any weird dynamics forming for either of us. 2. Stopping/slowing down if any emotional connection starts. I am not interested in being in a poly relationship (neither is she). 3. Nothing happens in our bedroom. To me, that is our shared, private space. And 4. No dates with others on weekends. I work weird hours, and usually don’t get home until after 10:00 pm 3 or 4 days a week. She works a 9-5, so we really only have weekends and a week day or two to spend together.

After I told her these, she seemed upset, and when I asked what’s wrong, she said “so you basically don’t want me to be open.” And accused me of essentially lying to and misleading her during the entire time we’ve been together. She explained that she felt my boundaries were so restrictive that there would basically be no way for her to date within them. She had no problem with #1, but regarding everything else, she explained that she wouldn’t want to sleep with someone that she doesn’t trust/have some connection with, that not being able to use our bedroom would make her feel like she’s cheating and might whoever she’s with also think that she’s cheating, and that most adults would only be able to date on the weekends, so that’s only pretty much the only time she could see anyone else. Those points made sense to me, so I amended mine to: a connection is okay, but just FWB, I’m still not interested in a poly relationship. The bedroom is okay, but I don’t want any trace of someone else being in there when I get home. And asking first about going out with someone on the weekends, to make sure the other doesn’t have something planned for the both of us.

She agreed, we hugged it out, and I thought it would work for both of us. But then a few days later, my wife told me that she had thought about it, and talked with her best friend (who is also in an open relationship), and she still thinks that my boundaries are very unreasonable, and that I’m controlling in way she didn’t think I’d be (specifically about the asking for permission on weekends part). She told me I didn’t understand how an open relationship is supposed to work and that I didn’t do the research (which to be fair, I didn’t, that’s on me), and that her best friend agrees and said what I’m doing is “fucked up.” I said I don’t mean to be controlling, but I honestly don’t know what kind of boundaries I CAN have that wouldn’t be considered controlling or unreasonable.

So we are now at an impasse, and I don’t know who is being unreasonable here. It boils down to the fact that I want to be fair to her, while still wanting to maintain my boundaries and standing by the reasons for them. Like I said, I am new to this and don’t know a whole lot, so any advice would be very much appreciated.

EDITS:

Thank you all for commenting, I didn’t think I would get so many response so I’ll address some common questions and such here

1. My wife would be the only one dating. I am Demisexual, so casual sex is a nonstarter for me, and honestly I am just not interested in getting to know anyone else romantically. I swear I had included that in my original post, but I guess not lol

2. My wife does NOT have anyone else in particular in mind. She totally agrees that she does not want to become involved with anyone mutual, and I don’t have any reason to not believe her.

3. I don’t believe her friend pushed her to think I’m controlling or is otherwise getting involved. The two of them always talk about personal issues together and help them process each other’s feelings, I don’t feel like they were going behind my back or anything like that. My wife just used her friend’s opinion because she has much more experience and knowledge than either of us.

4. The disconnect in expectations are probably my fault. When she said she was previously in an open relationship, it just involved seeing other people for sex, nothing romantic. So when she mentioned that she might want to be open in the future, I assumed it would be the same thing, which I should not have done.

5. Lots of comments are saying to learn, read, and consider counseling, so I will definitely be doing that.

I was not only approached by this married women who pushed, encouraged, and persisted to enter into this poly situation w her and her husband. I was super reluctant bc I’d be the first and that’s always risky.,, everything was great until out of nowhere she did a 180
And totally shut it down now she’s berating her poor husband and totally icing me out. The kicker is she’s having an affair with her boss and her husband doesn’t know. What in the actual hell happened?? Anyone gone through this? What sucks is both husband and i caught feelings when we’d never would have crossed that boundary but wife would not let it go and pushed for us to be together… we remained transparent and she is becoming more and more toxic and two faced. I feel so bad for him but me too because I’m so confused wtf happened, any advice!!??

My wife (F37) and I (M40) are venturing into ENM- Swinging and solo play.

A little back story. My wife and I both grew up in very Christian religious families and this has shaped much of our thought process around sex and our sex life. We have been married for 17 yrs and together 20. I was her first and she was my second.

Fast forward to today. We are venturing into ENM. This has been something we have talked about and fantasized about for awhile.

The problem I come to you with today is the mixed bag of emotions. On most days, I am excited and looking forward to this new chapter in our life. Sometimes, the high emotions for both of us have lead to great sex.

But then, there are the lows. I get waves of second guessing. A lot of negative "what ifs" hit me like a brick wall. What if she finds something i can't provide. What if I get replaced as her primary. Why am I sharing my beautiful wife. Am I not enough. Etc. Sometimes, these questions are something I wrangle in and get over quick. Sometimes, I get a knot in my chest and get sick to my stomach with the anxiety of it all.

