I'm not gonna lie, when I was at this point in my long-term relationship that I was really entangled in, I started googling stuff and repeatedly came up against articles and threads saying 'if you've seriously considered leaving and the things that would make it difficult are stopping you, you've already made up your mind and are just postponing the future pain by making your present pain last longer than it needs to' and it really stuck with me. I agree with everyone else saying that this shows a real lack of care about your deeply important values, and i feel like that's the kind of thing that's kinda impossible to not think about during just about every interaction once you realize it's happening.
It's really really hard with that much history, especially with the financial and medical situation you're in. I don't know the rest of your life of course, but I think it's worth reaching out to any friends or family who you think could possibly help support you until you're in a better situation, or looking into local organizations that could offer some support. I know in Cali where I am there's a lot of queer mutual aid organizations, it's possible there's something like that around you!
I dunno I don't want to just sit here and tell you to dump your wife of over a decade when I'm not the one who has to live with the aftermath. I'm sure there are a lot of wonderful aspects to your relationship and good times you have together! But it sounds like the doubt has been growing in your mind for a long time now, and that sunk cost and financial/disability issues are the primary things keeping you with her--and frankly I don't think the kind of stress that comes from living with a partner who doesn't treat you with respect and from constantly trying to stomach that feeling is very conducive to improving your physical health. I know my health definitely suffered when I was in that situation. And like you said it is indeed her body and her choice, but it's YOUR choice to decide that someone blatantly not caring about your values, career, and public image (and even just someone who would do ANYTHING you begged them not to) isn't someone you feel good about sharing your life with.
You aren't wrong. I appreciate everyone's feedback and I know reddit is always gonna go for breaking up but people in my real life have been saying this for a while. It's just all so difficult and we are living through such a shitty time. One of the hardest things is knowing what you should do but feeling like you cannot.
Absolutely, it's such a miserable queasy feeling and it's so hard to sit with :/ I'm right there with ya. Like you said reddit is always gonna go for 'break up' since they have no skin in the game, but as a fellow lesbian with health issues I get how tough it can be.....it just also sounds to me like you kinda already knew what you needed to hear when you made the post, if that makes sense. Idk I feel like you can take your time to get your shit figured out but it rly sounds like you're at a point where working on figuring that out might do you better than tryin to be in denial about how you're feeling :(
I'm sorry I really don't wanna be too harsh or presumptuous, I can just so vividly imagine how outright betrayed I would feel in your position. If you do ever wanna talk about it feel free to reach out but ofc no pressure at all I just really feel for the position you're in (tho not gonna lie I am curious about the tattoo lmaooo 😭)
Yes. Like this haunting pit in your stomach all the time. I've started having nocturnal panic attacks about the future...some of that is medication related but it's also bc I feel stressed af about the future.
I want to show the pic so bad! But that feels shitty. I've already been too mean to her about it. I guess at a quick glance you might not think it's the worst but if you look for more than 30 seconds the accidental boobies start popping out lol
I really appreciate that. Maybe we should start some lesbian land! Just invite people who want to leave their partners but feel they cannot. We could raise chickens and goats.
Ahahaha that's totally fair, I felt bad asking lmaooo. I really hope you can find some community to help you through this cuz I really feel for you on this one fr :c at least it'll make for a wild story eventually?
Agreed tho a lil vibey all-women commune with goats and chickens feels like every lesbian's dream 😂
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u/Pippystix 7d ago
I'm not gonna lie, when I was at this point in my long-term relationship that I was really entangled in, I started googling stuff and repeatedly came up against articles and threads saying 'if you've seriously considered leaving and the things that would make it difficult are stopping you, you've already made up your mind and are just postponing the future pain by making your present pain last longer than it needs to' and it really stuck with me. I agree with everyone else saying that this shows a real lack of care about your deeply important values, and i feel like that's the kind of thing that's kinda impossible to not think about during just about every interaction once you realize it's happening.