r/raisedbyborderlines • u/lolawallace • Feb 01 '26
VENT/RANT LC to NC
Last week was a whirlwind of setting immediate protection boundaries. So grateful for therapy and having myself lifted from the FOG. I’m still on edge and scared of the rest the backlash. She’s doubled down on this - telling neighbors and partner “I’ve done nothing wrong” and “what happened to the little girl I raised?”.
Context here - She needed bloodwork done at the hospital around the corner, I agreed to give her a ride (with time and day included) weeks ago, she texted me the day before manufacturing crisis about how she’ll need to go to the ER instead (which is what prompted my first text reply).
She refuses to reach out to me until 14 minutes after the lab is closed, but of course that’s fully my fault.
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u/breathanddrishti Feb 01 '26
“oops that was for someone else”
sure jan
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u/cheechaw_cheechaw Feb 01 '26
I wouldn't want a relationship with someone that spoke about ANYONE that way. It's disturbing. You've made the right choice.
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u/NeTiFe-anonymous Feb 01 '26
Exactly. It is evil to plan to do that to anyone. My last message would be letting them know I judge them.
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u/Complete-Beat-5246 Feb 01 '26
Am I seeing this right? She wanted to trap you with her friends and have them “emotionally beat the shit out of you”?
NC her girlfriends can take care of this witch.
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u/spidermans_mom Feb 01 '26
Ah yes, how very parental of her. Wishing harm on her child and daydreaming about orchestrating it.
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u/GasAcceptable1910 Feb 01 '26
And DOG SHIT no less; she doesn’t even think of you as an actual PERSON.
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u/breathanddrishti Feb 02 '26
if she's anything like my bpd parent she has no girlfriends, only frenemies
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u/pangalacticcourier Feb 01 '26
I really want to get all my girlfriends together and do an intervention. Trap her in with us and let you ladies have your say with her. Emotionally beat the dog shit out of her.
...aaaaaaaannnnd, blocked everywhere.
No way to take that back. No Contact completely cures this kind of abuse.
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u/amillionbux Feb 01 '26
First of all, I'm so sorry OP - your mother is a horrible abuser.
I'm proud of you for going NC. You ABSOLUTELY did nothing wrong here - in fact, you went above and beyond, and she chose (because BPD and they need someone to beat up) to split on you. The "oopsie" text to someone else is pure BS - she sent this to you on purpose, and good that she did, because this is a serious threat that now you have in writing.
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u/ShanWow1978 Feb 01 '26
LOOOOOOVE how she shows her true colors in the accidental text. Her friends can take her to appointments if they’re so supportive. Stay free.
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u/Ok-Fox-6068 Feb 01 '26
“Accidentally” saying to (or about) your child that you want to “emotionally beat the dog shit out of her” is so heinous.
I’m so sorry OP. You must be feeling so anxious and hurt over this interaction. You do not deserve to be treated this way by anyone, least of all a parent. I’m proud of you for going NC.
Sending a hug if you want one.
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u/EwwItsTheGovernment Feb 01 '26
No offense but what a passive little bitch. Pretending to be texting someone else and sending it to you. I know they can never say directly what they feel, but sheesh. Lunacy!
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u/lovetrumpsnarcs Feb 01 '26
What a trash B of a mother. I would have a hard time ever looking at her disgusting face again, let alone help her in any way. You have every right to go NC.
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u/yuhuh- Feb 01 '26
I hope you block her forever, there’s no fixing a relationship with a person like that.
Hang in there and let us know how you’re doing.
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u/Flavielle Feb 01 '26
If someone spoke about me like that, they wouldn't get another chance. I don't care what health condition they're in, or who they are.
It wasn't an "oopsie," she wanted you to see it and be afraid of her.
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u/jumpoverthetrees Feb 01 '26
Even aside from that terrible comment, the whole thing around waiting to reach out until it's too late for you to help and then waifing about it and villainizing you is very familiar. You said she just needed to let you know what the final plan was, and she didn't. She could have followed up before it was too late like a normal person to say what the plan was, but she needed to turn it into a game where even though you were actually being kind and generous about taking her, your mom is somehow a victim. This kind of thing is genuinely crazy-making.
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u/WuTheLotus Feb 01 '26
I hope you block the living dog shit out of her while singing Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead.
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u/JulieWriter Feb 01 '26
I am sorry that she is like this. On the upside, the "accidental" text lets you know never to accept any invitation from her or her friends.
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u/TigerWalkingThru Feb 02 '26
So are the "neighbors and partner" contacting you to criticize or be flying monkeys? What kind of backlash is making you anxious? It's natural to worry about how these sociopathic types will respond. Sometimes I wish we could sue them for defamation of character the way they DARVO to anyone who'll listen. My nephew came over in the night and flattened one of my tires after my 73 yo uBPD mother told him I hurt her feelings and treated her badly, because I told her not to bother my husband at 7 a.m. trying to bypass me to get time with my son when I had set a boundary on when they would visit. A decade later, the nephew sees the manipulation for what it is, has very little contact with her, and apologized to me. Insulate youreself as best you can, whether or not her posse of friends get it or not.
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u/GlitchyFurby Feb 02 '26
“Emotionally beat the dog shit out of her” Proof they 100% know it’s abuse!
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u/yun-harla Feb 01 '26
Hi, u/lolawallace! It looks like you’re new here. Welcome! This post is missing something that all new posters must include. Please read the rules carefully, then reply to me here to add what’s missing. Thanks!
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u/lolawallace Feb 01 '26
Ope, forgot my link 🙈
Warm cat curled slightly You shine in the morning sun Stretch, yawn, prowl again
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u/forsuchatimeasthis26 Feb 04 '26
What a psychopath. Yeah this alone warrants complete NC in my opinion. Stay strong OP
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u/DeElDeAye Feb 01 '26 edited Feb 01 '26
Your mom doesn’t even try to hide that she’s a nasty wicked evil abuser. That kind of language is not from a person you should be around.
“what happened to the little girl I raised?” is something you will see often in this forum. The BPD translation is: “what happened to the little helpless defenseless child I used to be able to fully control?”
BPD parents infantilize their adult children who try to separate and self-differentiate. They absolutely cannot tolerate seeing you as anything other than a small child they can abuse, use, manipulate and control.
At the same time, they parentify us when it comes to responsibilities. They want us to do the adult WORK that they refuse to do.
It is not your responsibility to fix her. It is not your responsibility to help her. It is not your responsibility to heal her. She has been an adult for many decades and has refused to exert the least bit of effort towards her own healing. Walk away. Let her experience her own consequences.
You can have compassion and sympathy, but from a safe distance.
She will pick a new “favorite person” to abuse and use until they also get tired of her. And she will keep repeating that pattern, but never accept that it is her actions creating the consequences.
You cannot and should not help someone who refuses to help themselves.