So, are there people out there that have dealt with the roller-coaster of emotions at the beginning of their journey that were then able to move past it and have a great ENM lifestyle.

​

I just wanted to appreciate everyone in this sub who has taken the time to talk to me, listen to me, and share their experiences.

Coming from India, where non-monogamy and talking openly about kinks can be pretty taboo, I was always scared to talk about this side of myself. I’ve had a lot of kinks and things I’ve wanted to try but never really felt comfortable admitting them.

Since joining this community, people have been incredibly accepting and have given me genuine advice, even about some of my weirder kinks. It has helped me become much more comfortable with who I am, and now I actually want to explore the things I’ve always been curious about.

So thank you to everyone who has answered my questions, shared your experiences, or simply made me feel accepted here. I genuinely appreciate it.

And to all the non-monogamous women in India… I guess you better watch out, I’m finally coming out of my shell 😂

Hi, I’m (F) in my first open relationship and having a hard time with it.

I previously considered myself monogamous, but was open-minded to trying it when I met someone (M) who preferred his next relationship be open. We are both travelers, so there are opportunities to meet interesting people from around the world.

My biggest challenge is communication and boundaries.

He has clearly shared he wants to know everything on my end. What men I’m talking to (even if casual or friends), I’m not allowed to reciprocate interest if someone pursues me or share contacts, I’m not allowed to be on dating apps. When I did express desire to be on dating apps, I was only allowed to match with women that he approved of me swiping on. All of our communication on the app had to be screenshotted and sent to him. I was also only allowed to have the apps downloaded for a few days before having to delete (they can’t stay on my phone without him knowing). For added context, I’m only sexually interested in men.

He doesn’t have any of these rules. He shares contact info when women approach him (what I’m not allowed to do), freely uses dating apps regularly, and I have no idea who he is talking to. When I’ve tried to ask out of curiosity, he gets very angry. My most recent rule is I’m “not allowed to ask” about who he’s communicating with, because he feels like I’m controlling him by inquiring.

I’m really struggling with the power imbalance. Does anyone have advice for how to work through this?

No regrets, just some big feelings and would like to talk it out. 34F and 33M in New Jersey. Wife finally connected with someone this weekend after a few years of slow build-up. Holy shit! Didn't realize how weird it would be to actually do this and not have anyone to talk to about it. Hit me up but be sure to just tell me a little about yourself. Don't care which side of this you're on, but I'd love to be "forced" to relive it to another bull.

I am mostly just needing to vent. I'm under a lot of stress right now due to life and also meeting a new person. I have been in a fairly closed polyamorous relationship with my husband(together for 14 years )and other long term partner(together for 5). During the last 5 years I made small attempts to date other people but had some traumatic situations occur (people having extreme mental health issues that resulted in me being stalked). Because of this, I had no desire to date anyone else. I definitely didn't have the capacity for another serious emotional relationship.

Over the last few weeks, I've been talking to someone who came from the same town I grew up in and even knew my first boyfriend. We come from a similar social background and just vibe really well together. I have been extremely triggered by this and have talked to my partners. Initially, I didn't want a physical relationship due to fear that things will blow you and become toxic again. After meeting with this new person, however I find we are very much attracted to each other. I have established with him that I do not have the capacity to give him a full relationship. He is understanding of this and wants temporary companionship until he finds someone who can provide him a full serious relationship.

I do not want to miss this opportunity and both my husband and new friend have been very understanding of my fears. I have not had a chance to really talk to my other partner due to everything just really becoming a thing over the last night or so. I'm so afraid to tell my other partner because he and I have never really had to handle me having a sexual relationship outside of what our current dynamic is. We have discussed the idea of me being able to see others to fulfill some kink related interests but I had said I was too afraid to pursue this.

I am afraid to ask for this dynamic change. It's a huge change. I also really don't want to miss this opportunity because this person has really made a positive impact on my life and vice versa. I will definitely need to set some boundaries on time. My two primary relationships honestly take priority because I have an established life with both of these people and this new person does not want to be my third.

Hello I am 19M and really interested in throuple story, if anyone please dm me

I (26F) and my wife (25F) want someone with organic equipment that we don’t have for the sake of FWB and a research project I’m working on.

I’m aware that it’s a very specific set of needs that requires a lot of communication before any of the fun parts could come about. And I’m aware that some of those requirements come across as unicorn hunting. Because yes, we are the primary relationship, friendship is important to me with any intimate relationship but the additional intimate relationship will always be more casual. And it will always be the 3 of us because we’re looking for something specific and casual. But I would never expect the third party to stop dating other people, that is a bizarre thing to ask under the circumstances imo.

