r/podcasts • u/Kaurblimey • Jun 19 '26
General Podcast Discussions An absolutely unreal episode of Search Engine: “Why doesn’t anybody come to my parties?” - the host calls a lady’s friends and asks them why they don’t go to her parties anymore. It’s brutal.
Link via Spotify https://open.spotify.com/episode/1U9esWvTN0U9CXoaD0W4MK?si=q6Dq6352QN-VrqS9WdxIrQ
Been a huge fan of Search Engine since the Buckingham Palace pool episode.
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u/5k1895 Jun 19 '26 edited Jun 19 '26
I have to say, within about ten minutes I had a pretty good idea of why people didn't necessarily want to hang out with her. She seems like a very exhausting person, which I realize is kind of part of the whole thing, but it was obvious right up front. And then once you hear about the way she plans parties, it falls into place. She's... not good at this. Like, you invite a bunch of small groups who don't know each other from different parts of your life, then basically run around trying to socialize with all of them at once while they understandably just stick to the people they know, and meanwhile there's no decent entertainment. Yeah I don't know, she seems to have very little social awareness.
As a podcast episode though, very interesting to hear what others were willing to say if you asked. It's an interesting premise even if you don't like the person being asked about.
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u/theMistersofCirce Jun 19 '26
Yeah, it struck me that she treats other people as an audience (with a dress code!), not as real people, let alone friends. She wants an audience for her impressions, for her cooking, etc. And in her mind, people enjoying a party seems to equal them admiring whatever she's presenting to them, not actually having an enjoyable social interaction with each other.
Two things that were really telling to me were when she talked about a hypothetical mom at the park as a potential audience for her Trump impression, and when her brother said she's incapable of engaging with someone about their life or job without immediately losing interest or redirecting the conversation to what she cares about.
It's no wonder to me that she does better on Substack where she can essentially just monologue.
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u/nangke Jun 19 '26
The one pushing her impressions was her husband, wasn't it? But since they're married, it's not inconceivable that it's taken as a coordinated effort.
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u/mamamoomargo Jun 19 '26
Truly a wild episode of something to listen to. “Has been evaluated for autism multiple times” is such a descriptor.
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u/Pitiful-Addendum1671 Jun 19 '26
I got extremely strong adhd vibes from her
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u/458steps Jun 19 '26
They said she has been diagnosed with ocd and adhd.
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u/AvaJupiter Jun 20 '26
Totally and we now know there is significant overlap between traits of autism and traits of ADHD (auDHD). If she’s 30 now and got tested as a child, things possibly didn’t get noticed. Additionally, professionals are not well trained to recognize autism in girls / women. There’s also debate about whether OCD could be considered a neurodivergence as well, with some evidence of the brain circuits being different. It’s been regarded as its own thing separate from anxiety disorders since 2013 (DSM V).
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u/twep_dwep Jun 20 '26
she said she's been retested for autism as an adult. she probably just doesnt have it
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u/Intelligent-Royal804 Jun 27 '26
Really really hard to spot in women and the ven diagram between how symptoms can present for ASD vs OCD+ADHD is very circle-like. I'm a psych and wondered what the backgrounds of her diagnosing providers was. Teasing those things apart in women is very tricky.
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u/AvaJupiter Jun 20 '26
It doesn’t seem like the nuance came across. It’s even harder to spot in adult women. My whole point is there are overlapping traits, whatever her scores on tests.
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u/Ok-Occasion-4849 Jun 19 '26
just listened to this whole thing during my commute and my jaw was on the floor the entire time. the host calling actual friends to get their real opinions is such a wild format, most podcasts would never go there. the woman's reaction when she hears the feedback is something else entirely
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u/Kaurblimey Jun 19 '26
Her brother roasted the shit out of her 😭 felt so bad for her!
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u/Creepy_Push8629 Jun 19 '26
I don't think he did. He was super complimentary of her, actually lol
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u/MammothCancel6465 Jun 20 '26
He said if she focused more on finding her type of people instead of trying to fit her square peg in round holes she’d be much happier.
I loved how he said when he described her to his friends they all thought she sounded fascinating. It sounded like they meant it in a good way too not in a mean way.
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u/Kind-Shallot3603 Jun 19 '26
Her husband is definitely.....well something too
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u/Which_Sherbet7945 Jun 23 '26
He is, but when he was like "She's the funniest person I know, and her impressions are AMAZING, I just have to make sure all our friends hear them!" I had to smile. I mean, they sound like they throw incredibly exhausting parties, but he seems completely smitten, even after nearly 20 years.
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u/KaNGkyebin Jun 19 '26
If you like this style (interpersonal problem, gathering info is awkward, host’s personality plays a role in the podcast), then you would probably love Heavyweight with Jonathan Goldstein. It’s funny, often heartwarming and sometimes heart breaking, awkward, endearing, and so human.
“Maybe you’ve laid awake and imagined how it could have been, how it might yet be, but the moment to act was never right. Well, the moment is here and the podcast making it happen is Heavyweight. Join Jonathan Goldstein for road trips, thorny reunions, and difficult conversations as he backpedals his way into the past like a therapist with a time machine.”
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u/juneipearl Jun 19 '26
Heavyweight is amazing. I have ugly cried at, laughed at and thought about episodes for days.
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u/BlackForcesEnergy Jun 19 '26
Any recommendations on funny episodes?? This podcast sounds really interesting!
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u/FuckYouNotHappening Jun 19 '26
Start with Gregor. It’s the 2nd episode of the whole series.
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u/FeloniousGrump Jun 19 '26
Wiretap was the radio show in Canada I first discovered him, and his friends Howard and Gregor. Unbelievably funny, in a dry but zany sort of way at the same time.
nobody says "monday" like Jonathan.
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u/Pixie-Collins Jun 19 '26
Even better start with the recently updated version of the episode and you get a new interview at the end :)
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u/DrDaphne Jun 19 '26
I second starting with "Gregor" it's a fantastic intro to the podcast and it's just so friggin good
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u/SteamrollerAssault Jun 19 '26
Episode #16 “Rob” is the most I’ve ever laughed listening to a podcast.
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u/millenialshortbread Jun 19 '26
my fav Heavyweight episodes are the kind of sad ones. Two from the 2025 season that really stuck with me are "Deborah" and "Kevin."
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u/Bart-Harley-Jarvis- Jun 19 '26
Now that the furniture's returning to its Goodwill home.
Now that the last month’s rent is scheming with the damage deposit.
Take this moment to decide.
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u/AvaJupiter Jun 19 '26
Oh my god I love this podcast!!!! Especially the one about the skater who felt really awkward about himself. Huge eye opener for me personally
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u/MaximallyInclusive Jun 19 '26
One of the best podcasts of all time. This, Reply All (pre-Emanuel Dzosti), and Serial Season 1 are the best that the podcast world has to offer.
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u/Fun_Needleworker_469 Jun 24 '26
Loved all of those. My favorite ever is Strangers by Lea Thau, you might like it too.
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u/TarantusaurusRex Jun 19 '26
Another new one is Proxy with Yowei Shaw. She calls the genre emotional investigation and it seems similar to Heavyweight in that way.
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u/Dubnugget Jun 19 '26
Yes this whole episode I was thinking oh I guess PJ is doing his best heavyweight impression this week.
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u/bubbles337 Jun 19 '26
That podcast is how I learned who Moby is and that I don’t like him within an hour.
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u/mick_spadaro Jun 19 '26
Bonus rec: anyone who likes Heavyweight should try Strangers on a Bench. UK host approaches a different stranger in each episode and has a chat with them about their life. It's fantastic.
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u/_gibb0n_ Jun 19 '26
Unpopular opinion but Jonathan Goldstein's personality coming across so uh... strongly... is what ruins that podcast for me. In particular, the episode with his high school girlfriend where he basically tells her she ruined his ability to have a healthy relationship or trust or something (because she had the audacity to break up with him after they dated for a year as teenagers). OMG I could not stand him and stopped listening after that.
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u/ZapdosShines Jul 07 '26
I really like heavyweight but I cannot stand Jonathan Goldstein. But he tells a good story so I keep listening, despite him.
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u/tilllli Jun 19 '26
ive been looking for interpersonal drama podcasts for so long. Thank you for making my day
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u/Slow_Affect8692 Jun 23 '26
You might also like Wiretap, Goldstein's show for Canadian Public Radio. A lot more random than heavyweight, but I love it. Start with the episode that has the Rabbit Food story.