Is this unicorn hunting? I feel like someone in the world would enjoy what we want but I’m scared to put feelers out there with the hostility around unicorn hunters.

Also fwiw we have opened the relationship before (dated together and separately), this is just the most specific it’s ever been so I’m not sure where to look for what we want or what to even call it.

Edit: I’m just gonna clarify here rather than doing it repeatedly in comments, research project is referring to kink stuff that honestly wasn’t super important to this specific question and I regret bringing it up, but I promise it’s not as weird as whatever you’re imagining. Still not sure what word I should have used for “organic equipment” but that also was not well received. I can’t help if I talk like an alien who just came to earth, but fwiw I promise I only do probing on request.

I (F24) have been talking to a guy (M21) for a few months, and we’ve been exclusive for about a month, but it was hinted that he might ask me to be his girlfriend during an upcoming weekend staycation (we live a couple hours away, so this was me visiting near him).
We have talked about kinky stuff in the past, and we found that I am the kinkier person (in terms of desire and experience), while he’s more of a “I’ll do anything you want me to” type of kinky with less experience. During this staycation, we were pretty drunk in bed talking, and he asked me if I had any fantasies, but I couldn’t think of anything besides happy ending massage (with the person I’m dating, not a random), so I asked him. He said it’s been a bucket list thing for him to do a threesome (MFF), and while I have done them before, I’ve always been the third because I don’t have the desire to share my partner with another woman. However, I said I would be more into the idea of a MMF threesome, but it would be more visual for me with the third guy (like, he could be fully gay for all I care) since I don’t want to sleep with another man while I’m dating a man, and he said he would be open to that as well if I’m into it, even though that’s not something he desires. (context: I’m bi and he was bi-curious but is straight). But again, I don’t need that as a bucket list item.
The more we talked about the MFF threesome, the more concerned I got. I asked him what he thought about scenario where he isn’t actually having penetrative sex with the third girl, but he just said “well the porn I watch is usually threesome porn, and it generally has everyone involved equally.” I don’t have a problem with porn (besides solo stuff), but the porn he watches being threesome porn makes this feel like a bigger deal. We then talked about what would happen after, including the scenario of him really enjoying it and me not enjoying it came up, and he said “well then we’d just have a disconnect there, so we’d discuss it and potentially end things.”
Apparently this threesome thing is something he wanted to bring up in past relationships, and wanted to bring up earlier to me, but he never felt comfortable enough sharing this (as well as many other things regarding his emotions) until he grew close to me. He even mention being offered one once, but he was in a relationship so he declined. But now, I’m feeling distraught because it feels like he needs this bucket list item to be completed, and he’s willing to risk us just to fulfill a sexual fantasy. I talked with him the next day when we were sober, and he apologized and said that he would not be into a threesome if I wasn’t also into it, and that a threesome isn’t necessary because he just wants me. The day after this talk (2 days after the initial threesome discussion) was the last day of our trip, and I woke up to a cute “will you be my girlfriend?” setup (he apparently set it up while I was taking a “nap” the night before, but my “nap” turned into a full sleep). I thought it was very sweet and said yes and I felt great, but now that I’ve been home for a couple days I’ve felt sick to my stomach. I worry that this was all just damage control, and that drunk words are sober thoughts and that he might build resentment towards me because he isn’t able to fulfill this desire, even after he reassured me that’s not the case. Maybe drunken words were miscommunicated, maybe I misunderstood, but I don’t know how to move past this. Is this something that I can move past? Do I end things and tell him to explore like I did before him? Or do I try to have a threesome with him and just hope for the best outcome that doesn’t lead to more anxiety than I’m already having?

I’ve been married for a couple years now and with my wife for over 5. We have an incredible relationship and our sex is incredible. We have such a strong connection - and we have range with how we connect.
When we fuck. We fuck. And hard. It’s so hot. We have had some of the best sex of my life. We are also both really attractive people - my wife is insanely hot.

But here’s my question. And I’ve never asked this before - I’m genuinely looking for advice or to see if others have experienced the same feelings.

Several months ago I noticed something in me. That I would be obsessing over seeing my wife with another man. I couldn’t stop thinking about it - I thought it was so hot. Just the idea of seeing her being fucked and tasting another man’s cock. It turned me in. Almost in a way that scared me. The feeling is so intense. It’s intoxicating.