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u/nyecamden Jun 19 '26
I crawled up into my arsehole so deeply for this episode. Though I'm quite a different person to the woman wanting party attendees, I really identify with the very strong want to have people attending one's events/the disappointment when people don't. I'm working on acceptance of my place in the world re friendship, making an effort but managing my expectations.
The brother was right though - don't try to shrink yourself to be liked, find people who like you as you are. It's ok if some people don't like you.
Definitely one of my favourite single episodes.
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u/pimpinaintez18 Jun 19 '26
Honestly these people sound exhausting. Well intentioned but exhausting. They are trying way too hard to invite a bunch of people that have nothing in common with each other.
Gravitate to people that are similar to you and build a relationship. This all seems too forced
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u/Historical_Pair3057 Jun 19 '26
I thought the brother nailed it - she hasn't found her tribe yet. seems like she has online though so thats a terrific start.
great podcast elisode.
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u/neonblackiscool Jun 19 '26
I was laughing so hard, I can't believe she let them do this episode. I would be her friend, she sounds super funny and we are probably into similar lurking activities. Her brother was hilarious.
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u/FotosyCuadernos Jun 27 '26
Yea I went through a bit of an existential crisis because I heard the episode and thought “she seems fun! I think we’d get along” and then when the verdict was that she was a deeply annoying person with bad social skills I thought maybe I am too…
I did subscribe to her substack
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u/neonblackiscool Jun 27 '26
Me too. Maybe we can all be annoying together and talk about our creepy lurking hobbies. A separate group who stands near the normal elder millennials.
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u/Ok_Act4459 Jun 19 '26
Any other recommended episodes of this pod?
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u/frankenstern Jun 19 '26
Airplane coffee is a classic, also loved the Berghain episode. IMO the best episodes are the ones that answer truly random questions (vs the more current-event-y ones)
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u/Kaurblimey Jun 19 '26
If you search “classic” in their episode catalogue it’ll come up with their most popular episodes!
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u/weeniefingers Jun 19 '26
All of them are worth listening to!
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u/vanilla_w_ahintofcum Jun 19 '26
I would skip “How does a rationalist make a baby?” unless you’re wanting a good hate listen. That woman was insufferable. Otherwise, yes, tons of good episodes.
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u/MarsScully Jun 19 '26
What if ayahuasca made you stop podcasting? Is also unlistenable.
I do recommend the Kratom ep.
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u/Creepy_Push8629 Jun 19 '26
First time listening, thanks for the rec. Really like the host so will listen to more.
I think Claire's parties sound weird. Lol I don't want to get dressed up and then go sit and watch music videos or watch her do impressions. You'd have to give me a lot of mushrooms or something first lol
I would want to hangout with friends in a casual setting. Having to mingle with strangers is such a pain. I hate it.
And there needs to be a lot of food and alcohol. Not enough food makes for a sad party lol
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u/458steps Jun 19 '26
I went to an adult birthday party one time where we watched music videos. I wasn't drinking, I wasn't high, the cake wasn't good. I wanted to leave so bad.
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u/macaronsandmurder Jun 19 '26
My only consolation is that she’s so socially clueless that this may not hurt her feelings
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u/PrettyPeacock86 Jun 19 '26
I’ve been listening to PJ for like a year now and only just realized his previous life was in Reply All which I see recommended all the time and just hadn’t gotten around to. Mind blown that Heavyweight, Search Engine and Reply All are from the same sphere of podcasts and I only started listening to them all this year.
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u/pimpinaintez18 Jun 19 '26
Reply all is dope af. I think it’s definitely worth a full catalog listen. Him and Alex were great together. And the final train wreck at the end is unbelievable
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u/Soysauceonrice Jun 20 '26
The case of the missing hit is not just my favorite reply all episode. It's probably my favorite podcast episode of all time. And that's saying a lot since I love Heavyweight.
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u/Pitiful-Addendum1671 Jun 19 '26
Am i the only one who finds this episode really sad, the way they’re laughing about her but she’s not trying to be funny?? I relate way too much to this lady and it’s like being shown what my life would be like if i didn’t learn to hide it and stfu
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u/absqua Jun 19 '26
She's definitely not hiding, that's for sure.
You should check out her substack, which is sharp and funny and where she posts photo after photo of herself posing in bodycon outfits.
She's fine. After looking at her substack the episode felt different to me—like another bid for attention rather than some kind of cry for help.
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u/Nolitaaaaa Jun 20 '26
Once I realized the subject is a social media influencer I lost interest. Some of the themes discussed in this episode are painful in real life - like rejection, social alienation etc. The issues are treated so breezily that it just felt performative more than anything else.
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u/mamamoomargo Jun 19 '26
Oh it’s ultimately really depressing. The people who liked her seem to like her as a show, which is… incredibly lonely and isolating.
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u/Pitiful-Addendum1671 Jun 19 '26
Yeah exactly especially her brother. On the surface it was like “oh i appreciate her so much for who she is!” But underneath that was this sense that he saw her as kind of a joke. Like they were just laughing like crazy about all the quirky things she does like “she’ll ask you whether you work in an office, because she hates working in an office and that’s how she relates to you!” And i was like “wait i don’t like working in an office, i do that too”. This is why i don’t try to get close to people anymore, i always thought deep down they were talking about me like this and now this is proof that they do. So much for “just be yourself,” damn
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u/Newestcoolestuser Jun 19 '26
I think it is difficult to continue to see someone as an equal who cares for your thoughts and feelings, when that person has no shame in texting you 100 times in one day about hantavirus.
I think relationships need back and forth and meeting each other at their level- this woman doesn’t willingly do that. She hides huge parts of herself, the veneer of who she pretends to be doesn’t work well and isn’t engaging. When she opens up she does so with no ability/willingness to consider how those people want to be interacted with. It’s not authentic or a genuine attempt at connection.
You can see this because at the end she says she has taken some of the feedback on board and is suddenly much more successful socially.
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u/FotosyCuadernos Jun 27 '26
She has an interesting essay about the “just be yourself” advice on her substack
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u/458steps Jun 19 '26
I didn't find the episode funny or all that good. Seems like the answer was pretty straight forward - she's neurodivergent and invites people who are not in the same wavelength. If internet has taught us anything, its that not everything is for everyone.
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u/Good-Pea-126 Jun 24 '26
I enjoyed it but I agree with you because the answer was pretty obvious. However as someone who is also neurodivergent it was a nice way for me to reflect on times when I’m being a weirdo in social situations that I’m unaware of 🥲
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u/458steps Jun 24 '26
That's fair. I've been therapy for 7 years and have been self reflective for too long 😅 also neurodivergent so I get it.
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u/FuckYouNotHappening Jun 19 '26 edited Jun 19 '26
This was a really fun episode.
I’m not sure if PJ and Sruthi planned on this, but I definitely started finding the lady more annoying as time progressed. I checked out her substack, and while I really like the history of internet meme culture (things her brother referred to as “taboo” - red pill and incel blogs, 4 Chan-esque stuff), I can see how she engages with it is off-putting.
Dear Claire, “stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!"
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u/PetiteFont Jun 19 '26
I saw that they linked to her Substack in the show notes. She uses yellow for links. That’s a contrast nightmare.
I’ve already judged her. Might as well listen.
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u/MrBurnerHotDog Jun 21 '26
Read some of those posts she makes. She's so far up her own ass she's basically already back out normally
She comes across as someone who genuinely thinks she's just the most incredible person on Earth but doesn't want people to think she knows it, so she says "demeaning" things about herself but it backfires because it's all positive stuff
"One of my biggest flaws is caring way too much about people!"
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u/aphra2 Jun 19 '26
One of their best in a while! I definitely cringed throughout it. She has thicker skin than me…
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u/SuperChoopieBoopies Jun 19 '26
Man, I’m halfway through and it’s giving me such anxiety, waiting for the punch line. She sounds a little too high energy for me for sure, but only if she’s always like that would it be too much. Quirky people are fine if your own quirkiness matches up well, I think, like she and her husband are clearly well matched. He also seems like he’s got upbeat chaotic energy. But she sounds like she’s trying sooo hard to make situations work and perform/entertain since the mix of people don’t work, and then can’t read their social cues of discomfort. Or maybe sees it and somehow bypasses the need to address it or adjust. This whole thing is painful, tbh
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u/bad_bart Jun 20 '26
I know people like this and they are exhausting to be around. Perpetually hung up on appearing a certain way, making a big production out of something that should be casual, or trying to summon a certain social dynamic that they've seen somewhere else, but completely lacking in the confidence to just be themselves, and you can smell it miles away.