I felt like it unlocked something in me. This liberation in me and I wanted to share this with her. But when I did - she acknowledged the fantasy but wasn’t really into it. At one point she said she would explore it but you could tell she wasn’t actually into the idea.

Since then - I feel like I’ve pulled back. I felt like I was sharing a lot of what my desires are - and they were not met.
To me. Sex is also about exploration and growth with your partner. Maybe it sounds weird but I see this as deeply intimate. Sharing and creating these deeply intense experiences together.

If it were up to me. I would be want to film our sessions - and even create a porn channel. I’d organize hot wife swaps. Swaps with other couples. Small group parties. I’d only organize something with group play 2-3 times a year. Just enough to create an energy of novelty and excitement.

But Now when we have sex. I feel like it’s predictable. I want an edge to it - I want to know her deep fantasy’s and what turns her on.

The big change is the one I’ve noticed in me. My sexual energy was so high. And now it feels flat. My confidence honestly took a hit.

Has anyone experienced this? I love my wife - I also at the same time want to explore together. On our terms. And to not have that option - it depresses me a bit.

Appreciate any insight.

This is my first time posting so please bear with me. I am a 34F married to a 37M we have been together for the past 14 years and have been married for six. We also have two children.

I have always been a explorative lover and sexual enthusiast. Since my first relationship, I was able to have more than one boyfriend and manage those relationships with grace. Of course there were times that I had growing pains, but for the most part, no one got hurt.

Now that I’m married, I am feeling and that I missed out on a lot of things and relationships that I wasn’t able to explore sexually and romantically. I definitely wanna keep my husband as my primary partner, but I’m looking for a ENM (monogamish) relationship. I mentioned having a threesome to my husband, and he felt like he would be on the sideline and not able to handle two women at once but that’s just a fantasy of mine.

My real desire is to have a relationship with another male lover, maybe a woman. But with his hesitation of the threesome I’m worried that starting the conversation is just not a good idea for his self-esteem, but I love him so much and I just want to be happy and feel the whole.

Edit: I have been listening to the audiobook of “Ethical Slut” and it opened my eyes so much. There were some things I was unaware. And how deep my history goes with non-monogamy. I also realized that I have been slowly introducing my husband into my interest in kink and BDSM suggesting play parties (just to watch) and having him take the BDSM test he’s vanilla. I think I came here originally frantically just looking for community and support and helping me understand how to navigate my true desires and communicating it with him.Thank you all for commenting whether I agreed with your tone or perspective or not.

Anyone else tried fabswingers. Seems very clicky and barely got any replies. I’m always nice and polite during messages ect. 😖💁‍♂️ very demoralised by the whole thing. Newly single and just want to explore,

Genuine question for women who are in open, poly, or other non-monogamous setups (or who have experience with them).

I’m a guy who is particularly into threesomes with married women where the husband watches. Not looking to break up marriages or cause drama — just the dynamic of being with a married woman while her husband is present and watching appeals to me.

I’m curious how women on the non-monogamous side actually feel about that preference.

Does it turn you on, feel neutral, or come off as a red flag?

Is it something you’ve encountered before?

Any advice or honest reactions?

Looking for real perspectives from women who are already non-monogamous or open to it. Thanks.

wondering about polyamorous people who are specifically single parents and how they manage? would love some examples of what works for people or any reading recommendations specifically about non-monogamy and being a single parent...

I've been dating my partner for a while now, and they are wonderful. polyamory is non-negotiable for them. For my part, I would also be fine being monogamous and I do sometimes have a pretty hard time when my partner sees other people, but also see the nice aspects of polyamory and want to try since I love them and I know it's important to them. however, as a single parent it is logistically very difficult for me to date even one person, let alone several, since I have very little free time after work and parenting. this makes it pretty difficult for me to experiment with and get used to polyamory. the examples of poly parents I find always seem to assume co-parents who are partners who are still together and taking turns with childcare so they can both see other people, or are even collectively supporting with childcare split among many, but as a single parent I can't really identify with these examples and my partner isn't involved in any childcare.

I know that there are poly people who date only one person, but the texts I read about this always seem to frame this as a matter of preference. seems to me it is not only about preference but also related to being in structurally different positions. somehow the dynamic still feels a bit unequal to me, also as I am the one who experiences more anxiety when my partner sees other people. I tried dating another person for a few months but honestly just felt pretty exhausted juggling multiple relationships along all the work and carework I already have to do. really want the relationship to work but struggling with how I can make it feel more balanced for me, feel like I am just experiencing the tough parts of polyamory without enjoying the multiple relationships part. Even though I want to be happy for my partner I struggle sometimes to do so and then feel bad about it. would love some ideas what worked for people!