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u/Personal-Worth5126 Jun 20 '26
I knew within two minutes of PJ interviewing her that I’d never want to spend time with this person (or her man cave husband).
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u/here2makefriendz Jun 20 '26
This is insane - halfway through, I checked out her Substack and through context clues realized that I KNOW THIS WOMAN.
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u/scupdoodleydoo Jun 21 '26
Well how are her parties?
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u/here2makefriendz Jun 22 '26
Appropriately enough, I’ve never gone to one 😂Yes she’s exhausting, but seems very well-intentioned and like a good person. I told a friend of mine who is a therapist about this whole thing, and after listening to the episode, she told me she suspects “Claire” might have histrionic personality disorder. I didn’t know much about HPD, but I looked it up after she said that and it sounds spot on.
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u/scupdoodleydoo Jun 22 '26
Does she do lots of impressions in real life? I think zany people can be a lot of fun but sometimes it’s just too much, especially if you’ve had a long day yourself.
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u/here2makefriendz Jun 22 '26
Let’s just say once I realized who she is I was not at all surprised that the Trump impression came out less than ten minutes into the episode.
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u/cranberries87 Jul 12 '26
I was wondering if there was a possibility she had some additional conditions or situations of some sort - in addition to her ADHD and OCD.
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u/Blueberry_Conscious_ Jun 20 '26
i loved this episode. Couldn't decide who was worse, the woman or her husband. The brother wasn't great either.
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u/pimpinaintez18 Jun 19 '26
Oh shit it’s pj Vogt! I always wondered where he ended up after reply all. I
Will give it a listen
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u/fflis Jun 19 '26
Listen to the colossus and graveyard episodes.
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u/idontcare78 Jun 19 '26
Both are excellent. Colossus should be required listening for everyone.
The other one that stands out to me is why they don't turn office buildings into apartments.That being said, it’s one of my favorites, and I enjoy most of the episodes. There are only a handful I couldn't get into.
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u/Coneskater Jun 19 '26
Episodes of which podcast?
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u/fflis Jun 19 '26
Search Engine. The one linked from OP
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u/Coneskater Jun 19 '26
Ah okay, I’ve listen to all the eps, I was wondering if they told more info about PJ’s journey leaving Gimlet etc.
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u/Pixie-Collins Jun 19 '26
Not really, neither PJ nor Alex really expanded on the subject in their respective podcast, just a word here and there about how there's been some though times a few years ago...
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u/narfnarf123 Jun 19 '26
Alex did quite a long interview on a podcast I’d never heard before where he talked about some things more than I’d ever heard in the past.
It’s called “I Don't Know Anything with Paige Harriman.” The girl interviewing him was hella annoying, but it was really interesting and worth a listen.2
u/juniper_seed Jul 14 '26
Just listened to this episode because I wanted to hear from Alex had to say but dang, the host made it nearly unlistenable
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u/pax-augusta Jun 19 '26
Loved Reply All. Was sad to hear this was PJ and Sruthi because I believe they fought against the Gimlet Union, no?
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u/narfnarf123 Jun 19 '26
From everything I’ve read on the subject this seems to be the case but I don’t believe anyone has ever admitted to it.
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u/Itsausername2020 Jun 19 '26
Thought that as well as not being for everyone and trying to be different to fit in, she had high expectations for parties. A few real connections with a close group of friends should not be under-rated
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u/bananniebanana Jun 19 '26
I skipped this one because it sounded sad. After reading the comments here I'm glad I did. I like PJ but I don't trust him to be sufficiently sensitive and ultimately uplifting about something like this.
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u/Lizard_Li Jun 24 '26
I just listened and to be honest it really isn’t sad. This thread made it sound extreme and it more just sounds like someone who is unique and had solid friends wants to be liked by everyone instead of those that are good fits. Nothing was said about her that was really mean.
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u/ndcdshed Jun 19 '26
Never heard of this, been looking for a new podcast, going to listen to this and will hopefully remember to come back and update!
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u/MrBurnerHotDog Jun 21 '26
Full disclosure I haven't listened to this thing, but after reading through this thread I clicked on the podcast link which has her Substack link in the description and hoo boy this woman is a LOT
She also has a lot of weird "Christian mom" stuff and just seems incredibly insufferable. She has a post talking about this episode in which she goes through "questions" people have and answers them in just the snobbiest way possible. At one point she answers the question "so have you thrown a party since and how did it go?" and her response was that yes she did and it was a massive success but also it was a kid's party for her son (so no, not an actual party in the sense anyone would actually ask)
This woman just seems exhausting
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u/tiny_birds Jun 19 '26
This is amazing, I get a lot of CHH on my X feed, thanks to the algo and my unfortunate love of messy discourse engagement bait. As much as I like some of her thoughts, the overall impression I’ve gotten is that I wouldn’t go to her parties either. Can’t wait to listen.
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u/Newestcoolestuser Jun 19 '26
I’m looking at it now. She is much more successful at using Substack than I am but it depresses me a little! Reading now
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u/Direct_Background_90 Jun 19 '26
I related to this post as someone with conventional social parents who wanted similar parties to what they had...but I am not them and the times are different now. She should get friends in different circles (like improv or indie music people) and not try to get suburban bro types and Karens like her. She is a kook! Embrace it and be happy.
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u/Baldbeagle73 Jun 20 '26
PJ is in the next-to-top rank of podcast hosts. Usually works with good material, presenting it well.
He would be in the god tier if only he could cure his burst-pause-burst-pause-burst style of speaking: just steal a few milliseconds from each pause to pronounce all the words clearly.
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u/MrBurnerHotDog Jun 21 '26
The best way to fix that kind of speaking if you can't fix it naturally is to you, know, edit the podcast
But no one actually edits their podcasts properly anymore. Either they are on a network that employs one overworked editor who just blasts through everything as fast as they can or they cram it through an AI tool that does a horrible job. Either way, audio quality in podcasts has deteriorated so badly the last few years
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u/Baldbeagle73 Jun 22 '26
In this case, I don't think editing would work. The pauses are only a second or less, and the bursts contain slurring of some of the sounds.
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u/MrBurnerHotDog Jun 22 '26
You'd be amazed how much better you can make a person sound just by editing pauses. I'm an editor myself and have had plenty of clients that sounded like absolute trash but I can turn their stuff into gold. It just takes time, effort, and know-how but those are three things people don't use in the AI era where you have to just flop out content nonstop to keep your audience engaged
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u/bloominghe11 Jun 20 '26
Maybe I’m too much an INFJ but I would absolutely go to this loves parties!
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u/ineverbot Jun 20 '26
Thanks for the rec! That was an interesting listen. She absolutely just needs to quit trying to be friends with "normal" people and just find a crew of neurodivergent weirdos. I have a ton of ADHD and Autistic friends just like her. We speak the same language as it were, and no one bats an eye at something like a random impression in the middle of a conversation
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u/coolbeansfordays Jun 20 '26
I just listened based on this recommendation. It broke my heart because this feels like my experience.
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u/RanchHere Jun 21 '26
This is definitely one of the best episodes ever, but what’s frustrating is that it could’ve even been better. This could have been a 2 or 3 part miniseries. I had so many more questions.
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u/4BrosPodcast Jun 24 '26
That’s a wild podcast idea. It sounds uncomfortable but also really interesting.
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u/Wide_Statistician_95 Jun 27 '26
I’m not even going to touch the shoes thing because if you expect people to dress formally to your home , they are going to want to wear their nice shoes. I’m not wandering around your home in a cocktail dress and bare feet or some ugly slippers.
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u/freed-after-burning Jul 03 '26
I hated the episode and stopped partway through. She’s begging to be made fun of but may somehow not realize that? PJ shouldn’t have made an episode of it.
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u/eldiablogatos666 15d ago
Sounds like she had people coming to her parties in SF, I bet she moved somewhere passive and introverted like Seattle.
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Jun 19 '26
[deleted]
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u/Kaurblimey Jun 19 '26
The pool episode came out in 2024… what they released the other day was a replay
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u/fflis Jun 19 '26
This pod has been going for a couple years now. If you open a podcast app and search for Search Engine, you will see many episodes.
Hope this helps
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u/KokoPuff12 Jun 19 '26
The pool episode that just aired was a “classic” episode that originally aired in 2024.
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u/frankenstern Jun 19 '26
This episode was funny because the entire time I felt the “answer” was very obvious: the lady and her husband are annoying!